Dear Gay Best Friend,
Well me and my high school sweet heart, Dru, have been broken up for about 5 months now. Our relationship was going so great then all of a sudden it just turned to -ish. We were spending a lot of time together, like a lot. Only because he works hella hours and we never really saw him much, even though he lived 10 minutes away.
Well his mom had to have a surgery that would require him to “take care of her” day in and day out, but he works from 1pm til 10pm. We started arguing a lot then because we weren’t seeing him AT ALL anymore. I mean no phone conversations or emails, just nothing at all! When I did call him to see what was up he was always too busy to talk or had to call me back. He never calls back, ever. I tell him “If you don’t call like you care or start to spending any time with us, then I am going to leave you!” He goes on about why am I always making him out to be a bad person or that he ain’t out there cheating. Keep in mind thoe he has left us already for 3 different women. When I say us I mean his son and I.
Anyways I guess he eventually got tired of me “nagging” him, and he left. I hacked his FB to see what was really going on and low an behold he has a GF! I was soooo angry. I was angry that he lied. Angry that he can never be a man and tell me when he f***s me over and over again. I always have to find out from his jump offs or my doctor. Found out in August that he ruined my health. He won’t tell me how long he and the new GF has been together. He won’t come and confront me face to face about anything! He rarely calls, we argue. I argue with the new GF on FB, mainly about him cause someone told her me and Dru were sleeping around. I blocked her around this time and I haven’t seen him since I don’t know when.
Well recently her and her goon guy friend started talking -ish on my FB about me and MY SON, a 2 year old. I don’t know how they did it but they did. I had had ENOUGH! I had told him before how tired I was of this girl talking -ish to me about me and my son. He laughed at me. I called his job and got him fired! I did. Like I said I had had enough. I called him and told him what was going on and he acting like he had amnesia He said he was at work and he had no idea of what was going on. Earlier that day I told him that she was sending message to me thru people I know. How, I don’t know. I didn’t even feed into the stuff from earlier at that. I told the person to tell her to mind her business and I miss her too, LOL.
Well I called Dru GOING OFF! I WAS SO DARN MAD. Like I told him, I let the junk go. I ask him where does she get off talking -ish about my son or telling me ANYTHING about my life! He says he doesn’t know because he doesn’t talk about me at all, he has no reason to. I tell him he is definitely lying. This girl can tell you about my life inside out! I swear! He kept calling my house trying to get me to talk to him and leaving messages trying to reason with me. I was ready to fight, no lie. I finally sat down and talked to him this very night, after he kept calling. He apologized for everything and told me he ALMOST CHEATED on me while we were together. He said he was sorry for not believing me when he I told him his girl likes to talk -ish about our son, he said “and to prove this to you I won’t ever talk to her again!” his words, not mine. I was in awe! After that night I ain’t heard from him since the other day when he called to argue. I laughed and hung up on his behind. Haven’t talked to him since. They are still together thoe! I was mad as heck when I found this out. Then he wants to call me and argue with me about coming to see our son. But when it’s time to step it up, HE HAS NO GAS! THAT’S WAS HIS EXCUSE FOR E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!!! WHY HE COULD NEVER COME TO SEE US, GO TO DOCS APPOINTMENTS,..ETC
I miss him so damn much, you have no idea. I love him til death. He is the love of my life along with our son. I want to be with him. I don’t want to let us go. And if I am supposed to I don’t know how. I want to call him every minute of every day but against my better judgement, I don’t. I dream about him. I dream about us. Its like God is testing my strength and emotionally and physically. Its like some days I’m ok and I don’t worry or think about it but other days I can’t deal with it. I just have to see him or call him, but I don’t. I bitch up.
I got a job recently. He got mad at me for that. Told me I was immature.
AND I’m pregnant with our 2nd kid. He really wanted nothing to do with me after I told him that. He said it wasn’t his and that I better take care of it!, meaning getting an abortion. I think this is another reason he won’t come around. Like his worst fears will be confirmed if he does. – Still In Love
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-went-on-facebook-found-the-girl-hes-cheating-with-but-im-pregnant/
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Today Is "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have a question for you, now-from a guy’s perspective.
I have always known I am a great “catch”- and before you start on arrogance, sometimes it’s simply the truth. I’m very good looking, I was raised very well by my mother and with my sister to guide me and boost my confidence growing up by showing me off to everybody, and with my brother to boost my “alpha-male” ism to realize that the true alpha male is educated, well mannered, resilient and strong.
I am quite brilliant scholastically and have never had any issues whatsoever in my relations with women-as far as understanding and still being friends with every woman I have ever slept with. With regards to relations I have a very clear picture of the woman I need, and always have. It doesn’t mean I am not attracted to others, but when I know it won’t work-usually almost immediately-I tell the woman and explain why, but offer, if she wants, for us to be intimate-but with the understanding that it will never, ever work-no matter what. Never.
I say this because I’m always working, either on one thing or another, and I know what it means to sometimes just want someone to cook for-in the intimate, flirty way and not the soup kitchen or buffet way. Most women get that, and we get together and we are usually very freaky, mainly because of the basis of us never being more, and within the stipulations of the deal we are very happy until something or other pulls us apart. We then usually part for some time, meet again and we’re friends, because, at least in my case, my lifestyle and behavior changes and having explored whatever side of me that woman appealed to I’m now digging for more. This has been my life-my whole life, until the last one.
Beautiful, and on the surface everything I wanted. I told myself, as I am so capable in forging relationships where we can be as freaky as we want to be that when I settle down if I put in the effort and be adaptable to something I never in my life tried before-the “girlfriend to wife” experience, as I would never date someone who isn’t wife potential, and therefore had more control over my life.
I didn’t know that the girl had baggage; whereas I live by the “truth hurts, if you’re scared go to church” law where if it’s on the table and you’re ok with it don’t bother me later rule, she was lying about everything, and drama to high heaven and overall, while she was supportive and made for good company when she wanted to, she was such a miserable, unholy monster at a flick of the switch that I was, at the end, dumping her so frequently, before she’d cry, call my mom to “explain” then my mom would tell me to be “more forgiving and more understanding”-and I would try, taking the adage “playing the fool in the relationship” to the next level, before more drama and the cycle continued.
I finally called her on it, and told her to either shape up or we’re done-and she left. This was seven years into the relationship, if we don’t count an 11 month courtship where she was studying me and portraying herself as my compatible mate.
It took me another six months or more of counseling before I was ok with it all-there was even more drama and revelations after she left, and honestly a movie of the week could not tell it better. I, when it was done and she was asking for friendship and I told her the same qualities of friends are those of lovers-so all the lies and games needed to be addressed and answered for, gave her the option of earning my friendship by facing what she did and the harm it caused.
She refused, and became belligerent and even more drama came out of it. My mom, who knows how I keep the world away with only two close friends that I’ve known 26 years and we still call each other on birthdays and our families are close-besides my family, with the rest of the world distant acquaintances defined by purpose (co worker, gym partner, etc) begged me to understand that we all have our problems and to forgive. I told her forgive doesnt mean to continue to put up with, and with this girl not addressing her -ish it would only happen again, even as a friend.
A year and a half of her messaging over something and my being civil and answering, then trying to talk to me and when I bring up the point I made belligerent behavior to cut the talk short, just to do it again, and will birthdays and holidays and everything having passed, she this year sends me a happy birthday greeting.
Now, to me, this was absolute madness. Granted, she has made a point to maintain friendships with my family-the females, anyway, and I have no problem with that-they know not to talk about me with her, and we’re seeing if the roots will hold or if after not getting info on me she will eventually drift, but her and I are not friends.
I don’t believe I could ever hate someone-I have disgust for certain ways, and that sort of thing, but even now can say I have never hated, and I especially don’t hate someone I spent eight years trying like I feel people should to understand and forgive and work with-but I made plain as day that her disrespect and unwillingness to respect my needs to move forward makes her unwelcome-over and over again.
A year and a half later, and I am so thoroughly turned off from relationships of any sort that I have turned down many lovely women-including one who blasted me dumb, completely unable to even explain that I was going down the block when we bumped into each other-and we know each other, because if anything she was even more beautiful than when I last saw her-and again, if you understand my life and ways that just doesn’t happen, except for her and the ex, and I have become even more reclusive in nature, putting together two businesses that are now running themselves and working on yet another degree while working in my chosen field and still accepting contract work for a field in some other degrees I have.
I guess my question is: is this woman simply crazy-or evil, trying to push the limits of my patience and understanding for some reason known only to her? There’s no attraction or want left-just the same level of “what’s wrong with people today” that I generally reserve for everyone. Even my mom understood how inappropriate it was to send me greeting after essentially telling me to be friends but my feelings don’t matter for a year and a half, and she didn’t back her up, for once.
I’m all about “if you know you have issues and are willing to face them then ok, if you want, I will help” and that sort of thing-but this doesn’t seem to be that. Malice is not a prerequisite for anti-social behavioral disorders, either, so my not picking up ill intent doesn’t mean anything, either.
Should I want to be friends with such a person? How best do I hammer home the annoyance I feel at explaining the dynamics of the obvious to someone who has known and lived with me for close to a decade? Ideally, if I am able to be friends with casual ones then someone like that-it would be nice to at least be able to say hi in passing, and maybe emailing on the b-day…what do you think and suggest? Even thinking about this only turns me off more of dealing with the madness of a new relationship-or even something like I had before. I have gone “black monk” style, and as I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs or anything that really was my last vice.
~To give you an even better picture-I hated candy growing up, spinach stew is my favorite anything-only if my mom makes it, buying a new book is the equivalent of a Friday “night out” for me, I carry less than 7% body fat, speak four different languages, four degrees-almost at five, no kids, no debt, and I love to cook-and am a great one. I hate to clean and it’s usually my woman that I’ll make be the sociable one, and with a few smiles and nods I’m sociable by default-unless there’s a purpose, then I’m fine, but “small talk” kills me-especially “just because.” My closest friends are an Engineering Professor and the other is a Chef and I picked up my love of reading from my father and brother, and my father and I would translate the Bible in our spare time together.
My mom’s pastor shares the same birthday as I do, and we argue all the time on issues of the bible; I have made a life study of various spiritual and religious ways of being and thought.
I also have 26 years of martial arts, competed for 13, have stitched my own wounds, have beaten up 60 guys while working full time as a bouncer and going to school full time-by myself, I never believe that “but and because” is an excuse for poor behavior, and, like I said, whatever I wanted-to sleep with twin sisters, a girl and her best friend, one of my supply teachers, a girl in a…you get the point, my rule was be honest and let her, as a grown woman, decide. So, I think I’m a good man and in need of an idea of the most “right” way of handling someone who seems to want to be in contact, despite so many evil things, because of the years and the effort I put in and the tragic sad feel I have about it all, and whether simply telling her “call me when you can face your evil ways-otherwise never-ever call me, unless something comes up that absolutely no one else that you know of on God’s Earth can help you with. Also, I’ll never lend you money, but I will give it to you, on the premise that you can never ask for that type of help again. A one time favour!” is sufficient to warrant never replying and blocking her emails until some indicator of that day comes. Thanks and looking forward to this. – An Educated Man
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/how-to-get-rid-of-an-ex/
I have a question for you, now-from a guy’s perspective.
I have always known I am a great “catch”- and before you start on arrogance, sometimes it’s simply the truth. I’m very good looking, I was raised very well by my mother and with my sister to guide me and boost my confidence growing up by showing me off to everybody, and with my brother to boost my “alpha-male” ism to realize that the true alpha male is educated, well mannered, resilient and strong.
I am quite brilliant scholastically and have never had any issues whatsoever in my relations with women-as far as understanding and still being friends with every woman I have ever slept with. With regards to relations I have a very clear picture of the woman I need, and always have. It doesn’t mean I am not attracted to others, but when I know it won’t work-usually almost immediately-I tell the woman and explain why, but offer, if she wants, for us to be intimate-but with the understanding that it will never, ever work-no matter what. Never.
I say this because I’m always working, either on one thing or another, and I know what it means to sometimes just want someone to cook for-in the intimate, flirty way and not the soup kitchen or buffet way. Most women get that, and we get together and we are usually very freaky, mainly because of the basis of us never being more, and within the stipulations of the deal we are very happy until something or other pulls us apart. We then usually part for some time, meet again and we’re friends, because, at least in my case, my lifestyle and behavior changes and having explored whatever side of me that woman appealed to I’m now digging for more. This has been my life-my whole life, until the last one.
Beautiful, and on the surface everything I wanted. I told myself, as I am so capable in forging relationships where we can be as freaky as we want to be that when I settle down if I put in the effort and be adaptable to something I never in my life tried before-the “girlfriend to wife” experience, as I would never date someone who isn’t wife potential, and therefore had more control over my life.
I didn’t know that the girl had baggage; whereas I live by the “truth hurts, if you’re scared go to church” law where if it’s on the table and you’re ok with it don’t bother me later rule, she was lying about everything, and drama to high heaven and overall, while she was supportive and made for good company when she wanted to, she was such a miserable, unholy monster at a flick of the switch that I was, at the end, dumping her so frequently, before she’d cry, call my mom to “explain” then my mom would tell me to be “more forgiving and more understanding”-and I would try, taking the adage “playing the fool in the relationship” to the next level, before more drama and the cycle continued.
I finally called her on it, and told her to either shape up or we’re done-and she left. This was seven years into the relationship, if we don’t count an 11 month courtship where she was studying me and portraying herself as my compatible mate.
It took me another six months or more of counseling before I was ok with it all-there was even more drama and revelations after she left, and honestly a movie of the week could not tell it better. I, when it was done and she was asking for friendship and I told her the same qualities of friends are those of lovers-so all the lies and games needed to be addressed and answered for, gave her the option of earning my friendship by facing what she did and the harm it caused.
She refused, and became belligerent and even more drama came out of it. My mom, who knows how I keep the world away with only two close friends that I’ve known 26 years and we still call each other on birthdays and our families are close-besides my family, with the rest of the world distant acquaintances defined by purpose (co worker, gym partner, etc) begged me to understand that we all have our problems and to forgive. I told her forgive doesnt mean to continue to put up with, and with this girl not addressing her -ish it would only happen again, even as a friend.
A year and a half of her messaging over something and my being civil and answering, then trying to talk to me and when I bring up the point I made belligerent behavior to cut the talk short, just to do it again, and will birthdays and holidays and everything having passed, she this year sends me a happy birthday greeting.
Now, to me, this was absolute madness. Granted, she has made a point to maintain friendships with my family-the females, anyway, and I have no problem with that-they know not to talk about me with her, and we’re seeing if the roots will hold or if after not getting info on me she will eventually drift, but her and I are not friends.
I don’t believe I could ever hate someone-I have disgust for certain ways, and that sort of thing, but even now can say I have never hated, and I especially don’t hate someone I spent eight years trying like I feel people should to understand and forgive and work with-but I made plain as day that her disrespect and unwillingness to respect my needs to move forward makes her unwelcome-over and over again.
A year and a half later, and I am so thoroughly turned off from relationships of any sort that I have turned down many lovely women-including one who blasted me dumb, completely unable to even explain that I was going down the block when we bumped into each other-and we know each other, because if anything she was even more beautiful than when I last saw her-and again, if you understand my life and ways that just doesn’t happen, except for her and the ex, and I have become even more reclusive in nature, putting together two businesses that are now running themselves and working on yet another degree while working in my chosen field and still accepting contract work for a field in some other degrees I have.
I guess my question is: is this woman simply crazy-or evil, trying to push the limits of my patience and understanding for some reason known only to her? There’s no attraction or want left-just the same level of “what’s wrong with people today” that I generally reserve for everyone. Even my mom understood how inappropriate it was to send me greeting after essentially telling me to be friends but my feelings don’t matter for a year and a half, and she didn’t back her up, for once.
I’m all about “if you know you have issues and are willing to face them then ok, if you want, I will help” and that sort of thing-but this doesn’t seem to be that. Malice is not a prerequisite for anti-social behavioral disorders, either, so my not picking up ill intent doesn’t mean anything, either.
Should I want to be friends with such a person? How best do I hammer home the annoyance I feel at explaining the dynamics of the obvious to someone who has known and lived with me for close to a decade? Ideally, if I am able to be friends with casual ones then someone like that-it would be nice to at least be able to say hi in passing, and maybe emailing on the b-day…what do you think and suggest? Even thinking about this only turns me off more of dealing with the madness of a new relationship-or even something like I had before. I have gone “black monk” style, and as I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs or anything that really was my last vice.
~To give you an even better picture-I hated candy growing up, spinach stew is my favorite anything-only if my mom makes it, buying a new book is the equivalent of a Friday “night out” for me, I carry less than 7% body fat, speak four different languages, four degrees-almost at five, no kids, no debt, and I love to cook-and am a great one. I hate to clean and it’s usually my woman that I’ll make be the sociable one, and with a few smiles and nods I’m sociable by default-unless there’s a purpose, then I’m fine, but “small talk” kills me-especially “just because.” My closest friends are an Engineering Professor and the other is a Chef and I picked up my love of reading from my father and brother, and my father and I would translate the Bible in our spare time together.
My mom’s pastor shares the same birthday as I do, and we argue all the time on issues of the bible; I have made a life study of various spiritual and religious ways of being and thought.
I also have 26 years of martial arts, competed for 13, have stitched my own wounds, have beaten up 60 guys while working full time as a bouncer and going to school full time-by myself, I never believe that “but and because” is an excuse for poor behavior, and, like I said, whatever I wanted-to sleep with twin sisters, a girl and her best friend, one of my supply teachers, a girl in a…you get the point, my rule was be honest and let her, as a grown woman, decide. So, I think I’m a good man and in need of an idea of the most “right” way of handling someone who seems to want to be in contact, despite so many evil things, because of the years and the effort I put in and the tragic sad feel I have about it all, and whether simply telling her “call me when you can face your evil ways-otherwise never-ever call me, unless something comes up that absolutely no one else that you know of on God’s Earth can help you with. Also, I’ll never lend you money, but I will give it to you, on the premise that you can never ask for that type of help again. A one time favour!” is sufficient to warrant never replying and blocking her emails until some indicator of that day comes. Thanks and looking forward to this. – An Educated Man
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/how-to-get-rid-of-an-ex/
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
My daughter’s mother and I have been off and on for 4 and a half years. Although a long term relationship never developed we have remained to be close and supportive on raising our daughter as a team. We’ve gone through so many problems and fights that I highly doubt we would work out as a couple but recently I have actually overlooked the past problems we’ve had (the disrespect of each other’s family, the late night one sided shouting matches, the phone calls to the authorities) and have tried to clean up my trysts to be a quality boyfriend.
In the past I was not interested in committing long term to anyone. I’m only 23 years old. Two months ago, she has made it clear that over the 4 1/2 years she has had a friend that she loves and grown interested in being with. I mean she pulled out all of the stops to make it known that she is heavily interested in him, going as far to mention he wanted to marry her and she regrets not going forth with it. I will admit that it stung given I do deeply care for her, but I understand that if I do not commit someone else will and if it bothers me then I have no one to blame but myself. I voiced my feelings but I was supportive of her decision. Her seeing my genuine aspect on the situation, she elected to break it off with him and pursue something with me. For once I was apt to it. But now I do not know what to do.
A few weeks ago she had left a conversation open that she had with him. Curiosity got the best of me and I read it. After such I did approach her about it, but I expressed that it was none of my business. I was wrong to even invade her personal privacy and sincerely apologized. I could have easily just chalked it up and kept it secret but I’m trying to be upfront and honest more. My point is I recognized that it was not for me to see because it didn’t concern me (regardless some of the conversations were about me).
Now that the back story has been provided… Those 2 months prior while we were having major issues, I must stress that we were not in a committed relationship (that’s evident since she was entertaining marriage with him). I am pretty proud of my “lower region” and during one night of extreme boldness, I made a video of myself showing off my package. I then sent it to any friend who had an interest in seeing what qualities I possess below the belt. I have no shame in what I done because that’s my personal business that doesn’t affect anyone but me and the persons I sent it to.
Well recently, my daughter’s mother was going through my e-mails and found the string of outgoing e-mails of me sending it to people. Mind you this happened 2 months ago so she would have had to search to find something incriminating. Her findings led to a one-sided argument wherein I had no remorse over the situation. In fact I felt it was similar to me violating her personal space. However, not once during the argument did she admit her wrongdoing or even apologized. Also, in the group of people was a bi-sexual male friend who enjoys seeing such. I don’t mind because with most friends it’s a “look at what you can’t touch.” But her noticing his name, she proceeded to call me gay and wondering if I am really bi-sexual. I have no attraction to him at all, or any male in that regard. I’m guilty of just showing off, no matter what gender the eyes are.
My questions are: What’s the difference between her snooping and my snooping? Am I wrong to not feel an ounce of remorse? Am I really gay and just don’t know it!?! I need it straight from my gay best friend! – Trying To Make Sense Of It All
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-snooped-on-each-other-she-found-a-naked-video-i-sent-to-my-friends/
My daughter’s mother and I have been off and on for 4 and a half years. Although a long term relationship never developed we have remained to be close and supportive on raising our daughter as a team. We’ve gone through so many problems and fights that I highly doubt we would work out as a couple but recently I have actually overlooked the past problems we’ve had (the disrespect of each other’s family, the late night one sided shouting matches, the phone calls to the authorities) and have tried to clean up my trysts to be a quality boyfriend.
In the past I was not interested in committing long term to anyone. I’m only 23 years old. Two months ago, she has made it clear that over the 4 1/2 years she has had a friend that she loves and grown interested in being with. I mean she pulled out all of the stops to make it known that she is heavily interested in him, going as far to mention he wanted to marry her and she regrets not going forth with it. I will admit that it stung given I do deeply care for her, but I understand that if I do not commit someone else will and if it bothers me then I have no one to blame but myself. I voiced my feelings but I was supportive of her decision. Her seeing my genuine aspect on the situation, she elected to break it off with him and pursue something with me. For once I was apt to it. But now I do not know what to do.
A few weeks ago she had left a conversation open that she had with him. Curiosity got the best of me and I read it. After such I did approach her about it, but I expressed that it was none of my business. I was wrong to even invade her personal privacy and sincerely apologized. I could have easily just chalked it up and kept it secret but I’m trying to be upfront and honest more. My point is I recognized that it was not for me to see because it didn’t concern me (regardless some of the conversations were about me).
Now that the back story has been provided… Those 2 months prior while we were having major issues, I must stress that we were not in a committed relationship (that’s evident since she was entertaining marriage with him). I am pretty proud of my “lower region” and during one night of extreme boldness, I made a video of myself showing off my package. I then sent it to any friend who had an interest in seeing what qualities I possess below the belt. I have no shame in what I done because that’s my personal business that doesn’t affect anyone but me and the persons I sent it to.
Well recently, my daughter’s mother was going through my e-mails and found the string of outgoing e-mails of me sending it to people. Mind you this happened 2 months ago so she would have had to search to find something incriminating. Her findings led to a one-sided argument wherein I had no remorse over the situation. In fact I felt it was similar to me violating her personal space. However, not once during the argument did she admit her wrongdoing or even apologized. Also, in the group of people was a bi-sexual male friend who enjoys seeing such. I don’t mind because with most friends it’s a “look at what you can’t touch.” But her noticing his name, she proceeded to call me gay and wondering if I am really bi-sexual. I have no attraction to him at all, or any male in that regard. I’m guilty of just showing off, no matter what gender the eyes are.
My questions are: What’s the difference between her snooping and my snooping? Am I wrong to not feel an ounce of remorse? Am I really gay and just don’t know it!?! I need it straight from my gay best friend! – Trying To Make Sense Of It All
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-snooped-on-each-other-she-found-a-naked-video-i-sent-to-my-friends/
Monday, April 25, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am in a situation. I just met my husband’s fiancé. For the past year he has been cheating on me with her and told my 6 year old son that’s his new mommy. The only clue I had was my son asking does he have two mommies. When I would ask my husband about it, he would say that’s his old sergeant’s wife (we were both in the Army so I had no reason not to believe him).
He cheated on me about 5 years ago but I forgave him and stayed (like an idiot). I want to leave but he has put me in a worse situation because he got a job in another state so I quit my job and am about to pull my son out of school. I have friends but I’d rather not be broke and homeless, but right now I don’t want to go with him. My question is should I go with him or should I leave immediately? – My Husband Got Me In A Bind
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-husband-has-been-cheating-for-the-past-year-shes-his-fiance/
I am in a situation. I just met my husband’s fiancé. For the past year he has been cheating on me with her and told my 6 year old son that’s his new mommy. The only clue I had was my son asking does he have two mommies. When I would ask my husband about it, he would say that’s his old sergeant’s wife (we were both in the Army so I had no reason not to believe him).
He cheated on me about 5 years ago but I forgave him and stayed (like an idiot). I want to leave but he has put me in a worse situation because he got a job in another state so I quit my job and am about to pull my son out of school. I have friends but I’d rather not be broke and homeless, but right now I don’t want to go with him. My question is should I go with him or should I leave immediately? – My Husband Got Me In A Bind
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-husband-has-been-cheating-for-the-past-year-shes-his-fiance/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
So, I have been with my man for 2 years. We live together and have now for over a year. It just seems lately that he is very distracted and more interested in what his ex wants or needs. He does have a 15 year old with her, but I feel he should only have contact with his ex when it comes to his child. He is still paying her car insurance and I am afraid he is doing that to hold on to whatever he can. What do I have to do to get him to finally let go? I am so confused and I am also sick of wasting my time if he can’t be fully devoted to this relationship. Please help – Hoping He Moves On
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-man-wont-let-his-ex-go-he-is-paying-her-car-insurance/
So, I have been with my man for 2 years. We live together and have now for over a year. It just seems lately that he is very distracted and more interested in what his ex wants or needs. He does have a 15 year old with her, but I feel he should only have contact with his ex when it comes to his child. He is still paying her car insurance and I am afraid he is doing that to hold on to whatever he can. What do I have to do to get him to finally let go? I am so confused and I am also sick of wasting my time if he can’t be fully devoted to this relationship. Please help – Hoping He Moves On
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-man-wont-let-his-ex-go-he-is-paying-her-car-insurance/
Rapper Lil B Receives Death Threats For His Controversial Album Title, "I'm Gay"
Lil B's 'I'm Gay' Album Title Results In Death Threats
Huffington Post
Rapper Lil B is coming out as a straight, gay man, and it's costing him many of his hard-earned fans. Not that it bothers him.
The rising hip-hop MC and former member of The Pack announced earlier in April that he planned to name his upcoming album "I'm Gay," despite not being a homosexual. For him, it's a re-appropriation of the word, as well as a statement in support of the gay community.
"I'm very gay, but I love women. I'm not attracted to men in any way. I've never been attracted to a man in my life. But yes I am gay, I'm so happy. I'm a gay, heterosexual male," he told MTV. "I got major love for the gay and lesbian community, and I just want to push less separation and that's why I'm doing it."
Even so, the album title has spawned a nasty backlash against him, as he said he's "many of my supporters have turned on me," and he gets messages from some saying "I'm gonna bash your head in," "you fa**ot," and 'I'm gonna kill you."
The Berkeley-based rapper said that he's trying to break barriers in the hip-hop world; former MTV producer and hip-hop expert Terrence Dean recently wrote a book, titled "Hiding In Hip Hop: On The Down Low in the Entertainment Industry From Music to Hollywood," about being a gay member of the rap community and the hurdles that those involved still need to overcome in a column for HelloBeautiful.com.
"Hip Hop is a culture and environment which does not provide a safe place for an artist to come forward or to come out," he wrote. "If you listen to many rap lyrics they promote hate and gay-bashing. It is an environment where the thug and gangster mentality is prevalent. Artists boast of a hyper-masculine bravado, with their crotch-grabbing, degradation of women, and their braggadocios lyrical slaying about the number of women they've slept with and children they’ve produced."
It's those type of examples that Lil B said he's trying to fight against.
You can read the full story, HERE:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/24/lil-bs-im-gay-album-title-death-threats_n_852994.html
Friday, April 22, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
In July 2010, I met a man and he is awesome. He is a breath of fresh air. He came into my life when I thought I would never know how it feels to be treated like a queen. I am so happy. I am 35 years old and he is 41 years old.
He does everything that a man is supposed to do. If I need it I don’t even have to ask. He loves my children, and my confidence level is on steroids right now. There is not a day that goes by that he doesn’t tell me how beautiful or FINE I am, however you know there is always some TEE.
A couple of weeks after we met he told me that he had something to tell me. He is married and they had been separated for 4 years. He moved back in with his wife about 3 years ago after a car accident and health problems as well as his kids, and now I’m in love with a married man. They have a handicapped child that will never be independent and also 2 other children. He told me that he is very unhappy but he is just waiting until the youngest starts junior high school which is in a year.
We do everything together and go out everywhere together. When his birthday came around he had a huge birthday party and I was his date. I have never dated a married man, and I know it’s wrong but it’s so hard to find a good man and well he is good to me. Sugar Honey Ice Tea Please help me. – So In Love
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/its-wrong-but-im-in-love-with-a-married-man-he-plans-to-leave-his-wife/
In July 2010, I met a man and he is awesome. He is a breath of fresh air. He came into my life when I thought I would never know how it feels to be treated like a queen. I am so happy. I am 35 years old and he is 41 years old.
He does everything that a man is supposed to do. If I need it I don’t even have to ask. He loves my children, and my confidence level is on steroids right now. There is not a day that goes by that he doesn’t tell me how beautiful or FINE I am, however you know there is always some TEE.
A couple of weeks after we met he told me that he had something to tell me. He is married and they had been separated for 4 years. He moved back in with his wife about 3 years ago after a car accident and health problems as well as his kids, and now I’m in love with a married man. They have a handicapped child that will never be independent and also 2 other children. He told me that he is very unhappy but he is just waiting until the youngest starts junior high school which is in a year.
We do everything together and go out everywhere together. When his birthday came around he had a huge birthday party and I was his date. I have never dated a married man, and I know it’s wrong but it’s so hard to find a good man and well he is good to me. Sugar Honey Ice Tea Please help me. – So In Love
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/its-wrong-but-im-in-love-with-a-married-man-he-plans-to-leave-his-wife/
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been married for 18 months and I am miserable! My husband and I met through a mutual friend and we were never apart since. Everything was perfect! All of our friends were jealous of our relationship.
About a year and a half into our relationship he lost his job. It was at this point that everything started to fall apart. He was blaming me for everything, yet I was the only one supporting him mentally, and financially. I ended up breaking up with him, which was the hardest thing at the time. During the break up he invited me over one night and I got to witness him having sex with his ex!
He finally got a job where I was working as well. We still weren’t together but we were “talking” and working on getting back together. I showed up at his house and there he was with some girl that worked with us (yet another stab in my heart).
We finally got back together and a couple months later I was pregnant. He was so excited and I was so disappointed in myself. He insisted that we get married (even though I didn’t want to), so about a week before our daughter was born we went to the court house and got married. During my pregnancy he was not supportive at all. I didn’t have a job because the place we worked at was not a health place for a pregnant woman. He always threw it in my face that he pays the bills. I couldn’t turn the AC lower. There was rarely ever food that I could eat, and he hit my hand with a sandal in front of his family because I spoke to him in a way I shouldn’t have. When our daughter was born he left me in the hospital alone for the majority of the time. Needless to say I HATED my pregnancy!
After my daughter was born he seemed to change and it actually started to feel like it did in the beginning. My dad gave us one of his houses and his cousin moved in with us. About 6 months ago I caught him cheating! Since then he has tried to prove to me that he “loves” me and that he wants to be with me, but he has failed miserably! I can’t stand him and I have no respect for him anymore. Last night he told me to stop being a F#$%ing P*$$Y in front of our daughter. That was my last straw! I’m done! There is so many other problems it’s just disgusting, especially the fact that I don’t get along with his family and he always puts them above me and our daughter.
Just wanted to thank you for all the encouraging articles! My best friend is always making me read them! Regards – Fed Up
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-am-miserable-in-my-marriage-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do/
I have been married for 18 months and I am miserable! My husband and I met through a mutual friend and we were never apart since. Everything was perfect! All of our friends were jealous of our relationship.
About a year and a half into our relationship he lost his job. It was at this point that everything started to fall apart. He was blaming me for everything, yet I was the only one supporting him mentally, and financially. I ended up breaking up with him, which was the hardest thing at the time. During the break up he invited me over one night and I got to witness him having sex with his ex!
He finally got a job where I was working as well. We still weren’t together but we were “talking” and working on getting back together. I showed up at his house and there he was with some girl that worked with us (yet another stab in my heart).
We finally got back together and a couple months later I was pregnant. He was so excited and I was so disappointed in myself. He insisted that we get married (even though I didn’t want to), so about a week before our daughter was born we went to the court house and got married. During my pregnancy he was not supportive at all. I didn’t have a job because the place we worked at was not a health place for a pregnant woman. He always threw it in my face that he pays the bills. I couldn’t turn the AC lower. There was rarely ever food that I could eat, and he hit my hand with a sandal in front of his family because I spoke to him in a way I shouldn’t have. When our daughter was born he left me in the hospital alone for the majority of the time. Needless to say I HATED my pregnancy!
After my daughter was born he seemed to change and it actually started to feel like it did in the beginning. My dad gave us one of his houses and his cousin moved in with us. About 6 months ago I caught him cheating! Since then he has tried to prove to me that he “loves” me and that he wants to be with me, but he has failed miserably! I can’t stand him and I have no respect for him anymore. Last night he told me to stop being a F#$%ing P*$$Y in front of our daughter. That was my last straw! I’m done! There is so many other problems it’s just disgusting, especially the fact that I don’t get along with his family and he always puts them above me and our daughter.
Just wanted to thank you for all the encouraging articles! My best friend is always making me read them! Regards – Fed Up
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-am-miserable-in-my-marriage-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am a 20-year old college student and I’ve been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for almost a year. I have never been serious with any girl before this relationship and I am very happy with the way things are going. She is like my other half and I’ve never been more comfortable being myself around any other girl. It’s no secret that I value this relationship.
My girlfriend and I have had intimate conversations in the past and she always talks about how much she loves and trusts me. This kills me because when we first became a couple, I had an encounter with the girl I was sleeping with prior to our relationship who had gone away to school. I bumped into her at a club. She was in town from school. After the club, I received a text from her asking me to come over to her friend’s house. Next thing I know, I’m laying in the bed with her and we start kissing and we were naked before I knew it. By the way, I’m still a little buzzed from drinking at the club earlier. Anyway, I climb over her about to put it on her but I suddenly had a change of heart and got off the bed and got dressed. She was very understanding when I told her that I didn’t want to cheat and promised to never speak about it.
I have not had sexual contact with anyone other than my girlfriend since but I feel like telling her a secret like this could mess up the relationship because technically I still cheated. I do not want to give her trust issues for future relationships in case we separate one day. I am also afraid she will leave me and if she does take me back, she will not care to be faithful because she will feel her cheating is justified and it will bring more heartbreak and I’m not sure if I can bear it because I’ve never been hurt before. I was thinking if I bury this nobody will get hurt but I feel terrible because she really trusts me and I have already broken that trust. Should I tell her? – My Conscience Kills Me
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/cheating-boyfriend/
I am a 20-year old college student and I’ve been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for almost a year. I have never been serious with any girl before this relationship and I am very happy with the way things are going. She is like my other half and I’ve never been more comfortable being myself around any other girl. It’s no secret that I value this relationship.
My girlfriend and I have had intimate conversations in the past and she always talks about how much she loves and trusts me. This kills me because when we first became a couple, I had an encounter with the girl I was sleeping with prior to our relationship who had gone away to school. I bumped into her at a club. She was in town from school. After the club, I received a text from her asking me to come over to her friend’s house. Next thing I know, I’m laying in the bed with her and we start kissing and we were naked before I knew it. By the way, I’m still a little buzzed from drinking at the club earlier. Anyway, I climb over her about to put it on her but I suddenly had a change of heart and got off the bed and got dressed. She was very understanding when I told her that I didn’t want to cheat and promised to never speak about it.
I have not had sexual contact with anyone other than my girlfriend since but I feel like telling her a secret like this could mess up the relationship because technically I still cheated. I do not want to give her trust issues for future relationships in case we separate one day. I am also afraid she will leave me and if she does take me back, she will not care to be faithful because she will feel her cheating is justified and it will bring more heartbreak and I’m not sure if I can bear it because I’ve never been hurt before. I was thinking if I bury this nobody will get hurt but I feel terrible because she really trusts me and I have already broken that trust. Should I tell her? – My Conscience Kills Me
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/cheating-boyfriend/
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
XXL Magazine Interview: Terrance Dean on Mister Cee Scandal & Lil B’s Controversial Album Title
XXL Magazine Interview:
Terrance Dean on Mister Cee Scandal & Lil B’s Controversial Album Title
The openly gay author shares his thoughts on the Mister Cee scandal, says Lil B’s album title is revolutionary and shares his thoughts on pause and No Homo…
In the wake of Lil B titling his next album I’m Gay, and the DJ Mister Cee scandal, in which the Hot 97 personality was arrested after receiving fellatio from a man, according to Police reports, the topic of homophobia in hip-hop is sparking discussion. While little’s been said about Cee’s arrest aside from 50 Cent lending his support, Lil B has people talking. GLAAD, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, told XXL they hope B’s title isn’t a gimmick, while Freddie Gibbs, Talib Kweli and Killer Mike, had mixed reactions. Terrance Dean also has something to say. A former MTV Producer, he released Hiding in Hip-Hop: On the Down Low In the Entertainment Industry in 2008. The book documented a down low subculture in hip-hop he considers prevalent behind the scenes. XXL caught up with Dean to get his thoughts on the Mister Cee scandal and what Lil B’s album title could mean for gays in hip-hop, among other things. —Nicole Lopresti
XXLMag.com: What do you think about him naming his album I’m Gay and not being gay?
Terrance Dean: Well, yeah, that’s what I thought was ironic. It immediately took me back to the campaign we did at MTV where we said, “I have AIDS.” Will Smith, a lot of artists and celebrities were wearing the T-Shirts that said, “I have AIDS.” I think we have to realize that we are all a part of the community of hip-hop, so regardless of if it’s someone who’s gay or someone of a different color, you know, whatever faith, religion, things like that, we’re still called and build the body of hip-hop. It’s almost like you can’t deny yourself and still be a part of yourself, so for him to say, “I am gay,” it’s almost like a declaration saying, “You know what? There are gay people that make up hip-hop or are a part of it who help keep it going and who help idolize and be a part of the body of hip-hop.” Plus, we’re all gay in hip-hop. We’re all gangstas, we’re all whatever each person wants to say what they are a part of hip-hop. I think he’s revolutionary. I think with his lyrics and him thinking outside of the box with what he’s done so far as an underground artist, and I think he’s a part of a new guard that needs to be changed in hip-hop. It’s so antiquated. You look at hip-hop, you know there are—the people are old and 30 and 40 and 50 years old who are still trying to hold on to the way hip-hop used to be and not realizing that hip-hop is no longer the antiquated way that it used to be. There’s a new generation. New thoughts of hip-hop. That’s progressive. These young kids are very progressive.
XXL: You feel like Lil’ B’s a part of a more accepting generation?
TD: Exactly. Kids today are so much more accepting, so much more progressive in their thoughts. They have Twitter. They have Facebook. They have a new age way of communicating that we didn’t have before, so it was easier to suppress and keep things secret. That’s the hiding in hip-hop. We were able to do that because we didn’t have cell phones, video phones where we can leak pictures, leak a video. That technology didn’t exist, where today, kids have more accessibility to all those things. Especially with now for television to have, you know, images of gay people who are coming out in Hollywood, who are more than a part of the culture. That helps entertainment keep moving as far as Ellen [Degeneres] and Rosie O’ Donnell] and Andy. Those are the people. Clay Aiken, all those people who are coming forward.
XXL: Would it offend you, though, if Lil B’s whole motive was to garner this buzz and almost using the word “Gay” as a ploy?
TD: Well, I wouldn’t find it offensive as a ploy. I think it’s great marketing.
XXL: So you acknowledge it as a marketing tool?
TD: Yeah, but that’s because I come from the entertainment industry and I come from hip-hop. I know that everything is all about marketing, it’s all about the campaign, the branding, you know? It’s about how you position yourself and how you sell. I understand it, and I think people are much more savvy and smarter today than they were 10 or 15 years ago. I don’t think the public are that naive to believe that like, “Oh, wow! I don’t think this is a gimmick that he is doing.” I think they’re much more smarter now, and I think we do a disservice to a lot of people. We discredit them and play on their intelligence because the audience is very intelligent.
XXL: So what do you think about the whole Mister Cee situation?
TD: I think the reason why people such as Mister Cee, because it’s alleged and we have to wait ‘til June, which is ironically when my next book comes out, Mogul, which is ironically eerily similar to Mister Cee’s situation. But, I think what prevents a lot of men from coming out and acknowledging their sexuality is because we miss a whole section of men who identify as bisexual. So they don’t know. I think because we dismissed that part of the LGBT conversation, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender. We always forget the B, which is bisexual. And I think men who could be like Mister Cee, who are probably bisexual and who enjoy sex relationships with men and women, don’t know that that’s who they are because we tend to bump them in the category of, “Well, you’re with this man, so automatically, you’re gay…or you’re on the down-low.” And it’s like, well, no because there is that B-word, which is like bisexual. He could very much so, like a lot of men in hip-hop could be, bisexual, but they’re afraid to admit it. I don’t think they’re ready to admit to themselves. I don’t think women are ready to have that conversation of acceptance of letting a man be bisexual, when it’s very accepting of women to be.
You can read the entire interview, HERE:
http://www.xxlmag.com/features/2011/04/terrance-dean-on-mister-cee-scandal-lil-bs-controversial-album-title/
Terrance Dean on Mister Cee Scandal & Lil B’s Controversial Album Title
The openly gay author shares his thoughts on the Mister Cee scandal, says Lil B’s album title is revolutionary and shares his thoughts on pause and No Homo…
In the wake of Lil B titling his next album I’m Gay, and the DJ Mister Cee scandal, in which the Hot 97 personality was arrested after receiving fellatio from a man, according to Police reports, the topic of homophobia in hip-hop is sparking discussion. While little’s been said about Cee’s arrest aside from 50 Cent lending his support, Lil B has people talking. GLAAD, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, told XXL they hope B’s title isn’t a gimmick, while Freddie Gibbs, Talib Kweli and Killer Mike, had mixed reactions. Terrance Dean also has something to say. A former MTV Producer, he released Hiding in Hip-Hop: On the Down Low In the Entertainment Industry in 2008. The book documented a down low subculture in hip-hop he considers prevalent behind the scenes. XXL caught up with Dean to get his thoughts on the Mister Cee scandal and what Lil B’s album title could mean for gays in hip-hop, among other things. —Nicole Lopresti
XXLMag.com: What do you think about him naming his album I’m Gay and not being gay?
Terrance Dean: Well, yeah, that’s what I thought was ironic. It immediately took me back to the campaign we did at MTV where we said, “I have AIDS.” Will Smith, a lot of artists and celebrities were wearing the T-Shirts that said, “I have AIDS.” I think we have to realize that we are all a part of the community of hip-hop, so regardless of if it’s someone who’s gay or someone of a different color, you know, whatever faith, religion, things like that, we’re still called and build the body of hip-hop. It’s almost like you can’t deny yourself and still be a part of yourself, so for him to say, “I am gay,” it’s almost like a declaration saying, “You know what? There are gay people that make up hip-hop or are a part of it who help keep it going and who help idolize and be a part of the body of hip-hop.” Plus, we’re all gay in hip-hop. We’re all gangstas, we’re all whatever each person wants to say what they are a part of hip-hop. I think he’s revolutionary. I think with his lyrics and him thinking outside of the box with what he’s done so far as an underground artist, and I think he’s a part of a new guard that needs to be changed in hip-hop. It’s so antiquated. You look at hip-hop, you know there are—the people are old and 30 and 40 and 50 years old who are still trying to hold on to the way hip-hop used to be and not realizing that hip-hop is no longer the antiquated way that it used to be. There’s a new generation. New thoughts of hip-hop. That’s progressive. These young kids are very progressive.
XXL: You feel like Lil’ B’s a part of a more accepting generation?
TD: Exactly. Kids today are so much more accepting, so much more progressive in their thoughts. They have Twitter. They have Facebook. They have a new age way of communicating that we didn’t have before, so it was easier to suppress and keep things secret. That’s the hiding in hip-hop. We were able to do that because we didn’t have cell phones, video phones where we can leak pictures, leak a video. That technology didn’t exist, where today, kids have more accessibility to all those things. Especially with now for television to have, you know, images of gay people who are coming out in Hollywood, who are more than a part of the culture. That helps entertainment keep moving as far as Ellen [Degeneres] and Rosie O’ Donnell] and Andy. Those are the people. Clay Aiken, all those people who are coming forward.
XXL: Would it offend you, though, if Lil B’s whole motive was to garner this buzz and almost using the word “Gay” as a ploy?
TD: Well, I wouldn’t find it offensive as a ploy. I think it’s great marketing.
XXL: So you acknowledge it as a marketing tool?
TD: Yeah, but that’s because I come from the entertainment industry and I come from hip-hop. I know that everything is all about marketing, it’s all about the campaign, the branding, you know? It’s about how you position yourself and how you sell. I understand it, and I think people are much more savvy and smarter today than they were 10 or 15 years ago. I don’t think the public are that naive to believe that like, “Oh, wow! I don’t think this is a gimmick that he is doing.” I think they’re much more smarter now, and I think we do a disservice to a lot of people. We discredit them and play on their intelligence because the audience is very intelligent.
XXL: So what do you think about the whole Mister Cee situation?
TD: I think the reason why people such as Mister Cee, because it’s alleged and we have to wait ‘til June, which is ironically when my next book comes out, Mogul, which is ironically eerily similar to Mister Cee’s situation. But, I think what prevents a lot of men from coming out and acknowledging their sexuality is because we miss a whole section of men who identify as bisexual. So they don’t know. I think because we dismissed that part of the LGBT conversation, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender. We always forget the B, which is bisexual. And I think men who could be like Mister Cee, who are probably bisexual and who enjoy sex relationships with men and women, don’t know that that’s who they are because we tend to bump them in the category of, “Well, you’re with this man, so automatically, you’re gay…or you’re on the down-low.” And it’s like, well, no because there is that B-word, which is like bisexual. He could very much so, like a lot of men in hip-hop could be, bisexual, but they’re afraid to admit it. I don’t think they’re ready to admit to themselves. I don’t think women are ready to have that conversation of acceptance of letting a man be bisexual, when it’s very accepting of women to be.
You can read the entire interview, HERE:
http://www.xxlmag.com/features/2011/04/terrance-dean-on-mister-cee-scandal-lil-bs-controversial-album-title/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
So, a few weeks ago I was in Vegas with my best friend and this guy started hitting on me. We started talking and it turned out that we were both from L.A. and we hit it off (I’m 21 and he’s 35).
I’ve never been really wild or done anything crazy, but I just went with it and we ended up sleeping together. I fully expected it to be a one night stand, but then he called the next day and asked to see me. I was busy, but I said I could see him that Friday instead, and he said it was a plan. Come Friday he still hadn’t called and so I texted him to see if we still had plans and he said he wanted to meet at 10:30pm at his place. I agreed and went out with some friends that night and then he texted and moved back the time till 11 (He’s Jewish and he was at his parent’s house for Shabat).
So, I get to his place around 11:15 and he obviously expected sex but I said no and instead we just talked and fooled around and I got to know him a little bit (Turns out he’s a bookie. I didn’t see that one coming). A few days later I texted him to see if he wanted to get together again and he said yes and so we made plans for the following Tuesday. He had a basketball game and so he made the time 11pm once again. This time when I got there he let me in and then he went to his office to finish up some work and then he went to take a shower because he had just got back from his basketball game. After he got out of the shower we didn’t talk much but the sex was really good. The next morning he got up at 5am because he was playing in a golf tournament and I started to get up because after all this wasn’t my house and I’ve only seen the guy 3 times but he stopped me and told me to sleep in as long as I wanted.
A couple days later he called but I couldn’t pick up the phone because I was at work. And then a few days after that I texted him to say hi but he didn’t respond at all. I figured he must have forgotten and shrugged it off and than 3 days later I texted him again and once again no response. The next day I texted a third time (so 3 text messages in a week) and this time he responded and said that he was really busy and would text when he could. I figured it was a week before taxes and given that he ran an illegal business he was probably busy doctoring books or something so I shrugged it off. I waited till Friday to text him again and surprise, surprise, no response.
It’s been over a week and a half now since he sent me the text saying he was busy and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to come off as clingy but I really like him. Is it that difficult to answer a damn text message and say I’m having a really hectic week or is he just blowing me off and should I just delete him from my phone and move on. – I Really Like Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-met-in-vegas-hit-it-off-been-intimate-but-now-hes-ignorning-me/
So, a few weeks ago I was in Vegas with my best friend and this guy started hitting on me. We started talking and it turned out that we were both from L.A. and we hit it off (I’m 21 and he’s 35).
I’ve never been really wild or done anything crazy, but I just went with it and we ended up sleeping together. I fully expected it to be a one night stand, but then he called the next day and asked to see me. I was busy, but I said I could see him that Friday instead, and he said it was a plan. Come Friday he still hadn’t called and so I texted him to see if we still had plans and he said he wanted to meet at 10:30pm at his place. I agreed and went out with some friends that night and then he texted and moved back the time till 11 (He’s Jewish and he was at his parent’s house for Shabat).
So, I get to his place around 11:15 and he obviously expected sex but I said no and instead we just talked and fooled around and I got to know him a little bit (Turns out he’s a bookie. I didn’t see that one coming). A few days later I texted him to see if he wanted to get together again and he said yes and so we made plans for the following Tuesday. He had a basketball game and so he made the time 11pm once again. This time when I got there he let me in and then he went to his office to finish up some work and then he went to take a shower because he had just got back from his basketball game. After he got out of the shower we didn’t talk much but the sex was really good. The next morning he got up at 5am because he was playing in a golf tournament and I started to get up because after all this wasn’t my house and I’ve only seen the guy 3 times but he stopped me and told me to sleep in as long as I wanted.
A couple days later he called but I couldn’t pick up the phone because I was at work. And then a few days after that I texted him to say hi but he didn’t respond at all. I figured he must have forgotten and shrugged it off and than 3 days later I texted him again and once again no response. The next day I texted a third time (so 3 text messages in a week) and this time he responded and said that he was really busy and would text when he could. I figured it was a week before taxes and given that he ran an illegal business he was probably busy doctoring books or something so I shrugged it off. I waited till Friday to text him again and surprise, surprise, no response.
It’s been over a week and a half now since he sent me the text saying he was busy and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to come off as clingy but I really like him. Is it that difficult to answer a damn text message and say I’m having a really hectic week or is he just blowing me off and should I just delete him from my phone and move on. – I Really Like Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-met-in-vegas-hit-it-off-been-intimate-but-now-hes-ignorning-me/
Friday, April 15, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I really love (!) your book. “Straight from your Gay Best Friend,” is a super cute informative book. I am in a situation where your book really hit home in a lot of places. So, made me think what you would say to me. I’ll start from the beginning and only give you major details.
I was dating someone for 4 years, we were separated, working on things. October 2009 he passed away in a motorcycle accident. While working on things we were seeing other people. After he passed this other guy was completely there for me. He read the Bible to me at night while I fell asleep. He was just there. Eventually we started dating. He cheated on me with 2 girls. We all, including him, worked for the same company at the same location! Needless to say I gave him and them a piece of my mind and have never looked back.
Afterwards, I kinda “talked” to and dated 1 or 2 guys. Nothing serious. Then I come in contact with a man that I already knew. He was a very close friend of the guy who I dated that had passed. We were never really close before. My best friend and his friend were engaged to be married. This guy also liked our other friend who had a boyfriend. He saw me with a guy and told me he didn’t think he was good enough for me. I told him he deserved an amazing woman.
We both were in the wedding and that was our first date. We’ve been dating 10 months. He is a beautiful African-American man. He is generous and caring. I am amazed by him. Sounds perfect huh? He’s stopped being so sweet, he thinks romantic things are cliché, he’s going out every night, and we argue like crazy. But I’m completely in love with him.
Last week we got in a big argument, while we had been drinking. Majority of the time we argue is when we’ve been drinking. He broke up with me. Said he couldn’t deal with all the arguing. I had said that before but never took it that far. That same week we were talking about having a baby, but he thinks it’s too soon to move in together. I am lost! The next day we’re back together. I’ve taken this week away from him. I’ve seen him 3 days for very little amount time. I put a lot of myself into my relationships. I think I almost lose myself, so I refuse from now on.
I am curious where you think I and this man should go from here. I did the lists that you tell women to do in your book and he is everything I want. And has few things I don’t like. Is that too long?? Sorry! – Confused About How To Proceed
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-drink-argue-break-up-often-but-i-love-him-want-to-be-a-family/
I really love (!) your book. “Straight from your Gay Best Friend,” is a super cute informative book. I am in a situation where your book really hit home in a lot of places. So, made me think what you would say to me. I’ll start from the beginning and only give you major details.
I was dating someone for 4 years, we were separated, working on things. October 2009 he passed away in a motorcycle accident. While working on things we were seeing other people. After he passed this other guy was completely there for me. He read the Bible to me at night while I fell asleep. He was just there. Eventually we started dating. He cheated on me with 2 girls. We all, including him, worked for the same company at the same location! Needless to say I gave him and them a piece of my mind and have never looked back.
Afterwards, I kinda “talked” to and dated 1 or 2 guys. Nothing serious. Then I come in contact with a man that I already knew. He was a very close friend of the guy who I dated that had passed. We were never really close before. My best friend and his friend were engaged to be married. This guy also liked our other friend who had a boyfriend. He saw me with a guy and told me he didn’t think he was good enough for me. I told him he deserved an amazing woman.
We both were in the wedding and that was our first date. We’ve been dating 10 months. He is a beautiful African-American man. He is generous and caring. I am amazed by him. Sounds perfect huh? He’s stopped being so sweet, he thinks romantic things are cliché, he’s going out every night, and we argue like crazy. But I’m completely in love with him.
Last week we got in a big argument, while we had been drinking. Majority of the time we argue is when we’ve been drinking. He broke up with me. Said he couldn’t deal with all the arguing. I had said that before but never took it that far. That same week we were talking about having a baby, but he thinks it’s too soon to move in together. I am lost! The next day we’re back together. I’ve taken this week away from him. I’ve seen him 3 days for very little amount time. I put a lot of myself into my relationships. I think I almost lose myself, so I refuse from now on.
I am curious where you think I and this man should go from here. I did the lists that you tell women to do in your book and he is everything I want. And has few things I don’t like. Is that too long?? Sorry! – Confused About How To Proceed
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-drink-argue-break-up-often-but-i-love-him-want-to-be-a-family/
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Gay ex-employee alleges sexual misconduct, bias by Rev. Jackson and staff
Gay ex-employee alleges sexual misconduct, bias by Rev. Jackson and staff
By Janelle Richards
04/14/2011
A former employee of civil rights leader Rev. Jesse Jackson, Sr. has filed a discrimination complaint with Chicago's Commission on Human Rights, alleging that he was harassed by colleagues and by Jackson himself, and was terminated from his job at Jackson's Rainbow PUSH Coalition based on his sexual orientation.
The complaint was filed against Jackson and Rainbow PUSH in early 2010 by Tommy R. Bennett, 55, an openly gay Chicago man who is known for past appearances on The Tom Joyner Morning Show where fans know him as "Aruba Tommy."
Though it was filed less than three months after Bennett's termination in December 2009, the complaint only recently received the attention after a Chicago LGBT newspaper, the Windy City Times, published an article on the subject, which was then shared on twitter by Joyner and others.
The Chicago commission is still investigating the complaint and has two years from the time it was filed, according to Bennett's attorney Thomas Leverso said. The commission declined to release the complaint citing the pending investigation, but Leverso provided a copy to theGrio, along with the PUSH response to the complaint.
In its filing, PUSH and Jackson denied all of Bennett's allegations - including the claims that he was fired due to his sexuality, harassed on the job, and was forced to perform improper job duties because he is gay.
In the complaint, Bennett describes what he calls "demeaning and demoralizing tasks" that he was asked to perform as part of his duties for PUSH -- everything from escorting women to and from Jackson's hotel room and cleaning up after sexual intercourse, to fetching erectile dysfunction pills for Jackson and, in one instance, being asked to apply ointment to a rash on Jackson's inner thigh. He was asked to do these things, he says, because of his gender and his sexual orientation.
"They asked me to travel with the Reverend for just a couple of weeks, and that turned into a year," Bennett said in an interview with theGrio. "I would never apply for a job to pack his clothes, clean up the hotel room after he met different folks there, buy his underclothes. [But] I tried my best because I loved serving the community, and before my feelings, I put the community first.
You can read the entire story, HERE: http://www.thegrio.com/politics/gay-ex-employee-alleges-sexual-misconduct-bias-by-rev-jackson-and-staff.php
By Janelle Richards
04/14/2011
A former employee of civil rights leader Rev. Jesse Jackson, Sr. has filed a discrimination complaint with Chicago's Commission on Human Rights, alleging that he was harassed by colleagues and by Jackson himself, and was terminated from his job at Jackson's Rainbow PUSH Coalition based on his sexual orientation.
The complaint was filed against Jackson and Rainbow PUSH in early 2010 by Tommy R. Bennett, 55, an openly gay Chicago man who is known for past appearances on The Tom Joyner Morning Show where fans know him as "Aruba Tommy."
Though it was filed less than three months after Bennett's termination in December 2009, the complaint only recently received the attention after a Chicago LGBT newspaper, the Windy City Times, published an article on the subject, which was then shared on twitter by Joyner and others.
The Chicago commission is still investigating the complaint and has two years from the time it was filed, according to Bennett's attorney Thomas Leverso said. The commission declined to release the complaint citing the pending investigation, but Leverso provided a copy to theGrio, along with the PUSH response to the complaint.
In its filing, PUSH and Jackson denied all of Bennett's allegations - including the claims that he was fired due to his sexuality, harassed on the job, and was forced to perform improper job duties because he is gay.
In the complaint, Bennett describes what he calls "demeaning and demoralizing tasks" that he was asked to perform as part of his duties for PUSH -- everything from escorting women to and from Jackson's hotel room and cleaning up after sexual intercourse, to fetching erectile dysfunction pills for Jackson and, in one instance, being asked to apply ointment to a rash on Jackson's inner thigh. He was asked to do these things, he says, because of his gender and his sexual orientation.
"They asked me to travel with the Reverend for just a couple of weeks, and that turned into a year," Bennett said in an interview with theGrio. "I would never apply for a job to pack his clothes, clean up the hotel room after he met different folks there, buy his underclothes. [But] I tried my best because I loved serving the community, and before my feelings, I put the community first.
You can read the entire story, HERE: http://www.thegrio.com/politics/gay-ex-employee-alleges-sexual-misconduct-bias-by-rev-jackson-and-staff.php
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend' Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m 26 years old, employed, childless, independent, and have been dating a man for over a year now. My problem is that I’m not a very attractive girl. This statement doesn’t come from overwhelming insecurity, but rather from self-awareness. I’m overweight, have problem skin, a narrow smile, and alopecia (a condition where my hair does not grow). I try to overcome my shortcomings by dieting, using make-up, strategic posing, and weaves, but my pursuit to just look “average” is expensive, time-consuming, and ultimately, unsatisfying. The alternate of walking around looking like whatever doesn’t appeal to me either. (After all, I want to keep my man!). Are there other girls who feel the way I do? How can I get myself motivated to care more? Thanks! – Struggling With My Looks
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-unattractive-overweight-tired-of-trying-to-make-myself-look-good/
I’m 26 years old, employed, childless, independent, and have been dating a man for over a year now. My problem is that I’m not a very attractive girl. This statement doesn’t come from overwhelming insecurity, but rather from self-awareness. I’m overweight, have problem skin, a narrow smile, and alopecia (a condition where my hair does not grow). I try to overcome my shortcomings by dieting, using make-up, strategic posing, and weaves, but my pursuit to just look “average” is expensive, time-consuming, and ultimately, unsatisfying. The alternate of walking around looking like whatever doesn’t appeal to me either. (After all, I want to keep my man!). Are there other girls who feel the way I do? How can I get myself motivated to care more? Thanks! – Struggling With My Looks
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-unattractive-overweight-tired-of-trying-to-make-myself-look-good/
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
So, I’m a 22-year old female maybe that would help somewhere along this but I’m going to jump right into it. I have 2 men which are both my boyfriends. One is locked up and has been for a couple years now and I have been there for everything court dates, visits every week, commissary all of that. Then I have another guy I met him at work we hit it off once we laid eyes on each other and have been together since (that’s a year). My problem is the dude that’s locked up is going to be coming home within the next few months and I’m scared because I don’t know who to let go of. Surely I have to let go of 1 of them but I love both of them truly. I KNOW I shouldn’t have got myself into something like this but I am sooo HELP! – Which One To Choose
P.S. I just started reading your blogs like a week ago honey and I LOVE them. You keep it real and give it to them straight so where else to get better advice than from a gay man ; ) OK!
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-torn-between-two-men-one-is-in-prison-the-other-works-at-my-job/
So, I’m a 22-year old female maybe that would help somewhere along this but I’m going to jump right into it. I have 2 men which are both my boyfriends. One is locked up and has been for a couple years now and I have been there for everything court dates, visits every week, commissary all of that. Then I have another guy I met him at work we hit it off once we laid eyes on each other and have been together since (that’s a year). My problem is the dude that’s locked up is going to be coming home within the next few months and I’m scared because I don’t know who to let go of. Surely I have to let go of 1 of them but I love both of them truly. I KNOW I shouldn’t have got myself into something like this but I am sooo HELP! – Which One To Choose
P.S. I just started reading your blogs like a week ago honey and I LOVE them. You keep it real and give it to them straight so where else to get better advice than from a gay man ; ) OK!
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-torn-between-two-men-one-is-in-prison-the-other-works-at-my-job/
Monday, April 11, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Get a load of this: A female friend of yours is marrying this very handsome and dapper financier at a lavish Atlanta ceremony in June. You have really grown close to this woman in the last five years or so. She has a gay brother and loves gay people. Or so she says. Him, not so much. Everyone and their mother seems to be getting invited to her wedding and all of her many nuptial celebrations. You’re not. What’s the score? Would you be offended that she didn’t invite you to her wedding? When you mention this to her, she just smiles and say, “Awww, I understand,” or “It’s a small wedding. A lot of people weren’t invited.” – Soon To Be Former Friend Of The Married Woman
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-offended-that-my-good-friend-didnt-invite-me-to-her-wedding/
Get a load of this: A female friend of yours is marrying this very handsome and dapper financier at a lavish Atlanta ceremony in June. You have really grown close to this woman in the last five years or so. She has a gay brother and loves gay people. Or so she says. Him, not so much. Everyone and their mother seems to be getting invited to her wedding and all of her many nuptial celebrations. You’re not. What’s the score? Would you be offended that she didn’t invite you to her wedding? When you mention this to her, she just smiles and say, “Awww, I understand,” or “It’s a small wedding. A lot of people weren’t invited.” – Soon To Be Former Friend Of The Married Woman
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-offended-that-my-good-friend-didnt-invite-me-to-her-wedding/
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
me and my fiance has been together for 4 years. one night when we were drinking at my sisters house i fell asleep and when i woke up my fiance and my sister was on the floor making out. if i didnt wake up i think they probably would have had sex. i started hitting him and my sister jumped up and suddenly claimed he was trying to rape her. this all happened about 5 feet from where i was sleeping and she never screamed or tried to wake me up. my fiance isnt a big drinker but they drank a liter of teqila and two bottles of brandy that night. he said he was drunk and it should have never happened.
i ran out the house and he went to look for me. eventually he went back home. my sister kept saying he tried to rape her and i believed her at that time. we called the police and they locked him up. then we went to the hosp for a rape kit. my sisters story didnt sound right and i kept asking her why didnt she try to wake me up but she never said anything. when my fiance gave his statement to the police he said that my sister and him had a sexual relationship when me and him first started dating. he said that she gave him oral 5 times and also sid my other sister also tried to get him. i asked her and she denied it. i told him to move out of our apt and he did. i was so confused and hurt. the police let him go because my sisters story didnt make any sence.
when we started dating he moved from his state to live with me. he had no family or friends other than my family. my sister who was supposed to be my best friend was with us all the time. everywhere we went she was there. i was single for 7 years before him and me and my sister did everything together. eventually my fiance and my sister became buddies and started hanging out without me sometimes. he told me that when we would get into an arguement he would talk to her because i wouldnt talk to him. he said he knew she would tell me and then we can work it out. i think my sister took advantage of the problems we were having.
my whole family said that i had a good man. he is a good man. when we got together he took care of me and my 10 yr old son. my son has adhd and has emotional problems. he has been kicked out of alot of schools and his real father was never around. my fiance came in and changed our lives, but i didnt know how to reciprocate the love he was showing me because i was on my own for so long. so he always ran to my sister to get her to talk to me. but both my sisters were in bad relationships and always kept telling me how good my man was and even said they wished they had a man like mine.
when all of this went down he called me and told me everything. he would call everyday and tell me how much he loved me. he said it all happened in the beginning when we were having problems and i wouldnt talk to him. and after she gave him oral he even left and moved back home. we were apart for almost a year before he came back. since he came back we have had a great relationship. we r so much alike and he feels like my other half that has been missing. he came back and we have been going to counseling. me and my sister met and i asked her to tell me the truth but she denied them doing anything and even said that she had a crush on him. because my family believes her none of them will talk to me. i was the one that took care of them all but no one has even called to see if im ok. all they care about is that my fiance supposedly tried to rape my sister. she will not admit that they had something because then they family will know the truth. she even had a smirk on her face when she denied everything. i love him and we are engaged to be married. he didnt have to come back. he could have stayed where he was and forgot about me but he said he want to fight for us. my counselor sais my sister was jealous of what i had and i need to stop having my sister around my man. – Who To Believe
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-caught-my-fiance-sister-about-to-have-sex-but-she-says-it-was-rape/
me and my fiance has been together for 4 years. one night when we were drinking at my sisters house i fell asleep and when i woke up my fiance and my sister was on the floor making out. if i didnt wake up i think they probably would have had sex. i started hitting him and my sister jumped up and suddenly claimed he was trying to rape her. this all happened about 5 feet from where i was sleeping and she never screamed or tried to wake me up. my fiance isnt a big drinker but they drank a liter of teqila and two bottles of brandy that night. he said he was drunk and it should have never happened.
i ran out the house and he went to look for me. eventually he went back home. my sister kept saying he tried to rape her and i believed her at that time. we called the police and they locked him up. then we went to the hosp for a rape kit. my sisters story didnt sound right and i kept asking her why didnt she try to wake me up but she never said anything. when my fiance gave his statement to the police he said that my sister and him had a sexual relationship when me and him first started dating. he said that she gave him oral 5 times and also sid my other sister also tried to get him. i asked her and she denied it. i told him to move out of our apt and he did. i was so confused and hurt. the police let him go because my sisters story didnt make any sence.
when we started dating he moved from his state to live with me. he had no family or friends other than my family. my sister who was supposed to be my best friend was with us all the time. everywhere we went she was there. i was single for 7 years before him and me and my sister did everything together. eventually my fiance and my sister became buddies and started hanging out without me sometimes. he told me that when we would get into an arguement he would talk to her because i wouldnt talk to him. he said he knew she would tell me and then we can work it out. i think my sister took advantage of the problems we were having.
my whole family said that i had a good man. he is a good man. when we got together he took care of me and my 10 yr old son. my son has adhd and has emotional problems. he has been kicked out of alot of schools and his real father was never around. my fiance came in and changed our lives, but i didnt know how to reciprocate the love he was showing me because i was on my own for so long. so he always ran to my sister to get her to talk to me. but both my sisters were in bad relationships and always kept telling me how good my man was and even said they wished they had a man like mine.
when all of this went down he called me and told me everything. he would call everyday and tell me how much he loved me. he said it all happened in the beginning when we were having problems and i wouldnt talk to him. and after she gave him oral he even left and moved back home. we were apart for almost a year before he came back. since he came back we have had a great relationship. we r so much alike and he feels like my other half that has been missing. he came back and we have been going to counseling. me and my sister met and i asked her to tell me the truth but she denied them doing anything and even said that she had a crush on him. because my family believes her none of them will talk to me. i was the one that took care of them all but no one has even called to see if im ok. all they care about is that my fiance supposedly tried to rape my sister. she will not admit that they had something because then they family will know the truth. she even had a smirk on her face when she denied everything. i love him and we are engaged to be married. he didnt have to come back. he could have stayed where he was and forgot about me but he said he want to fight for us. my counselor sais my sister was jealous of what i had and i need to stop having my sister around my man. – Who To Believe
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-caught-my-fiance-sister-about-to-have-sex-but-she-says-it-was-rape/
Friday, April 8, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
i been seeing this guy for two years i met him when i was 22 from flordia and he was 38. i sstood him up from the first day. he approach me ask did i have a boyfreind or was i married i said no. i wasnt really looking for anybody i was wild. so he took me out on a date at a resturant expenstive. he then started trippen when his friend was chilling with my sister and she was talking on the phone about me and what i did so his friend told him about me then he was turned off by me then i started crying then he felt bad and let us date.
but things started to get bad he was constenty accused me of cheating and start fights.the argument we had was about was how he likes extra woman in the bedroom a threesome.i said no i am not going to do thatso he saids then i am going to find somebody esle to do that with. so hes says he loves me and sh*t but i dont believe him because he dose all of things to we fight alot i scarach him he be in the way so that i can bump him and sh*t.then when he drinks he startted talking about how hes tired of this sh*t. when i was in the bed sleeping the next morning hes all cool and sh*t.
but my concerns is that he looks around at women alot when we outor in his car any b****h walking. then he tells me these woman are so fine and that they be trying to hollar at him was i was out of town he was telling how pretty this girl was and that he turned her down .hes a good looking guy pretty straight teeth, tall handsome redbone. he has a really good job. i go to college and started this new job. i dont age is a difference along the person treat you good. he takes of his kids and sh*t i dont want any kids, no babymama drama.he has a wild sexual side we barely have sex anymore like everyday we use to not anymore.
my question is to you is you think that the wind blew him in another direction he always mention threesomes alot latley he gets mad when i cuss him out about the sh*t he says he change from his past. he sometimes talk about how fine a women his to my face and i complant on the girl looks but i think hes trying to turn me out. when he goes to bank two women like him and nice to him one girl was listening to our converstaion she was like oh i thought you was talking about me she is super ugly she thinks she is fine.to me i dont think he cares what a women looks like along she throws herself to them. anywomen comes his way he will talk. i think hes does that to make me jeouloes. at our old apartment alot of women would try to hollar at him.
then he told me this lady was trying to talk to him six times and seen her before and i talk to her shes all she wanted to do was be nice to me so she can talk to him.it was a time when this girl move in she claim she was a gay women she wasnt she f**k with dudes so she was looking at us onetime while we was kissing. when i wasnt around she would tried to talk to him and flirtwith him.when i wasnt home i came home he called here over in front of his friends talking to her about what she should get me for christmas. and i got mad and told him about why you talking to her anything what she should get me for christmas it was bullshit you got my sister number why didnt you called her.he said i was crazy and trippen about that. i was cool with her but not reaally shes ugly and werid looking. i saw her gay girlfirend two years later talking sh*t saying like he still drives that truck and was we still together and brother likes me and sh*t but hes wrong cause he has a girlfriend and he told me on the cool that his sister f***s with dudes.
so am like i havent seen this girl in two years and talking sh*t about my dude. so back i the old apartment i went up staris one time she nothing but lingere answering the door she probalby thought it was my man and sh*t and she look and me with my shorts on time. he told me that shes flirted with him always looking at him then she told his homeboy about she can see his d**k through is jeans when i confronted herabout shes need to stop talking to him when iam not around she said i was insured and i told it was disrepetful she didnt care behind his back she make faces smiling and sh*t then she listen to us agrued then she would tell him that we need to keep the noise down and then she told me a different story saying that she was going to call the cops to me not him shes was a hater.he told me i shouldnt said anything but whatever i felt was right i did.
then like we was living together he here nosies from here and ask her was she alright showing her concerned for what.then his ex used to comeover for three months harresing him she talk sh*t about me and him i dont even know her i see her shes fat short and head full of hair she help get out of jail he wanted to sleep with her so he dont have to pay here. but he paid her then like he when we went to the gas station togther this fat trashy b***h ask him number and she gave him his when i was in the trunck he was wild drunck i was talking to him about her she ghetto looking dont want anything at all.he stay with all these women didnt have to pay no bills at all. and he told me all this crazy ass sh*t they used to do for him,when we were togther women you to called him on his old cell phone number and text he called his ex once to.
he once ask me can he sleep with his babymama so that he can see his son i said no. my question is he bored with our relationship when he ask me for threesomes all the time and plays with me all the time about like he ask me to do a threesome with the girl at the bank saying shes ugly and you dont want to do a threesome with a fine pretty women i got mad cuss him and also he likes to watch porno on his phone alot dealing with threesomes at work on his break. i think hes emotionally about his past and all those crazy women. and he said that hes dose all this stuff for me and barely ask him for anything.aleast do that for him. then hes says i am sorry for saying that for me to forgive him for saying about the threesomes i dont think he change from his past. what should i do break up with before things get out of hand?
P.S. – I miss little information we went to the bank togther and the bank women like him and sh*t so like we was talking amongs ourself she was listening to our converstaion she was like oh i thought you was talking about me. we wasnt but i think shes flirting with him or being to nice to him shes all friendly hellos and she tried to be nice was like she like my shirt. di wonder does she like him or what? i thinks get flatter by that. i dont know what but like i said shes ugly and one time he found a number in my purse he broke up with me then we got back together i dont know why he did that was it saying any thing he fuss about for a week then he stop. dose it means he careswhen we got back together or he did something wrong he it didnt bother him. – Should I Have A Threesome
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-22-and-my-man-is-38-and-hes-pressuring-me-to-do-a-threesome/
i been seeing this guy for two years i met him when i was 22 from flordia and he was 38. i sstood him up from the first day. he approach me ask did i have a boyfreind or was i married i said no. i wasnt really looking for anybody i was wild. so he took me out on a date at a resturant expenstive. he then started trippen when his friend was chilling with my sister and she was talking on the phone about me and what i did so his friend told him about me then he was turned off by me then i started crying then he felt bad and let us date.
but things started to get bad he was constenty accused me of cheating and start fights.the argument we had was about was how he likes extra woman in the bedroom a threesome.i said no i am not going to do thatso he saids then i am going to find somebody esle to do that with. so hes says he loves me and sh*t but i dont believe him because he dose all of things to we fight alot i scarach him he be in the way so that i can bump him and sh*t.then when he drinks he startted talking about how hes tired of this sh*t. when i was in the bed sleeping the next morning hes all cool and sh*t.
but my concerns is that he looks around at women alot when we outor in his car any b****h walking. then he tells me these woman are so fine and that they be trying to hollar at him was i was out of town he was telling how pretty this girl was and that he turned her down .hes a good looking guy pretty straight teeth, tall handsome redbone. he has a really good job. i go to college and started this new job. i dont age is a difference along the person treat you good. he takes of his kids and sh*t i dont want any kids, no babymama drama.he has a wild sexual side we barely have sex anymore like everyday we use to not anymore.
my question is to you is you think that the wind blew him in another direction he always mention threesomes alot latley he gets mad when i cuss him out about the sh*t he says he change from his past. he sometimes talk about how fine a women his to my face and i complant on the girl looks but i think hes trying to turn me out. when he goes to bank two women like him and nice to him one girl was listening to our converstaion she was like oh i thought you was talking about me she is super ugly she thinks she is fine.to me i dont think he cares what a women looks like along she throws herself to them. anywomen comes his way he will talk. i think hes does that to make me jeouloes. at our old apartment alot of women would try to hollar at him.
then he told me this lady was trying to talk to him six times and seen her before and i talk to her shes all she wanted to do was be nice to me so she can talk to him.it was a time when this girl move in she claim she was a gay women she wasnt she f**k with dudes so she was looking at us onetime while we was kissing. when i wasnt around she would tried to talk to him and flirtwith him.when i wasnt home i came home he called here over in front of his friends talking to her about what she should get me for christmas. and i got mad and told him about why you talking to her anything what she should get me for christmas it was bullshit you got my sister number why didnt you called her.he said i was crazy and trippen about that. i was cool with her but not reaally shes ugly and werid looking. i saw her gay girlfirend two years later talking sh*t saying like he still drives that truck and was we still together and brother likes me and sh*t but hes wrong cause he has a girlfriend and he told me on the cool that his sister f***s with dudes.
so am like i havent seen this girl in two years and talking sh*t about my dude. so back i the old apartment i went up staris one time she nothing but lingere answering the door she probalby thought it was my man and sh*t and she look and me with my shorts on time. he told me that shes flirted with him always looking at him then she told his homeboy about she can see his d**k through is jeans when i confronted herabout shes need to stop talking to him when iam not around she said i was insured and i told it was disrepetful she didnt care behind his back she make faces smiling and sh*t then she listen to us agrued then she would tell him that we need to keep the noise down and then she told me a different story saying that she was going to call the cops to me not him shes was a hater.he told me i shouldnt said anything but whatever i felt was right i did.
then like we was living together he here nosies from here and ask her was she alright showing her concerned for what.then his ex used to comeover for three months harresing him she talk sh*t about me and him i dont even know her i see her shes fat short and head full of hair she help get out of jail he wanted to sleep with her so he dont have to pay here. but he paid her then like he when we went to the gas station togther this fat trashy b***h ask him number and she gave him his when i was in the trunck he was wild drunck i was talking to him about her she ghetto looking dont want anything at all.he stay with all these women didnt have to pay no bills at all. and he told me all this crazy ass sh*t they used to do for him,when we were togther women you to called him on his old cell phone number and text he called his ex once to.
he once ask me can he sleep with his babymama so that he can see his son i said no. my question is he bored with our relationship when he ask me for threesomes all the time and plays with me all the time about like he ask me to do a threesome with the girl at the bank saying shes ugly and you dont want to do a threesome with a fine pretty women i got mad cuss him and also he likes to watch porno on his phone alot dealing with threesomes at work on his break. i think hes emotionally about his past and all those crazy women. and he said that hes dose all this stuff for me and barely ask him for anything.aleast do that for him. then hes says i am sorry for saying that for me to forgive him for saying about the threesomes i dont think he change from his past. what should i do break up with before things get out of hand?
P.S. – I miss little information we went to the bank togther and the bank women like him and sh*t so like we was talking amongs ourself she was listening to our converstaion she was like oh i thought you was talking about me. we wasnt but i think shes flirting with him or being to nice to him shes all friendly hellos and she tried to be nice was like she like my shirt. di wonder does she like him or what? i thinks get flatter by that. i dont know what but like i said shes ugly and one time he found a number in my purse he broke up with me then we got back together i dont know why he did that was it saying any thing he fuss about for a week then he stop. dose it means he careswhen we got back together or he did something wrong he it didnt bother him. – Should I Have A Threesome
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-22-and-my-man-is-38-and-hes-pressuring-me-to-do-a-threesome/
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have spent a lot of time pondering if I should write. Not because I don’t trust your thoughts, but thought I would take time to figure it out myself. I’ve always been taught from a young age to go with my gut instinct. In this case, my gut has been totally confused, or should I say I’m letting my mind, heart, and gut swirl around my emotions and create mixed emotions.
Ok, so I’m currently single and have been through a world of hurt with a 10-year relationship (I’m only 30). I have since been out of that destructive relationship for two years. It made my spirit heavy with doubt for so long. It took time, but I have found myself again, I know my worth, will not settle and I’m happier than ever with my two boys.
However, I have a guy that has come back into my life. We dated briefly about 4 years ago, when I was on a break from the dysfunctional relationship. I knew I cared for him and was falling in love with him, but it was bad timing (on both sides). I knew I had to prioritize my life and get rid of the dysfunctional relationship and find my true self again. Since then, a lot has changed. He is back in my life, as friends only. He is a great support and I know that he would do anything for me. He always expresses his love for me and what I mean to him, but doesn’t push anything more on me past friends. My family and kids really like him and see what he can add to my life. I know that he is sincere and I know how I feel about him and I truly love that man.
He is supportive in every way from work, school, my kids and family. I’m not in a rush to walk down the aisle, but I would like to see where things go, and friendship is the best place to start any successful relationship. I’m open, ready and I know what I have to offer. I don’t expect anything I can’t give back. I believe in balance. I already have the sundae, and anything else is just sprinkles and the cherry to add to this new found happiness I’ve created.
So what I’m asking is do you see this being a good thing, something that could last? I’m not afraid of failure. I live with no regrets, only lessons. Just not sure why I’m so confused when I know who I am and what I want and how great he is. – Ready And Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-think-he-is-a-good-thing-but-im-not-sure-and-im-confused/
I have spent a lot of time pondering if I should write. Not because I don’t trust your thoughts, but thought I would take time to figure it out myself. I’ve always been taught from a young age to go with my gut instinct. In this case, my gut has been totally confused, or should I say I’m letting my mind, heart, and gut swirl around my emotions and create mixed emotions.
Ok, so I’m currently single and have been through a world of hurt with a 10-year relationship (I’m only 30). I have since been out of that destructive relationship for two years. It made my spirit heavy with doubt for so long. It took time, but I have found myself again, I know my worth, will not settle and I’m happier than ever with my two boys.
However, I have a guy that has come back into my life. We dated briefly about 4 years ago, when I was on a break from the dysfunctional relationship. I knew I cared for him and was falling in love with him, but it was bad timing (on both sides). I knew I had to prioritize my life and get rid of the dysfunctional relationship and find my true self again. Since then, a lot has changed. He is back in my life, as friends only. He is a great support and I know that he would do anything for me. He always expresses his love for me and what I mean to him, but doesn’t push anything more on me past friends. My family and kids really like him and see what he can add to my life. I know that he is sincere and I know how I feel about him and I truly love that man.
He is supportive in every way from work, school, my kids and family. I’m not in a rush to walk down the aisle, but I would like to see where things go, and friendship is the best place to start any successful relationship. I’m open, ready and I know what I have to offer. I don’t expect anything I can’t give back. I believe in balance. I already have the sundae, and anything else is just sprinkles and the cherry to add to this new found happiness I’ve created.
So what I’m asking is do you see this being a good thing, something that could last? I’m not afraid of failure. I live with no regrets, only lessons. Just not sure why I’m so confused when I know who I am and what I want and how great he is. – Ready And Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-think-he-is-a-good-thing-but-im-not-sure-and-im-confused/
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
My Op/Ed Piece On "Is Hip Hop Homophobic?"...
Check out this Op/Ed Piece I wrote about Hip Hop and Homophobia:
The internet and blogs have been abuzz with the recent allegations of legendary Hip Hop producer and popular radio DJ, Mister Cee, 44-years old, who was arrested for lewd acts with a 20-year old young man. It sent a shock wave throughout the Hip Hop community. A blow that knocked everyone off their feet. So much so, that radio personalities Funkmaster Flex and Ed Lover came to the defense of Mister Cee discounting the story as bogus and a hoax.
I watched and read the blogs and reader’s comments. Some were understanding and wanted to talk about Hip Hop’s dirty little secret of down low and gay men in Hip Hop. Others were not so kind. They ranted and raved about gays and their deviant behavior. I also listened as fans called into one particular radio station with their views on Mister Cee and answered the day’s topic, “Is Hip Hop homophobic? And, can a Hip Hop artist come out in society today?”
Read the full Op/Ed piece, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/hellobeautiful-original/terrancedean/mr-cee-hip-hop-homophobic/
The internet and blogs have been abuzz with the recent allegations of legendary Hip Hop producer and popular radio DJ, Mister Cee, 44-years old, who was arrested for lewd acts with a 20-year old young man. It sent a shock wave throughout the Hip Hop community. A blow that knocked everyone off their feet. So much so, that radio personalities Funkmaster Flex and Ed Lover came to the defense of Mister Cee discounting the story as bogus and a hoax.
I watched and read the blogs and reader’s comments. Some were understanding and wanted to talk about Hip Hop’s dirty little secret of down low and gay men in Hip Hop. Others were not so kind. They ranted and raved about gays and their deviant behavior. I also listened as fans called into one particular radio station with their views on Mister Cee and answered the day’s topic, “Is Hip Hop homophobic? And, can a Hip Hop artist come out in society today?”
Read the full Op/Ed piece, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/hellobeautiful-original/terrancedean/mr-cee-hip-hop-homophobic/
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I need some advice other than my parent’s advice. Their advice is great and all, but I would like to know what someone whom I absolutely do not know thinks.
Here’s the scenario. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 ½ years. I’m 22-years old and he’s 29-years old. I recently just had an awakening that this guy is not gonna do anything with his life. He smokes weed and cigarettes constantly, drinks, stays out all night, works at Wendy’s, etc., and I decided I want better.
My mother would always tell me that this was not the right guy for me, but I would always brush her advice off until recently. Around November of 2010 I decided to tell him how I feel. This n**** went BANANAS. I had to call the police twice and everything. He even called my mom a bitch and a whore, which was like a big NO-NO. By the way, my parents HATE him.
Now, he’s trying to act like he wants to do something with his life, which in a way it doesn’t seem fair because why did it have to take all of that for him to want to do something, in my opinion it’s like he’s trying to make me be with him. I would like to be with someone who already has his life established, no kids, etc., and is just waiting on me to complete his life who by the way, my parents tolerates. I’m pretty fed up with this guy who I have been seeing for about 3 ½ years, so anything he does to try to impress me is like I have no more interest whatsoever. What should I do? – Over Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-boyfriend-smokes-weed-stay-breakup/
I need some advice other than my parent’s advice. Their advice is great and all, but I would like to know what someone whom I absolutely do not know thinks.
Here’s the scenario. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 ½ years. I’m 22-years old and he’s 29-years old. I recently just had an awakening that this guy is not gonna do anything with his life. He smokes weed and cigarettes constantly, drinks, stays out all night, works at Wendy’s, etc., and I decided I want better.
My mother would always tell me that this was not the right guy for me, but I would always brush her advice off until recently. Around November of 2010 I decided to tell him how I feel. This n**** went BANANAS. I had to call the police twice and everything. He even called my mom a bitch and a whore, which was like a big NO-NO. By the way, my parents HATE him.
Now, he’s trying to act like he wants to do something with his life, which in a way it doesn’t seem fair because why did it have to take all of that for him to want to do something, in my opinion it’s like he’s trying to make me be with him. I would like to be with someone who already has his life established, no kids, etc., and is just waiting on me to complete his life who by the way, my parents tolerates. I’m pretty fed up with this guy who I have been seeing for about 3 ½ years, so anything he does to try to impress me is like I have no more interest whatsoever. What should I do? – Over Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-boyfriend-smokes-weed-stay-breakup/
Friday, April 1, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
My boyfriend says that he loves me, but he is not in love with me. We have been together for almost 5 years and he says that he is unhappy. He told me that he would have broken up with me a year ago, but I got cervical cancer and he wanted to see me through it, but now he is just unhappy with life. He said that he does not know if it is me, but he wants to take a break to see if he really wants to be alone. I cannot make without him. He is my whole world and there is no one in my life that means as much to me as he does. I have asked him for therapy and he says it will not help. I have asked for time and he said that will not help either. I need help. I cannot be without him. – Don’t Know What To Do
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-says-hes-unhappy-wants-a-break-but-i-cant-let-him-go-hes-my-world/
My boyfriend says that he loves me, but he is not in love with me. We have been together for almost 5 years and he says that he is unhappy. He told me that he would have broken up with me a year ago, but I got cervical cancer and he wanted to see me through it, but now he is just unhappy with life. He said that he does not know if it is me, but he wants to take a break to see if he really wants to be alone. I cannot make without him. He is my whole world and there is no one in my life that means as much to me as he does. I have asked him for therapy and he says it will not help. I have asked for time and he said that will not help either. I need help. I cannot be without him. – Don’t Know What To Do
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-says-hes-unhappy-wants-a-break-but-i-cant-let-him-go-hes-my-world/
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