Dear Bossip,
I was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend for 7 years and 9 months. I met her back in the 10th grade in Spanish class. I’m 27 now, and we started dating when I was 20 years old. We literally had everything in common and we were best friends.
On March the 29th, she broke up with me abruptly. There were no warning signs at all. We were engaged to be married next spring and we were already naming our children. After she broke up with me the first time we slowly started talking again a few months ago. We were going out with each other like we used to. I actually started feeling good again. We resumed plans to move out with each other again and everything seemed to be falling into place again. Then she goes two days without any contact at all, save a couple text messages, and she then calls me on May 11th after she gets off work and simply says, “I cannot do this anymore. I can’t talk to you anymore. I can’t see you anymore.” Then she hung up on me.
I’m left to just deal with my emotions as best as possible while she does her own thing. She never really showed any signs of mental problems or anything so what could possibly cause this? – Brokenhearted
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/449064/dear-bossip-after-7-years-my-girl-dumped-me-with-no-cause-we-got-back-together-but-she-did-it-again/
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Let me start this off by saying I found your column very helpful. You have straight forward advice no holding back and that is what I need right now.
Okay, here is my story. About 2weeks ago I borrowed my boyfriend’s iPad. When I turned it on there was a She-Male sex site! Let’s just say I snapped when I first saw it. So, I started doing some investigations of my own. I found that all these sites were from 2003/2004. (Oh yeah, there were more than one) So, I confronted him about them. He admitted to me that years ago he was with a Transgender woman and that he slept with her. He said at first when he brought her home he thought she was a woman, but when they got in the bedroom he found out different but still did it anyway! He told me after that he started questioning himself and what attracted him to her even after finding out she was a man. So, he started to explore the Internet and wanted to know more about She-Males. He said he tried it one more time after that with a Transgender woman, but didn’t enjoy the experience so he never did it again.
He was trying to erase this site when I stumbled across it. I did see that there was no activity on these sites for years and that he just never deleted them. Now, this man is my best friend we have been together for almost 3 years. He is very good to me. I work 3rd shift at a gas station 3 days a week and he sits in the parking lot the whole night to make sure I’m safe, and then goes to his own job in the morning. He has always been there for me no matter what. I’m trying to be understanding to the situation everyone has a past. I’m not questioning his love for me because I know he does. But, what I am questioning is can someone engage in homosexual sex and then be done? Could it have been he was just experimenting with his sexuality? I know around that time he went through a nasty divorce with his ex-wife whom was cheating on him.
Whenever I have a question he answers it for me. He says I am what he wants and wants to marry me. I love this man and want the best for him I would stand by him no matter what as he did for me. I told him if he is still struggling with his sexuality I will always be his best friend if he has a desire for these Transgender women, and I would understand and wouldn’t judge him. But he reassures me I’m what he wants. Hell, I even offered to bring one in the bedroom with us but he said no! That he was not into that and it was that one Transgender woman he was attracted to and that’s it. I know when I was younger I experimented with a woman and I have no desire to be with a woman again. Could the same thing go for him? Sorry if I dragged this on. I just have a million questions going through my mind. – Trying To Understand
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-admitted-to-being-with-a-she-male-but-only-after-i-discovered-info-on-his-computer/
Let me start this off by saying I found your column very helpful. You have straight forward advice no holding back and that is what I need right now.
Okay, here is my story. About 2weeks ago I borrowed my boyfriend’s iPad. When I turned it on there was a She-Male sex site! Let’s just say I snapped when I first saw it. So, I started doing some investigations of my own. I found that all these sites were from 2003/2004. (Oh yeah, there were more than one) So, I confronted him about them. He admitted to me that years ago he was with a Transgender woman and that he slept with her. He said at first when he brought her home he thought she was a woman, but when they got in the bedroom he found out different but still did it anyway! He told me after that he started questioning himself and what attracted him to her even after finding out she was a man. So, he started to explore the Internet and wanted to know more about She-Males. He said he tried it one more time after that with a Transgender woman, but didn’t enjoy the experience so he never did it again.
He was trying to erase this site when I stumbled across it. I did see that there was no activity on these sites for years and that he just never deleted them. Now, this man is my best friend we have been together for almost 3 years. He is very good to me. I work 3rd shift at a gas station 3 days a week and he sits in the parking lot the whole night to make sure I’m safe, and then goes to his own job in the morning. He has always been there for me no matter what. I’m trying to be understanding to the situation everyone has a past. I’m not questioning his love for me because I know he does. But, what I am questioning is can someone engage in homosexual sex and then be done? Could it have been he was just experimenting with his sexuality? I know around that time he went through a nasty divorce with his ex-wife whom was cheating on him.
Whenever I have a question he answers it for me. He says I am what he wants and wants to marry me. I love this man and want the best for him I would stand by him no matter what as he did for me. I told him if he is still struggling with his sexuality I will always be his best friend if he has a desire for these Transgender women, and I would understand and wouldn’t judge him. But he reassures me I’m what he wants. Hell, I even offered to bring one in the bedroom with us but he said no! That he was not into that and it was that one Transgender woman he was attracted to and that’s it. I know when I was younger I experimented with a woman and I have no desire to be with a woman again. Could the same thing go for him? Sorry if I dragged this on. I just have a million questions going through my mind. – Trying To Understand
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-admitted-to-being-with-a-she-male-but-only-after-i-discovered-info-on-his-computer/
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
I have been with my ex off and on for 8 years (more off than on), and right now we are off. We’ve lived together a couple of times and we just don’t mesh well. And, for whatever reason we both seem not be able to leave each other alone 100% of the time. We’ve both been in other relationships with other people, but we always come back to each other and it’s very unhealthy. We fight all the time and it seems like the only thing we have in common is bomb sex. I am super comfortable with him, and anything I want to try sexually it’s always with him. It’s been almost a year since we last stayed together (it only lasted a month and a half). I found out he was kinda living a double life as far as dating and pursuing other females (One had the balls to call my house).
So, basically, long story short, about a year ago while we both were in relationships with other people, I became pregnant. I knew for sure it was his because the dude I was with at the time I wasn’t sleeping with because I had started back sleeping with the ex. The week I found out I was pregnant was very stressful. I saw him with his ex and I snapped. I “F’d” up her car up and attempted to get at the both of them, but a male friend that went with me wouldn’t allow me to fight her. And, two days later I found out I was pregnant. I was going thru so much stress with him and this situation, and when I told him I was pregnant he said he wasn’t ready. I ended up tragically having a miscarriage and I have not been able to get over this. But, yet and still I continued to sleep with him and get treated like a side chick. I can’t understand why I allow him to do this. I’m not ugly by a long shot. I have a great job almost making 6 figures. I’m 32 years old, a home owner, nice car, and NO BABIES!! But, now I want a family of my own and I want it with him. I’m over the “relationship” aspect of it, but he doesn’t have kids either and I have so much time invested in him I just don’t wanna start from scratch with someone else and I kinda feel like having a child will be my “parting gift” if u will.
I also feel like he “owes” me a baby because I blame him for my miscarriage from all the stress and pain I went thru at that time. I also forgot to mention that during this time with the car incident I went off because he had just been released from the hospital from being in a coma after being robbed and beaten. I was there to help him thru all of this because he thought the girl he was with at the time ex had something to do with it. So, to see him with her AFTER he poured his heart out to me regarding what happened and for him to run to me every time something goes wrong in his life was too much to handle. Did I mention I was the first person he called after he woke from his coma?
I called him a few weeks ago and laid it on the line and told him I want to have his baby and he said he was cool with it until the time came. He spent the night with me and everything, but we DIDN’T do it! The next day I texted him and asked why we didn’t have sex and he said he felt like he was being pressured. Color me confused! PLEASE ADVISE – Trying To Break A Stronghold
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/446626/dear-bossip-after-being-off-and-on-for-8-years-i-feel-he-owes-me-a-baby-for-my-time/
I have been with my ex off and on for 8 years (more off than on), and right now we are off. We’ve lived together a couple of times and we just don’t mesh well. And, for whatever reason we both seem not be able to leave each other alone 100% of the time. We’ve both been in other relationships with other people, but we always come back to each other and it’s very unhealthy. We fight all the time and it seems like the only thing we have in common is bomb sex. I am super comfortable with him, and anything I want to try sexually it’s always with him. It’s been almost a year since we last stayed together (it only lasted a month and a half). I found out he was kinda living a double life as far as dating and pursuing other females (One had the balls to call my house).
So, basically, long story short, about a year ago while we both were in relationships with other people, I became pregnant. I knew for sure it was his because the dude I was with at the time I wasn’t sleeping with because I had started back sleeping with the ex. The week I found out I was pregnant was very stressful. I saw him with his ex and I snapped. I “F’d” up her car up and attempted to get at the both of them, but a male friend that went with me wouldn’t allow me to fight her. And, two days later I found out I was pregnant. I was going thru so much stress with him and this situation, and when I told him I was pregnant he said he wasn’t ready. I ended up tragically having a miscarriage and I have not been able to get over this. But, yet and still I continued to sleep with him and get treated like a side chick. I can’t understand why I allow him to do this. I’m not ugly by a long shot. I have a great job almost making 6 figures. I’m 32 years old, a home owner, nice car, and NO BABIES!! But, now I want a family of my own and I want it with him. I’m over the “relationship” aspect of it, but he doesn’t have kids either and I have so much time invested in him I just don’t wanna start from scratch with someone else and I kinda feel like having a child will be my “parting gift” if u will.
I also feel like he “owes” me a baby because I blame him for my miscarriage from all the stress and pain I went thru at that time. I also forgot to mention that during this time with the car incident I went off because he had just been released from the hospital from being in a coma after being robbed and beaten. I was there to help him thru all of this because he thought the girl he was with at the time ex had something to do with it. So, to see him with her AFTER he poured his heart out to me regarding what happened and for him to run to me every time something goes wrong in his life was too much to handle. Did I mention I was the first person he called after he woke from his coma?
I called him a few weeks ago and laid it on the line and told him I want to have his baby and he said he was cool with it until the time came. He spent the night with me and everything, but we DIDN’T do it! The next day I texted him and asked why we didn’t have sex and he said he felt like he was being pressured. Color me confused! PLEASE ADVISE – Trying To Break A Stronghold
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/446626/dear-bossip-after-being-off-and-on-for-8-years-i-feel-he-owes-me-a-baby-for-my-time/
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been married to this guy for a little over 4 years. We have two kids- 5 & 3 years old. We own a home which I had to beg, curse and cry to get him to contribute 50% of the down payment. I figured that if he wanted to stay with me he would have to contribute to the house. I knew he had the money, but for some reason he always cries broke except when it comes to his family. I mean on the outside looking in a lot of people make comments like “your family is so cute”… “You guys have it all together,” but I’m hating life! Yes, they see me driving a new Lexus. But the only reason is that I put him out after I found out he was cheating on me while I was 7 months pregnant! Whenever he gets mad, it becomes his car, not mine!
Yes, they see the kids always dressed nice and well-behaved but that’s all me. All my husband (I cringe when I have to refer him as such) manages to do is keep the couch warm and the electronics turned on. So, he tries to be affectionate and kiss or rub on me but I’m so turned off. As for the kids, I wanted to have children so I got what I wanted out of the sex. The marriage part… maybe I didn’t think he could possibly be as bad as his family told me he was. They were right. I should’ve run for the hills.
He has major personality issues. Not a mental illness, per say, but severe mood swings. Like one minute he’s singing, making obnoxious jokes, all in my personal space and the next he’s mean-faced glued to the TV. He also has a bad temper and has said some real foul stuff to me and calls me names. We went to counseling once (after he jumped on me with our newborn in my arms) and was diagnosed with depression. I had kicked him out the house and was loving life- with just the kids. He kept begging me to come back and I agreed on the condition he continued with counseling. That never happened. Recently when I brought it up his response was something like “You don’t know me or my heart. How dare you try to tell me what I need to do?” Great!
So here I am living in a home with this man I can’t stand, raising two kids as a pseudo- single mom, hating life. I should also mention that I can’t talk to him the way I used to when we were dating. He uses all the bits of info from my past to throw back in my face when convenient. Not that I have loads of skeletons in my closet, but does he really need to bring up that I used to date older men? Or that one of my exes used to abuse me so why would I make a big deal when he jumped on me? Is this dude serious? I’ve told him that I want a divorce (I ended up agreeing after he said he wanted one our entire 1st yr of marriage) but now he’s fighting it. I think it’s not that he loves me so much but because he’s comfortable. He has a great life which involves him not doing much. I think I know what I want to do. But just want to get your take on it. – Ms. Wishing For An Easy Way Out
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-cant-stand-my-husband-and-i-cringe-at-the-thought-of-him/
I have been married to this guy for a little over 4 years. We have two kids- 5 & 3 years old. We own a home which I had to beg, curse and cry to get him to contribute 50% of the down payment. I figured that if he wanted to stay with me he would have to contribute to the house. I knew he had the money, but for some reason he always cries broke except when it comes to his family. I mean on the outside looking in a lot of people make comments like “your family is so cute”… “You guys have it all together,” but I’m hating life! Yes, they see me driving a new Lexus. But the only reason is that I put him out after I found out he was cheating on me while I was 7 months pregnant! Whenever he gets mad, it becomes his car, not mine!
Yes, they see the kids always dressed nice and well-behaved but that’s all me. All my husband (I cringe when I have to refer him as such) manages to do is keep the couch warm and the electronics turned on. So, he tries to be affectionate and kiss or rub on me but I’m so turned off. As for the kids, I wanted to have children so I got what I wanted out of the sex. The marriage part… maybe I didn’t think he could possibly be as bad as his family told me he was. They were right. I should’ve run for the hills.
He has major personality issues. Not a mental illness, per say, but severe mood swings. Like one minute he’s singing, making obnoxious jokes, all in my personal space and the next he’s mean-faced glued to the TV. He also has a bad temper and has said some real foul stuff to me and calls me names. We went to counseling once (after he jumped on me with our newborn in my arms) and was diagnosed with depression. I had kicked him out the house and was loving life- with just the kids. He kept begging me to come back and I agreed on the condition he continued with counseling. That never happened. Recently when I brought it up his response was something like “You don’t know me or my heart. How dare you try to tell me what I need to do?” Great!
So here I am living in a home with this man I can’t stand, raising two kids as a pseudo- single mom, hating life. I should also mention that I can’t talk to him the way I used to when we were dating. He uses all the bits of info from my past to throw back in my face when convenient. Not that I have loads of skeletons in my closet, but does he really need to bring up that I used to date older men? Or that one of my exes used to abuse me so why would I make a big deal when he jumped on me? Is this dude serious? I’ve told him that I want a divorce (I ended up agreeing after he said he wanted one our entire 1st yr of marriage) but now he’s fighting it. I think it’s not that he loves me so much but because he’s comfortable. He has a great life which involves him not doing much. I think I know what I want to do. But just want to get your take on it. – Ms. Wishing For An Easy Way Out
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-cant-stand-my-husband-and-i-cringe-at-the-thought-of-him/
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we have a 9 month old beautiful baby girl. I feel like we have a strong relationship, at least I thought we did. But, it seems like lately we have been having petty arguments about everything. SMH! On top of that he just turned into a professional athlete (boxer). So, it seems his ego has gone straight to his head and beyond. He travels a lot.
Just recently he found out I went out on a date with another dude, which let me add by saying that the grass is definitely not greener on the other side. The only reason I went is because my boyfriend is always saying that he need space and time, and how he can’t deal with a relationship right now, or the stress of it because of his career. So, WTF! We do have a child. I’m not just some chick. So, I feel like, ok, I’m going to explore my options.
I’m only 24 years old. Now I feel like he wants to throw that date in my face every chance he gets when he gets mad saying we had agreed not to date other people. Although I never found hardcore evidence on his behalf of infidelity, but I have heard questionable voicemail and text just no real proof though. Meaning, I overheard a conversation when he was in the bathroom. I was outside the bathroom and it sounded to me like he was giving some chick an ultimatum on the phone. I confronted him about it, but he told me he did that out of anger because he found out about my date, which was days before that incident. Now, both of us have come to a breaking point as far as us both of us not being happy with each other. And, honestly we both haven’t been trying to fix things. Now, we’re like, ok, let’s be civil and just make everything between us just about the baby.
But, now he is telling me he wants to work things out. I’ve been trying to be mature about the situation because I don’t want my feelings to be hurt, but I’m slowly falling back. I’m torn between giving it another shot for the sake of our daughter, or in the words of Keisha Cole, “LET IT GO” and move on. What should I do??- Ms. I’m So Damn Confused/Torn
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/445130/dear-bossip-my-man-has-turned-into-a-professional-athlete-and-its-gone-straight-to-his-head/
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we have a 9 month old beautiful baby girl. I feel like we have a strong relationship, at least I thought we did. But, it seems like lately we have been having petty arguments about everything. SMH! On top of that he just turned into a professional athlete (boxer). So, it seems his ego has gone straight to his head and beyond. He travels a lot.
Just recently he found out I went out on a date with another dude, which let me add by saying that the grass is definitely not greener on the other side. The only reason I went is because my boyfriend is always saying that he need space and time, and how he can’t deal with a relationship right now, or the stress of it because of his career. So, WTF! We do have a child. I’m not just some chick. So, I feel like, ok, I’m going to explore my options.
I’m only 24 years old. Now I feel like he wants to throw that date in my face every chance he gets when he gets mad saying we had agreed not to date other people. Although I never found hardcore evidence on his behalf of infidelity, but I have heard questionable voicemail and text just no real proof though. Meaning, I overheard a conversation when he was in the bathroom. I was outside the bathroom and it sounded to me like he was giving some chick an ultimatum on the phone. I confronted him about it, but he told me he did that out of anger because he found out about my date, which was days before that incident. Now, both of us have come to a breaking point as far as us both of us not being happy with each other. And, honestly we both haven’t been trying to fix things. Now, we’re like, ok, let’s be civil and just make everything between us just about the baby.
But, now he is telling me he wants to work things out. I’ve been trying to be mature about the situation because I don’t want my feelings to be hurt, but I’m slowly falling back. I’m torn between giving it another shot for the sake of our daughter, or in the words of Keisha Cole, “LET IT GO” and move on. What should I do??- Ms. I’m So Damn Confused/Torn
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/445130/dear-bossip-my-man-has-turned-into-a-professional-athlete-and-its-gone-straight-to-his-head/
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
So, I have this gut feeling my girlfriend has cheated on me. She and I have been dating for about 8 months, but there has been differences. She told me she has had her past mistakes and even has “got with” a good friend’s boyfriend behind her friends back. I find it very odd that she is very honest with her mistakes, but I just ignored that feeling and thought we had a close relationship.
One night she lied to me about being where she was and I found out she went to a party with one of her guy friends. This guy friend has already tried to make his “move” on her. Once again, something she has confessed to me. The next day after thinking about how she lied, I told her I couldn’t take her seriously if she continues to lie. We didn’t talk till later that night when she called crying saying she needed to be picked up at a friend’s house. She walked into my car and explained to me that a situation happened where her friend called her a slut for being with this man inside the house while everyone else was in the backyard. My girlfriend says they went in for a snack together, but a third person was in the house also. She also told me her friend apologized saying she was really drunk. Knowing my girlfriend’s past, knowing also that her parents relationship ended by her mother cheating, I can’t help but feel something DID happen that night and she was going to tell me but coward out. We have fought about this a lot and I have no way of really finding out the truth. I just feel in my gut that something happened. I love her but I don’t know why I can’t just move on. – Do I Trust Her
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/442934/dear-bossip-my-girl-said-nothing-happend-with-this-dude-but-based-on-her-past-im-not-so-sure/
So, I have this gut feeling my girlfriend has cheated on me. She and I have been dating for about 8 months, but there has been differences. She told me she has had her past mistakes and even has “got with” a good friend’s boyfriend behind her friends back. I find it very odd that she is very honest with her mistakes, but I just ignored that feeling and thought we had a close relationship.
One night she lied to me about being where she was and I found out she went to a party with one of her guy friends. This guy friend has already tried to make his “move” on her. Once again, something she has confessed to me. The next day after thinking about how she lied, I told her I couldn’t take her seriously if she continues to lie. We didn’t talk till later that night when she called crying saying she needed to be picked up at a friend’s house. She walked into my car and explained to me that a situation happened where her friend called her a slut for being with this man inside the house while everyone else was in the backyard. My girlfriend says they went in for a snack together, but a third person was in the house also. She also told me her friend apologized saying she was really drunk. Knowing my girlfriend’s past, knowing also that her parents relationship ended by her mother cheating, I can’t help but feel something DID happen that night and she was going to tell me but coward out. We have fought about this a lot and I have no way of really finding out the truth. I just feel in my gut that something happened. I love her but I don’t know why I can’t just move on. – Do I Trust Her
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/442934/dear-bossip-my-girl-said-nothing-happend-with-this-dude-but-based-on-her-past-im-not-so-sure/
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. He’s 42 and I’m 24. I know the age difference sounds bad but I do love him. When I first met him he was a dream come true. He couldn’t do any wrong, but they say all that glitters isn’t gold, which I found out as time went by.
When we first got together he didn’t mention he had a baby on the way, which I found out about. But, he was with me all the time and he had conceived before I even came into the picture, so I forgave him for it and we moved past it. Then came his crazy ass baby mama who was harassing me calling my phone, and even waiting for me in my building. It even got so bad that I had to fight her (I’m too old to be fighting). At that point I had enough. I decided to leave, but he made me feel guilty because he said it was her and not him and he was right, so once again we stayed together.
Now time has passed and he is no longer able to provide for me financially like he was before. It’s been a year and still his finances have not improved. He’s been a provider since day one so when things got tough I stuck by his side, but now I’m feeling like I can’t it anymore. He doesn’t ask me for money and he doesn’t live with me. I have my own money, but I’m used to him providing. So, I don’t know what to do. Should I stick it out for a little bit longer or should I leave since he’s older and should be set right by now. (P.S. – He had a good paying job but left to start his own business and that’s when the problems started with the money) Please write back I need help making a decision – Need Him To Be A Provider
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/441679/dear-bossip-he-was-taking-care-of-me-financially-but-the-past-year-his-pockets-have-been-on-empty/
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. He’s 42 and I’m 24. I know the age difference sounds bad but I do love him. When I first met him he was a dream come true. He couldn’t do any wrong, but they say all that glitters isn’t gold, which I found out as time went by.
When we first got together he didn’t mention he had a baby on the way, which I found out about. But, he was with me all the time and he had conceived before I even came into the picture, so I forgave him for it and we moved past it. Then came his crazy ass baby mama who was harassing me calling my phone, and even waiting for me in my building. It even got so bad that I had to fight her (I’m too old to be fighting). At that point I had enough. I decided to leave, but he made me feel guilty because he said it was her and not him and he was right, so once again we stayed together.
Now time has passed and he is no longer able to provide for me financially like he was before. It’s been a year and still his finances have not improved. He’s been a provider since day one so when things got tough I stuck by his side, but now I’m feeling like I can’t it anymore. He doesn’t ask me for money and he doesn’t live with me. I have my own money, but I’m used to him providing. So, I don’t know what to do. Should I stick it out for a little bit longer or should I leave since he’s older and should be set right by now. (P.S. – He had a good paying job but left to start his own business and that’s when the problems started with the money) Please write back I need help making a decision – Need Him To Be A Provider
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/441679/dear-bossip-he-was-taking-care-of-me-financially-but-the-past-year-his-pockets-have-been-on-empty/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I just read the article about the guy and his ex trying to sneak her way back into his life. I have a question about my situation.
I have recently married the girl of my dreams, but my ex and I have a daughter together and it gets hard sometimes not being able to stay with my daughter for as long as I want to. When I go over to my ex’s house to pick up my daughter she comes to the door in these tight ass panties and I just can’t seem to take my eyes off her. I think she is doing it on purpose, but she is taking over my mind like my dreams and everything. None of this has affected my wife though, not yet at least. What do you think I should do? – Trying To Remain True
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-married-but-everytime-i-go-pick-up-my-daughter-from-my-ex-she-answers-the-door-in-her-panties/
I just read the article about the guy and his ex trying to sneak her way back into his life. I have a question about my situation.
I have recently married the girl of my dreams, but my ex and I have a daughter together and it gets hard sometimes not being able to stay with my daughter for as long as I want to. When I go over to my ex’s house to pick up my daughter she comes to the door in these tight ass panties and I just can’t seem to take my eyes off her. I think she is doing it on purpose, but she is taking over my mind like my dreams and everything. None of this has affected my wife though, not yet at least. What do you think I should do? – Trying To Remain True
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-married-but-everytime-i-go-pick-up-my-daughter-from-my-ex-she-answers-the-door-in-her-panties/
Monday, August 15, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
I want to knock him out.
I’ve been with my man for 2 years now and I suppose things are going ok, well, for two people who are in a long distance relationship. And, when I mean long distance I mean a plane ride. We enjoy each other’s company and have fun when we’re together. I’ve dated a few other guys, but he makes me feel so much different. We call and Skype each other when we are not around. This normally works well, but recently he doesn’t call and prefers it if I called, seeing as he doesn’t like buying calling cards. You would think he doesn’t have a good paying job!
At first I was kind of ok with it, but now it just pisses me off. If I don’t call him, we don’t speak, and this can go on for days even weeks. His communication is like that of a 3-year old, and he doesn’t tell me nothing. He just expects me to assume. I don’t think he’s cheating because he was kind of like that when I was there, but the fact that he acts this way and he makes no effort BOTHERS ME. And, sometimes I just wanna knock him out for his horrible ways. When I talk to him about not making an effort he says he’s busy and hasn’t got time. I’m not sure if I should end it, even though I deserve better than someone who can’t pick up the phone and call me at ALL! – Long Distance Turmoil
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/441065/dear-bossip-were-in-a-long-distance-relationship-but-sometimes-i-just-want-to-knock-him-out/
I want to knock him out.
I’ve been with my man for 2 years now and I suppose things are going ok, well, for two people who are in a long distance relationship. And, when I mean long distance I mean a plane ride. We enjoy each other’s company and have fun when we’re together. I’ve dated a few other guys, but he makes me feel so much different. We call and Skype each other when we are not around. This normally works well, but recently he doesn’t call and prefers it if I called, seeing as he doesn’t like buying calling cards. You would think he doesn’t have a good paying job!
At first I was kind of ok with it, but now it just pisses me off. If I don’t call him, we don’t speak, and this can go on for days even weeks. His communication is like that of a 3-year old, and he doesn’t tell me nothing. He just expects me to assume. I don’t think he’s cheating because he was kind of like that when I was there, but the fact that he acts this way and he makes no effort BOTHERS ME. And, sometimes I just wanna knock him out for his horrible ways. When I talk to him about not making an effort he says he’s busy and hasn’t got time. I’m not sure if I should end it, even though I deserve better than someone who can’t pick up the phone and call me at ALL! – Long Distance Turmoil
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/441065/dear-bossip-were-in-a-long-distance-relationship-but-sometimes-i-just-want-to-knock-him-out/
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Openly Gay Author Responds to XXL‘s Article on Homophobia in Hip-Hop...
Author Terrance Dean thinks 2011 has been the year of gay revelations in hip-hop and questions why closeted Black celebrities won’t come out. Read and discuss…
[Editor's Note: XXL interviewed several people—including author Terrence Dean—to discuss homophobia in hip-hop in the 'Break It Down' article featured in the July/August 2011 issue. See below for Dean's reaction to the piece.]
Hip-Hop’s Open Closet Secret
BY TERRANCE DEAN
This year has truly turned out to be the year of gay revelations, scandals, and the universe’s attempt to balance an imbalanced scale in hip-hop. On April 4th, popular New York DJ personality Mister Cee was arrested for sexual lewd acts with a man, (his third arrest actually), and although he claimed it was the NYPD’s attempt for an elaborate cover-up and “take down” of hip-hop’s elite, Cee plead guilty to such lewd acts (Guess they weren’t singling him out). On April 17th, “straight” rapper Lil B sent the hip-hop world into a frenzy when he announced plans to title his upcoming album, I’m Gay. Critics and fans alike have already christened the album a classic despite their hesitations of B being able to deliver lyrical latent content with dope-ly head-banging produced beats to make even non-gay men stand up and recognize his true genius and talent (Snap for the kids!). Then on May 15th, CNN’s beloved news anchor, Don Lemon ‘came out’ and went public revealing he’s gay (A gay news expert in which hip-hop heads get their daily news).Most recently, comedian Tracy Morgan went on a rant during a comedy routine in Nashville, Tenn., and stated that he would stab his son to death if he found out he was gay. That’s a pretty harsh and drastic measure to take, especially as a parent. I’m certain Morgan, who’s a high profile celebrity in Hollywood, and who works in an industry filled with gay men and women, would’ve been more mindful and sensitive to the very community of people who’ve helped to build, maintain, and sustain the very industry in which he makes his living.
Yes, we are the directors, producers, stylists, actors, singers, rappers, songwriters, managers, executives, crew people, publicists, and agents who shape this industry. Yet, like Morgan, I’m certain many hip-hop heads, or fans, don’t think of the very gay people who have given celebrities a platform so they can have a career. And, I’m certain they don’t think of the very people who’ve paved the way for them to get where they are. Yet, Morgan’s statement is not only a reflection of the state of mind of how many Black people feel and think, it’s also a reflection of how fear cripples us a society.
It’s a delicate dance when we speak about gay men and women in the entertainment industry. There are many who are closeted, or “out” to a select few friends and family members, but when their colleagues go on homophobic rants insulting, and even wishing death upon someone for their sexuality, it truly prevents us from moving forward as a society. Why? Because Black celebs feel they have no safe place to be their true authentic selves without someone criticizing, judging, or demeaning who they are.
Let’s take for example when Queen Latifah played a gay character on the VH1 hit show, Single Ladies, in which she serves as executive producer. On the July 11th episode, Latifah’s character, not Dana Owens herself, is outed because she admits in a magazine article to having a sexual encounter with Stacey Dash’s character on the show. And, instead of allowing the moment to define her character, not Dana Owens herself, she uses it to advance her career. But, Queen Latifah’s character, not Dana Owens herself, makes a publicized television announcement and surprise, surprise, she dances around her sexuality instead using it as a moment to take the conversation and issue to task. (Sidebar: Was this Queen Latifah’s attempt to actually come out herself, and use the guise of the character to do so?)
Read the entire article, HERE:
http://www.xxlmag.com/features/2011/08/openly-gay-author-responds-to-xxls-article-on-homophobia-in-hip-hop/
Friday, August 12, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
To make my seemingly long story short I started dating my next door neighbor that is Asian/White and I’m Black. Prior to, I was single no children. Within 6 months I was pregnant. We moved in together only for me to later move out and endure my pregnancy alone. He is self-employed with money issues. I work making $44,000 per year. Our daughter was born. We reunited for 2 years. However, I’m the head of the household. I run the show, and not by choice, and after we fight over MY car. The police was called. Black cops came, and did not like an interracial couple. They wanted to send both of us to jail. They threatened to put our daughter in the system. The baby daddy takes a domestic violence charge so I don’t got to go jail and I get to keep my daughter. And, since the courts won’t allow him back in the home he starts dating a new girl.
My problem is that I’m sprung on the sex. I love him dearly, and straight out I can’t get over him. His new girlfriend has no idea about his sexual activities or preference and that’s the only time I see him. Since he’s been out of the home my daughter hardly exists in his life. I know he loves her however she’s no longer a priority to him. I am beyond dumb, however I can’t follow my own advice. Child support and all the trimmings are in effect but I can’t make the horse drink. I haven’t dated a brotha or anotha since we got together and I’m afraid. What should I do? – Stuck On Stoopid
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-havent-dated-a-brother-ever-since-my-asianwhite-ex-and-im-afraid-to-start-again/
To make my seemingly long story short I started dating my next door neighbor that is Asian/White and I’m Black. Prior to, I was single no children. Within 6 months I was pregnant. We moved in together only for me to later move out and endure my pregnancy alone. He is self-employed with money issues. I work making $44,000 per year. Our daughter was born. We reunited for 2 years. However, I’m the head of the household. I run the show, and not by choice, and after we fight over MY car. The police was called. Black cops came, and did not like an interracial couple. They wanted to send both of us to jail. They threatened to put our daughter in the system. The baby daddy takes a domestic violence charge so I don’t got to go jail and I get to keep my daughter. And, since the courts won’t allow him back in the home he starts dating a new girl.
My problem is that I’m sprung on the sex. I love him dearly, and straight out I can’t get over him. His new girlfriend has no idea about his sexual activities or preference and that’s the only time I see him. Since he’s been out of the home my daughter hardly exists in his life. I know he loves her however she’s no longer a priority to him. I am beyond dumb, however I can’t follow my own advice. Child support and all the trimmings are in effect but I can’t make the horse drink. I haven’t dated a brotha or anotha since we got together and I’m afraid. What should I do? – Stuck On Stoopid
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-havent-dated-a-brother-ever-since-my-asianwhite-ex-and-im-afraid-to-start-again/
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
I have been seeing my next door neighbor off and on for about two years now. When I first moved next door we started talking and became intimate with each other. When he first met me he thought so highly of me because I work and go to school and he wanted an educated woman and not a hood girl that he usually goes after.
A little background about him – he is the typical thug and slangs you know what on the side. The loving was amazing. The only thing is he never did oral. Besides that we were talking for a minute and all of a sudden I ended up getting pregnant and things changed. He said it was my fault because he said he tried to tell me to stop him when he stuck it in bare. But, yet, he fails to realize that he made love to me 20 minutes afterwards unprotected. Long story short I got pregnant and told him. He threatened to hurt me and my baby and I called the cops to his “Trap House.” Well, he forgave me and we have been cool since then.
The issue is I recently moved out and have opened up to him about my sex life and how I want him to start making love to me. He never looks me in the eye and he doesn’t even kiss me. I told him that I have a big appetite for sex and that I am a big masturbator. I also told him that I have had three threesomes in my life, and that I sleep with women every now and then only when I cannot have sex with a man. Basically, he told me that he would never want anyone like that around his daughter or want to be with them or be his woman. I have only been with 6 men and about 8 females out of my whole life. To me I don’t think that’s bad. I want to be with him, but I think that telling him that just ruined me ever having a chance at a relationship. Should I try to make it work or take it face value and move on? Please help me! – I Want My Thug Prince
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/439337/dear-bossip-i-told-him-i-like-being-with-women-somtimes-but-i-want-him-to-be-my-thug-prince/
I have been seeing my next door neighbor off and on for about two years now. When I first moved next door we started talking and became intimate with each other. When he first met me he thought so highly of me because I work and go to school and he wanted an educated woman and not a hood girl that he usually goes after.
A little background about him – he is the typical thug and slangs you know what on the side. The loving was amazing. The only thing is he never did oral. Besides that we were talking for a minute and all of a sudden I ended up getting pregnant and things changed. He said it was my fault because he said he tried to tell me to stop him when he stuck it in bare. But, yet, he fails to realize that he made love to me 20 minutes afterwards unprotected. Long story short I got pregnant and told him. He threatened to hurt me and my baby and I called the cops to his “Trap House.” Well, he forgave me and we have been cool since then.
The issue is I recently moved out and have opened up to him about my sex life and how I want him to start making love to me. He never looks me in the eye and he doesn’t even kiss me. I told him that I have a big appetite for sex and that I am a big masturbator. I also told him that I have had three threesomes in my life, and that I sleep with women every now and then only when I cannot have sex with a man. Basically, he told me that he would never want anyone like that around his daughter or want to be with them or be his woman. I have only been with 6 men and about 8 females out of my whole life. To me I don’t think that’s bad. I want to be with him, but I think that telling him that just ruined me ever having a chance at a relationship. Should I try to make it work or take it face value and move on? Please help me! – I Want My Thug Prince
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/439337/dear-bossip-i-told-him-i-like-being-with-women-somtimes-but-i-want-him-to-be-my-thug-prince/
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
This guy I used to date is still sending me messages and texts. I am married and want to tell him but I feel that it isn’t any of his business. I feel that it will only fuel him to become harassing, even though I we’ve ended it over 2 years ago.
I feel that he is still in my head. I don’t like that. I pray to be freed from his clutches, the mental clutches that is. He still plays out the cycle of abuse via e-mail and texting. He explodes, then he apologizes, then he gets intense because I am not responding to NOTHING he sends. I had spoken with him about 15 months after I fled with no contact for all that time. I did learn that he was posing as a guy on Facebook and I knew something was strange when I suggested we talk over the phone. I deleted the e-mail of the fake poser guy.
When he sends texts they are all over the place. One minute he is projecting a nice tone like he wants to be friends, then when I don’t respond his tone is intense and agitated, almost slightly threatening, then the explosion. He may send me a message of his private parts with a nasty message saying he doesn’t ever want me or to talk to me again.
He claimed he was married for a while and blames me for the reason it didn’t work, saying because I left him he was forced to married her. I want to block his number but don’t feel that he is worth a $5/month charge to pay on my cellular bill to keep him from calling. I just face it and ignore it, but sometimes his messages get to me. Sometimes I feel sad. I feel like I am missing something, and the kicker is I know I am not missing NOTHING but a ass beating and lots and lots of mental, emotional, and financial abuse.
He sends me pics of him looking at his best, but I know it’s all fake. I have thought about changing my phone number but I just feel like he is not worth me disrupting my life for. I just feel I do better ignoring him. One thing I have vowed is never to let him know anything about me. But, I wonder if I should. I don’t care that he pokes around trying to figure me out. I let him say whatever he thinks. I don’t try to respond and explain. He tries to bait me in with certain verbiage. I am sorry that I am rambling on. I have the desire to write a book about the horrid experience. I have journals and notes from the experience and I have NEVER been through the crap he put me through. But he reminded me of my mother and father mixed in one, mostly my mother. I am confused sometimes, but I know I what is right. He is trying to manipulate me. I wish he would leave me alone. – Why Won’t He Leave Me Alone
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/its-been-2-years-since-it-ended-my-abusive-ex-wont-leave-me-alone/
This guy I used to date is still sending me messages and texts. I am married and want to tell him but I feel that it isn’t any of his business. I feel that it will only fuel him to become harassing, even though I we’ve ended it over 2 years ago.
I feel that he is still in my head. I don’t like that. I pray to be freed from his clutches, the mental clutches that is. He still plays out the cycle of abuse via e-mail and texting. He explodes, then he apologizes, then he gets intense because I am not responding to NOTHING he sends. I had spoken with him about 15 months after I fled with no contact for all that time. I did learn that he was posing as a guy on Facebook and I knew something was strange when I suggested we talk over the phone. I deleted the e-mail of the fake poser guy.
When he sends texts they are all over the place. One minute he is projecting a nice tone like he wants to be friends, then when I don’t respond his tone is intense and agitated, almost slightly threatening, then the explosion. He may send me a message of his private parts with a nasty message saying he doesn’t ever want me or to talk to me again.
He claimed he was married for a while and blames me for the reason it didn’t work, saying because I left him he was forced to married her. I want to block his number but don’t feel that he is worth a $5/month charge to pay on my cellular bill to keep him from calling. I just face it and ignore it, but sometimes his messages get to me. Sometimes I feel sad. I feel like I am missing something, and the kicker is I know I am not missing NOTHING but a ass beating and lots and lots of mental, emotional, and financial abuse.
He sends me pics of him looking at his best, but I know it’s all fake. I have thought about changing my phone number but I just feel like he is not worth me disrupting my life for. I just feel I do better ignoring him. One thing I have vowed is never to let him know anything about me. But, I wonder if I should. I don’t care that he pokes around trying to figure me out. I let him say whatever he thinks. I don’t try to respond and explain. He tries to bait me in with certain verbiage. I am sorry that I am rambling on. I have the desire to write a book about the horrid experience. I have journals and notes from the experience and I have NEVER been through the crap he put me through. But he reminded me of my mother and father mixed in one, mostly my mother. I am confused sometimes, but I know I what is right. He is trying to manipulate me. I wish he would leave me alone. – Why Won’t He Leave Me Alone
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/its-been-2-years-since-it-ended-my-abusive-ex-wont-leave-me-alone/
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
I have a question and I could really use some advice with this. I have been married for about a year and a half and I am almost 7 months pregnant. Long story short, we had a pregnancy complication 3 months ago, and we have basically stopped making love since. We have tried sex only 2 times since the complication. The first time was OK, but it was very short and very cautious. Second time, it was very uncomfortable for me, and we soon stopped. I have checked with my doctors and they have said that I am free to have intercourse again and not to worry. I have told my husband that we can do oral, or perhaps find other ways to satisfy one another if it didn’t work again.
The problem is that he has not initiated any sexual activity in months. I have spoken to him about it and he stated that he is worried about me getting hurt by us having intercourse, but I have tried to assure him that I still wanted to try and not to worry about it.
What can I do to fix this? I miss the intimacy very much, and as I said before, it’s not all about the sex but the closeness we share when we have adult time. I feel like maybe he is not attracted to me or maybe I am doing something wrong. I’ve asked him if it is something I said or did to cause this, but he always says no.
This is causing a great deal of sexual frustration. I work a demanding job and I need an outlet when I come home to get rid of the stress. I need some relief. I’ve gotten the ball rolling by giving him some oral on two other occasions. This worked out ok, but again I was the initiator, and I don’t like to have to be the one to always start things up. We have had discussions where he agreed that this needs to be changed…yet no action on his end.
Help! I miss having sex with my husband and I am not the type of person to be sexually aggressive. If I press the issue I am sure he will do it, but I want him to want ME again. I would like to feel wanted and not feel like I am nudging him to sleep with me again. What can I do????? Also, from a male perspective does this sound normal, or could there be more going on here. – Pregnant And Sexless
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/438014/dear-bossip-im-7-months-pregnant-and-my-husband-wont-make-love-to-me/
I have a question and I could really use some advice with this. I have been married for about a year and a half and I am almost 7 months pregnant. Long story short, we had a pregnancy complication 3 months ago, and we have basically stopped making love since. We have tried sex only 2 times since the complication. The first time was OK, but it was very short and very cautious. Second time, it was very uncomfortable for me, and we soon stopped. I have checked with my doctors and they have said that I am free to have intercourse again and not to worry. I have told my husband that we can do oral, or perhaps find other ways to satisfy one another if it didn’t work again.
The problem is that he has not initiated any sexual activity in months. I have spoken to him about it and he stated that he is worried about me getting hurt by us having intercourse, but I have tried to assure him that I still wanted to try and not to worry about it.
What can I do to fix this? I miss the intimacy very much, and as I said before, it’s not all about the sex but the closeness we share when we have adult time. I feel like maybe he is not attracted to me or maybe I am doing something wrong. I’ve asked him if it is something I said or did to cause this, but he always says no.
This is causing a great deal of sexual frustration. I work a demanding job and I need an outlet when I come home to get rid of the stress. I need some relief. I’ve gotten the ball rolling by giving him some oral on two other occasions. This worked out ok, but again I was the initiator, and I don’t like to have to be the one to always start things up. We have had discussions where he agreed that this needs to be changed…yet no action on his end.
Help! I miss having sex with my husband and I am not the type of person to be sexually aggressive. If I press the issue I am sure he will do it, but I want him to want ME again. I would like to feel wanted and not feel like I am nudging him to sleep with me again. What can I do????? Also, from a male perspective does this sound normal, or could there be more going on here. – Pregnant And Sexless
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/438014/dear-bossip-im-7-months-pregnant-and-my-husband-wont-make-love-to-me/
Friday, August 5, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend Advice Day" With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
I’m in a sticky situation and need some advice. Please help!
I dated this guy for a year and it was the biggest mistake of my life! Our families knew each other long before we were born. His family lived across the street from me and we were good friends when we were kids. When I was 9 year old, I moved to the U.S., and he and I didn’t talk as much. Fast forward 9 years later and we found each other online, exchanged numbers, and picked up right where we left off. Pretty soon we were dating and I was so happy because I always had a crush on him! It was a long distance relationship cause I was living in the U.S. and he was back home (I’m from Barbados).
The first 3 months were great! He was sweet, loving, caring, and just wonderful! Then he did a complete 180! He stopped calling, the everyday texts became every 3 days, once a week, once a month, eventually nonexistent. Whenever I called he always said he’s busy with school and he doesn’t have time to call. It bothered me but I ignored it. I had plans to go to Barbados in the summer and he told me he wanted a 3 way with me and his ex! I was a virgin and this is how he wanted me to lose my v-card! When I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it, he told me if I couldn’t do it, he’d find someone else to sleep with cause he’s a man with needs. Then he started asking me for money & he even wanted me to send his ex a gift! He wanted us to be friends before the 3 way. He spent 6 months without ever calling me, and 3 months without a single text. When I asked why he wasn’t calling or texting, his excuse was, “I’m busy.” I wanted to break up with him but I was scared of how it would affect our families. My mom started talking marriage the day I told her we were dating! His mom loved me and I didn’t want her to be mad at me. Finally, I got the courage to break up with him. When I told my mom, she was upset. I later found out that he told his mom I dumped him without any reason.
We’ve talked a few times online since the break up just to say hi. He claims he never cheated on me, but yet he’s asked me to sleep with him even though he has a girlfriend and when I said no, he got mad. Since then, I’ve been dating this wonderful man for the past two and a half years. I’m very happy with him, he respects me, and treats me like a queen.
I’m going home this month and my question is, do I tell my ex or not? His mom comes to my house all the time (she and my grandma are best friends). I know if I go without telling him I’m coming, she’ll be pissed and give me a lecture about how awful I am for not telling her son I was coming. I know I don’t owe it to him, but, yet I feel guilty. I feel like I’m being rude, as you can probably tell I’m a people pleaser. I don’t want to see him when I go, but I don’t want to be this evil witch who doesn’t tell him and gets the fury from his mom. He’s the one who was an ass so why am I the one who’s carrying all the guilt? Do I tell him I’m coming or not? – I Don’t Want To See Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/436362/dear-bossip-im-visiting-my-home-on-the-islands-but-my-ex-lives-there-do-i-tell-him-im-coming/
I’m in a sticky situation and need some advice. Please help!
I dated this guy for a year and it was the biggest mistake of my life! Our families knew each other long before we were born. His family lived across the street from me and we were good friends when we were kids. When I was 9 year old, I moved to the U.S., and he and I didn’t talk as much. Fast forward 9 years later and we found each other online, exchanged numbers, and picked up right where we left off. Pretty soon we were dating and I was so happy because I always had a crush on him! It was a long distance relationship cause I was living in the U.S. and he was back home (I’m from Barbados).
The first 3 months were great! He was sweet, loving, caring, and just wonderful! Then he did a complete 180! He stopped calling, the everyday texts became every 3 days, once a week, once a month, eventually nonexistent. Whenever I called he always said he’s busy with school and he doesn’t have time to call. It bothered me but I ignored it. I had plans to go to Barbados in the summer and he told me he wanted a 3 way with me and his ex! I was a virgin and this is how he wanted me to lose my v-card! When I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it, he told me if I couldn’t do it, he’d find someone else to sleep with cause he’s a man with needs. Then he started asking me for money & he even wanted me to send his ex a gift! He wanted us to be friends before the 3 way. He spent 6 months without ever calling me, and 3 months without a single text. When I asked why he wasn’t calling or texting, his excuse was, “I’m busy.” I wanted to break up with him but I was scared of how it would affect our families. My mom started talking marriage the day I told her we were dating! His mom loved me and I didn’t want her to be mad at me. Finally, I got the courage to break up with him. When I told my mom, she was upset. I later found out that he told his mom I dumped him without any reason.
We’ve talked a few times online since the break up just to say hi. He claims he never cheated on me, but yet he’s asked me to sleep with him even though he has a girlfriend and when I said no, he got mad. Since then, I’ve been dating this wonderful man for the past two and a half years. I’m very happy with him, he respects me, and treats me like a queen.
I’m going home this month and my question is, do I tell my ex or not? His mom comes to my house all the time (she and my grandma are best friends). I know if I go without telling him I’m coming, she’ll be pissed and give me a lecture about how awful I am for not telling her son I was coming. I know I don’t owe it to him, but, yet I feel guilty. I feel like I’m being rude, as you can probably tell I’m a people pleaser. I don’t want to see him when I go, but I don’t want to be this evil witch who doesn’t tell him and gets the fury from his mom. He’s the one who was an ass so why am I the one who’s carrying all the guilt? Do I tell him I’m coming or not? – I Don’t Want To See Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/436362/dear-bossip-im-visiting-my-home-on-the-islands-but-my-ex-lives-there-do-i-tell-him-im-coming/
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Here’s my dilemma. I was in a four-year relationship with a man. We broke up for two years. Then, after he saw me with another man he contacted me and we started seeing each other again. I found out 10 months into our renewed relationship that he had been seeing someone during our breakup and he now has a 3-week old baby. Well, I knew our relationship would not and could not exist as it was before, so I backed off, not completely though. We remained friends and continued to talk on the phone and text each other periodically, but we had no physical contact.
I have not started dating anyone and I know that I need to move on (again), but I just can’t seem to make that move mentally. He called me last night and I didn’t answer the phone. My question is should I continue to ignore his calls (which seems immature to me) and hope he gets the message that I don’t want to talk to him, or should I woman up and call him to tell him not to contact me anymore and explain why? By the way, he asked me what my opinion is about whether or not he should marry his baby’s mama. I told him I couldn’t answer that question. I believe he’s trying to hold on to me too. - What A Dilemma
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-reconnected-with-my-ex-but-i-learned-he-has-a-new-baby-now-i-want-him-to-stop-calling-me/
Here’s my dilemma. I was in a four-year relationship with a man. We broke up for two years. Then, after he saw me with another man he contacted me and we started seeing each other again. I found out 10 months into our renewed relationship that he had been seeing someone during our breakup and he now has a 3-week old baby. Well, I knew our relationship would not and could not exist as it was before, so I backed off, not completely though. We remained friends and continued to talk on the phone and text each other periodically, but we had no physical contact.
I have not started dating anyone and I know that I need to move on (again), but I just can’t seem to make that move mentally. He called me last night and I didn’t answer the phone. My question is should I continue to ignore his calls (which seems immature to me) and hope he gets the message that I don’t want to talk to him, or should I woman up and call him to tell him not to contact me anymore and explain why? By the way, he asked me what my opinion is about whether or not he should marry his baby’s mama. I told him I couldn’t answer that question. I believe he’s trying to hold on to me too. - What A Dilemma
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-reconnected-with-my-ex-but-i-learned-he-has-a-new-baby-now-i-want-him-to-stop-calling-me/
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
I am a young girl who has known this brotha for a minute. We met at church, and I look to him as my big brother, even though I have one. He is in the Army and only comes to visit every 3 months or so.
Recently, he came back and we did the regular. We hung out with the rest of the church youth and what not. As he was leaving I leaned in to hug him and ended up getting a kiss instead, on my lips that lasted for some minutes. I have NEVER looked at him in such a way, and have NEVER thought of him in such way. All he was to me was someone I could look up to when my brother acts like a jackass. After the kiss, we hung out again, this time just me and him, a day before he went back to base and the expected happened, but we didn’t go the whole 9 yards because I’m still a virgin (and proud of it too). He said he’s been watching my character since he met me, and looks at me like his little sister, and also a lover….(should I be alarmed?) He also said I am very special and precious to him and all that. I’ve heard such sweet mouth before and never given it any attention. But, this one was different. He looked into my eyes (something most guys will avoid) while saying it, and sometimes he would just look at me and smile. He has an infectious smile, and when he smiles, you can’t help but smile too.
Since he left, I only spoke to him once for a few minutes because I was busy. I called back when I wasn’t busy, but haven’t gotten a call back and it will be almost a week that has happened. What should I do? I’m losing my mind here! I don’t want to be just a booty call to him and also don’t want our bro-sis relationship to be over if this doesn’t work out. Should I give it a chance? I want to talk to him about this but it’s hard to because he hasn’t called me back since I called. Help! (Oh, and all this happened a day after I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years but we’ll get into that later) – In Crisis
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/435318/dear-bossip-i-thought-we-were-like-brothersister-but-he-sees-me-as-a-lover/
I am a young girl who has known this brotha for a minute. We met at church, and I look to him as my big brother, even though I have one. He is in the Army and only comes to visit every 3 months or so.
Recently, he came back and we did the regular. We hung out with the rest of the church youth and what not. As he was leaving I leaned in to hug him and ended up getting a kiss instead, on my lips that lasted for some minutes. I have NEVER looked at him in such a way, and have NEVER thought of him in such way. All he was to me was someone I could look up to when my brother acts like a jackass. After the kiss, we hung out again, this time just me and him, a day before he went back to base and the expected happened, but we didn’t go the whole 9 yards because I’m still a virgin (and proud of it too). He said he’s been watching my character since he met me, and looks at me like his little sister, and also a lover….(should I be alarmed?) He also said I am very special and precious to him and all that. I’ve heard such sweet mouth before and never given it any attention. But, this one was different. He looked into my eyes (something most guys will avoid) while saying it, and sometimes he would just look at me and smile. He has an infectious smile, and when he smiles, you can’t help but smile too.
Since he left, I only spoke to him once for a few minutes because I was busy. I called back when I wasn’t busy, but haven’t gotten a call back and it will be almost a week that has happened. What should I do? I’m losing my mind here! I don’t want to be just a booty call to him and also don’t want our bro-sis relationship to be over if this doesn’t work out. Should I give it a chance? I want to talk to him about this but it’s hard to because he hasn’t called me back since I called. Help! (Oh, and all this happened a day after I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years but we’ll get into that later) – In Crisis
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/435318/dear-bossip-i-thought-we-were-like-brothersister-but-he-sees-me-as-a-lover/
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Toda Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m a 36-year old beautiful black woman, and I have been through it with the father of all of my children. I feel trapped. I still need his support to continue to raise the kids, but I also need a life that doesn’t include the dad always hanging around. How do I accomplish this without this fool hatin?! – I Need Him But I Don’t
You can read my response, HERE: http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-need-my-childrens-father-support-to-raise-the-kids-but-i-dont-need-him-in-my-business/
I’m a 36-year old beautiful black woman, and I have been through it with the father of all of my children. I feel trapped. I still need his support to continue to raise the kids, but I also need a life that doesn’t include the dad always hanging around. How do I accomplish this without this fool hatin?! – I Need Him But I Don’t
You can read my response, HERE: http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-need-my-childrens-father-support-to-raise-the-kids-but-i-dont-need-him-in-my-business/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
Why is it so hard for a Black man to get over the cheating when his wife commits adultery? I’ve been married 30-plus years and found out my wife has been having an affair for 5 years. Our best friends were complicit with assisting her in hiding it. They tell me they’re sorry because she told them I was being verbally and physically abusive to her. Not true. She finally admitted she wanted excitement in her life now that she’s near 60.
I’ve delayed the divorce because my pastor and friends want me to slow down and get myself together emotionally. They’ve asked me to wait because the man she’s with is verbally and emotionally abusing her and she needs a safety net. I’ve been confused for so long. It’s fearful starting relationships at 60, but I’ve finally decided to try. Any advice? – Conflicted
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/434106/dear-bossip-were-in-our-60s-and-my-wife-has-been-cheating-for-the-past-5-years/
Why is it so hard for a Black man to get over the cheating when his wife commits adultery? I’ve been married 30-plus years and found out my wife has been having an affair for 5 years. Our best friends were complicit with assisting her in hiding it. They tell me they’re sorry because she told them I was being verbally and physically abusive to her. Not true. She finally admitted she wanted excitement in her life now that she’s near 60.
I’ve delayed the divorce because my pastor and friends want me to slow down and get myself together emotionally. They’ve asked me to wait because the man she’s with is verbally and emotionally abusing her and she needs a safety net. I’ve been confused for so long. It’s fearful starting relationships at 60, but I’ve finally decided to try. Any advice? – Conflicted
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/434106/dear-bossip-were-in-our-60s-and-my-wife-has-been-cheating-for-the-past-5-years/
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