Dear Gay Best Friend,
Since reading your column, I’ve never laughed, cried, and shook my head so much! Thank you for keeping it real. Anyways, I have a situation.
I’ve been involved with my boyfriend for almost a year. We are expecting out first child together later on this year. The problem is my ex. We were involved with each other for about 4 years. The thing is we rushed into engagement after barely 5 months and started living together. After a few months of that, I realized I didn’t want to marry him, but I didn’t want to lose him either. I started emotionally cheating, which of course he found out about every time. Finally we separated in 2008, but continued having a sexual relationship. We lost contact after I jumped into another bad relationship. I allowed him back in my life early last year, and we’ve been back and forth as usual.
Last September, I began dating my child’s father. My ex pretty much lost it after finding out I was in a relationship, simply because he assumed that I was leading him on because of course we were in a sexual relationship AGAIN.
Again, we lost contact, but he jumped back into my life earlier this year. Long story short, I let him borrow some very valuable things in February and now he REFUSES to return them. What should I do? My boyfriend is unaware that I’ve been talking to him, and I just want to erase him from my life FINALLY. (And the only reason I’ve been constantly letting him back in is because of guilt from doing him so bad.) I’d hate to have to take the legal route to get my stuff back, but I’m at the end of my rope now. Please Help! Trying To Move On
You can read my response, HERE: http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-secretly-seeing-my-ex-but-its-over-he-wont-return-some-of-my-valuable-items/
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip....
Dear Bossip,
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years (I’m 25 and he’s 33), and we have a beautiful healthy 11- month old child. The problem is we haven’t made love sine I was 7 months pregnant. I can actually remember the last day he gave me a real kiss. I did gain 40 lbs during the pregnancy and have 15 remaining pounds to lose. Initially he said it’s not the weight and that he’s just not interested in sex right now- that was 6 months ago.
I recently got the courage to ask him if he was seeing anyone else and if not what is “our” problem. He said, “No. Since (our son’s name) I have a new respect for love making and its power and I’m just not in a place where I’m ready to do anything right now.” I wanted to smack him and exclaim, “That’s BS,” but instead I replied, “You mean you’re waiting until you’re in love to be intimate again?” He was silent.
My dilemma is that he’s a great father and our household routine works – but I’ve never been sooooo lonely. In bed I feel like a stranger (he used to squeeze me). He now brings our son into the bed when he cries so he won’t even have to be too close to me. He doesn’t touch me and barely acknowledges me unless I’m holding our son, or he has a question regarding his well-being. I cook, clean, and graciously tolerate his unbearable relatives and whack job of a mom (she screwed him up I see now). He thanks me for what I do, but he is clearly not in love with me.
We used to have an “I love you” at the end of every conversation. We used to go out every weekend, and vacation. We had lots of love-making, and even a fun-loving, dream-sharing, supportive relationship that others envied. Yet, the memory of that is what makes this current reality all the more painful. It is as if one day while I was pregnant the valve that lead to him having any affection for me was cut off.
I’m at my wits end and am seriously weighing moving out of state with my parents, however I feel guilty for separating a father and son. I have not worked steadily in a while and at this time cannot afford to simply move out and live close by so that our son can see his father. Last week I got a great job and I’m hoping within a few months I will have the financial independence I need to free myself. I’m just wondering if there is anything left to salvage or if far too much hurt has happened. I feel like we are college roommates. We put up a great front in public, but is it too late to make that image a reality again or is this farce over? Thanks for your help. – Need Love & Affection
You can read my response, HERE: http://bossip.com/426596/dear-bossip-we-havent-made-love-since-i-was-7-months-pregnant-our-child-is-now-11-months-old/
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years (I’m 25 and he’s 33), and we have a beautiful healthy 11- month old child. The problem is we haven’t made love sine I was 7 months pregnant. I can actually remember the last day he gave me a real kiss. I did gain 40 lbs during the pregnancy and have 15 remaining pounds to lose. Initially he said it’s not the weight and that he’s just not interested in sex right now- that was 6 months ago.
I recently got the courage to ask him if he was seeing anyone else and if not what is “our” problem. He said, “No. Since (our son’s name) I have a new respect for love making and its power and I’m just not in a place where I’m ready to do anything right now.” I wanted to smack him and exclaim, “That’s BS,” but instead I replied, “You mean you’re waiting until you’re in love to be intimate again?” He was silent.
My dilemma is that he’s a great father and our household routine works – but I’ve never been sooooo lonely. In bed I feel like a stranger (he used to squeeze me). He now brings our son into the bed when he cries so he won’t even have to be too close to me. He doesn’t touch me and barely acknowledges me unless I’m holding our son, or he has a question regarding his well-being. I cook, clean, and graciously tolerate his unbearable relatives and whack job of a mom (she screwed him up I see now). He thanks me for what I do, but he is clearly not in love with me.
We used to have an “I love you” at the end of every conversation. We used to go out every weekend, and vacation. We had lots of love-making, and even a fun-loving, dream-sharing, supportive relationship that others envied. Yet, the memory of that is what makes this current reality all the more painful. It is as if one day while I was pregnant the valve that lead to him having any affection for me was cut off.
I’m at my wits end and am seriously weighing moving out of state with my parents, however I feel guilty for separating a father and son. I have not worked steadily in a while and at this time cannot afford to simply move out and live close by so that our son can see his father. Last week I got a great job and I’m hoping within a few months I will have the financial independence I need to free myself. I’m just wondering if there is anything left to salvage or if far too much hurt has happened. I feel like we are college roommates. We put up a great front in public, but is it too late to make that image a reality again or is this farce over? Thanks for your help. – Need Love & Affection
You can read my response, HERE: http://bossip.com/426596/dear-bossip-we-havent-made-love-since-i-was-7-months-pregnant-our-child-is-now-11-months-old/
Monday, July 25, 2011
I'll Be On A Panel Discussion & Then A Signing At The National Book Club Conference...
FRIDAY, JULY 29th
1:15 p.m. – 2:15 p.m.: Panel discussion: Social media and books: Tananarive Due, Terrance Dean, Allison Hobbs, Jewell Parker Rhodes, sponsored by Atria Books
You can find the entire listing of events and discussions for the book club conference, HERE:
http://www.nationalbookclubconference.com/index1.html
Today Is "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Dear Bossip,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost ten years now. We have a daughter and she is seven months old. We both have good jobs, but we live at my mom’s house since it’s more affordable.
I have had problems in the past with his mother. She would say things like she is not ready for us to get married, and she’s not ready for grandchildren. These things would hurt me a lot. Keep in mind my boyfriend is 30 and I am 26.
My boyfriend’s mother has two children- my boyfriend and his sister. My relationship with his mother does not exist ever since I had the baby, and she is encouraging a girl who he slept with to come around. I told her about it and she said the girl never did anything to her, so she is not going to stop talking to her. So, I keep my distance from her.
My boyfriend is a good father. I can’t complain about that. But, I want to get married, even an engagement ring at least. When I ask him, his excuse is that he wants to get his own place and that he can’t live by my mother, but we’ve been living here almost 7 years now. Renting is out of the question because rent is too high. I don’t think I can put up with this any longer. I want to leave him and start over. He takes me for granted. We have no fun. He doesn’t buy me any gifts and we are just here at my mom’s house. I ask him if he wants to break up, and he always answer “no,” but we are just here and we are not going anywhere. I even think about cheating.
For his birthday I take him to dinner to treat him nice, but he doesn’t do the same for me. By the time I get home from work I am tired. On weekends I have to wash, cook, and still see about our baby. I think I deserve and need an upgrade to be a wife and not just girlfriend or baby mama. I still look good after having the baby so why won’t he marry me. In the past he would do things, but I am questioning why am I still here? For example he used to pick up his co-worker from home, drop her off at work, and he said nothing happened between them. I am very pretty so I can’t understand. He wanted a baby, I didn’t want one, not until I got married. Please help me – Want To Be Wifey
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/423774/dear-bossip-weve-been-together-10-years-why-wont-he-make-me-his-wife/
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost ten years now. We have a daughter and she is seven months old. We both have good jobs, but we live at my mom’s house since it’s more affordable.
I have had problems in the past with his mother. She would say things like she is not ready for us to get married, and she’s not ready for grandchildren. These things would hurt me a lot. Keep in mind my boyfriend is 30 and I am 26.
My boyfriend’s mother has two children- my boyfriend and his sister. My relationship with his mother does not exist ever since I had the baby, and she is encouraging a girl who he slept with to come around. I told her about it and she said the girl never did anything to her, so she is not going to stop talking to her. So, I keep my distance from her.
My boyfriend is a good father. I can’t complain about that. But, I want to get married, even an engagement ring at least. When I ask him, his excuse is that he wants to get his own place and that he can’t live by my mother, but we’ve been living here almost 7 years now. Renting is out of the question because rent is too high. I don’t think I can put up with this any longer. I want to leave him and start over. He takes me for granted. We have no fun. He doesn’t buy me any gifts and we are just here at my mom’s house. I ask him if he wants to break up, and he always answer “no,” but we are just here and we are not going anywhere. I even think about cheating.
For his birthday I take him to dinner to treat him nice, but he doesn’t do the same for me. By the time I get home from work I am tired. On weekends I have to wash, cook, and still see about our baby. I think I deserve and need an upgrade to be a wife and not just girlfriend or baby mama. I still look good after having the baby so why won’t he marry me. In the past he would do things, but I am questioning why am I still here? For example he used to pick up his co-worker from home, drop her off at work, and he said nothing happened between them. I am very pretty so I can’t understand. He wanted a baby, I didn’t want one, not until I got married. Please help me – Want To Be Wifey
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/423774/dear-bossip-weve-been-together-10-years-why-wont-he-make-me-his-wife/
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Grio Features Black Gay Authors...
Gay black authors try to turn the page on intolerance
"I just happen to have a vivid imagination," said the critically acclaimed author of Passion Marks and A Deeper Blue. "People read my stories and actually think the stories are about me. But I had a pretty normal childhood - besides being poor and black in the south. I have just always gravitated towards horror movies and fantasy stuff."
He is adamant that he is not crazy. But he does consider himself a writer of "dark gay literature," somewhat of a venture from most literature targeted to the LGBT community.
"It is a very cool thing that we have authors out doing things so different from each other," said Hayes. "In the past, the industry has been regulated."
Whenever gay literature is mentioned, the likes of E. Lynn Harris, James Earl Hardy and others come to mind. These stories, at times, have been criticized for being fantastical ventures in the gay and lesbian world; stories of love and happiness, sex, success and drama.
They are the stories many of us have become familiar with that look at the struggles of identity, acceptance, settling down, etc. They are the stories that have in the past become the more successful of gay and lesbian literature thanks to the Harris' and Hardy's of the world.
"It is important for us as creators of literature to think about doing stories that have never been done before," adds Hayes.
Today Hayes and a select few are presenting stories that venture, slightly or not, from the stories we have become most familiar. They are making their mark on the literary world by presenting diverse stories that speak to the diverse needs and interests of the LGBT community.
For Hayes it is dark gay literature, looking at issues such as domestic violence, betrayal and even pre-meditated voluntary manslaughter. For Darian Aaron, there are stories and examples of black gay men in long lasting, successful relationships. And for Terrance Dean, it is a look in specifically hip-hop the role gays and lesbians play in the entertainment industry, and most .
You can read the rest of the article, HERE: http://www.thegrio.com/news/openly-gay-black-authors-try-to-turn-the-page-on-stereotypes.php
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Today Is Bossip.com "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day....
Dear Bossip,
I am a married woman of almost five years. A little more than a year ago my husband and I separated for about three months. He moved in with an ex he was having an affair with. During this time I reconnected with an acquaintance of 10 years. We have always kept in touch throughout the years with friendly hellos and how are things going in your life. We would meet for coffee and hangout or catch up over the phone. No sex was ever involved.
Well, during my separation from my husband and after a few times of hanging out, me and my acquaintance started an intense sexual relationship that has continued even after my husband and I decided to work it out and get back together. We hook up on an average about once a month. A couple of months ago my husband went through my phone and found some inappropriate text messages from this man and proceeded to call and harass him until he eventually changed his number. Since this happened he has yet to give me his new number and our communication is only through email.
I have always hoped deep inside that this man would try and pursue something more with me, yet he hasn’t. At one point, if he would have asked, I was willing to leave my husband. During this last year he has opened up about things in his life and I can see now that other than sex on occasion he wants nothing more with me. Yet, when he emails or contacts me I still go. Not to mention my husband has made a 360 degree change. He continues to go above and beyond to fix the marriage and help me heal. Problem is, I now have feelings for this other person who I sense doesn’t really want me. I constantly say that I’m going to work on my marriage, yet find myself missing this other person waiting for his call.
At this point I do not want to leave my marriage, but I don’t want to end it with the other person either. I know it’s selfish. Please help. – My Cake And Eat It Too
You can read my response, HERE: http://bossip.com/421065/dear-bossip-im-torn-between-my-husband-and-my-lover/
I am a married woman of almost five years. A little more than a year ago my husband and I separated for about three months. He moved in with an ex he was having an affair with. During this time I reconnected with an acquaintance of 10 years. We have always kept in touch throughout the years with friendly hellos and how are things going in your life. We would meet for coffee and hangout or catch up over the phone. No sex was ever involved.
Well, during my separation from my husband and after a few times of hanging out, me and my acquaintance started an intense sexual relationship that has continued even after my husband and I decided to work it out and get back together. We hook up on an average about once a month. A couple of months ago my husband went through my phone and found some inappropriate text messages from this man and proceeded to call and harass him until he eventually changed his number. Since this happened he has yet to give me his new number and our communication is only through email.
I have always hoped deep inside that this man would try and pursue something more with me, yet he hasn’t. At one point, if he would have asked, I was willing to leave my husband. During this last year he has opened up about things in his life and I can see now that other than sex on occasion he wants nothing more with me. Yet, when he emails or contacts me I still go. Not to mention my husband has made a 360 degree change. He continues to go above and beyond to fix the marriage and help me heal. Problem is, I now have feelings for this other person who I sense doesn’t really want me. I constantly say that I’m going to work on my marriage, yet find myself missing this other person waiting for his call.
At this point I do not want to leave my marriage, but I don’t want to end it with the other person either. I know it’s selfish. Please help. – My Cake And Eat It Too
You can read my response, HERE: http://bossip.com/421065/dear-bossip-im-torn-between-my-husband-and-my-lover/
According to Black Enterprise Magazine MOGUL Is A Book You Must Add To Your Summer Reading List...
17 Books to Add to Your Summer Reading List
Whether you’re on a plane, in a car or lounging poolside, summer vacation time is the perfect opportunity to put a dent in your reading list. The staff here at Black Enterprise and BlackEnterprise.com compiled a few of our top summer reads to help whittle down your choices.
Over the course of the next few pages, you'll see books that range from autobiographies on Black history icons and manuals for success to financial guides and examinations of our social media culture, all aimed at giving you some food for thought.
—Kahliah A. Laney
Here's the link to the list of books, including MOGUL: http://www.blackenterprise.com/2011/07/19/best-summer-reads/
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Today Is "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have read one of your article about the, “I slept with him, now he’s ignoring me!” I was wondering whether you can help me by giving me some advice on this matter, because I made the mistake by sleeping with this guy and now I really like him, but he seems to not even care about me at all. I am now stuck on what to do and I have been frustrated. Here’s my story and hope you can help me with any advice. I NEED HELP!
I met him in April in a night club. I was dancing around in the VIP area and I noticed that he kept staring at me, so I decided to confront him and asked him whether he got a problem with me or not. His answer was, “Sorry, but you are so hot!” Blah blah blah. Then we were just dancing the whole night, and somehow he came back to my place and we slept together. But, because both of us were too drunk neither of us couldn’t perform very well. Then, the next day before he left, he asked for my number. We started texting and BBM’ing each other.
Then, it was my birthday in May, and I invited him to my birthday celebration (pub crawl). He asked me to keep him updated which pub (bars) that I am in and I did. But, when I was walking towards the next bar in town I saw him flirting with this girl outside the bar and I was a bit upset but then I didn’t care because I didn’t want anyone to ruin my birthday party at all. The next day he BBM’d me and said sorry that he was so drunk blah blah and I forgave him.
A week after, me and him went for a night out in my hometown Sheffield. He drove all the way from Leeds. We had a fantastic night. I cooked for him, etc. He even sent me a BBM saying “Thank you for taking care of me, cooking for me, etc, you’re lush and I was a bit nervous last night because I like you.” Since then my feelings for him grew into a different level, but I tried to keep it just there.
Then a week later he came to my place after work. I asked him what he wants to eat and I’ll cook it for him. He wanted anything to do with chicken and spicy. So I cooked what he wanted. After dinner, somehow we ended up sleeping together and I was so happy that it did happen. The next morning he leaves for work, and since then, boom, the distance between me and him is unreal. Every time, I BBM’d him just to ask how he was, he ignored it and never replied at all. Then one day, he BBM’d me and kept asking me how to cook the meal that I did for him when he came around (the spicy chicken and the vegetable stir fry, etc.). Then he said I’m sorry I can’t stop thinking about that meal. I was so happy that at least he is thinking about my cooking.
Yesterday, I BBM’d him about how I was doing with my exams and he gave me some good advice on what to do next. Then, somehow, we ended up being so flirty and he asked me when was I free. On the other hand, last night I found out that his ex girlfriend (that’s what he told me anyway) had a picture of her and him as a profile picture on her Facebook (kind of a bit stalking) and I was so upset and my knees started to feel so weak and shaking.
I don’t know what am I supposed to do! I am really stuck. (I need some advice and help and critics whether
what I have been doing is right or wrong. It will be great if you can give me some help in this situation. Each day I tend to like him even more I hope that you can help and sorry for all the burden. – I Really Like Him
You can read my response, HERE: http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-cooked-for-him-we-had-sex-weeks-afterward-he-only-texted-me-to-find-out-the-recipe/
I have read one of your article about the, “I slept with him, now he’s ignoring me!” I was wondering whether you can help me by giving me some advice on this matter, because I made the mistake by sleeping with this guy and now I really like him, but he seems to not even care about me at all. I am now stuck on what to do and I have been frustrated. Here’s my story and hope you can help me with any advice. I NEED HELP!
I met him in April in a night club. I was dancing around in the VIP area and I noticed that he kept staring at me, so I decided to confront him and asked him whether he got a problem with me or not. His answer was, “Sorry, but you are so hot!” Blah blah blah. Then we were just dancing the whole night, and somehow he came back to my place and we slept together. But, because both of us were too drunk neither of us couldn’t perform very well. Then, the next day before he left, he asked for my number. We started texting and BBM’ing each other.
Then, it was my birthday in May, and I invited him to my birthday celebration (pub crawl). He asked me to keep him updated which pub (bars) that I am in and I did. But, when I was walking towards the next bar in town I saw him flirting with this girl outside the bar and I was a bit upset but then I didn’t care because I didn’t want anyone to ruin my birthday party at all. The next day he BBM’d me and said sorry that he was so drunk blah blah and I forgave him.
A week after, me and him went for a night out in my hometown Sheffield. He drove all the way from Leeds. We had a fantastic night. I cooked for him, etc. He even sent me a BBM saying “Thank you for taking care of me, cooking for me, etc, you’re lush and I was a bit nervous last night because I like you.” Since then my feelings for him grew into a different level, but I tried to keep it just there.
Then a week later he came to my place after work. I asked him what he wants to eat and I’ll cook it for him. He wanted anything to do with chicken and spicy. So I cooked what he wanted. After dinner, somehow we ended up sleeping together and I was so happy that it did happen. The next morning he leaves for work, and since then, boom, the distance between me and him is unreal. Every time, I BBM’d him just to ask how he was, he ignored it and never replied at all. Then one day, he BBM’d me and kept asking me how to cook the meal that I did for him when he came around (the spicy chicken and the vegetable stir fry, etc.). Then he said I’m sorry I can’t stop thinking about that meal. I was so happy that at least he is thinking about my cooking.
Yesterday, I BBM’d him about how I was doing with my exams and he gave me some good advice on what to do next. Then, somehow, we ended up being so flirty and he asked me when was I free. On the other hand, last night I found out that his ex girlfriend (that’s what he told me anyway) had a picture of her and him as a profile picture on her Facebook (kind of a bit stalking) and I was so upset and my knees started to feel so weak and shaking.
I don’t know what am I supposed to do! I am really stuck. (I need some advice and help and critics whether
what I have been doing is right or wrong. It will be great if you can give me some help in this situation. Each day I tend to like him even more I hope that you can help and sorry for all the burden. – I Really Like Him
You can read my response, HERE: http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-cooked-for-him-we-had-sex-weeks-afterward-he-only-texted-me-to-find-out-the-recipe/
Monday, July 18, 2011
Today Is BOSSIP.com "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Bossip,
My guy and I have a solid relationship. I’m a little bit older than him and he’s younger and have done a few things. Together we’ve opened our own sexual fantasies. Our sex life is great!
We recently discussed the fantasy of having a threesome and at first I was against it. I didn’t want to do it. Then, when I wanted too he didn’t. Now we have reached level ground and have agreed.
I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that although we’ve discussed it in great depth, I think it will defiantly change the nature of our relationship. We both are into each other deeply. He is very sexual and so am I. I still want to experience a threesome, but I just believe that both he and I will have different outlooks on each other if this were to happen. We talk about this often but I think this actually might be a Pandora’s box, but at the same time he is so turned on about the thought of me with another man or woman. On the other hand, I would like to have the experience one time. What should I do? – So Undecided
You can read my response, HERE: http://bossip.com/419515/dear-bossip-my-man-wants-a-threesome-but-im-not-so-sure/
My guy and I have a solid relationship. I’m a little bit older than him and he’s younger and have done a few things. Together we’ve opened our own sexual fantasies. Our sex life is great!
We recently discussed the fantasy of having a threesome and at first I was against it. I didn’t want to do it. Then, when I wanted too he didn’t. Now we have reached level ground and have agreed.
I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that although we’ve discussed it in great depth, I think it will defiantly change the nature of our relationship. We both are into each other deeply. He is very sexual and so am I. I still want to experience a threesome, but I just believe that both he and I will have different outlooks on each other if this were to happen. We talk about this often but I think this actually might be a Pandora’s box, but at the same time he is so turned on about the thought of me with another man or woman. On the other hand, I would like to have the experience one time. What should I do? – So Undecided
You can read my response, HERE: http://bossip.com/419515/dear-bossip-my-man-wants-a-threesome-but-im-not-so-sure/
Thursday, July 14, 2011
My Debut Advice Column With Bossip.com - "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice:
Dear Bossip,
I don’t see too many men write to you, so hopefully I might be the start of something new. But, anyways, I’m kind of in an odd situation between my brother and my girlfriend.
So, my girl and I have been together for about a year and a half, and she‘s quickly become a family favorite. My family loves her, as she‘s become very close to my mother. But, the problem comes from her disapproval of my younger brother’s lifestyle. My 19-year old brother is a gay man. Before he even came out to the family we had always known and just prepared ourselves for it. My girlfriend was raised in a very religious home and of course disapproves of homosexuality. And of course before he came out to the family we were too. But instead of trying to force something out of him, or try to get religious on him, we just decided to let him make his own choices, and silently accept it. We just treat it as, “it is what it is, no matter what he’s family FIRST.”
On numerous occasions my girlfriend always decides to debate with him about whether he’s living the “right lifestyle.” I’m a pretty laid-back kind of guy and I just don’t like to get into arguments or disagreements and such. But seriously, I’m fed up with it! She’s the woman that I can see myself marrying, but my little brother is ALWAYS gonna be in my life, no matter what his preference is. How do I tell my girl that I think her constant vocal opinions are disrespectful to me? I don’t want to come off rude, and potentially start an argument bigger than this whole situation. I’m just at my fullest level of annoyance and need help on addressing her. – My Brother vs. My Girlfriend
You can read my response, HERE: http://bossip.com/417230/dear-bossip-my-girlfriend-cant-accept-my-brothers-sexuality/
I don’t see too many men write to you, so hopefully I might be the start of something new. But, anyways, I’m kind of in an odd situation between my brother and my girlfriend.
So, my girl and I have been together for about a year and a half, and she‘s quickly become a family favorite. My family loves her, as she‘s become very close to my mother. But, the problem comes from her disapproval of my younger brother’s lifestyle. My 19-year old brother is a gay man. Before he even came out to the family we had always known and just prepared ourselves for it. My girlfriend was raised in a very religious home and of course disapproves of homosexuality. And of course before he came out to the family we were too. But instead of trying to force something out of him, or try to get religious on him, we just decided to let him make his own choices, and silently accept it. We just treat it as, “it is what it is, no matter what he’s family FIRST.”
On numerous occasions my girlfriend always decides to debate with him about whether he’s living the “right lifestyle.” I’m a pretty laid-back kind of guy and I just don’t like to get into arguments or disagreements and such. But seriously, I’m fed up with it! She’s the woman that I can see myself marrying, but my little brother is ALWAYS gonna be in my life, no matter what his preference is. How do I tell my girl that I think her constant vocal opinions are disrespectful to me? I don’t want to come off rude, and potentially start an argument bigger than this whole situation. I’m just at my fullest level of annoyance and need help on addressing her. – My Brother vs. My Girlfriend
You can read my response, HERE: http://bossip.com/417230/dear-bossip-my-girlfriend-cant-accept-my-brothers-sexuality/
Today Is "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I came across some of your advice and decided to ask for some. I have gay friends but sometimes it’s easier to ask a stranger with an unbiased opinion.
I’m 25 (will be 26 in a month) and will be married to my husband a year, this Saturday, 07/16/2011. I don’t even know where to begin. We’re going to Las Vegas, leaving Friday and neither one of us are the least bit excited. The tickets are non-refundable so it’s either we go or we lose the money.
We had a disagreement yesterday, involving his mother. Well today more stuff came out, and apparently he never wanted to go to Vegas in the first place. I only suggested it because he didn’t suggest anything. Long story short, what should be something so exciting, our one year anniversary, is now just added stress. I’m sitting here crying, thinking this is only the first year.
For the most part our marriage is good, except for COMMUNICATION! Which is all on his end because he doesn’t. Any advice? – Vegas Or Bust
You can read my response, HERE: http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/its-our-1-year-anniversary-my-husband-told-me-he-doesnt-want-to-go-on-our-planned-trip/
I came across some of your advice and decided to ask for some. I have gay friends but sometimes it’s easier to ask a stranger with an unbiased opinion.
I’m 25 (will be 26 in a month) and will be married to my husband a year, this Saturday, 07/16/2011. I don’t even know where to begin. We’re going to Las Vegas, leaving Friday and neither one of us are the least bit excited. The tickets are non-refundable so it’s either we go or we lose the money.
We had a disagreement yesterday, involving his mother. Well today more stuff came out, and apparently he never wanted to go to Vegas in the first place. I only suggested it because he didn’t suggest anything. Long story short, what should be something so exciting, our one year anniversary, is now just added stress. I’m sitting here crying, thinking this is only the first year.
For the most part our marriage is good, except for COMMUNICATION! Which is all on his end because he doesn’t. Any advice? – Vegas Or Bust
You can read my response, HERE: http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/its-our-1-year-anniversary-my-husband-told-me-he-doesnt-want-to-go-on-our-planned-trip/
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Contest: Enter To Win A HelloBeautiful Gift Pack & Signed Copy Of Terrance Dean’s “MOGUL”...
A few weeks ago HelloBeautiful held a Tweetstakes contest with bestselling author Terrance Dean and his debut new novel, “MOGUL.” You can read about him and his new book HERE! “MOGUL” is officially in bookstores everywhere – Barnes & Noble; Borders; Wal-Mart; Target; and Books-A-Million.
Due the the overwhelming response and success of the contest, we are joining with Terrance Dean to celebrate the release of his new novel, “MOGUL,” and rewarding 3 lucky readers with a Hello Beautiful gift pack, which includes a T-shirt, cup, compact mirror, and a signed autographed copy of, “MOGUL.”
TO ENTER YOU HAVE TO DO THE FOLLOWING:
1.) Follow @TerranceDean on Twitter.
2.) Using the 140 characters on Twitter, tweet your favorite line or passage from Terrance Dean’s novel, “MOGUL” and you must include the page number. (You should have read MOGUL in order to fully participate and win). If the entire quote doesn’t fit, then use a partial of the quote, and you must still include the page number. You must also include in your tweet the following: @terrancedean #MOGUL
Example: @terrancedean #MOGUL - “I unwillingly, uncontrollably, and undeniably could not resist the darkness, for now it was my light.” Pg. 29
3.) Contestants MUST reside in the Continental U.S.
4.) Enter as many times as you like. The winners will be chosen at random.
5.) Contest begins Tuesday, July 12, 2011 at 2:30 PM EST & ends on Friday, July 15, 2011 at 12:00 PM EST
6.) Make sure to check your Direct Messages!
Rules: Three (3) grand prize winners will be selected at random and will receive a Hello Beautiful gift pack, which includes a T-Shirt, cup, and compact mirror, as well as an autographed copy of “Mogul” by Terrance Dean. The winner will be contacted via Twitter direct message, so make sure you check your DMs!
Here is the link to share with your friends, and on your Facebook page, and Twitter: http://hellobeautiful.com/special-features/contests/hellobeautifulstaff1/tweetstakes-enter-to-win-a-hello-beautiful-gift-pack-signed-copy-of-terrance-deans-mogul-contest/
Due the the overwhelming response and success of the contest, we are joining with Terrance Dean to celebrate the release of his new novel, “MOGUL,” and rewarding 3 lucky readers with a Hello Beautiful gift pack, which includes a T-shirt, cup, compact mirror, and a signed autographed copy of, “MOGUL.”
TO ENTER YOU HAVE TO DO THE FOLLOWING:
1.) Follow @TerranceDean on Twitter.
2.) Using the 140 characters on Twitter, tweet your favorite line or passage from Terrance Dean’s novel, “MOGUL” and you must include the page number. (You should have read MOGUL in order to fully participate and win). If the entire quote doesn’t fit, then use a partial of the quote, and you must still include the page number. You must also include in your tweet the following: @terrancedean #MOGUL
Example: @terrancedean #MOGUL - “I unwillingly, uncontrollably, and undeniably could not resist the darkness, for now it was my light.” Pg. 29
3.) Contestants MUST reside in the Continental U.S.
4.) Enter as many times as you like. The winners will be chosen at random.
5.) Contest begins Tuesday, July 12, 2011 at 2:30 PM EST & ends on Friday, July 15, 2011 at 12:00 PM EST
6.) Make sure to check your Direct Messages!
Rules: Three (3) grand prize winners will be selected at random and will receive a Hello Beautiful gift pack, which includes a T-Shirt, cup, and compact mirror, as well as an autographed copy of “Mogul” by Terrance Dean. The winner will be contacted via Twitter direct message, so make sure you check your DMs!
Here is the link to share with your friends, and on your Facebook page, and Twitter: http://hellobeautiful.com/special-features/contests/hellobeautifulstaff1/tweetstakes-enter-to-win-a-hello-beautiful-gift-pack-signed-copy-of-terrance-deans-mogul-contest/
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Check Out This Interview I Did With EUR Web Discussing MOGUL...
Robertson Treatment Syndicated Column (RTSC): Six Questions with Author Terrance Dean
*6 Questions with Terrance DeanTerrance Dean is perhaps the most notable black gay author to hit the literary scene since E. Lynn Harris. With more than 5 books to his credit, (including the bestselling “Hiding in Hip Hop,”), Dean has built a reputation creating stories that reveal the complex lives faced by black gay men in mainstream society. In his latest book, “Mogul,” Dean continues to explore this territory, with his interesting candor and perspective. The Robertson Treatment recently spoke with him to talk about his new project and the lingering issues that a majority segment of the African American community still have with gay identities.
Robertson Treatment: Why is homophobia so prevalent in urban music?
Terrance Dean: Homosexuality is a taboo conversation in our communities. People are afraid to discuss the topic, and if they do some do it with so much venomous hatred that it leads to young people being bullied, and other’s committing suicide. It’s time for us to have an intelligent discourse on homosexuality, especially in Hip Hop. It says a lot about our communities when we continually attack someone based on their sexuality, and we saw that happen with DJ/Producer Mister Cee’s situation where he was arrested for having lewd sex acts with another man, as well as rapper, Lil B who announced that he planned to title his upcoming album, “I’m Gay,” and he’s a heterosexual male. Those two incidents created a firestorm in the Black community, especially in Hip Hop. And, it was a great time for us to come together with Black and Brown leaders, churches, and the LGBT community to have a, Gay In America dialogue. It would be awesome if people did finally speak up and say something. That is how conversations begin. That is how a dialogue is created. If people don’t feel anything after reading this book then essentially I have not done my job. I want readers to become angry, sad, upset, happy, or joyous when they read this book and get to know these characters. I want them to feel invested in their lives, and especially what and how the entertainment industry is about. People should feel engaged in such a way that they take what they’ve read to work, school, on blogs, chat room boards, Twitter, and Facebook. At the end of the day I am writing about a controversial topic and issue that has plagued our communities, and world, for well over a decade. And, despite the many hush-hush conversations, or speculations of a certain celebrity’s sexuality, not one Black celebrity (musical artist) has come forward. Not one has publicly announced they are gay. Why? Again, I ask in this day and age of us having a Black president, and a repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,’ that not one Black celebrity will come forward and be who they are, and love who they desire, without fear of judgment or ridicule? Hopefully my book will create that conversation, and a platform for a Black celebrity/s to come forward.
RT: Why are stories that incorporate gay lives important?
TD: It’s important to see the varied lives of gay men and women who help shape, build, contribute, and uplift our world. Just as we are part of ever family, we are part of the world. We interact and socialize in all aspects of life, so it’s important to see us, on the pages, and on the screen, being integral parts of this world. Also, we’re your brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, mothers, fathers, doctors, lawyers, entertainers, and authors. We’re everywhere. When we see positive images of us being portrayed in society it will help those who are struggling to self-identify become comfortable and open to be their true authentic selves. You can’t keep discounting who we are and our pivotal contributions to our world. If so, then we need to discount and omit James Baldwin, Langston Hughes, Bayard Rustin, and countless others who changed the landscape of the Black community.
RT: What’s the issue of the rejection of the homosexual lifestyle in the African American community?
You can read the rest of the interview, HERE: http://www.eurweb.com/?p=117084
Today Is, "Straight From your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Well I just finished reading your book “MOGUL” – excellent I have to say. So much information and entertainment. You probably have gotten letters like this before. I’m involved with a guy of 10 years. But when I look at it, we are not closer than we were at the beginning. He just seems detached, and will not commit for nothing. Yet, he’s always involved with women who are just “friends.” We don’t have sex anymore, and he puts it on the fact that he is going through changes. We are both 54. I have had some situations with him where I thought about him being on the DL. So I did ask him one day: “Have you ever had sex with a man?” We were drinking and often have real talks at that time. His answer was very vague. He said, “Not unless the person tricked me.” Well, I didn’t go any further as I was taken back at that answer and it really wasn’t an answer.
I won’t go into other things that have made me question his sexuality but we have gone through changes because of him trying to be slick about other women, it’s just crazy. I feel so confused now after 10 years – that’s crazy enough!! I have read J.L. King’s book and I love my brothers gay, straight, DL or not. I wish I could get him to open up to me. I would not judge him because I’m not God. I know it’s a sensitive subject for men but I would love to know the truth and that would explain why he is so detached from me. We have spent lots of time together and done things together and have had very intimate times together and have said we both love each other.
I’m convinced my generation of DL men are so ashamed and scared to admit who they are because of the era we are from, but there are sistas out here that can deal with the real. I would love to just be his best friend if that was the case. I would still embrace our relationship that is such a solid friendship!!
But he’s from a different generation. Are there any real questions that I can ask, or something I can say to make him open up to me? Old school men are just that – old school. We are living in a new day, and women want men as friends, straight or not. Any man can be key to a female being her friend to let her know of anyone else that she might be friends with or like who is playing her. You are such a real person, you don’t bite your tongue and I don’t believe you will do that with me. Please I hope this little bit of information will give you some insight of what I’m asking, and I hope you will answer me with some real candid advice. Peace and love to you Terrance!! I salute you for truth in this day in time of much deceit amongst us. – Don’t Know What’s Up With Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-asked-my-man-if-he-ever-had-sex-with-a-man-he-said-not-unless-i-was-tricked/
Well I just finished reading your book “MOGUL” – excellent I have to say. So much information and entertainment. You probably have gotten letters like this before. I’m involved with a guy of 10 years. But when I look at it, we are not closer than we were at the beginning. He just seems detached, and will not commit for nothing. Yet, he’s always involved with women who are just “friends.” We don’t have sex anymore, and he puts it on the fact that he is going through changes. We are both 54. I have had some situations with him where I thought about him being on the DL. So I did ask him one day: “Have you ever had sex with a man?” We were drinking and often have real talks at that time. His answer was very vague. He said, “Not unless the person tricked me.” Well, I didn’t go any further as I was taken back at that answer and it really wasn’t an answer.
I won’t go into other things that have made me question his sexuality but we have gone through changes because of him trying to be slick about other women, it’s just crazy. I feel so confused now after 10 years – that’s crazy enough!! I have read J.L. King’s book and I love my brothers gay, straight, DL or not. I wish I could get him to open up to me. I would not judge him because I’m not God. I know it’s a sensitive subject for men but I would love to know the truth and that would explain why he is so detached from me. We have spent lots of time together and done things together and have had very intimate times together and have said we both love each other.
I’m convinced my generation of DL men are so ashamed and scared to admit who they are because of the era we are from, but there are sistas out here that can deal with the real. I would love to just be his best friend if that was the case. I would still embrace our relationship that is such a solid friendship!!
But he’s from a different generation. Are there any real questions that I can ask, or something I can say to make him open up to me? Old school men are just that – old school. We are living in a new day, and women want men as friends, straight or not. Any man can be key to a female being her friend to let her know of anyone else that she might be friends with or like who is playing her. You are such a real person, you don’t bite your tongue and I don’t believe you will do that with me. Please I hope this little bit of information will give you some insight of what I’m asking, and I hope you will answer me with some real candid advice. Peace and love to you Terrance!! I salute you for truth in this day in time of much deceit amongst us. – Don’t Know What’s Up With Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-asked-my-man-if-he-ever-had-sex-with-a-man-he-said-not-unless-i-was-tricked/
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Blogger: StraightFromTheA.com Coverage Of My Panel Discussion In The ATL...
Author Terrance Dean (Hiding in Hip-Hop) Hosts ‘Gay Men in the Entertainment Industry’ Discussion Panel
Acclaimed author Terrance Dean hit Atlanta last week to host a discussion panel on “Young, Black, Gifted & Gay: Powerful Men in the Entertainment Industry and Our Allies in Partnership” at Outwrite Book Store (June 29, 2011).
Panelists included fellow bloggers Drama Dupree and Gyant (GyantUnplugged), Adrian J. Daniel (aka Sir Daniel of Better Days Radio), George Smith (creator of Black Gay reality series “Tha Life”), Lonnell Williams (3LWTV), and Maurice Jamal (Filmaker/Founder Glo-TV).
I was also thrown into the mix to add my take on the situation as a straight woman and it was quite an experience!
Terrance’s first book, Hiding in Hip-Hop: Confessions of a Down-Low Brother in the Entertainment Industry, sparked a ton of controversy last year when everyone speculated about the identity of the “DL” entertainer featured in the book.
[READ: Gay Rapper "Tell-All" Book No Surprise to Hip-Hop Heads]
Dean moderated the panel discussion as each of the participants shared their experiences…
You can read the entire post, HERE: http://straightfromthea.com/2011/07/06/author-terrance-dean-hiding-in-hip-hop-hosts-gay-men-in-the-entertainment-industry-discussion-panel-photos/
Today Is "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I sometimes wonder if I am crazy or not. I married a guy that I had known since 2002, and we dated in high school. Three years went by and we started dating again and decided to get married. We did not get married because I had found out that he lived with his ex and I had cheated on him when I moved in, and we stopped talking for almost a year.
In 2009 we decided to get married, and everything went downhill from there – girls calling my phone asking for him. Him sending naked pictures (which he denies to this day), and running up a 1400 minute phone bill in 3 days talking to his exes.
Because of my job I have a lot of guy friends and became really close with one. I eventually told my husband, and my friend and I stopped talking because of my marriage. At this point, he started going through my phone, e-mail (yahoo and hotmail), Myspace, Facebook, cancelled Black Planet.
I started to realize that he was very hypocritical. I took care of my stepson, paid $700 of his child support all the while he was talking to all of his exes (while I cut all men that he did not approve of out of my life).
Well, when we decided to get a divorce, a week later he had to get his hip replaced (broke it in a car accident, that he lied about). He was kicked out of the military and is now struggling financially. I should also add that at the time he only had to pay for a cell phone bill, but he stopped paying for it and I ended up with a $1000 phone bill. He continues to tell me that he can’t make me happy anymore and he understands that, but he wants our friendship from the past 9 years back.
I feel that I can’t put myself back in that situation again, and any feelings that I had for him either in a relationship or friendship is completely gone. I’m not in high school anymore and I don’t want to have to deal with high school games and irresponsible men.
I am wondering if I am wrong to give up on my marriage or is this marriage just done for. – Young and Confused
You can read my response, HERE: http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-husband-says-he-cant-make-me-happy-wants-our-friendship-of-9-years-back/
I sometimes wonder if I am crazy or not. I married a guy that I had known since 2002, and we dated in high school. Three years went by and we started dating again and decided to get married. We did not get married because I had found out that he lived with his ex and I had cheated on him when I moved in, and we stopped talking for almost a year.
In 2009 we decided to get married, and everything went downhill from there – girls calling my phone asking for him. Him sending naked pictures (which he denies to this day), and running up a 1400 minute phone bill in 3 days talking to his exes.
Because of my job I have a lot of guy friends and became really close with one. I eventually told my husband, and my friend and I stopped talking because of my marriage. At this point, he started going through my phone, e-mail (yahoo and hotmail), Myspace, Facebook, cancelled Black Planet.
I started to realize that he was very hypocritical. I took care of my stepson, paid $700 of his child support all the while he was talking to all of his exes (while I cut all men that he did not approve of out of my life).
Well, when we decided to get a divorce, a week later he had to get his hip replaced (broke it in a car accident, that he lied about). He was kicked out of the military and is now struggling financially. I should also add that at the time he only had to pay for a cell phone bill, but he stopped paying for it and I ended up with a $1000 phone bill. He continues to tell me that he can’t make me happy anymore and he understands that, but he wants our friendship from the past 9 years back.
I feel that I can’t put myself back in that situation again, and any feelings that I had for him either in a relationship or friendship is completely gone. I’m not in high school anymore and I don’t want to have to deal with high school games and irresponsible men.
I am wondering if I am wrong to give up on my marriage or is this marriage just done for. – Young and Confused
You can read my response, HERE: http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-husband-says-he-cant-make-me-happy-wants-our-friendship-of-9-years-back/
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