Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’ve been in as rocky relationship for three years. My boyfriend infected me with HIV.  He unknowingly had it for years. My treatment is going well and high in numbers. His is low and stable. We don’t talk about it with each other.

I emotionally cheated on him just to feel beautiful. Flirting with others makes me feel normal in some weird way. I feel like a walking disease 95% of the time. Mentally, I’m not coping so well. I have a 4 year old daughter whom is not his and he’s helped me with her throughout these past years. He doesn’t work, gets food stamps, and he cooks, but I work 60 hours a week to support the three of us. But, bills are still hectic.

On two occasions he has taken money from me without me knowing it. This last time he took money that went for my HIV meds. That was the last straw. I told him to leave. That same night he left and came back asking for a hug. Then he told me that this grandmother had died. He was crying and emotional. I only met his father and I’ve never met anyone else in his family in three years. He’s met everyone in mine. His family doesn’t know his status, mine knows everything. I guess the real question is I know he lost a loved one and he has my sympathies, but I’m cold to him. The taking of the money for my meds killed any emotion I have for him. He’s asking for hugs and support and a shoulder to cry on. But I feel nothing. How should I feel? Am I truly heartless? – Heartless

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-boyfriend-infected-me-with-hiv-he-stole-my-money-for-my-meds/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Ok, I’m a Gemini so excuse the indecisiveness. My dilemma: stay or go.

Here are the facts:

I’ve been “seeing” dude for almost a year. Early on learned he wasn’t relationship material because he’s in love with himself. Literally. Decided to deal with him sexually no strings attached because I was surprisingly attracted to him and he conveniently lives around the corner. Perfect. The sex is amazing!

Here is the problem…

First, it’s hard for me to NOT develop feelings for a man I’m sleeping with. Just don’t have it in me. Secondly, lately my desire to be in a relationship is becoming more pressing but it’s impossible to be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally retarded. I still date other men but no potential candidates and I continue to sleep with this man out of convenience. Never been my nature to settle but there’s a first time for everything. What do I do when I want more out of the situation but I don’t want to give up the “D.” Yes, I’ve talked to him about it several times: DEAD END. Stay or let it go? Ughhhh but I so want the sex though. – Ms. Addicted To The D

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-started-off-as-bed-buddies-but-now-i-want-more/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip....

Dear Bossip,

I need some major advice on a certain situation please!! My boyfriend told me that his greatest fantasy is to watch me have sex with another female whom I find attractive.

When he said that I was like HELL NO!! I don’t wanna do those types of things, but at the same time I’m like I just want to make him happy and feel satisfied, like he could get anything from me because I love him sooo much!

I don’t want him to go looking elsewhere for what he wants. I want him to get it from me, but I REALLY don’t want to do it. He said, “It’s ok. I’m just telling you my greatest fantasy.” But, in a way I feel like I should do something about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO!!! – Ms. Not So Sure

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/487247/dear-bossip-his-fantasy-is-for-me-to-be-with-another-woman-but-im-not-sure/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,


I just read an article of yours online and felt the need to inquire more advice from you.

So, here’s the deal: I met this guy 2 weeks ago at a football party. He has text me non-stop, even text good morning and good night every day. Not to mention he text as soon as we get off work. I’m pretty sure he’s a player, but because I see the best in people I am not so good at being a judge of character.

Ok, so he asked to come over one night but then when I told him he couldn’t spend the night he changed his mind. Then he proceeded to say maybe we can do dinner and a movie one night this week. I said ok. That night came. I asked him what we were going to do and he said a lot of cuddling and kissing. I reminded him that he mentioned dinner and movie. Then he said he would cook for me. After I let him know that he had to bring whatever he was cooking he decided he wasn’t about all that.

So, he came over and we just hung out in my living room talking and watching TV. Then he invites me to his softball game, so I go. Then the following Friday night I finally let him sleep over. We had sex, which wasn’t that great actually. Then he came over the next night to a party I was hosting. He spent the night again but we didn’t have sex. The next day (Sunday) he decided that he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He went from wanting to date and possibly a relationship to not knowing. However, he says he doesn’t want to end things completely. I mean seriously???? Thank you for you time – What do I do now??? -  Holding Pattern

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/after-sex-he-went-from-wanting-to-date-to-not-knowing/

Today Is, "Straigth From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,


I need help, advice and I need it fast. Time is winding down. Would you say this is about money or respect or NOTHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR? Is it too late for us to repair the hurt feelings?

About 2 weeks ago my boyfriend asked me to add him to all my credit cards. I didn’t because we aren’t married and have no plans to be. This is our choice – we are both divorcees. We have lived together for 4 years based on his income $400,000. I make about $40,000 if sales are good. I love this man with all my heart and I feel he is just trying to steam roll me.

When we moved to a master planned community I assumed all credit liability for this home because his score was bad. He gave me the budget and we lived according to his lifestyle. He understood and agreed he would pay our cost of living. I believed him because we are in Love and building a life together so I trusted him. When I declined to add him to my credit cards this angered him. He said I am being selfish and it’s about principles and because he pays our household bills I should be grateful and show my loyalty by doing this.

He gave me “1 day notice” to pay ALL remaining October bills of $2,500. He said he would only pay the rent on our home and by the end of the year we need to move. I am devastated, blind-sided and heartbroken. He says he does not want to break up he just wants us to live according to “what I can afford” and we will now split all bills.


In September after 401K, insurance and taxes my net pay was $2,400. I’m almost certain he cleared about $36,000. I feel like he is bullying me and backing me into a corner. He told me if I had just put him on my credit we wouldn’t be going through this. Please tell me should I move into an apartment with the man I love or move on? Should we share credit if we are not married just because we share a home? Is it possible to go 50/50 on bills when he earns $400k and I make $40K? – Credit Dilemma

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/credit-cards-relationships/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I’m so confused about a man that I’m pretty sure I love. I was introduced via phone to a man about a year and a half ago.

I live on the west coast and he lives on the east coast. He had just gotten out of a relationship with his babies (yes two) mother, so we were friends at first. We would talk on the phone laughing and joking for hours. We both were surprised at how much we had in common and how great we got along.

We agreed to meet and I flew to spend the weekend with him. It was awesome! After that he came to visit me at my home twice. He always asked me what we were and I’d tell him we were good friends because I feared a long distance relationship. So, a couple months went by and I guess he got tired of me not wanting to be in a relationship. He decided to try and work things out with the mother of his children. Me not having kids, didn’t understand how he could want to hook back up with her after what we had. She even contacted me asking if we still talked to one another because he told her how great we were together. She said I was a problem in their relationship. I could care less, but it made me feel good that even after we stopped communicating he still talked about me, and of all people to her.

I admit I did want to be with him but I’m not the one to put my feelings out there. To shorten this long story we both moved on and both relationships didn’t work out. Now we linked back up and still have the same chemistry as before. He admitted that before when we were together that he loved me and I know I loved him. He even made another trip to come and see me. Should I commit to a long distance relationship with him? Or should I count our first encounter as a lesson learned?  – Wanting The Impossible 


You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/484837/dear-bossip-im-not-sure-if-i-should-pursue-a-long-distance-relationship-with-a-man-who-has-a-baby-momma/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I have an issue with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. I discovered he’s been in correspondence with someone he used to be in a relationship with.

Not just hey how you doing, but when was the last time you thought of me naked type of conversation. I have a 3 year old daughter with him. She adores him. I don’t want to confront him because I read his Facebook message. Not intentionally, but when I logged on our home computer, it was visible for me to see. Curiosity killed the cat. I’m nervous about confronting him because the argument will be about me “snooping,” although not my intention, instead of the disrespectful conversations he’s having with an old flame? How do I confront him? Should I leave him? I don’t want to waste another 5 years. Please Help! – Don’t Want To Be Stupid In Love

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/483006/dear-bossip-my-man-of-5-years-is-having-explicit-conversations-with-his-ex-on-facebook/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I was in a relationship for 2 years with my ex-girlfriend. We were attached to each other all the time. She wanted to get married really fast.

I wanted to marry her but I wanted to make sure I had a career going and money in the bank before marriage. I thought that was respectful and smart. One thing in this relationship that I hated was that I felt like I always had to prove my love to her. Nothing was ever good enough for her.

She told me she contracted Herpes from a previous relationship but she didn’t inform me until 10 months into the relationship. I didn’t judge her I was there for her and supported her. I loved her so I just dealt with that situation. I was extremely hurt but I still loved her. I feel like if that doesn’t prove to you how much I love you then I don’t what to do. FYI, I have not been exposed to any STD’s or STI’s.

She would always put her friends in our business and those girls were jumping from bed to bed trying to give her advice about me. I would buy her very expensive things and sometimes she wouldn’t even appreciate that. Towards the end of our relationship I felt a sudden change in our relationship. She was kind of cold and distant. I never cheated on her or even put myself in situations to cheat. I never thought twice about her cheating on me, but she was always going out with her girlfriends. So, she would kind of hint like she wanted a break but would never say anything. So, one day I just had enough of her attitude and her never taking my feelings in consideration and everything was all about her. I told her we should take a break to make sure this is what we want. I told her straight up that I wanted to make it work. I just wanted her to find that inner peace within herself.

So, we would still communicate, but at one point she wanted space so I gave her space. Then we would still hang out. I told her I missed her and I was sorry, but another thing is she could never apologize to me to my face. It was always through a text message. There was a situation where we got into it because she felt like my gesture wasn’t genuine. So, after that argument a couple of days later she was taking pictures on a guys lap top. I was furious and felt betrayed because I couldn’t even go on a date or even talk to another woman. I didn’t speak to her about it for a week. We talked about it, but to me it didn’t really clear the air. She said that they just hang out. I didn’t believe her. So, she would mislead me by still calling me and checking on me. I was trying to give our relationship a chance and a fresh start. I really wanted to marry this girl. So, I still kept getting calls and I sent an email expressing how I felt and I said if you still want to be with me and love me you would respond. She responded so I was ready to take her back and forgive her. I find more pics on Facebook, but she’s still playing games.

I went out of town on a business trip and she was in a financial bind so she came to me. In the back of my mind I was thinking what about your new friend, you can’t even go to him for some money. I transferred the money like a stupid ass. I didn’t receive a thank you on the phone. I received a thank you through text. To add insult to injury she was at the guy’s house when I transferred the money over. I didn’t want to speak to her again. She kept sending me text messages saying she wanted to talk for 5 days straight, but could never commit to a time and date.

Last week was the final straw for me. She couldn’t even face me because she was guilty. I felt like she was a big ass coward. She just could not tell me anything to my face. So 20 text messages later she just wanted me to know that her and the guy was starting to get serious. So, I was just so hurt and I told her that it wasn’t healthy to jump into a relationship, and I wasn’t healed so I know she wasn’t. Right now, I feel like f**k her, but there’s a small side of me that misses her. I don’t know what to do. I need some good advice. So this weekend was her birthday and I was just so upset that she didn’t respond to my call or text to wish her a happy birthday. She tells her friends and family that she misses me, but her actions speak a different language. Thank You in advance. – A Broken-Hearted Brother

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/482192/dear-bossip-i-loved-her-wanted-to-marry-her-but-she-wanted-a-break-is-now-with-another-dude/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

Early this year I met a nice young man at a college party. We were introduced by mutual friends who thought we would be perfect together because we both share a love for business.

He’s a 22-year old Arab who owns his own restaurant, while I’m a 21-year old business student that has a small clothing store online. We hit it off well. I used to come to his restaurant all the time and we would sit and talk. We both admired each other’s tenacity and after about 3 months of getting to know one another we decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend. Here’s where the problems started. He has never fully introduced me to his parents. I see them all the time when I’m in the restaurant and they definitely know my face, but he has never said, “Mom, Dad this is my girlfriend.” In fact he never introduces me to anyone as his girlfriend unless they give me a compliment or ask him. First side eye. He claims his parents are just super old school and protective and don’t want to know about his relationships until they’re serious to the point of marriage. I guess. Then it became a problem of his friends hitting on me. I hang with them occasionally with him and we have mutual friends, but they are always giving me inappropriate comments like, “damn you look sexy today,” or hitting me up on Facebook to see when I wanna hang out. I brought this up to my boyfriend and he got angry at the fact I don’t respond and said its “rude.” Hmmm.

But, he does take me out and we spend a hell of a lot of time together which makes me doubt my suspicions. He takes me on the most wonderful dinners, takes me shopping, buys me diamonds on occasion and we just sit and talk for hours at times. I can truly say he’s one of my best friends and we mesh well, beyond color lines. When I brought up the issue of does he have a problem with me being black, he said it’s more of an issue of me not being Muslim, which confuses me.

I can’t help it if I was born Christian and he knew that from the time we met, so how is it a problem now? I feel if it were really an issue he should have never pursued me seriously. It upsets me when I feel like I’m  not good enough to get to know his parents even though his brothers call me sis because I’m an educated, nice black woman, there’s nothing stereotypical about me and I’ve worked hard to get to that point. And I’ve told him I’m willing to convert if we get married in the future but not for a relationship. We talk about marriage and kids all the time, but in the context of aligning our similar values for how we want our family to look like and be raised.

I really like him and I can see a future but I don’t want to waste my time if he’ll never take me seriously because of my race or religion. I should also bring up the fact that he is super jealous of me going to college because he’s insecure about the fact he never went and is always making comments about it despite being at a place in business where most college grads dream to be. Go figure. Should I let it go, or hold out and try and work through this because I really do like him.
- Confused Chick

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/481490/dear-bossip-im-dating-an-arab-man-i-really-like-him-but-he-wont-introduce-me-to-his-parents/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

First off, let me just say that I absolutely LOVE reading your no nonsense advice! You give advice that is straight, with no chaser, which is why I’m writing you today.

My husband and I have hit a rather awkward stumbling block in our marriage of 5 years. He wants a baby NOW, and I don’t! Mind you, we already have a 3 year old together, and I’m still in school. Yes, I said it, I’m STILL IN SCHOOL furthering my education. Our 3 year old was what I like to refer to as our “miracle Depo baby.” At the time, we both weren’t ready for kids, but God saw fit to us having one, and she’s here! He was soooooooo overjoyed when she was introduced to the world, and for the past year, he’s been hounding me for another baby!

I’m only 24 years old, and would love to have my Master’s in Nursing (which is what I am working on now), while he’s 28 and in the military. My issue about the whole baby dilemma is the fact that yes, I have a job, but I don’t feel like I’m at what I call my “career plateau.” He has a career that’s going great for him. We’ve tried sitting down and talking about it to friends, family, and even counselors, which never goes over too well. He says that I’m being selfish, but this is my thing: he knew that I didn’t want to have kids until I reached my goal of having my MSN and started in my dream career. I’ve already had to take a detour on it once, and I’ll officially graduate next year. However, he doesn’t want to wait until next year. If I’m not pregnant by the end of the year, we could end up in divorce court. What on Earth should I do? – Not Ready For Another Baby

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/477930/dear-bossip-my-husband-wants-another-child-but-im-not-ready-becasue-i-want-a-career-first/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,


I’m a male who is going through a separation right now. I’m 32 and she is 27. We have been married 5 years. I knew her for 9 years. We have no kids. We were having issues within our marriage with communication. There was no abuse or cheating. She started to tell me that she felt something was missing, and she didn’t know what it was. We got along great. Toward the end she felt that we were more like friends and roommates.

I really want to work on this relationship. She said that she needed some space. She moved back in with her mom, which her mom doesn’t even like me for reasons I don’t know. I never believed in therapy, but she insisted on going. We went 3 times and she stopped. She said it was because of time and money. I told her that I would pay for the sessions. I still go to better myself. I also know that she is seeing someone that she only knew for a week. She doesn’t know that I know. I need some advice on how to deal with this and any advice on how to get her back. She finally admitted to seeing this other guy and he is already professing his love. He even bought her tickets to go to Puerto Rico for her birthday. Oh yeah, they met on FaceBook. He is 34. They met on 9/15. Help me. I need some advice to get her back. – Need My Wife Back

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-wife-left-me-and-shes-seeing-another-man-but-i-want-her-back/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Hey Bossip,

First off, I would like to say I love the site. I check it multiple times a day. My day is not complete without my Bossip fix. LOL.

But, I like the honesty you give to people asking advice. I need some advice on a situation I’m kind of embarrassed about.

So, there is this guy who’s a senior at my college. I met him last year when I was a freshman and I am now a Sophomore. Here’s where it gets weird. We met on Facebook. Although we do have mutual real life friends, we just never met in person. We text a lot and we are pretty cool. It’s easy to talk to him, and all that. It just seems like he is playing games with me. I like him a lot now, and we have been planning to meet up. It’s hard though because our schedules our way different this year. I work, take 12 credit hours, and I am in 3 on-campus programs. He lives off-campus, works, and is finishing up to graduate in December.

He tells me that he wants to see me, but then when I plan to come over, which I have to plan because I take the bus and he’s not getting his car back till the end of this month, it’s always a big run around that usually ends with us not seeing each other. It’s annoying to me because I just want to be able to see him so we can get past this phase. I mean when you never seen somebody you can’t be all the way open, or talk about certain things because you don’t know if you’ll like what you see. He always says I wanna get close to you. He always checks on me, offers to help me study, wishes me luck on my exams, and he’ll even joke around about me being his girlfriend (although not funny).

Once when we were talking about something and I told him to call one of his other girls, and he said I don’t have others I want you. He jokes around about sex a lot too, and I have often told him firmly that I don’t sleep around and that I prefer to be in a committed relationship or married before I take that step, which he says he understands. I feel that has stopped me from going over his place a few times because I don’t want him to have the wrong idea and be disappointed. I’m just confused because on one hand it seems like he likes me, and then it seems like maybe I’m just an option for him. Should I let it go or see where this is going? – Should I Stay Or Go

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/476576/dear-bossip-theres-a-guy-on-my-college-campus-im-interested-in-but-we-havent-met-yet/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 6 months. I met him in NYC while I was visiting from Atlanta.

He told me he was going to play football for a school in Georgia so that was perfect, so I thought. Months went by and he finally settled in his new home and we really never kept in touch a lot at first. I saw no point if he wasn’t in Georgia. I really didn’t care at first. Once he moved to Georgia I decided to visit him and I thought it would be a very awkward and weird situation since we really never had more of a convo other than text messages.

We had a good date and he was really excited to see me and so was I. The physical attraction was more than words can explain. Later on that night things got steamy and we almost had sex. I say almost because at the time I was a virgin. Fast forward 2 months later and I visit him twice more and end up having sex. We don’t talk on the phone at all, if anything we only text each other, and that is rare. I’m obviously catching feelings for this man, but I feel like there’s nothing there but a physical attraction. Yes, he makes me laugh and I love hanging around with him, but I feel like if I speak up about my feelings it will only leave things awkward and perhaps no friendship at all. The sex is amazing and I really don’t see myself dating anyone else but him. Am I putting this man on a pedestal for no reason? Help! – Hopeful and Confused

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/473238/dear-bossip-i-gave-my-virginity-to-a-man-i-only-communicate-with-via-text-i-really-like-him/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,


I have been dating since I was 16 years old and have never been single. I’m 28 now. As one relationship ends I find myself in a new one, sometimes within days. I have never been married and have no kids. I have had two 5 years relationship back to back. I am currently dating a guy for the last 2 years now, on and off. Now we are currently off, he wants us to try again but I’m not happy with him. I’m only with him because I don’t want to be alone. I have a fear of being alone.  Am I codependent? And if so, how do I break this cycle? – Dependant On Relationships 


You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-have-a-fear-of-being-alone-dont-know-how-to-break-the-cycle-of-codependency/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I am a 30-year old woman who is single and decided to try online dating since I’ve been a party girl and single for the last year and a half.

I wanted to try a new approach to meeting guys and now I feel like it was a big mistake. Here is what happened. I met this 37-year old guy online and he must have talked the best game I guess I had ever been exposed to. I was kind of reluctant in the beginning and would just ignore his texts, calls, and instant messages on this site. (Takes deep breath). I finally decided to give in and start responding because he just seemed like he was so into me, and I began to fall for it being that I’m open to being in a relationship. He was older, had a job, car and his own place. Hell, I felt I had hit the jack pot. HA!

Fast forward and we are texting and everything, and then we started sexting. Sending matured and rated R-pictures back and forth and talking a lot of sex talk. At first I felt uncomfortable, but I also felt like we hit it off, so I was like why not. This is where I made a mistake. He invited me to his place and I was cool with that. Of course I wanted to look good, so I had on a lil dress and heels, smelling good because I wanted to make a good impression. What I thought would be just dinner and a few glasses of wine turned into a FULL BLOWN NIGHT OF PASSION. Immediately, the attraction was there and one thing led to another and I didn’t come home that night. I guess what got me is that this man made love to me like we were in love and had been together for years and that is so not the case. SIGH

I went home the next morning and he asked me to come back later that night. Even though I was on cloud 9000, I was reluctant thinking in my head, what if this becomes just about sex, and that’s what I didn’t want, or at least that’s not the impression I was under from the conversations we had. However, after that night he started acting differently – not responding to my texts as fast or my calls. So, I became angry, but trying not to let it show. So, two days went by and I decided to send him an angry text letting him know how I felt. He stated that I was overreacting and that he is doing what he normally does, which I guess now doesn’t include me. So, we go back and forth and he states that I am acting like this since we made love, (his words).  Which I agree. Dude made me a lil crazy. My ex of 4 years didn’t even suck my toes!!!! It has now been 2 weeks since our encounter and I feel bamboozled and can’t let it go. I like this man and want this man, and he has done a 360 on me and I can’t accept it. Please help and take it easy on me. Sincerely – I Am Not A One Night Stand

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/472211/we-met-online-had-an-amazing-encounter-but-its-been-weeks-i-cant-let-go-want-him/ 

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I feel terrible and depressed over my marriage.

I have been married for one year. My husband is addicted to porn and hardly has sex with me. His reasons are because he works a lot hours. I believe this because he suffers from Erectile Dysfunction. I have caught him watching porn and pleasuring himself late hours of the night. His response is that he enjoys masturbating. I suggested to him that I would like to watch porn with him, but he refused. He also refused to go for marriage counseling. He also refuses to see a doctor for his Erectile Dysfunction. He also talks to other women from Facebook. I am not sure if he’s cheated. I feel terrible and depressed. I cannot trust him. I am really considering getting a divorce. Please advise me if I should stay in this marriage. – Not Desired By My Husband

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/471237/dear-bossip-my-husband-is-addicted-to-porn-and-wont-have-sex-with-me/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,


I am in a relationship with a man 12 years older than me. In the beginning of our relationship it was perfect! He was such a gentleman and knew how to treat me. Fast forward a year later and I began to see his true colors. I found out that he was in a relationship with another woman for 2 years! I was completely shocked and heartbroken. I was the side chick and didn’t even know it. When it was time for him to make a decision he dropped me like a bad habit and made it clear that he loved her more. To make a long story short they broke up (about 6 months later) and I decided to give him another chance. We are going on our third year together and things are good. We go to church and now live together as well. Besides him being insecure and jealous we have a pretty normal relationship. The problem here is that I just can’t let go of the past. There are a few details I left out (because you hate long letters). Should I try and work through it or do what I should have done 3 years ago? – I Can’t Get Over His Past 


You can read my response, HERE: 
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-cheated-dumped-me-said-he-loved-her-more-than-me-but-i-took-him-back/

My Interview With Allhiphop.com....

 Right before the release of his bestselling book, Hiding in Hip-Hop: On the Downlow in the Entertainment Industry from Music to Hollywood (2008), Terrance Dean sent shivers through the industry with the fear that he was about to “out” some of Black entertainment’s most popular artists. But, cleverly, the book was full of blind items and did not name any names, prompting bloggers and readers to play guessing games.


This June, Dean returns with his first novel, Mogul. Centered on the life and career of a rap mogul, Big A.T., who runs a successful label with some of biggest stars in the Hip-Hop industry, including his lover, superstar rapper, Tickman. The book is interesting and relatively realistic in it’s portrayal of the industry, Big A.T., is a character that the reader can love, hate, and love again. But, how is Mogul another blind item? Is the Hip-Hop industry ready for love scenes between men? Is Hip-Hop music and culture ready for an openly gay artist? AllHipHop.com talked to Terrance Dean about Hip-Hop and homosexuality.

AllHipHop.com: What have you been doing since Hiding in Hip-Hop.

Terrance Dean: I’ve written two other books, including Straight from your Gay Best Friend: The Straight-Up Truth about Relationships, Work, and Having a Fabulous Life, worked on some television and book projects. And I just finished Mogul which I am getting ready to tour with.

AllHipHop.com: What was the motivation behind Mogul?

Read the rest of the interview, HERE:
http://allhiphop.com/2011/10/06/hiding-in-hip-hop-author-terrance-dean%E2%80%99s-mogul/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip....

Dear Bossip,

I am seeking impartial advice because I have been wrecking my mind for the past few months contemplating what to do about my situation.

I started dating this guy back in 2008 after we met at a wedding and were introduced by my cousin who happened to be his good friend. (It was a long distance relationship by the way). At the time we were both 18. I fell in love so soon and while he reciprocated most of my feelings for him, he was still coming to terms of getting into a serious relationship at his age. I was advised by another cousin not to date him because she knew him quite well and she even told me he was a big flirt. He pursued me and came across as a really charming guy who could do no wrong. I agreed to be his girlfriend and we set it off.

After a few months of dating, he cheated on me with a girl I knew and although he claims he never slept with her, he says they just used their hands to pleasure each other. I went ‘”mad black woman”’ on him and dumped him, but he begged me and promised he would never do it again and cut off all ties with that other girl immediately. I really loved this guy with all of my heart and I guess that was my main problem in the relationship, I was more in love than he was at the time. I became really vulnerable and my trust for him was shaken and he became emotionally & verbally abusive.

Over the months we argued and bickered non-stop, and constantly hanging up the phone on each other. I then broke it off. He called me after a week and kept begging me to take him back and that he would change, etc. However, I had begun to move on before things got too worse. He traveled to where I lived to see me so we could talk properly and because he had shown some effort I agreed to meet him. The meeting didn’t go as he had planned and he lashed out and left. After a few weeks we agreed to meet up again and we reconnected and I forgave him. I moved further away after that so I decided to break it off for good but he kept coming back incessantly. He would blow up my phone constantly and I agreed to his request just to stop him being so passive aggressive, although deep down I obviously still loved him a lot.

A month later, I went to my friend’s house and she knew how abusive he had been to me and resented him for it. Every time he would call my phone, she would answer it for me and say I was busy or sleeping. I regret letting that happen but at the time I felt he deserved it for the way he had treated me.
He called me up one day while I was still at my friend’s and said he had moved on and found a new girl and I just acted like didn’t care to save face. He went for a really young girl (statutory rape young) and I let him go. Although he was with her he still kept thinking of me and he kept calling and texting etc. I ended up moving on too, a few months after he had, with a really nice guy too. He came back again and promised he would never cheat on or lie to me and after a month of resisting I took him back for the simple fact that I loved him. Things were cool between us and I began to regain my trust for him as well as my love. We were good up until he suggested we take a break because we were headed towards the argue/bicker phase again however during that “break” he slept with 3 girls including that young girl. He confessed so I went back to my ex too. All the while he let that young girl disrespect me and all claiming he is hers, and I told her simply the facts. Then I also told her to go ahead and have his trifling ass but he kept coming back to me.

I hate the fact that each time me and him argue he goes and starts flirting on his phone with other girls but because we live far apart how do I know he’s not actually physically being with other girls even though he claims it ends on the phone? He also never had a job. Every time I went to visit him I paid for dates, food, and cleaned his place up for him, he was lazy and spent all his free time playing games and getting sidetracked by friends. He never listened to my advice but when it came from other people it made sense.

He let other people disrespect me (i.e. his ex and friends) never stood up for me, and sometimes acted as though he didn’t want to show me affection or be seen with me in public. He changed completely and all those words he said about wanting me and making it work faded into thin air.

Like I said before my story is long but just a month ago, he got back in touch, claims he has changed and that he was just a teenage boy and immature and now he is grown and he understands, misses and cherishes what we had (2 years) and he knows I’m the girl for him and he really wants to make it work and even marry me and move in together and start our life together. But, I refused over and over because I feel like we will go on another rollercoaster again. How do I get over him and have I made the right decision? Your advice will be much appreciated. – Leave Him Or Keep Him

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://bossip.com/470363/dear-bossip-he-keeps-coming-in-and-out-of-my-life-and-im-tired-of-it/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,


Let me first start by saying I really enjoy reading your column, and your keep it really real demeanor.

My story starts out like this. Last spring I moved in with my boyfriend and one of our “good” friends at the time. Everything was fine and dandy until one morning, after about three weeks of living there, he woke us up and asked us to go to the court house because they had a bench warrant out for him over an unpaid speeding ticket. Long story short he didn’t have all the money.

Now, I have loaned him money in the past and he has always paid me back. No problem. But, this time I would’ve known better because his ticket totaled over $800 and he only had $125 of it. So, (like a dummy) I loaned him the rest. And, he agreed that he would pay me back in front of my boyfriend. Well, flash forward about two months and I still ain’t got one red nickel from him.

The catalyst that changed everything was a generic status on Facebook that was about the town that we live in. But, he took it as it being about him because he started to ignore me and lying, and saying that I was cheating on my boyfriend, I’m just an all around nasty person, and he was gonna put me out once he realized that he really had to pay me back.

Well, everything came to a head in August after I found out I was pregnant and was stressed from my job, and the fact that his lying caused my family to look at me different and some of our mutual friends were cursing me out. Like the stress had gotten so bad from it that my hair started falling out and I was already hormonal at the time (which didn’t help.). So, I ended up moving back with my parents and shortly thereafter losing my baby because of the stress.

Now, he still owes me about $300 and he keeps saying that he’s gonna pay me back in front of other people. But, everybody was like I should just forgive him and work it out. But, I keep telling folks I just want my money. I have lost enough life behind all of this madness. Like nobody besides my boyfriend will listen to me about how I feel about the situation, or how it has affected me mentally. They all take his side in this. When I considered him a brother if he needed the shirt off of my back I would’ve given it to him no questions asked. But, my family still looks at me sideways and act like I’m retarded for being hurt, and keep telling me to apologize to him for everything. Like it makes me feel as if they think I deserved it for all of this to happen to me. Am I crazy, or do I have a valid reason to feel the way that I do? – Betrayed 


You can read my response, HERE: 
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-loaned-money-to-a-friend-and-hes-taking-his-time-paying-me-back/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

Dear Bossip,

I’ve recently gotten engaged to a woman I’ve known for about 5 years, and I love her and can most certainly see myself spending the rest of my life and raising kids with her. But, I have a past.

Before I met her, and during some of the time that we spent as “just friends,” I experimented with guys. In some cases, the experiments went as far as full-blown relationships with guys. But she doesn’t know this about me. When we were friends, I believe she may have heard some rumors, and once she even asked me if I was gay. I told her I wasn’t. I’m sure that part of me is strictly in the past, and I’m ready to move forward full force with her, but I don’t want her to ever find out about it.

She’s said things to me like, “I know more about you than you think.” And, she’s even expressed to me that she has some things in her past that she hopes I never find out about. So we don’t necessarily have the type of relationship where everything is out on the table, but I still feel like if she found out, that would mean the end for us.

I’m not the type to cheat, but I know that if I were to admit my bisexuality to her, she wouldn’t trust me. I’m not a “Down Low” brother who would seek out guys for sex while I’m with a woman. Especially if I’m married. I know it’s hard to believe, but some men are genuinely bisexual, and not just claiming that label to mask their total gayness. And not all bisexual guys are sexual deviants with an insatiable appetite for “guy booty.” Not that I need an excuse for the feeling that I have, but I’m a product of sexual abuse as a child, and I attribute that to my attraction towards other men. But, just like my attraction to other women won’t drive me to cheat, I’m sure my attraction to the same sex won’t either. I’m just worried that it may come up.

I must also admit that I’m a bit of a heart-breaker, and not many of my relationships with guys have ended well, so I’m afraid a scorned ex may try to out me to her (cuz gay dudes can be worse than females when it comes to their emotions and vengeance).

From reading your responses to other people, I feel like I already know what you’re going to say… but let me have it anyway. What should I do? – Brotha With A Past

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/468813/dear-bossip-im-engaged-and-i-love-her-but-she-doesnt-know-im-bisexual/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

Dear Gay Best Friend,


I am a 46-year old divorced male and single parent of 3 children. I have a very good female friend who has been my friend for about 13 years. I have seen her through one failed long-term relationship with a good male friend of mine, and approximately 6 months ago she separated from her husband of 3 years (my wife at the time and I both attended the wedding). Since my divorce, she has been a big help in assisting me with the 3 kids…she is my contact person and the person I can count on to be there for the kids in the event I am unavailable (my ex-wife lives in another state but has the kids every other weekend).

My dilemma is that over the last couple of months I have developed romantic feelings for my female friend, but I don’t know if she views me as anything other than a good friend. We’ve never had any conversations or interactions together that have ever been anything other than platonic. However, years ago my ex-wife accused me of having a romantic interest in my female friend, which at the time were not true. Unfortunately, because of that, it put a strain on the friendship between my ex-wife and my female friend but my female friend and I continued to be friends with each other against my ex-wife’s wishes. My ex-wife felt that our continued friendship violated her trust in both of us because in the beginning all three of us were very good friends but the two of us became even better, closer friends. Thus, she began to feel that she was the third wheel and no longer included in some of my activities with my female friend which made her uncomfortable. My ex-wife still doesn’t really care for her because of that, but she wants me to be happy with the person of my choosing.

Conversely, my ex-wife and I are very good friends now, which we were not during the course of our marriage. In fact, she even gave me advice regarding what I should do (tell her but be prepared that it could possibly jeopardize the friendship irrevocably), and she gave me the information about your site and suggested that I post my question to you for your sound and unbiased opinion (she is an avid fan of yours, reads your column daily and bought your book).

My female friend comes over all the time and sometimes spends the night (but always sleeps on the couch even though I have always offered to give up my bed for her to sleep in – by herself of course!). We hang out on occasions and attend clubs together. We have a lot in common and get along great most of the time, however, she is very demanding and has a very quick, very hot temper. I have been a witness to her cussing out her former boyfriend and ex-husband. She also goes out of town a lot and when she does, I am the person who pet-sits her dog, which I don’t mind…plus, the kids love the dog.

Recently she asked me what I thought the kids should call her…Miss or Aunt? She says she considers me family and I have never felt any sexual vibes from her to me, but then again, she is very good at masking her feeling. Is it possible she could be attracted to me as well but doesn’t want to jeopardize our friendship? I am curious about why she spends so much time at my place, and of course I hope it’s because she likes me romantically but is perhaps too shy to be the first to say so.

So, please give it to me straight no chaser. Should I tell her or not? And if I do tell her, what do you suggest would be the best way of going about it? And if you advise not telling her, what should I do about my romantic feelings that have developed for her? – Mr. Fair Weather Friend To The Very End 

You can read my response, HERE: 
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-developed-feelings-for-a-family-friend-but-my-ex-wife-is-against-us-dating/