Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’ve read one of your comments on, “My Husband Baby Mother Is Getting On My Nerves.” Loved, loved, loved your insight and honesty, therefore I have a question.

My husband’s family, particularly a female cousin, is bothering me. It seems like she wants her cousin in some kind of incest, or something. LOL! She texts me only if she can’t reach him, and confuses my messages and complains to my husband about me. She is over 40-years old, lonely, no man, and recently she doesn’t talk to me.

We missed her birthday party because we had another engagement. I asked her when was over and she never replied. I apologized many times, but I am not in the ass kissing business. I’ve offered to take her to dinner. She ignores me. She calls my husband crying saying, “You’re gonna believe her over me.”

I threw a party for my stepdaughter and she didn’t come. I don’t know her exact words, but she didn’t come because it was my house. Well, duh, it’s her favorite cousin’s house also. SMH! Anywho, I’m trying to avoid her at all costs, but I might see her in two weeks. I don’t feel like doing the hello kiss-kiss on both cheeks with her. FYI, I’ve seen her after her birthday at a Super Bowl party and it looked like she wasn’t gonna say anything, or she was waiting to see if I would approach her. Anywho, I might smile and meet and greet other people in the family, but I don’t really wanna kiss her hello, just a hello and wave. What should I do? – Tired Of My Husband’s Cousin

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-husbands-cousin-is-getting-out-of-pocket-shes-getting-on-my-nerve/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am writing you this letter because I respect your honesty. I got involved with a guy in November of last year, seven months after leaving my physically abusive ex of twelve years. He invited me over, and we spent time together several times without having any sexual contact. Two months into the “friendship” he started asking me to loan him money. TO be brief, he paid me back the money that he borrowed just like he said he would.

Six months into it, he asked me to loan him $2,000, and I did out of my taxes (I got back 11 grand) and, because he paid me back over $1,000 that he borrowed from me previously. After he gets this money from me, he then tells me that he wants to be to himself two days later. I asked him why in the hell would he ask me for money then all of a sudden want to be alone. He claims that he was going through some things. Whatever. Anyhow, he had promised to repay me the money in monthly payment of $100, and only gave me one payment. He claimed that his mother spent his money that was in his account, and that he could not pay me back as we agreed. He promised to have a payment in two weeks, and to call him then. Unbeknownst to me, he had filed three police reports claiming that I had harassed him for months, and that he didn’t owe me any money. I was served with a restraining order, and he was granted one for six months.

I sued him in civil court because even though we had no promissory note, I had 10 recent text messages of him owing me the money and promising to repay it. I subpoena his mother as my witness, because I knew from the beginning that his story was BS. She testified under oath that she had no knowledge of me or my money. This old woman straight up lied! The betrayal that I felt, on top of the heartbreak, intensified. I realized that he had set out from the beginning to use me, and he lied to me when he could’ve been honest. That’s all I ever asked, and he knew that I cared deeply for him. So, I’m still in litigation, but he knew that I needed this money back. He knew that I was a single mom with two daughters. So, he didn’t just take that from me, he took from my kids too. I was good to him, compassionate when he cried on my shoulders, and I try to be the best person I can be to all of my friends, family and associates. I did nothing for him that I wouldn’t do for anyone else.

I used to be extremely selfish, and now I went from being too selfish to being too free-hearted. I allowed someone to see the good in me, and take advantage of it. I feel so stupid and I take responsibility for even loaning the money. It’s the betrayal that hurt most, the lies, the restraining order he lied on me in, when all I did was be good to him. How can someone be so heartless and cruel? No conscience. I go to church, I work hard for my tax money, I don’t lie, manipulate or use people. He had given me money to and bought me things, so all of this caught me off guard. Again, this was his plan, his trap for me. I met his representative; the real him came out much later.

I went through a severe depression, and even now, I’m still trying to put myself back together. I want his mom to be in court for the trial, so she can see how he did me. I’m really hoping that she make him realize how wrong he is, because she is the only woman he cares anything about. He has a daughter, and I told him that I’m someone’s daughter too. So, I guess that I’m just asking how to get over the betrayal. I see now that I got involved too soon after the 12 years with my ex, so men are a no-no for a long time. No sex, no friends, no nothing. I see why he’s been single all these years, and for him to be a FED-EX manager for 13 years, why use me for money? I’m ready for the lashing, but I just want him to understand how wrong he is, and how he really wounded me. I want someone to hurt him like that too, so he can see how that -ish feels. Maybe then he will realize how he hurt me, and all the other women he took advantage of. Because I know I’m not the first one. – He Took From Me

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-asked-to-borrow-2000-but-days-later-he-says-he-wants-to-be-alone/ 

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I want to make this short and to the point. I’m 8 months pregnant, due date is 39 days away.


I don’t know if I should stay with the father, or kick him to the curb and keep it moving with my life, drama free. I’m about to be 25-years old, and he’s about to be 28-years old. I am graduating with a Business Finance degree this May, and he already has a degree in Accounting (I know this is irrelevant but just wanted to add some background).

So, here’s the deal: He’s been supportive throughout the whole pregnancy. As I got further along, he moved into my place since my place is bigger than his was. He’s been paying rent and energy, and I help out with paying for things that the house need. I take care of food and my own personal bills like cell phone, internet, and my car note. He’s excited about the baby, and always have been, but here’s the problem and the reason why I just may move on with my life without him. He’s put his hands on me 4 times within 2 months, never a punch or a slap, but more like a push. And, when he pushes me it’ll be from the side, like a push near my shoulder, or he’ll push me in my face.

Now, I warned him that I’m going to keep a hammer next to the bed and the next time he puts his hands on me I’m going to take the hammer and knock all his teeth out! I won’t tolerate a man that can’t keep his hands to himself when he’s mad. I never put my hands on him. The other problem is every time we get in an argument, he moves all his things out, from his clothes to the soap he uses and puts it in storage, and it’s getting old. I’m tired of him moving out all his belongings when we get in a argument.

I know he’s faithful. He’s still here before and after work, and I know the location of the storage that he loves to bring his things to, but I just feel I’m tired of this. I can go on and on about his good qualities, but the two bad ones that he has is getting really old and I’ll have a baby soon and don’t feel like dealing with the extra drama.

So, I broke up with him today, telling him my reasons why, and his response was that if I want him to continue helping with bills then I have to go through child support and he wants a paternity test. I told him to keep his money and I’m not taking a test. I’ll be just fine if it’s like that. I know he’s talking like that because I said I wanted to be done with him, and I know eventually he’ll be knocking on the door (matter of fact I need to get my house keys back ASAP). But when he does, I don’t know if I should just keep it moving or stick in there with him. I’m not trying be with a woman beater and I don’t know if those pushes are signs of punches to come, but I’ll be damn! And, a man should have control, only females get mad and move their things out the house when they get mad, in my opinion. So, Mr. Dean, tell me what you think. I just want your opinion. – Too Young & Successful For A Relationship Going Nowhere

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/548773/dear-bossip-in-the-past-2-months-hes-pushed-me-4-times-im-having-his-baby/ 

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

Let me say I love reading your letters, and your book, Mogul, was the BOMB!

I’ve been knowing my friend for over 4 years. We started off dating, and after two months of dating I found out he had a girlfriend across the country. They were high school sweethearts. I immediately kicked him to the curb. We lost contact for about a year and we found each other on Facebook. He told me he was still with the same girl and she was pregnant with his son. We always remained friends, even when I had a boyfriend. A year ago, his girlfriend broke up with him and we started hanging out more often. We have NEVER had sex, but I have stayed over at his apartment. He is a good man, he has a stable job, his own car, apartment, and he takes care of his son.

Recently, I started developing strong feelings for him. I always found him attractive but never acted on it because of his girlfriend, and I had boyfriend at the time. We do everything together, go out to eat, movies, I have met his family, and he met mine. I told him I was falling in love with him. He told me he cared about me, but he still had feelings for his ex even though she moved on and has a new boyfriend. When I found out he didn’t feel the same way as I did I cut him off.

He has tried to contact me and tells me how much he misses me and our friendship. He tells me all the time that I’m a good woman, but he doesn’t want to hurt me. Am I being selfish for cutting off our friendship because I don’t want to develop any more feelings for him? Or should I wait it out and see what the future holds. Please Help – In Love With My BFF 

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/547767/dear-bossip-im-in-love-with-my-bff-but-he-doesnt-feel-the-same-so-i-ended-our-friendship/#more-547767 

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

Terrance, I just want to start off by saying that I read Bossip just for you, and I love your straight forwardness.

Well, I’ve been friends with this guy for 3 years now. I’m 25-years old and he’s about 34-years old. We met because he’s a director and I’m an actress and we filmed an independent film together and we stayed friends ever since then. Nothing ever happened between us because I always had a boyfriend. But, when I became single several months ago we’ve spent more time together. Nothing crazy just going out to eat and he’d come over to my house and just talk and go over scripts. I never looked at him as anything else but a good friend and never misled him.

But, the past month or so, he’s been acting extra different. He took me to the movies and tried to get kind of feely-feely in there. Then he came back over to my house we ate, and chatted. Nothing happened but when he left he grabbed my butt!!! It so caught me off guard. He texted me once he left and said he wanted to kiss me so bad. I don’t like him like that. And I didn’t see all of this coming. He tells me he loves my creativity, how I’m a cool person and we have an amazing vibe. How come I don’t know this? He says that I know I like him and I’m making it difficult? He says we don’t have to be boyfriend and girlfriend, just get to know each other and continue hanging out. I told him that I rather us stay friends cause I don’t want to play phony and mislead him. He said ok and he respects that.

Two weeks past after that and he’s back it again!! Trying to get with me and telling me that he knows I like him and not to be scared, he won’t hurt me. Trust me, if I want someone, I will have them! I don’t know what to say now, because now I feel like I’m in a more awkward position. I don’t want to lose him as a friend though.  He seems determined to be with me and trying to make me believe that I’m really feeling him! Yes, I enjoy his company and our phone conversations, but as a friend, nothing more nothing less.

I don’t want to be rude and tell him to fall back, but I was honest with him already and it seems like it went over his head. I enjoy our friendship but he put it in jeopardy. This is why I can’t be friends with men, they always got to cross that line! Please help me and be honest! – Not His Muse

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/546128/dear-bossip-the-director-of-the-film-i-was-in-is-trying-to-push-up-on-me-but-im-not-interested-in-him/ 

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I’m 20-years old and dating a 26-year old woman.


We met while working at the same job (I know work relationships are a no-no). Basically long story short, we’ve been dating for 3 months and officially got together a month ago. I’ve wined and dined her, sent her flowers just because, I’m doing my thing and trying to make her happy, never once asked for anything. I thought that was working until last Valentine’s Day. She had already requested chocolate covered strawberries as a gift for Valentine’s Day, and I promised I would get them for her.

Now, on the weekend before Valentine’s Day, I took her on a dinner cruise, then on the actual Valentine’s Day I treated her to lunch anywhere she wanted to go. After the date, she gives me a little basket she made herself with cute things in it (handcuffs, chocolate, cologne, etc). When she gets home she texts me asking where her strawberries were at. I told her I had placed the order a week in advance and they should have been there. I called the store that was supposed to deliver them. They made a mistake and said I was not even in-line for a delivery. When I told my girlfriend that she immediately got mad and called me a liar, a f**k up, told me that I couldn’t handle her, and the list just goes on and on.

So, I attempt to bring her some strawberries to make her happy, and she gives me a damn time limit, and continues to bash me with things like, “If you did it right the first time we wouldn’t be in this situation,” or, “You shouldn’t have fu***d up,  that’s all you do is f**k up.”

I couldn’t take it no more and I went home pissed. We haven’t spoken since then. I’m pretty much over the situation, but I need a second opinion before I kick her to the curb. – Ready To Leave

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/544597/dear-bossip-she-didnt-get-what-she-wanted-for-valentines-day-told-me-i-couldnt-handle-a-woman-like-her/ 

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Let me start off by saying that I love you. I look forward to seeing your posts every week, and I love your straight forward approach to things. I’m purchasing Mogul, today (YAY! Finally). But, I want your professional opinion.

I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years now. We live together and both work full-time. He has a great family and our families like both of us and both of us together. Well, my sex life sucks monkey balls. Normally you hear men complain about women or their wives not giving it up, well in this instance it’s completely the other way around. We have a 7 year age difference. He’s 30 and I’m 23. He’s never been married nor does he bare any children (other qualities that attracted me to him).

Well, when it comes to sex, we speak a totally different language. I’m a very sexual and affectionate person (I’m a Scorpio). I love to kiss, touch, etc. Basically do things that people in love and relationships do. Well he’s totally not into any of that. When it comes to kissing, he’s a pecker. When it comes to touching, he doesn’t. I’m an attractive woman so I’ve asked numerous of times is he still attracted to me, and he says yes, but I couldn’t tell from our sex life.

Let me give you two scenarios before we have sex or I attempt to have sex. I’ll ask (Yeah, I can’t believe it either sometimes) if he wants to and he’ll make that, “I don’t care” face. What person do you know does that? Then he’ll be like, “I’m watching TV” or, “I’m tired,” and it takes me getting upset for him to be like, “Oh, alright then,” (I’m like really dude?). Next scenario, we’ll be in bed or on the couch and I’ll initiate by kissing or touching on him and he’s ready in a flash, but when it comes to turning me on or getting me in the mood he does nothing. He expects me to just be ready like that. I tell him that I’m a woman and you have to get me in the mood. It always falls upon deaf ears, so needless to say that I have to use some hand action for myself, then it goes down and 5 minutes later it’s over. I then look at him like let’s go at it again, and he’ll be like, “Let me rest.” I have needs also.

I had a silver bullet that had to suffice when he wouldn’t want to have sex and he was actually jealous of it. He thinks all that is taboo. I asked him how was his sex life with his exes because maybe that’s why they broke up. Everything else is okay in our relationship except our sex lives. I need your advice. Should sex be a reason to stay or leave a relationship? – I Have Needs

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-love-my-man-but-in-the-bedroom-hes-not-fulfilling-my-desires/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I just want to start off by saying I love your advice. A lot of naive dumb people need the tough love you give.


Hopefully I’m not one of those people. Well, I’m in 12^th grade and graduating in the June with a degree in nursing. I am focused on school. But in my love life I’m not as gifted. I had a boyfriend in January. Let’s just say his name is ‘Carl.’ We had been flirting for a while and whenever I walked by his friends would point and say, “There she is.” So, I suspected something was up. I finally realized that he liked me and was going to ask me out. I was shocked because I originally thought he was cute but didn’t act on it because he acted like he didn’t like me like that. And, to be honest I didn’t like him anymore than a friend.

Well, finally after everything being awkward he asked me out on a Friday in January. My birthday was on Saturday so me some of his friends and some of my friends were planning to go see a movie. I hate scary movies so I wanted to go see Joyful Noise (a great movie). Well, apparently he decided that he didn’t want to go to the movies because he wanted to see The Devil Inside Of Me. Basically, he stood me up on my birthday. Let’s just say I lost my cool. So, on Tuesday, still PO’ed, we were going back and forth about the movie situation. His friend told me that he wanted to break up with me. This pushed me over the edge. You don’t even have the guts to say you want to break up with me? So, I just got mad and cussed him out. But, 2 weeks later we were cool again. Well, I thought I had let it go and moved on. WRONG! While I was with him I didn’t like him like that. But, now we are broken up I realized I like him. And to add insult to injury, while together and after we broke up, me and Carl had plans to go to the prom together. But, then all of a sudden my “friend” Stacy (who knows I still like him) butted in and somehow she is going to the dance with him as friends. If you know your friend likes him why wouldn’t you let her go with them as something more? Just so you know I’m still a virgin and we flirt a lot. Some days I think he still likes me others not so sure. He gives me hugs a lot and we flirt. I just want to know how I can get him back in a relationship and as a date? – Still Like Him

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/544012/dear-bossip-we-were-dating-but-broke-up-now-my-friend-is-going-to-the-prom-with-him/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am a 26-year old female who is about to give birth to my very first child. Although my child is a blessing the circumstances in which she will be born are a nightmare for me.

I planned a child with a man who is now nowhere to be found after being together for three years and thinking I knew him. Not to mention the fiancé and 6-month old child I found out about right before his disappearance. To make matters worse, it has been brought to my attention that I’m not the only female he’s done this to. OMG! I thought I knew this guy well enough to want a family and a life with him, and then all this comes pouring down on me.

I have a good idea he’ll be back, but then what? What comes after all that, seeing as how a child is involved, not to mention the deep emotional attachment I’ve built over the three years I’d known him? Is there an explanation or excuse that can possibly be acceptable at this point? DAMMIT I’M HURT, but part of me wants it to work? Holding Out Hope

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-pregnant-but-ive-learned-my-man-has-a-fiance-a-6-month-old-baby/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

Let me start by saying I need advice for sure.


Me and my man been dating 6 years now. I’m 24-years old and he’s 38-years old. We met when I was 16, but he waited for me to turn 18 before we went further in our relationship. I let it be known from the jump that my career came first and no sex before marriage. He was so understanding and with the program that I thought it was too good to be true.

Throughout the time I was in school he financially supported me and had my back. I can proudly say know that I have a BSN in Nursing, make 30,000+ and working on my master’s. His background is a little different for one he is what we call a ‘street pharmacist’, and was hustling since the age of 12. The whole thug persona, yep that’s him. However, he has well invested and gives back to the community of which he is part of destroying. Although most thugs treat and disrespect women badly I can honestly and truly say that I’m very lucky. He treats me like the Black Queen that I am. He loves me and everything that’s a part of my life. We haven’t had any drama or infidelity throughout our 6 years.

Okay, so here’s the problem. We have been having sex 6 months now and I love everything thing about it, but he is ready to settle down and have children (by the way he doesn’t have any) and it was my idea to not have sex until marriage but was the one who initiated the whole sexual state of our relationship. Now he is ready to get married. He proposed to me on Christmas Day in front of his and my family and I still haven’t given him an answer. I know for a fact that I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. The thing is I’m just starting to go out and enjoy my life, and marriage and kids will definitely slow that down. My family loves and adores him and says that if I don’t get it together he’ll leave. I know he won’t because he’s so calm and persistent. And, yes I understand he is 14 years older. And, he keeps jokingly saying, “DON’T MAKE ME JAY Z NUMBER 2.”

Even though he jokes about it I know he serious about the kids. So, my question is should I marry him and pop out babies or should I keep taking trips and enjoy myself. – Lost And Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/542791/dear-bossip-he-proposed-marriage-but-im-not-ready-because-i-want-to-travel-have-fun/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I love him and his two kids, but his baby mama is psycho. He constantly struggles with trying to balance his relationship with her so that she’ll let him see his kids, as well as his relationships with his family and his relationship with me including working 2 jobs. He is working himself to the bone and emotionally wearing himself down to the bone, and I feel helpless. I want to help, but I don’t know how.

I don’t want to involve myself in things with his baby mama because that is between them and I don’t think it’s my business how they raise their kids, or how she chooses to give and take with them to get to him. He gives her way too much in child support, and, yet she has him pay for everything which he won’t say no to so the kids won’t suffer.

He’s a great guy and a great dad, but I just feel bad for him. How can I be supportive without stepping out of line? Again, I’m trying to give him some space to figure his stuff out and so he can learn to balance…not to mention I have my own life and issues so I feel like I should take care of me still. How can I show support and love and not overstep boundaries? Setting Boundaries

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/how-can-i-be-supportive-of-my-man-despite-his-pyscho-baby-momma/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

When I was 18-years old I met this 25 about to be 26-year old at a party.


We started talking. He made me his girlfriend. Been around his kids and family. I used to ditch school to see him. I was in love with him and accepted the fact that he had kids.

Three months in and for 3months I told him I wanted to marry him and have a life with him. He pushed it off. My mom wasn’t in approval and I kept seeing him behind her back. We had each others yahoo, Facebook, Twitter, AIM, home phone, address, cell, and OVOO.  We always stayed in contact which made it harder to leave, but it would be the downfall to our relationship because I ended up seeing pictures and comments I wasn’t supposed to. I figured if he cheating then I might as well I do it too, but my naive mind figured if I tell him all I’m doing and with who, then I wouldn’t be cheating.

I started talking to other guys with no intentions of sleeping with them, I just wanted the attention that I couldn’t get from my boyfriend because at the time my mom didn’t know I was still seeing him. So, it went from lying about going to hang out with so-and-so to be with my boyfriend, to actually meeting real life so-and-so and seeing less of my boyfriend.

I asked many times for a break for me to figure out what I really wanted, but he rejected and refused. He secretly went thru my phone twice. He saw some texts he wasn’t supposed to see. Once, during the ups of our relationship I agreed to do a tape and naughty pics for him to let him know that I still loved him and he was the only one I was with sexually. Huge mistake because something I did out of love would be the thing that would hurt me the most. How you ask? Every time after when I would ask for a break to meet a new guy friend or in his eyes cheat, or he gets really mad, he would threaten to leak the video and post the pics around my apartment building. Now, 2 years later, I was assaulted and he was there for me. He says he loves me, but gets mad and threatens to post the video. I’ve tried leaving many times, but he used that to get me back. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want the tapes or pics to leak and I’m tired of feeling trapped to him. Help me! – Trapped And Confined

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/540915/dear-bossip-when-i-try-to-leave-my-boyfriend-he-threatens-to-release-the-explicit-video-pics-he-has-of-me/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I’m 45-years old and I have been dating a 42-year old man for a year now.

Well, in the beginning everything was great. For the first 2 months we were together every single night, and a month later he moved in. Okay, here’s the problem, because we didn’t know each other well we would argue A LOT. And, in the heat of the moment I would put him out. As a result of that he went and got his own place.

It’s now a year later we are still together. We have so many obstacles standing in our way. His mother’s side hates me, his father’s side loves me. All the ex-girlfriends wanna fight me. Now my problem with him is I can’t always tell if he wants our relationship. He used to tell people that we are getting married. I haven’t heard him say that in months.

He works a lot and half the time I don’t know when he is off. I have to call him. He is so moody at times that I don’t want to be bothered. Now, when its time to show me off I’m supposed to be ready. Ugh, it’s just so much sometimes. He makes me feel like he doesn’t want the relationship. He will call me and tell me he’s coming over and then don’t show up, but every Friday like clockwork (payday) he gives me money to get my hair and nails done, gas for my car, and pocket money.

I don’t know if it’s me but I don’t always feel his love and it confuses me when he acts distant. I left out that he still talks to last ex-girlfriend. She showed up at his apartment one night. He didn’t let her in, so she kept banging on the door. He told her he had company and she continued to act a fool. Eventually she left. Ok, so now you tell me what’s really going on. – I Love Me Sum Him

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/540246/dear-bossip-i-love-me-some-him-but-i-dont-know-if-he-feels-the-same-way/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Please help!  I’ve been going with my “fiancé” for nearly four years.  His ex divorced him five years ago (we met a year after his divorce), after they were married for 15 years. He has a now-17-year-old son with her. There were a lot of issues in his marriage and admits he was a terrible father. He had a substance and alcohol addiction problem and had difficulties holding down a job. He currently owes a LOT of back child support. He now works a fairly good job, although it’s low paying (but regular and long hours), and child support payments are deducted from his paychecks.

However, I feel his past issues with the ex are not my problem. I’ve tried to be supportive of him, even though we’ve had our own issues:  He has stolen from me and lied to me.  We’ve been in counseling and have tried to heal and I’ve tried to work with him to rebuild the trust.  Yet, he’s secretive about his relationship with the ex.

I feel it’s out of guilt that he behaves the way he does, and I feel she manipulates him because of the way he treated her in the marriage. (He may even have been unfaithful to her; I’m not sure.)  But now she’s DIVORCED from him. She shouldn’t be trying to get MY money from him. (We were living together for a year and-a-half until I kicked him out because he took money that he earned from side jobs that I found for him and gave the money to HER.)

Now he’s living with his brother and sister-in-law, sleeping in a kids’ bedroom and living like a 16-year-old with a 10 p.m. curfew. (I think this is good for him and is exactly what he needs at this point.)  His brother and sister-in-law will not put up with any crap from him. I tried not to, but he walked all over me. When he is late coming home now (past his 10 p.m. curfew), he has to sleep outside in his car. He isn’t allowed to have a key to his brother’s house.

He has asked me to let him come back and live with me. I’ve told him NO WAY. He wants to marry me, or so he claims, but he still carries on a secret relationship with the ex.

I understand that he will always have to have contact with her because of their son. BUT:  He visits with her at her house and never tells me when or what’s going on. I’ve NEVER met her, and she won’t allow me near their house. Once, we pulled up in her driveway after church (I was waiting in the car), and she came out of the house screaming and told him to get his “girlfriend” off the property and never to bring “her” near the house again or she would call the police. She won’t let me near the 17-year-old son and badmouths me to the son, whom I’ve only seen twice in the nearly four years I’ve been going with my fiancé.

How do I handle this? My fiancé is not moving toward marrying me. We’re Catholic and since both of us have been married before, in order to be married in the Church, we have to go through the annulment process. I started the paperwork process with our Church two years ago, but my fiancé won’t continue with the paperwork. It’s always an excuse. He has not been able to put any money away and is always broke. (He’s bankrupt.) He had a chance to get his bankruptcy resolved by my CPA for whom I work (free of charge) and he canceled the appointment. Now my CPA doesn’t want anything to do with him.

He still claims I’m “the love of his life” and that “one day” I will be his wife and that I’m his “wife” in his mind.

What should I do?  I do love him with all my heart, but he’s breaking my heart.

The ex won’t let go, and I feel he’s doing nothing to help the situation. Thanks for your advice. – He’s My Man

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-fiance-is-divorced-but-still-married-it-bothers-me/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,


My fiancé and I have been together for going on five years. We had a very rough start, but he came around. After a year or so being together we moved in together. He asked me to marry him after a huge fight and me wanting to move out. I love this man with all of my heart, but I said, “No,” because I felt it was the wrong time to be asking that sort of question.

After we worked things out, he asked me again. This time I said yes! Fast forward three and half years, and now he doesn’t want to get married. After we’ve set a date and everything he says we do not need a piece of paper to know we are married! He says he will do it for me, but for everyone else asking his remarks and expressions say he doesn’t! Why would he ask me to marry him if he didn’t want to get married? Where is this going? – Does He Really Want To Get Married

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-set-a-date-to-get-married-but-now-he-doesnt-want-to-get-married/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

So pretty much my friend hates me.

About 3 years ago my good guy friend invited my girls and I to a party. The night was going smooth, when we both laid eyes on this hot guy. I looked at her…she looked at me…and I told her you better go get that before I do. I didn’t feel no way about it because I had a boyfriend at the time so it was all good.

Fast forward a year later, I was going through a difficult break up and my same guy friend told me he had the perfect guy for me. Just so happens, he was best-friends with the guy from the party. In any event I shut it down and told him no thanks. As far as I knew he and my girl had kicked it for a little bit and that was enough for me. My guy friend told me that wasn’t the case and maybe I should reconsider, seeing as his friend had asked about me.

So, I mulled it over and decided to ask my home girl what was really good with that situation. She was a bit taken aback, but told me they only slept together once and it wasn’t that serious. Despite having some reservations he and I became cool. No sex or funny business, just cool. We developed a really good friendship and became close. As time went on, his dad suffered a serious stroke and he leaned on me for support. This in turn brought us closer, yet, we never crossed the line, until this year. I realized that I loved this guy and didn’t wanna be without him. He expressed he felt the same way and wanted to move forward. We both agreed that before we did anything I had to tell my home girl. I can’t lie I was nervous. She was having such a difficult time on the dating scene and recently broke up with someone. I’ll be honest I put it off for a few months. I know it was wrong, but I just couldn’t do it. So, a few days ago I decided to tell her, seeing as she had met a nice guy and things were going great with them. She said she wasn’t mad and she kind of guessed it was gonna happen anyway.

So I’m thinking great! It’s all good! Let’s move on and call it a day. Wrong! She expresses to a mutual friend that I’m foul and she can’t believe I did that! She claims that she had feelings for him at the time and I shouldn’t have gone there. Now, if I knew all of that I would’ve never even became cool with him. I love my friend dearly…but should I give up on the man I love because she had “feelings” for him in 2010? Keep in mind they were never an item. – My Friend Or My Man

You can read my response, HERE:  
http://bossip.com/536707/dear-bossip-my-friend-is-mad-at-me-because-im-seeing-someone-she-dated-but-she-said-it-was-cool/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

My child’s father and I have been in a relationship for almost five years.

We met sophomore year of college. He was fresh out of a break up with his high school sweetheart (who was known for sleeping around with girls). They were the ‘it’ couple. They’d been dating since they were 13 years old, when suddenly they broke up. That meant he was on the market. So, I basically threw myself at him, and him being a guy he jumped at my offer. While he made it clear in the beginning that he and his ex had history and if she ever wanted him back he would end our tryst.

So, me not wanting to give up the d**k got pregnant. We began a relationship and I noticed he was very distant and not as lovey as I had seen him with his ex, so I began searching emails, text…etc. And, everyday these two were communicating telling one another how much they love each other and they’re gonna be together one day when I’m outta the picture.

Well, apparently that was true because I went into labor the day before her birthday and he showed up six hours late because he was at her party (she didn’t even know I was in labor).

Fast forward a few years. I’m still snooping and I keep finding pics of him and her, recent ones at that, in his phone. They text at least 150 messages a day. He spends holidays with her, buys her expensive gifts, and I can’t even get a birthday card. He is a great father to my daughter, but a lousy boyfriend to me. I feel second best, and when I confronted him about his behavior he replied, “I’ve known Jamie (let’s call her that) since I was 6 years old. I’ve loved her ever since elementary school and it’s not going away. She will always have my heart. Somehow, I just got stuck with you.”

I’ve never been so hurt! But, I guess a part of me was asking to be hurt. This woman has a hold on him and she can call him at 5am for fast food and he’s gonna get it. I love him but he doesn’t love me. I depend on him for everything. I dropped out of school to have our daughter, and he’s the one with the career!!! What the hell am I gonna do?! Part of me wants to kill his ex. Part of me knows it’s all my fault. He flaunts his love for her in my face and it’s killing me. How would you all handle the situation? Please Help! – I Want My Man

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/535928/dear-bossip-hes-my-man-i-had-his-baby-but-he-told-me-hes-stuck-with-me-his-heart-is-with-his-ex/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,
 
I need help with one of my best friends who introduced me to your site.

He is a good friend and my daughter’s godfather. He just doesn’t make the best decisions, especially when it comes to women. We attended college together and worked together for three years, and about six months ago he told me he was leaving and moving to Atlanta with a female friend.

I was happy for him, but at the same time a little concern. See, he is the type of guy that is woman crazy. He falls head over heels for women even if they show no interest in wanting him. The first of the year I get a call from one of our other friends and he began telling me about our mutual friend. Since he has been in Atlanta we talk about every month and he makes it seems that everything is all good and he loves it. He called our friend, however, to borrow money and he told him what was going on and told him the truth about his living conditions.

He takes care of her three kids, his godchildren, baby-sitting, cooking and cleaning, and giving her something on rent every month. But, come to find out he is sleeping on the floor of her three-bedroom apartment. She has an empty room for her two-year old, but since the child sleeps with her, she won’t let my friend have it. Then, she has a young twenty-two year old boyfriend, who is close to moving in also. While my friend is handling chores like a stay-at-home husband, she’s in her room getting the ‘D’ from a younger guy.

I talked to him last week, and he didn’t sound like himself. His tune was of someone defeated and unhappy, not his usual happy joking personality. I tried talking to him, but I think everything I said went in one ear and out the other. He is continuing putting up that front like everything is all right. His voice tells of something different. I know he continues reading your site and I feel hearing advice from you might make him snap into his right mind and get out of that situation before it turns on him. I also have to mention that the job he had covered his medical insurance, and now he has no insurance and has health problems.

His female friend keeps nagging him about getting a better job and giving her more money, while she is living above her means. I feel her new guy will soon want him out of the picture and he’s going to be stuck homeless trying to move back home. I think it is hurting his pride that he doesn’t have a job, and moving back will make him look like a failure. I am close to giving up on him because honestly he is too old to be living like this. We are both in our thirties, I am 31 years old, and married with kids and he is close to 36 years old with no kid. What should I do, let him keep on this path until he hits a brick wall, or help him save himself the pain and misery and admit defeat. – Help my friend out before he is homeless and naked on a corner!

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-friend-is-about-to-be-naked-on-the-streets-because-of-a-woman/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Your articles have me in tear laughing. I’m a fan! LOL

Anywho, I have been dating my new boyfriend for almost 6 months and we recently told each other that we’re in love. He is so sweet to me, has bomb ass sex, and treats me like a queen. My birthday was recently and he gave me so many gifts and surprised me with a dinner and all our friends were there. I cried because nobody has ever treated me like him.

So, he is really not my issue. My issue is with his ex-girlfriend that he was with for 3 years. They had an on and off relationship and she cheated on him when he was away so he broke it off. I know he really loved and cared about her a lot because he kept giving her chances after she did him wrong. He says that he no longer loves her and wants nothing to do with her, but on his birthday she hit him up with this looong email saying how everyone in her family says happy birthday and that they love him (she also went on to make a few old jokes that they shared in common) and then to top it off she ended it with an, “I will always love you.”

He told me about this message, but it was only after I suspected she had contacted him because he made an indirect tweet about it and I figured it out. So, when he told me about the message I was a bit upset and asked him why he didn’t tell me. We finally came to an agreement that we would tell each other when an ex hits us up.

Now, my other issue is that she still contacts his mother and calls her “momma” and tells her she loves her. I can’t seem to get over this in my heart. I also found an old video of them together which also made me feel some kind of way. (I know I sound jealous) I love my man and want to stay with him, but I have a great feeling that his ex is not over him and will soon want him back if she already doesn’t. I don’t want his ex to become a problem, I want her to be a NON-FACTOR from here on out. Please give me your advice. -The New Girlfriend

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-know-my-man-loves-me-but-his-ex-refuses-to-get-out-of-the-picture/