Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been in a relationship for the last 7 years and I have been raising his daughter as my own and now we have two additional children and another one on the way. The three we have together are all under 3. The problem is that for the last two years our relationship hasn’t been all that great but we have still held on. Now that we are approaching 30, he says that he wants to see what it’s like to live on his own and do his own thing and I should support him, meaning that I don’t see anyone while he does this. That way when he has had enough then we will get married and be a family. I think it’s a crazy suggestion, but at the same time I have let it go on by not saying anything about it other than I don’t like it. I guess my question is should I go along with this ridiculous idea, or just cut it off with him? – Pregnant, Emotional, And Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/after-7-years-3-kids-he-wants-to-explore-before-we-get-married/
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Hello. By the way, I heard you don’t like long letters. Well, here’s my issue.
Well, first off, I’m a 27-year-old single mother that has her things together. Well, let’s just say I’ve been friends with this guy since he was 16 years old and I was 19 years old. So, as you can tell he’s a little younger than me. We’ve been through a lot over the years. I even got into a committed relationship with the father of my daughter, but after her dad decided to fall back out of both of our lives the other guy stepped in. But I decided to let him have fun and I got involved with another guy that I met at my old job at Wal-Mart. He was a nice guy when we first got together, but the relationship moved kind of fast. Only because I cared a lot for him and really felt he was the kind of man I wanted around my daughter.
Well, a year came and then during our second year together he cheated on me with his baby mama on my 26th birthday. The baby mama called my cell phone and gave me all the details. Now, I know I was crazy for putting him out that night, but I didn’t have to. He told me that he was leaving. Well, two, maybe three weeks went by, and his baby mama and him had a big fight. He came running back to my house. I let him stay for a week and he had to go. Well, I took him back, but I put my foot down. I really don’t like to have sex with him. We argue all the time, and I’ve been in the hands of my younger male friend, and lately I’ve been giving him all my warm cookies.
But, I really don’t know where we stand because I told him that I want to be with him, and that I’m willing to be committed to him, but he just got out of a relationship where the female was insecure. I don’t want to run him away, but I still talk to my ex, but he drinks and smokes weed entirely too much. But, he takes care of me financially. My young male friend shows no signs that he wants to get in a relationship. But, I feel like I got to make some choices and be with one person. So should I continue with my ex or try a relationship with the young male friend and take things slow? Please help a sista out! – Which Man Should I Choose
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-feel-i-need-to-choose-between-my-ex-my-young-lover/
Hello. By the way, I heard you don’t like long letters. Well, here’s my issue.
Well, first off, I’m a 27-year-old single mother that has her things together. Well, let’s just say I’ve been friends with this guy since he was 16 years old and I was 19 years old. So, as you can tell he’s a little younger than me. We’ve been through a lot over the years. I even got into a committed relationship with the father of my daughter, but after her dad decided to fall back out of both of our lives the other guy stepped in. But I decided to let him have fun and I got involved with another guy that I met at my old job at Wal-Mart. He was a nice guy when we first got together, but the relationship moved kind of fast. Only because I cared a lot for him and really felt he was the kind of man I wanted around my daughter.
Well, a year came and then during our second year together he cheated on me with his baby mama on my 26th birthday. The baby mama called my cell phone and gave me all the details. Now, I know I was crazy for putting him out that night, but I didn’t have to. He told me that he was leaving. Well, two, maybe three weeks went by, and his baby mama and him had a big fight. He came running back to my house. I let him stay for a week and he had to go. Well, I took him back, but I put my foot down. I really don’t like to have sex with him. We argue all the time, and I’ve been in the hands of my younger male friend, and lately I’ve been giving him all my warm cookies.
But, I really don’t know where we stand because I told him that I want to be with him, and that I’m willing to be committed to him, but he just got out of a relationship where the female was insecure. I don’t want to run him away, but I still talk to my ex, but he drinks and smokes weed entirely too much. But, he takes care of me financially. My young male friend shows no signs that he wants to get in a relationship. But, I feel like I got to make some choices and be with one person. So should I continue with my ex or try a relationship with the young male friend and take things slow? Please help a sista out! – Which Man Should I Choose
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-feel-i-need-to-choose-between-my-ex-my-young-lover/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m 30 yrs old, and have been in an on and off relationship with my boyfriend for about 8 years. We now have 2 kids together and I’m ready to take it to the next level and get married. However, he doesn’t think, “we’re ready.”
Just to give you some background info. We met back in 2002 and things started off pretty good. Then, I found out that he liked to share his love with every other girl in town. I would break it off and take him back time and again. He also had a terrible drinking problem and would become verbally and physically abusive.
In 2005 I swore I was leaving him for good, only to get back with him 2 years later in 2007. His drinking problem was a thing of the past and I was still in love with him, so I decided to give it another try. Then I found out that he was still seeing his rebound crazy ex-girlfriend. She would pop up when I was at his house and act a d**n fool. He was lying to me and saying that she was a crazy stalker and I believed him for a little while. Then I end up getting pregnant in the midst of all this. Six months into my pregnancy I found out that she was pregnant and she was saying it was his. It turned out to be his child, but he was adamant that he didn’t want to be with her, and that I was the chosen one. So, I believed him.
I moved in with him after the birth of our second child, and thought things would work out, only to find out that he was still sleeping with his ex again as well as a few other girls. I took our 2 kids and moved out at which point he impregnated her AGAIN. Now, we both have 2 kids by him and he’s back with me and we have since moved to another state. He says that he can’t wait to make me his wife, but he keeps putting it off. Should I count my losses and move on, or should I give it some time? – Wanting To Be Married
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-says-he-cant-wait-to-make-me-his-wife-but-he-keeps-putting-it-off/
I’m 30 yrs old, and have been in an on and off relationship with my boyfriend for about 8 years. We now have 2 kids together and I’m ready to take it to the next level and get married. However, he doesn’t think, “we’re ready.”
Just to give you some background info. We met back in 2002 and things started off pretty good. Then, I found out that he liked to share his love with every other girl in town. I would break it off and take him back time and again. He also had a terrible drinking problem and would become verbally and physically abusive.
In 2005 I swore I was leaving him for good, only to get back with him 2 years later in 2007. His drinking problem was a thing of the past and I was still in love with him, so I decided to give it another try. Then I found out that he was still seeing his rebound crazy ex-girlfriend. She would pop up when I was at his house and act a d**n fool. He was lying to me and saying that she was a crazy stalker and I believed him for a little while. Then I end up getting pregnant in the midst of all this. Six months into my pregnancy I found out that she was pregnant and she was saying it was his. It turned out to be his child, but he was adamant that he didn’t want to be with her, and that I was the chosen one. So, I believed him.
I moved in with him after the birth of our second child, and thought things would work out, only to find out that he was still sleeping with his ex again as well as a few other girls. I took our 2 kids and moved out at which point he impregnated her AGAIN. Now, we both have 2 kids by him and he’s back with me and we have since moved to another state. He says that he can’t wait to make me his wife, but he keeps putting it off. Should I count my losses and move on, or should I give it some time? – Wanting To Be Married
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-says-he-cant-wait-to-make-me-his-wife-but-he-keeps-putting-it-off/
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Well, I seen your advice column and I said why not. I am a 32-year old female, who met and fell in love with a military man last year when he was deployed overseas. We met right before his deployment. All while he was deployed we emailed each other, called each other, I even sent him sexy pictures while he was overseas. Well, he told me he wanted me to be his woman and he could not wait till he got home to be with me. Pretty much like jail talk. When he came home from deployment I was living in Ohio, and we were in the mist of really bad dangerous blizzards. Well, I traveled from Ohio to Georgia in a blizzard to go see this man because I thought this was my man, and that is what women do for their men.
Well, I went to go see him and we had a lovely time and I thought our relationship was blossoming nicely. Well, throughout our relationship he was always mentally abusive, and always insecure. He was forever accusing me of cheating on him and said that he could not trust me and constantly made me feel like crap when all I tried to do was love this man. He had nightmares about what he had seen overseas and just had issues period, and he was a very mean man.
Well, I have a relative who lives in Georgia and I was pretty much fed up with Ohio, so I decided maybe it was time to give Georgia a try. I was thinking maybe this would bring us closer together with me and him being in the same state. Well, me being new in town, I chose to move closer to my relative because I have small children and knew my relative could be of help to me. Well, I moved about 2 hours away from my boyfriend. And he went off. He said I moved to Georgia to be with another guy and not him, or else I would have moved closer to him. That wasn’t the case. I knew that he was not going to be any help with my children based on his military work schedule, and with me being new in town. I moved where I knew people and had family.
Well, when I first got into town he blew my phone up and couldn’t wait to see me. He couldn’t wait to come get me. And, I let him. We drove the two hours to his house, had sex, and the next morning he snapped at me as usual with him always being nasty to me. We drove the two hours back to my home in silence. I was mad, but a few days later I called too se when I could see him again, and I got no response from him. I sent text after text, call after call with no response. Finally, I gave up and two weeks later I get a break up text from him. Simply stating, “It’s over and I don’t want to be with you no more.”
Well, this is like five days before Christmas. I tried to call him and he texted me back like don’t call him now. I asked him what I did and he said a little bit of nothing, and no calling and no texting. Huh? I blew his phone up and he would not respond. So, after about three days of pure hell not even being able to move off the couch, because not only am I homesick, I got dumped right before the holidays. So, I finally face reality that it is over. And, I send him an e-mail and tell him that I will not contact him again and that I am ready to move on. He sends me an e-mail back and says he is going overseas soon, and that he cannot trust me to be faithful, so it is best if he let me go. Well, what choice did I have at this point but to move on.
Well, on New Year’s Eve I was out with friends and met another guy in the military visiting Georgia throughout the holidays who was stationed in Texas. Well, I gave him a chance. He is a very nice guy, unlike the loser from above. And, I plan on visiting Texas in the Spring. We talk on the phone everyday and this soldier is getting deployed in June to go overseas. And, I am like here we go again. Should I give him a chance? I am really confused because I do not want to go through this same crap over again. Help I Need Some Advice ASAP. – In Love With Military Men
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/a-military-man-did-me-wrong-but-i-met-another-one-im-really-into/
Well, I seen your advice column and I said why not. I am a 32-year old female, who met and fell in love with a military man last year when he was deployed overseas. We met right before his deployment. All while he was deployed we emailed each other, called each other, I even sent him sexy pictures while he was overseas. Well, he told me he wanted me to be his woman and he could not wait till he got home to be with me. Pretty much like jail talk. When he came home from deployment I was living in Ohio, and we were in the mist of really bad dangerous blizzards. Well, I traveled from Ohio to Georgia in a blizzard to go see this man because I thought this was my man, and that is what women do for their men.
Well, I went to go see him and we had a lovely time and I thought our relationship was blossoming nicely. Well, throughout our relationship he was always mentally abusive, and always insecure. He was forever accusing me of cheating on him and said that he could not trust me and constantly made me feel like crap when all I tried to do was love this man. He had nightmares about what he had seen overseas and just had issues period, and he was a very mean man.
Well, I have a relative who lives in Georgia and I was pretty much fed up with Ohio, so I decided maybe it was time to give Georgia a try. I was thinking maybe this would bring us closer together with me and him being in the same state. Well, me being new in town, I chose to move closer to my relative because I have small children and knew my relative could be of help to me. Well, I moved about 2 hours away from my boyfriend. And he went off. He said I moved to Georgia to be with another guy and not him, or else I would have moved closer to him. That wasn’t the case. I knew that he was not going to be any help with my children based on his military work schedule, and with me being new in town. I moved where I knew people and had family.
Well, when I first got into town he blew my phone up and couldn’t wait to see me. He couldn’t wait to come get me. And, I let him. We drove the two hours to his house, had sex, and the next morning he snapped at me as usual with him always being nasty to me. We drove the two hours back to my home in silence. I was mad, but a few days later I called too se when I could see him again, and I got no response from him. I sent text after text, call after call with no response. Finally, I gave up and two weeks later I get a break up text from him. Simply stating, “It’s over and I don’t want to be with you no more.”
Well, this is like five days before Christmas. I tried to call him and he texted me back like don’t call him now. I asked him what I did and he said a little bit of nothing, and no calling and no texting. Huh? I blew his phone up and he would not respond. So, after about three days of pure hell not even being able to move off the couch, because not only am I homesick, I got dumped right before the holidays. So, I finally face reality that it is over. And, I send him an e-mail and tell him that I will not contact him again and that I am ready to move on. He sends me an e-mail back and says he is going overseas soon, and that he cannot trust me to be faithful, so it is best if he let me go. Well, what choice did I have at this point but to move on.
Well, on New Year’s Eve I was out with friends and met another guy in the military visiting Georgia throughout the holidays who was stationed in Texas. Well, I gave him a chance. He is a very nice guy, unlike the loser from above. And, I plan on visiting Texas in the Spring. We talk on the phone everyday and this soldier is getting deployed in June to go overseas. And, I am like here we go again. Should I give him a chance? I am really confused because I do not want to go through this same crap over again. Help I Need Some Advice ASAP. – In Love With Military Men
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/a-military-man-did-me-wrong-but-i-met-another-one-im-really-into/
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I know how you hate long e-mails, filled with stupidity and bulls**t, but if I leave out all the stupidity and bulls**t, I wouldn’t have a purpose to write. Please don’t threaten to slap me to the white meat. You’ll get too tired, cause I’m real black.
And on the real side: I can’t help but laugh at your responses to the emails that you get. Although there are times when I disagree with your responses, I do appreciate your bluntness. You have a gift. It’s not often, a person can call you a trick, hoe, stupid, selfish, and whatever else, and they laugh with you about it. Also, sorry in advance for all the things that you may have to edit.
Here’s my story: I’m 37-years old and have always had long term relationships (8yrs; 12yrs; 6yrs), but I never wanted to get married. Recently, I rekindled a relationship with a man I dated in high school, “the man of my dreams,” so I thought. He lived out of state, so I would drive 4 hours every other weekend to see him, and on the weekends I didn’t go to him, he would come see me. I stayed at his place, and he stayed at mine during the visits. This is my problem: the “man of my dreams” got drunk one night and broke some things in MY house (he did damage) and although he didn’t strike me, he snatched me by my hair and he spit on me.
There’s a person in this world, that if he was on fire, I wouldn’t spit on his ass to put out the flames! But yes, the most derogatory thing that you can do to a person, he did. Anyway, I decided to not call the police, and how far would I get arguing with a person that is drunk? Jesus must of been on vacation, cause that man took me through hell that night. So, finally he passed out, and I slept in my house, in fear for the night. If I lived by any roosters, they would have been mad at me. I was up at cock…..the roosters would of been like, “trick, can we finish the song? It goes cock-a-doodle-doooo!” But at the crack of dawn, I started packing his things. I packed everything. Everrrything….EVERYTHING. The night before, he bought some ranch dressing for our salad for dinner, hell I packed that too. If I would have seen some lint fall off his shirt, I would of picked it up, and been like n***a, you forgetting something! I didn’t want him to have any excuse to contact me again.
Of course he pleaded with me, to forgive him and that it wouldn’t happen again (the typical things a woman beater would say). I stood firm, and told him, “anything short of him getting professional help, I’m not interested!” I knew upfront that he enjoyed drinking. I knew that 7 years ago he also had a DUI. What I didn’t know, is that he didn’t learn from his mistake, that he doesn’t know when to quit drinking, and that he becomes verbally and physically abusive when he is drunk. Also, I never imagined that his drinking was so out of control. In hindsight, I only saw him 8 days out of the month, so he had the other 22days out of the month to get wasted, and due to the distance, I didn’t realize the problem was so severe.
Okay, so back to the story; I sent him home, ignored his text messages, didn’t answer his phone calls, I even went so far as to change my home phone number that I had for almost 9 years. The day I told him to leave, I confirmed with him, that he made it home safely and that was it. Hell, I was too good to him, and I am too good to be getting my ass beat. I wish….I’d hang myself with my own shoelace! But anyway, so, periodically, he would send me a text message, email, or a greeting card saying that he still loves me, that I’m the woman that will change his life, and that he’s sorry (he really didn’t have to tell me that part, because “sorry” was the nicest thing I called him that day), blah blah blah! I contacted him a few times the following month, because a mutual friend of ours passed away. But if he initiated contact it was ignored.
Now, If you will, please fast forward approximately 10 months, if so, it will bring us current. During our separation, he checked himself into an in-house treatment facility for 90 days, he got a certificate for his sobriety, he listed me as a person to contact (normally all information is confidential, but he signed papers allowing them to discuss everything with me), he still goes to AA meetings twice a week, and I DID call and speak to his counselor for about 2 hours. She told me things about him that I already knew, things I didn’t know, we talked about his progress, if he seemed motivated, his treatment plan, we even discussed his payment plan (cause his raggedy insurance didn’t cover it).
I understand that this is an addiction that he will have to fight every day forever, whether I’m with him or not. He will always be tempted to drink. They sell alcohol at the 99 cent Store, it can’t get no cheaper than that! My problem or issue is this: I do love him, I’m still in love with him, but I’m more in love with myself, and will be ok without him in my life. I know that you are adamant in your beliefs when it comes to physical abuse and that it should not be tolerated. I agree with you. But is there any consideration when a person goes to this extent to make amends? Does he deserve another chance? And even if he does deserve another chance, should I give it to him? Can a person have a serious problem, realize they need help, get the help they need, and be a better person? Is a human capable of changing for the better? Or is what he did, too big of a mistake for him to ever redeem himself? I know that I’m not the type of person to tolerate continuous physical abuse. But at the same time I also believe that we all are very capable of change. So, do I stick around and see if he really has changed, or do I congratulate him on his change and wish him and the new beneficiary luck? Ultimately, I know it’s my decision, but I would like your opinion. P.S. please don’t go to the grocery store right now, and the driver of the little yellow school bus said that, she don’t chauffeur “my type,” so I can’t get on it! – Still In Love
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/hes-got-alcohol-abuse-problems-but-got-help-he-wants-me-back/
I know how you hate long e-mails, filled with stupidity and bulls**t, but if I leave out all the stupidity and bulls**t, I wouldn’t have a purpose to write. Please don’t threaten to slap me to the white meat. You’ll get too tired, cause I’m real black.
And on the real side: I can’t help but laugh at your responses to the emails that you get. Although there are times when I disagree with your responses, I do appreciate your bluntness. You have a gift. It’s not often, a person can call you a trick, hoe, stupid, selfish, and whatever else, and they laugh with you about it. Also, sorry in advance for all the things that you may have to edit.
Here’s my story: I’m 37-years old and have always had long term relationships (8yrs; 12yrs; 6yrs), but I never wanted to get married. Recently, I rekindled a relationship with a man I dated in high school, “the man of my dreams,” so I thought. He lived out of state, so I would drive 4 hours every other weekend to see him, and on the weekends I didn’t go to him, he would come see me. I stayed at his place, and he stayed at mine during the visits. This is my problem: the “man of my dreams” got drunk one night and broke some things in MY house (he did damage) and although he didn’t strike me, he snatched me by my hair and he spit on me.
There’s a person in this world, that if he was on fire, I wouldn’t spit on his ass to put out the flames! But yes, the most derogatory thing that you can do to a person, he did. Anyway, I decided to not call the police, and how far would I get arguing with a person that is drunk? Jesus must of been on vacation, cause that man took me through hell that night. So, finally he passed out, and I slept in my house, in fear for the night. If I lived by any roosters, they would have been mad at me. I was up at cock…..the roosters would of been like, “trick, can we finish the song? It goes cock-a-doodle-doooo!” But at the crack of dawn, I started packing his things. I packed everything. Everrrything….EVERYTHING. The night before, he bought some ranch dressing for our salad for dinner, hell I packed that too. If I would have seen some lint fall off his shirt, I would of picked it up, and been like n***a, you forgetting something! I didn’t want him to have any excuse to contact me again.
Of course he pleaded with me, to forgive him and that it wouldn’t happen again (the typical things a woman beater would say). I stood firm, and told him, “anything short of him getting professional help, I’m not interested!” I knew upfront that he enjoyed drinking. I knew that 7 years ago he also had a DUI. What I didn’t know, is that he didn’t learn from his mistake, that he doesn’t know when to quit drinking, and that he becomes verbally and physically abusive when he is drunk. Also, I never imagined that his drinking was so out of control. In hindsight, I only saw him 8 days out of the month, so he had the other 22days out of the month to get wasted, and due to the distance, I didn’t realize the problem was so severe.
Okay, so back to the story; I sent him home, ignored his text messages, didn’t answer his phone calls, I even went so far as to change my home phone number that I had for almost 9 years. The day I told him to leave, I confirmed with him, that he made it home safely and that was it. Hell, I was too good to him, and I am too good to be getting my ass beat. I wish….I’d hang myself with my own shoelace! But anyway, so, periodically, he would send me a text message, email, or a greeting card saying that he still loves me, that I’m the woman that will change his life, and that he’s sorry (he really didn’t have to tell me that part, because “sorry” was the nicest thing I called him that day), blah blah blah! I contacted him a few times the following month, because a mutual friend of ours passed away. But if he initiated contact it was ignored.
Now, If you will, please fast forward approximately 10 months, if so, it will bring us current. During our separation, he checked himself into an in-house treatment facility for 90 days, he got a certificate for his sobriety, he listed me as a person to contact (normally all information is confidential, but he signed papers allowing them to discuss everything with me), he still goes to AA meetings twice a week, and I DID call and speak to his counselor for about 2 hours. She told me things about him that I already knew, things I didn’t know, we talked about his progress, if he seemed motivated, his treatment plan, we even discussed his payment plan (cause his raggedy insurance didn’t cover it).
I understand that this is an addiction that he will have to fight every day forever, whether I’m with him or not. He will always be tempted to drink. They sell alcohol at the 99 cent Store, it can’t get no cheaper than that! My problem or issue is this: I do love him, I’m still in love with him, but I’m more in love with myself, and will be ok without him in my life. I know that you are adamant in your beliefs when it comes to physical abuse and that it should not be tolerated. I agree with you. But is there any consideration when a person goes to this extent to make amends? Does he deserve another chance? And even if he does deserve another chance, should I give it to him? Can a person have a serious problem, realize they need help, get the help they need, and be a better person? Is a human capable of changing for the better? Or is what he did, too big of a mistake for him to ever redeem himself? I know that I’m not the type of person to tolerate continuous physical abuse. But at the same time I also believe that we all are very capable of change. So, do I stick around and see if he really has changed, or do I congratulate him on his change and wish him and the new beneficiary luck? Ultimately, I know it’s my decision, but I would like your opinion. P.S. please don’t go to the grocery store right now, and the driver of the little yellow school bus said that, she don’t chauffeur “my type,” so I can’t get on it! – Still In Love
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/hes-got-alcohol-abuse-problems-but-got-help-he-wants-me-back/
Monday, February 21, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Please offer any advice you can. Thanks
OK, I have been in a relationship with a man for seven years. He is 27 and I’m 26, and we have a 4-year old daughter together. For the most part our relationship is good. I have never caught him cheating, he’s always been there for me and my daughter financial, and he’s there on holidays. We spend time with his family and my family on holidays, as well as friends, so no problem there. Every now and then we talk about our future, but not as much as I would like. We haven’t discussed marriage at all. I don’t want to bring it up and run him away because I understand that both of us are still fairly young, but I do want to be his wife.
The problem is sex. I’ve noticed that we only have sex once a week, or once every 8 or 9 days. It’s been this way for at least the last two years I’d say. Now, in the beginning of the relationship we lived together, but we broke up and got back together, but continued to live separately. He use to perform oral sex on me, which is the only way I can get off, but he hasn’t in a while. It’s just kind of seems a little rushed. There have been times in the past when I brought up this issue to him and he had some great excuse, which kind of made sense, but not really.
I’ve been thinking that it’s me, but I can’t really figure it out. Since we’ve been together I look about the same. I’d say I’ve gain 10-15 pounds (in the right places), my attitude is different of course since I’m not a young anymore, but I have no idea what it is.
He is a good guy, has a job, owns some houses, handsome, has never disrespected me or my daughter, never heard any rumors, no females have never came to me with drama about him, his family loves me, and I can ask him for anything. So please help me figure out what the problem is. Now, he is the first man I’ve ever been with sexually, so I’m not a pro but I am willing to learn if I’m slacking, but we have to start having sex to practice right? LOL! Am I overreacting and is this normal in long-term relationships? I’ve never shared this with anyone because everyone thinks our relationship is perfect. So please give me some advice. Thank You. – Needs Some Spice
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/hes-a-10-for-being-a-good-man-but-in-the-bedroom-hes-a-zero/
Please offer any advice you can. Thanks
OK, I have been in a relationship with a man for seven years. He is 27 and I’m 26, and we have a 4-year old daughter together. For the most part our relationship is good. I have never caught him cheating, he’s always been there for me and my daughter financial, and he’s there on holidays. We spend time with his family and my family on holidays, as well as friends, so no problem there. Every now and then we talk about our future, but not as much as I would like. We haven’t discussed marriage at all. I don’t want to bring it up and run him away because I understand that both of us are still fairly young, but I do want to be his wife.
The problem is sex. I’ve noticed that we only have sex once a week, or once every 8 or 9 days. It’s been this way for at least the last two years I’d say. Now, in the beginning of the relationship we lived together, but we broke up and got back together, but continued to live separately. He use to perform oral sex on me, which is the only way I can get off, but he hasn’t in a while. It’s just kind of seems a little rushed. There have been times in the past when I brought up this issue to him and he had some great excuse, which kind of made sense, but not really.
I’ve been thinking that it’s me, but I can’t really figure it out. Since we’ve been together I look about the same. I’d say I’ve gain 10-15 pounds (in the right places), my attitude is different of course since I’m not a young anymore, but I have no idea what it is.
He is a good guy, has a job, owns some houses, handsome, has never disrespected me or my daughter, never heard any rumors, no females have never came to me with drama about him, his family loves me, and I can ask him for anything. So please help me figure out what the problem is. Now, he is the first man I’ve ever been with sexually, so I’m not a pro but I am willing to learn if I’m slacking, but we have to start having sex to practice right? LOL! Am I overreacting and is this normal in long-term relationships? I’ve never shared this with anyone because everyone thinks our relationship is perfect. So please give me some advice. Thank You. – Needs Some Spice
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/hes-a-10-for-being-a-good-man-but-in-the-bedroom-hes-a-zero/
Friday, February 18, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
My Dearest Gay Best Friend,
I was married right out of high school and, yes, I did graduate. However, my husband was wet behind the ears too! (Both of us were young, me only 17 and him 18).
I knew that it wasn’t going to be all gravy with both of us having only our diplomas, but there was a plan. I was to attend college and work part-time and he would work full time, and when I graduated it would be his turn to go to college.
As you know it never seem to work out the way you want it to. He began drinking and became an alcoholic, abusive, cheater and controlling. I’d put up with it for years, and now even after he has sobered up I’m still angry for everything he has put me through. We have three children, and even though our oldest will be graduating this year, I’m thinking of leaving him.
He has always been a selfish man and I still have to ask the question of whether he loves me. I try to forgive, but it’s easier said than done, and not to mention to forget. He always had a temper and when I tell him how unhappy he has made me and how I want to leave, he threatens my life and his own.
I’m starting to believe it wasn’t all alcohol and he is just selfish. Yes! He has told me that he can’t see me with anyone but him. – What The Hell To Do
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-married-right-out-of-high-school-but-my-nothing-turn-out-as-planned/
I was married right out of high school and, yes, I did graduate. However, my husband was wet behind the ears too! (Both of us were young, me only 17 and him 18).
I knew that it wasn’t going to be all gravy with both of us having only our diplomas, but there was a plan. I was to attend college and work part-time and he would work full time, and when I graduated it would be his turn to go to college.
As you know it never seem to work out the way you want it to. He began drinking and became an alcoholic, abusive, cheater and controlling. I’d put up with it for years, and now even after he has sobered up I’m still angry for everything he has put me through. We have three children, and even though our oldest will be graduating this year, I’m thinking of leaving him.
He has always been a selfish man and I still have to ask the question of whether he loves me. I try to forgive, but it’s easier said than done, and not to mention to forget. He always had a temper and when I tell him how unhappy he has made me and how I want to leave, he threatens my life and his own.
I’m starting to believe it wasn’t all alcohol and he is just selfish. Yes! He has told me that he can’t see me with anyone but him. – What The Hell To Do
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-married-right-out-of-high-school-but-my-nothing-turn-out-as-planned/
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I've Been Nominated For Two Lambda Literary Awards...
Hello Everyone!
I am riding on a magnificent high and I wanted to share with all of you the great news.
I just learned that I've been nominated in 2 categories for the LAMBDA Literary Awards for LGBT ANTHOLOGY (Visible Lives) & LGBT NONFICTION (Straight From Your Gay Best Friend). I am truly shocked. I don't know if any other black LGBT author has ever been nominated in 2 categories for an award. God is truly good!
I want to thank each and every one of you for your love and continued support. It means so much to me! I truly could not have done this without you. Thank you so very much!
Terrance Dean
You can see the full list of nominees, HERE: http://www.lambdaliterary.org/awards/current-submissions/
I am riding on a magnificent high and I wanted to share with all of you the great news.
I just learned that I've been nominated in 2 categories for the LAMBDA Literary Awards for LGBT ANTHOLOGY (Visible Lives) & LGBT NONFICTION (Straight From Your Gay Best Friend). I am truly shocked. I don't know if any other black LGBT author has ever been nominated in 2 categories for an award. God is truly good!
I want to thank each and every one of you for your love and continued support. It means so much to me! I truly could not have done this without you. Thank you so very much!
Terrance Dean
You can see the full list of nominees, HERE: http://www.lambdaliterary.org/awards/current-submissions/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
For as long as I’ve been dating, I’ve always seemed to attract men in relationships. Some say it’s the wall I have built up that initially lets guys know that I don’t want anything more than the physical.
I have had a pretty rough past with men and I am holding my emotions and everything else back from keeping me from dating and letting loose. Men always assume that I am the girl that doesn’t want commitment and I want nothing but sex. Not true.
I’ve been off & on with a man that’s in the industry. And of course it just so happens that he is engaged to his long-time girlfriend of many years. They live together, and I know that she is “wifey” and I have been on the side. I am NOT a groupie. I never ask for money, never ask for him to take me out, hell, I don’t want nothing from him. Nothing, but his love and time. Which is given to me 45% of the time.
Whenever he asks for something, I give in. I open up with him. He makes me feel a certain way I’ve never felt. He gives me butterflies. We spend hours talking on the phone and I spend time with him when I can at his studio that he practically lives in.
I have grown to love him and it kills me whenever I see her and him out at a function together. I pretend like I don’t even know him and vice-versa. It hurts. We have amazing chemistry and I love being around him. We have not slept together. We’ve shared intimate kisses which to me is actually worse than intercourse.
My girlfriends hate that I’ve kept him around for over a year. His friends love me and don’t even care or say anything is wrong. It’s hard for me to look or be interested in other guys when all I want is him. It’s like I have a little bit of hope. Maybe he’ll leave her for me?
I can’t let go. I know I’m foolish but when I love, I love for real. As cliché as that sounds. Should I let go of what we have because of his girlfriend? Help! – The “Other” Girl
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/yeah-hes-engaged-im-the-other-girl-but-i-should-be-the-one/
For as long as I’ve been dating, I’ve always seemed to attract men in relationships. Some say it’s the wall I have built up that initially lets guys know that I don’t want anything more than the physical.
I have had a pretty rough past with men and I am holding my emotions and everything else back from keeping me from dating and letting loose. Men always assume that I am the girl that doesn’t want commitment and I want nothing but sex. Not true.
I’ve been off & on with a man that’s in the industry. And of course it just so happens that he is engaged to his long-time girlfriend of many years. They live together, and I know that she is “wifey” and I have been on the side. I am NOT a groupie. I never ask for money, never ask for him to take me out, hell, I don’t want nothing from him. Nothing, but his love and time. Which is given to me 45% of the time.
Whenever he asks for something, I give in. I open up with him. He makes me feel a certain way I’ve never felt. He gives me butterflies. We spend hours talking on the phone and I spend time with him when I can at his studio that he practically lives in.
I have grown to love him and it kills me whenever I see her and him out at a function together. I pretend like I don’t even know him and vice-versa. It hurts. We have amazing chemistry and I love being around him. We have not slept together. We’ve shared intimate kisses which to me is actually worse than intercourse.
My girlfriends hate that I’ve kept him around for over a year. His friends love me and don’t even care or say anything is wrong. It’s hard for me to look or be interested in other guys when all I want is him. It’s like I have a little bit of hope. Maybe he’ll leave her for me?
I can’t let go. I know I’m foolish but when I love, I love for real. As cliché as that sounds. Should I let go of what we have because of his girlfriend? Help! – The “Other” Girl
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/yeah-hes-engaged-im-the-other-girl-but-i-should-be-the-one/
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Game Changers
Fascinating and engaging! A definite must see! If you are an artist of any type please view both videos. And, then ask yourself if you're a Game Changer!
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
The question I have is how can I tell when my girlfriend is in denial?
She has this guy that’s a friend, so she says. They have been friends for like 7 months. She says they have never done anything, but she tells me she goes to his house and sits in his room and waits on him to come out the shower and she says she watches him get dressed. I didn’t believe what I heard. And, she says nothing is going on. Just yesterday I found a condom wrapper on her bathroom floor. So, when I asked her about it she started laughing, talking about I put it there from the last time I was there. I know that wasn’t true. I don’t even use Trojan’s.
So, the other morning she gets a bunch of Baby Phat clothes in the mail from UPS from her friend. I feel like I’m in competition with this guy. – Is She In Denial
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-think-my-girls-male-friend-is-more-than-a-friend/
The question I have is how can I tell when my girlfriend is in denial?
She has this guy that’s a friend, so she says. They have been friends for like 7 months. She says they have never done anything, but she tells me she goes to his house and sits in his room and waits on him to come out the shower and she says she watches him get dressed. I didn’t believe what I heard. And, she says nothing is going on. Just yesterday I found a condom wrapper on her bathroom floor. So, when I asked her about it she started laughing, talking about I put it there from the last time I was there. I know that wasn’t true. I don’t even use Trojan’s.
So, the other morning she gets a bunch of Baby Phat clothes in the mail from UPS from her friend. I feel like I’m in competition with this guy. – Is She In Denial
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-think-my-girls-male-friend-is-more-than-a-friend/
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I know…I know…you’ve heard it before. I’ve been dating a married man for…(drum roll) 7 years. It started as a casual fling. I was in the middle of a separation. I believed he was too. But, somehow, it never happened for him. He said his wife came down with cancer and could not leave her at such a time.
After 7 years and more excuses, I’m completely divorced from my ex and he is still…MARRIED. He says, “I’m the love of his life,” though. In the meantime, I’m mostly alone on the holidays and miserable. I have to admit, I love him a lot and have broken it off, many, many times. But he always knows how to come back, after I finally get him out of my system, and reclaim me.
Well, I’ve broken it off again, and hopefully, he will stay away this time, and we can finally close this chapter. I’ve just turned 40, and feel like I have a lot to offer in a real relationship. Not sure if I feel like dating. I think I need to make some lifestyle adjustments, but, after dealing with this toxic relationship for so many years, I feel depleted. What do you suggest? Former Mistress
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-a-mistress-for-7-years-i-feel-its-time-for-me-to-move-on/
I know…I know…you’ve heard it before. I’ve been dating a married man for…(drum roll) 7 years. It started as a casual fling. I was in the middle of a separation. I believed he was too. But, somehow, it never happened for him. He said his wife came down with cancer and could not leave her at such a time.
After 7 years and more excuses, I’m completely divorced from my ex and he is still…MARRIED. He says, “I’m the love of his life,” though. In the meantime, I’m mostly alone on the holidays and miserable. I have to admit, I love him a lot and have broken it off, many, many times. But he always knows how to come back, after I finally get him out of my system, and reclaim me.
Well, I’ve broken it off again, and hopefully, he will stay away this time, and we can finally close this chapter. I’ve just turned 40, and feel like I have a lot to offer in a real relationship. Not sure if I feel like dating. I think I need to make some lifestyle adjustments, but, after dealing with this toxic relationship for so many years, I feel depleted. What do you suggest? Former Mistress
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-a-mistress-for-7-years-i-feel-its-time-for-me-to-move-on/
Monday, February 14, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am a 31-year old female, 6 months pregnant and bored out of my mind. I have two boys and I’m pregnant with my 3rd. I am a student and in school past full-time. My husband is in the army. Both of us move around a lot and we’re kind of busy, but when the time whines down I feel like I’m old. I have been married for 2 years and it seems like my husband has lost his touch. Nothing happens with us anymore. I am on Black Planet and Facebook, and very tempted to step out just for a date or fun, NO SEX, even though I’m not getting it at all home. What am I to do? My husband is dry and very very boring, and our sex life hurts so bad. It’s over to quick when it does happen. I apologize for that, but I do need some good advice. Help! – Bored And Lonely
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-married-for-2-years-and-im-bored-lonely-and-horny/
I am a 31-year old female, 6 months pregnant and bored out of my mind. I have two boys and I’m pregnant with my 3rd. I am a student and in school past full-time. My husband is in the army. Both of us move around a lot and we’re kind of busy, but when the time whines down I feel like I’m old. I have been married for 2 years and it seems like my husband has lost his touch. Nothing happens with us anymore. I am on Black Planet and Facebook, and very tempted to step out just for a date or fun, NO SEX, even though I’m not getting it at all home. What am I to do? My husband is dry and very very boring, and our sex life hurts so bad. It’s over to quick when it does happen. I apologize for that, but I do need some good advice. Help! – Bored And Lonely
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-married-for-2-years-and-im-bored-lonely-and-horny/
Friday, February 11, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
It’s been just about 4 years since I’ve been engaged in an on again-off again relationship with my now-baby’s father.
When we first meet it was 2006 I had just gotten out of a long relationship and he was still with his high school sweetheart of 4 years. After he told me him and his girlfriend broke up, we began a “friends with benefits” relationship – at least that’s how it started. It wasn’t until a year later – before I found out I was pregnant – that I learned that him and his girlfriend hadn’t broken up, but that she was away at college. This made me think back to some weekends I wouldn’t hear from him. Anyway, we’ve been going back and forth since then trying to decide if we want to be a family or go our separate ways and be the best parents we can without being together. This last time we broke up was September 2010. We were a couple and living together but he decided he wasn’t happy and didn’t want to play with my emotions. “He wasn’t in love with me,” was what he told me. There wasn’t anymore “friends with benefits,” either.
Now 3 months later. he wants me back, but as “friends with benefits” again. I told myself I wouldn’t settle with him again until he knows exactly what he’s looking for. But a girl has needs and it’s been a little while. Am I fooling myself by thinking I can have just a sexual relationship with someone I loved for nearly 3 years and have a child with? Should I keep it moving and make him suffer?
It just seems so much easier to continue something with someone who I am already close with. I’m not into bringing different men around my daughter which is why I haven’t really been dating. But I’m tired of the games my baby’s daddy is playing. I can’t lie, he has matured a lot more since we first met, but I guess not enough if he’s willing to only want a booty call with the mother of his child. I am eager to know what you think and if you’re confused about anything, I know you have no problem asking. What should I do and do I already know? – Ms. Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-childs-father-wants-us-to-be-friends-with-benefits-but-i-want-more/
It’s been just about 4 years since I’ve been engaged in an on again-off again relationship with my now-baby’s father.
When we first meet it was 2006 I had just gotten out of a long relationship and he was still with his high school sweetheart of 4 years. After he told me him and his girlfriend broke up, we began a “friends with benefits” relationship – at least that’s how it started. It wasn’t until a year later – before I found out I was pregnant – that I learned that him and his girlfriend hadn’t broken up, but that she was away at college. This made me think back to some weekends I wouldn’t hear from him. Anyway, we’ve been going back and forth since then trying to decide if we want to be a family or go our separate ways and be the best parents we can without being together. This last time we broke up was September 2010. We were a couple and living together but he decided he wasn’t happy and didn’t want to play with my emotions. “He wasn’t in love with me,” was what he told me. There wasn’t anymore “friends with benefits,” either.
Now 3 months later. he wants me back, but as “friends with benefits” again. I told myself I wouldn’t settle with him again until he knows exactly what he’s looking for. But a girl has needs and it’s been a little while. Am I fooling myself by thinking I can have just a sexual relationship with someone I loved for nearly 3 years and have a child with? Should I keep it moving and make him suffer?
It just seems so much easier to continue something with someone who I am already close with. I’m not into bringing different men around my daughter which is why I haven’t really been dating. But I’m tired of the games my baby’s daddy is playing. I can’t lie, he has matured a lot more since we first met, but I guess not enough if he’s willing to only want a booty call with the mother of his child. I am eager to know what you think and if you’re confused about anything, I know you have no problem asking. What should I do and do I already know? – Ms. Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-childs-father-wants-us-to-be-friends-with-benefits-but-i-want-more/
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I read your posts daily and love the advice you give to others, I’m hoping you can help me with my issue as I really don’t know where else to turn.
Back in July of 2009 I began dating a wonderful guy 6 years older than myself (I was 22, he was 28). We went through a lot together from that point on, dealing with my terrible roommate issues, me finding a “real job” (I was just out of college), and various family problems on both sides. He helped me through it all and I really don’t think I could have done it without him; he’s very supportive and understanding and just overall in tune with my feelings; something I have never ever had before in a relationship.
In May of 2010 we moved in together. Everything was going really well, but about 3 months later I decided I couldn’t continue on in the relationship. I didn’t think that he could give me what I was searching for in the long-term and allow me to make bigger moves for myself. A bit of back-story, I am white and he is Black. I graduated from a prestigious NC University and he is a HS graduate working as Teacher’s Aide for disabled children. I drive and own my own car; he has neither a license nor car. He also smokes weed, a lot. I’m not saying I don’t either but we’re talking a nearly $80/week habit to the point where he would rather go broke for a week and have weed than save his money. He was also great around the house and everything, but I was the one in charge and basically telling him what to do in terms of money and long-term planning.
I began to feel as if I was his mother more-so than a girlfriend at times when it came to planning out long-term goals and the future. All of these factors caused me to end the relationship under the guise that we both needed to work on ourselves and figure out what we want so we can come back a stronger couple.
Obviously he was devastated (he had put money on a ring, ugh!) and I have never been more upset about something in my life, still I thought it was something I had to do. I moved out and he moved back into our apartment with a roommate. Since then we have maintained contact. We see each other regularly and still have sex, with the understanding of monogamy.
My problem is that since that day I have not stopped thinking about him or us. I wake up every day thinking about him and go to bed doing the same. I carry around this regret of not being with him every second and I really think it’s slowly killing me. I cry constantly. I’ve gone out with other men, but I’m always comparing them to my ex. I’ve tried to bring up my feelings to him but each time I get super flustered and blubbery (I’ve never been able to control my tears well) and I never feel like I can get my point clearly across (this makes him upset and he always tell me to stop crying but I can’t help it!)
Yet, he always says that he “needs to do things to better himself so we can maybe get back together.” He has not changed a thing mind you. But at this point I don’t care, I just want him back. I’ve come to realize that he fulfilled my emotional needs so much that I can deal with everything else. He was my rock and motivation and now I feel kind of like the walking dead, just going through the motions without any direction because the situation is really consuming me. I really do believe that we are meant to be together but I don’t know what to do! I know I should walk away and try and move on with the hopes that he’ll want me back too but I can’t bear the thought of losing him. Please help me I really have no ideas but I know I can’t continue on in this painful limbo any longer. – Regret Gets Exhausting
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-has-no-ambition-smokes-weed-all-day-but-i-regret-ending-it/
I read your posts daily and love the advice you give to others, I’m hoping you can help me with my issue as I really don’t know where else to turn.
Back in July of 2009 I began dating a wonderful guy 6 years older than myself (I was 22, he was 28). We went through a lot together from that point on, dealing with my terrible roommate issues, me finding a “real job” (I was just out of college), and various family problems on both sides. He helped me through it all and I really don’t think I could have done it without him; he’s very supportive and understanding and just overall in tune with my feelings; something I have never ever had before in a relationship.
In May of 2010 we moved in together. Everything was going really well, but about 3 months later I decided I couldn’t continue on in the relationship. I didn’t think that he could give me what I was searching for in the long-term and allow me to make bigger moves for myself. A bit of back-story, I am white and he is Black. I graduated from a prestigious NC University and he is a HS graduate working as Teacher’s Aide for disabled children. I drive and own my own car; he has neither a license nor car. He also smokes weed, a lot. I’m not saying I don’t either but we’re talking a nearly $80/week habit to the point where he would rather go broke for a week and have weed than save his money. He was also great around the house and everything, but I was the one in charge and basically telling him what to do in terms of money and long-term planning.
I began to feel as if I was his mother more-so than a girlfriend at times when it came to planning out long-term goals and the future. All of these factors caused me to end the relationship under the guise that we both needed to work on ourselves and figure out what we want so we can come back a stronger couple.
Obviously he was devastated (he had put money on a ring, ugh!) and I have never been more upset about something in my life, still I thought it was something I had to do. I moved out and he moved back into our apartment with a roommate. Since then we have maintained contact. We see each other regularly and still have sex, with the understanding of monogamy.
My problem is that since that day I have not stopped thinking about him or us. I wake up every day thinking about him and go to bed doing the same. I carry around this regret of not being with him every second and I really think it’s slowly killing me. I cry constantly. I’ve gone out with other men, but I’m always comparing them to my ex. I’ve tried to bring up my feelings to him but each time I get super flustered and blubbery (I’ve never been able to control my tears well) and I never feel like I can get my point clearly across (this makes him upset and he always tell me to stop crying but I can’t help it!)
Yet, he always says that he “needs to do things to better himself so we can maybe get back together.” He has not changed a thing mind you. But at this point I don’t care, I just want him back. I’ve come to realize that he fulfilled my emotional needs so much that I can deal with everything else. He was my rock and motivation and now I feel kind of like the walking dead, just going through the motions without any direction because the situation is really consuming me. I really do believe that we are meant to be together but I don’t know what to do! I know I should walk away and try and move on with the hopes that he’ll want me back too but I can’t bear the thought of losing him. Please help me I really have no ideas but I know I can’t continue on in this painful limbo any longer. – Regret Gets Exhausting
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-has-no-ambition-smokes-weed-all-day-but-i-regret-ending-it/
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
My husband of 10 years is 9 years younger than I am. Neither one of my children are his, yet he’s helped raise them. The problem is he has these times when he talks down to them, instead of teaching, and he’s talking about them in one way or the other. We get into it about this all the time. For example, my husband took the oldest to look at a car. The oldest took the car for a test drive, and the car broke down on him. My husband got worried and went looking for him. He found him at a store, not far away with the hood up and he was trying to troubleshoot what was wrong with the car. My husband got upset and got in my son’s face cussing and using the F-word with him. My son called me and was upset, and my husband was upset. I couldn’t do anything because I was on the phone and not there. I told him he didn’t handle that correctly. He’s the adult and he is supposed to set the tone and lead by example. It wasn’t my son’s fault that the raggedy car he test drove broke down. What’s your take? – Dealing With Step Daddy Drama
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-may-be-their-stepfather-but-i-dont-like-how-he-treat-my-kids/
My husband of 10 years is 9 years younger than I am. Neither one of my children are his, yet he’s helped raise them. The problem is he has these times when he talks down to them, instead of teaching, and he’s talking about them in one way or the other. We get into it about this all the time. For example, my husband took the oldest to look at a car. The oldest took the car for a test drive, and the car broke down on him. My husband got worried and went looking for him. He found him at a store, not far away with the hood up and he was trying to troubleshoot what was wrong with the car. My husband got upset and got in my son’s face cussing and using the F-word with him. My son called me and was upset, and my husband was upset. I couldn’t do anything because I was on the phone and not there. I told him he didn’t handle that correctly. He’s the adult and he is supposed to set the tone and lead by example. It wasn’t my son’s fault that the raggedy car he test drove broke down. What’s your take? – Dealing With Step Daddy Drama
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-may-be-their-stepfather-but-i-dont-like-how-he-treat-my-kids/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been married for to my husband for 14 years, but with him for 19 years. He cheated on me 2 years into the relationship and I left him. After a year I took him back and we were married a year later. Things were going good so I thought. I just found out that he has been having an affair for 4 months and he’s also been sleeping with other women while he was having this affair. I have two children 17 and 13. I love my family, but I do not love or want to be with him any longer, because I cannot trust him. I want my children to have their father, but I don’t want him around me because he disgusts me. We are now going to counseling, but I think just because he does not want me to leave and he is trying to save face. I don’t know what to do. – Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-husband-is-a-serial-cheater-should-i-stay-for-our-kids/
I have been married for to my husband for 14 years, but with him for 19 years. He cheated on me 2 years into the relationship and I left him. After a year I took him back and we were married a year later. Things were going good so I thought. I just found out that he has been having an affair for 4 months and he’s also been sleeping with other women while he was having this affair. I have two children 17 and 13. I love my family, but I do not love or want to be with him any longer, because I cannot trust him. I want my children to have their father, but I don’t want him around me because he disgusts me. We are now going to counseling, but I think just because he does not want me to leave and he is trying to save face. I don’t know what to do. – Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-husband-is-a-serial-cheater-should-i-stay-for-our-kids/
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I love your Blog! I think I read most of your “relationship” posts in one sitting. So, I decided to write to you.
Straight to the point – Is It Ever OK to date a married BUT separated man? I know, I know, I know this is a trivial and on the verge of just plain trifling.
FACTS: We love each other and I have no doubts about our feelings. He is not going home to his estranged wife. He has his own place and the one he leased for us. She is and has been aware of our relationship. I have met his employee’s, mother, siblings, but, I have not (directly) met their 3 kids. RED FLAG! He has met my children. He “completely” supports my lifestyle for the last 3yrs – provided me everything I need and most of what I want. I also work, but I CAN NOT afford this home, car and extras without him.
DOWNSIDE: He left the decision of divorce up to her!!! He told “us” (on separate occasions) he would sign if she served him. But, she has no plans to serve him. She still has hope.
Is it ever ok to date a married (separated) man? This may sound simple, but I have yet to have any trust issues with him and other women – other than living in the shadow of him having a wife.
OR SHOULD I JUST STACK MY MONEY AND BOUNCE WHEN I GET ON MY FEET?
Please help a sister out! – 1st Lady Of LA
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/hes-married-but-separated-is-it-ok-to-keep-seeing-him/
I love your Blog! I think I read most of your “relationship” posts in one sitting. So, I decided to write to you.
Straight to the point – Is It Ever OK to date a married BUT separated man? I know, I know, I know this is a trivial and on the verge of just plain trifling.
FACTS: We love each other and I have no doubts about our feelings. He is not going home to his estranged wife. He has his own place and the one he leased for us. She is and has been aware of our relationship. I have met his employee’s, mother, siblings, but, I have not (directly) met their 3 kids. RED FLAG! He has met my children. He “completely” supports my lifestyle for the last 3yrs – provided me everything I need and most of what I want. I also work, but I CAN NOT afford this home, car and extras without him.
DOWNSIDE: He left the decision of divorce up to her!!! He told “us” (on separate occasions) he would sign if she served him. But, she has no plans to serve him. She still has hope.
Is it ever ok to date a married (separated) man? This may sound simple, but I have yet to have any trust issues with him and other women – other than living in the shadow of him having a wife.
OR SHOULD I JUST STACK MY MONEY AND BOUNCE WHEN I GET ON MY FEET?
Please help a sister out! – 1st Lady Of LA
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/hes-married-but-separated-is-it-ok-to-keep-seeing-him/
Friday, February 4, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am a 46-year old white woman who met a guy on line. He is 28 or 29 years old. On our first night out we went bowling and made out after. I didn’t speak to him until several weeks later. I went to his place. We had wild passionate sex for hours. He then went out of town to a family reunion in Jersey. I didn’t call him or text him because he was with family. The day he was at the airport on his way home he texted me to come to his place at 8 pm. I said maybe, he said, “no maybe’s I want to see you.” We texted back and forth for a while but I never committed to going to his place. At one point I told him that I was thinking about having him come to my house, but that I needed to make sure no one was there (meaning my grown kids who drop in regularly).
Needless to say, he texted back saying, “my flight has been delayed in NC due to weather.” I didn’t hear from him again, until about noon the next day when I texted to say that I hope he made it back alright. He said yes he did, but that he got in really late. I texted him back to say, “better late than never” and he didn’t respond. I waited about 45 minutes and still no response so I asked if everything was alright and he didn’t respond. I then said, “why do I get the feeling you’re either married or you have a girlfriend or something?” He said, “wrong feeling.” I then said, “then what?” He wouldn’t answer. I sent one last text saying, “I assumed you no longer want to see me so I will let you go. I just want you to know that whatever it is I said or did to make you angry or upset was not done intentionally. I would never purposely hurt or make anyone angry.” He texted me back to say, “I didn’t say all that, it’s just that I’m working right now and work has been very busy.” That was several hours ago and now it’s about 7pm and neither he nor I have texted or called each other.
So now I’m confused. Was this just a game for him? I was very hurt by this and I really wanted to get to know him more. I hadn’t slept with anyone since my divorce over three years ago. He has been the first. I’m not sure what I should do. I want to see him again but I won’t text him anymore and he is obviously not texting or calling me. – Should I Reach Out To Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-met-online-had-sex-but-now-hes-not-responding-to-my-texts/
I am a 46-year old white woman who met a guy on line. He is 28 or 29 years old. On our first night out we went bowling and made out after. I didn’t speak to him until several weeks later. I went to his place. We had wild passionate sex for hours. He then went out of town to a family reunion in Jersey. I didn’t call him or text him because he was with family. The day he was at the airport on his way home he texted me to come to his place at 8 pm. I said maybe, he said, “no maybe’s I want to see you.” We texted back and forth for a while but I never committed to going to his place. At one point I told him that I was thinking about having him come to my house, but that I needed to make sure no one was there (meaning my grown kids who drop in regularly).
Needless to say, he texted back saying, “my flight has been delayed in NC due to weather.” I didn’t hear from him again, until about noon the next day when I texted to say that I hope he made it back alright. He said yes he did, but that he got in really late. I texted him back to say, “better late than never” and he didn’t respond. I waited about 45 minutes and still no response so I asked if everything was alright and he didn’t respond. I then said, “why do I get the feeling you’re either married or you have a girlfriend or something?” He said, “wrong feeling.” I then said, “then what?” He wouldn’t answer. I sent one last text saying, “I assumed you no longer want to see me so I will let you go. I just want you to know that whatever it is I said or did to make you angry or upset was not done intentionally. I would never purposely hurt or make anyone angry.” He texted me back to say, “I didn’t say all that, it’s just that I’m working right now and work has been very busy.” That was several hours ago and now it’s about 7pm and neither he nor I have texted or called each other.
So now I’m confused. Was this just a game for him? I was very hurt by this and I really wanted to get to know him more. I hadn’t slept with anyone since my divorce over three years ago. He has been the first. I’m not sure what I should do. I want to see him again but I won’t text him anymore and he is obviously not texting or calling me. – Should I Reach Out To Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-met-online-had-sex-but-now-hes-not-responding-to-my-texts/
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend' Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ll try to keep it short and simple. MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ALWAYS HATE THE MEN I DATE. I come from a pretty ‘middle-to-upper class’ (I hate the class system), education-oriented, well-travelled family, and as such have grown up in that environment globally.
(Un)fortunately, I am also the rebel of my family and society in general. I tend to have a keen interest and attraction to all things in the “no go”, “stay away from”, “he’s not good for you” zone, simply because I hate judging books by their covers. Thus, I have always been attracted to the bad boy. And I mean, most of the ‘thuggish’ guys I like, do not mesh into my world- AT ALL. This ‘attraction’ started at a really young age, of like 16-ish, I am 24 now. Obviously the parental units just figured I would ‘grow out of it,’ well I have not. And it’s to the point of no return. It’s not like I don’t like “the good, clean cut guy” but I mean, even when I have been attracted to guys like that, they have treated me like sh*t, worse than some of the ‘thugs.’ Not that I like being treated like sh*t, but the point I am trying to make is that, just because he has an education, lots of money, etc…doesn’t mean he’s a “good guy.” Now that’s with the family.
On the friend side… none of my friends EVER like hanging out with the guys that I like. And it is pissing me off. I just got into it with my BEST FRIEND, and she and I never fight because of this crap. I mean, I openly accept whoever they want me to meet, and make judgments later, for them. They won’t even hang out. And it makes it seem like I REALLY have no friends. I do not see myself changing any time soon. I like who I like. And it’s not like I’m dating guys that are putting my life in danger. The one I’m currently dating does not have a college degree, but is working, supporting his son, always motivates me, has a very encouraging personality, is GREAT in bed- nothing like that thug loving. And I mean, yes, he has a past, but who doesn’t?
So here I stand, bearing it all- a 24-year old, with a honors bachelor of arts degree in 2 majors, well-travelled, hard-working sister, who loves them in blue jeans, white/black tees, gully, sometimes tatted with gangster-isms; except I see more, but no one understands that. I mean I get it- could these men give me the life I have grown up in? Probably not- but for the moment- this is MY life and I will give MYSELF that life. All I want is love, and I can’t help who I like. Am I sniffing around in the wrong kennel? – Ivy League QT
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-bougie-but-my-family-friends-cant-accept-that-i-love-thug-men/
I’ll try to keep it short and simple. MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ALWAYS HATE THE MEN I DATE. I come from a pretty ‘middle-to-upper class’ (I hate the class system), education-oriented, well-travelled family, and as such have grown up in that environment globally.
(Un)fortunately, I am also the rebel of my family and society in general. I tend to have a keen interest and attraction to all things in the “no go”, “stay away from”, “he’s not good for you” zone, simply because I hate judging books by their covers. Thus, I have always been attracted to the bad boy. And I mean, most of the ‘thuggish’ guys I like, do not mesh into my world- AT ALL. This ‘attraction’ started at a really young age, of like 16-ish, I am 24 now. Obviously the parental units just figured I would ‘grow out of it,’ well I have not. And it’s to the point of no return. It’s not like I don’t like “the good, clean cut guy” but I mean, even when I have been attracted to guys like that, they have treated me like sh*t, worse than some of the ‘thugs.’ Not that I like being treated like sh*t, but the point I am trying to make is that, just because he has an education, lots of money, etc…doesn’t mean he’s a “good guy.” Now that’s with the family.
On the friend side… none of my friends EVER like hanging out with the guys that I like. And it is pissing me off. I just got into it with my BEST FRIEND, and she and I never fight because of this crap. I mean, I openly accept whoever they want me to meet, and make judgments later, for them. They won’t even hang out. And it makes it seem like I REALLY have no friends. I do not see myself changing any time soon. I like who I like. And it’s not like I’m dating guys that are putting my life in danger. The one I’m currently dating does not have a college degree, but is working, supporting his son, always motivates me, has a very encouraging personality, is GREAT in bed- nothing like that thug loving. And I mean, yes, he has a past, but who doesn’t?
So here I stand, bearing it all- a 24-year old, with a honors bachelor of arts degree in 2 majors, well-travelled, hard-working sister, who loves them in blue jeans, white/black tees, gully, sometimes tatted with gangster-isms; except I see more, but no one understands that. I mean I get it- could these men give me the life I have grown up in? Probably not- but for the moment- this is MY life and I will give MYSELF that life. All I want is love, and I can’t help who I like. Am I sniffing around in the wrong kennel? – Ivy League QT
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-bougie-but-my-family-friends-cant-accept-that-i-love-thug-men/
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been single for almost 3 years and I believe I finally met a guy who is worth my time and energy. He recently moved to Atlanta (where I live) and we have been getting along great! We have a tad bit of history because I knew him when I lived in Ohio. In fact, I went to school with his sister and he went to school with my brother. Things sound like they are all peachy, but they are not!
The problem is, he told me a couple of days ago that his ex-girlfriend lives down here. Now, I am not the jealous type so I was ok with that. Then yesterday, he says that Sunday is like his family day! I asked him what he meant and he said that he goes over to her house and spends time with her son while she does his laundry and cooks him dinner. I did not know what to say to him after that! He doesn’t even call her his ex, he still refers to her as “MY GIRL!” I honestly do not know what to do about this situation! I like him, but I don’t want to have to share him with an EX and a child that is not his!!! Please help me! – Trying To Be Understanding
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-has-family-day-with-his-ex-but-im-his-girl/
I have been single for almost 3 years and I believe I finally met a guy who is worth my time and energy. He recently moved to Atlanta (where I live) and we have been getting along great! We have a tad bit of history because I knew him when I lived in Ohio. In fact, I went to school with his sister and he went to school with my brother. Things sound like they are all peachy, but they are not!
The problem is, he told me a couple of days ago that his ex-girlfriend lives down here. Now, I am not the jealous type so I was ok with that. Then yesterday, he says that Sunday is like his family day! I asked him what he meant and he said that he goes over to her house and spends time with her son while she does his laundry and cooks him dinner. I did not know what to say to him after that! He doesn’t even call her his ex, he still refers to her as “MY GIRL!” I honestly do not know what to do about this situation! I like him, but I don’t want to have to share him with an EX and a child that is not his!!! Please help me! – Trying To Be Understanding
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-has-family-day-with-his-ex-but-im-his-girl/
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
So, I met this gut at work. He is nice and cute. I was digging him a little, but I’m not the type to move too fast. We talk at lunch and he comes to my desk and talks. We have wonderful conversations. We exchanged numbers, and everything was going fine. Until, we had a meeting. At this meeting we all had to go around and tell 2 things about ourselves. Well, when it got to him, he said he just got MARRIED in September of last year! WTF! I stopped talking to him after that.
Well, at our job, we communicate using an IM system. He keeps instant messaging me saying things like, “So, when are we gonna chill.” And, “Can u send me a pic of what you’re working with?” I can’t believe him. Now, I’m not hurt in anyway, but I know if his wife found out she would be. I find that so disrespectful. I told him to leave me alone because I don’t mess with “taken” guys. I am 20-years old, going to school for pre-law, have a full-time job (that pays more than $15/hr), my own place, and I don’t have time for the drama, ya know?
He has left me alone, but I know he talks to other girls at the office (you know the ones that are “easy”). I just feel so bad. His wife comes to the office every once in a while. My question to you is: Do you think I should inform his wife? Like maybe send her an anonymous email of the instant messaging transcripts. Or, should I just let it go and hope she finds out and doesn’t get to hurt? – Dodging The Married Man
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/the-married-man-i-work-with-wants-to-hook-up-should-i-tell-his-wife/
So, I met this gut at work. He is nice and cute. I was digging him a little, but I’m not the type to move too fast. We talk at lunch and he comes to my desk and talks. We have wonderful conversations. We exchanged numbers, and everything was going fine. Until, we had a meeting. At this meeting we all had to go around and tell 2 things about ourselves. Well, when it got to him, he said he just got MARRIED in September of last year! WTF! I stopped talking to him after that.
Well, at our job, we communicate using an IM system. He keeps instant messaging me saying things like, “So, when are we gonna chill.” And, “Can u send me a pic of what you’re working with?” I can’t believe him. Now, I’m not hurt in anyway, but I know if his wife found out she would be. I find that so disrespectful. I told him to leave me alone because I don’t mess with “taken” guys. I am 20-years old, going to school for pre-law, have a full-time job (that pays more than $15/hr), my own place, and I don’t have time for the drama, ya know?
He has left me alone, but I know he talks to other girls at the office (you know the ones that are “easy”). I just feel so bad. His wife comes to the office every once in a while. My question to you is: Do you think I should inform his wife? Like maybe send her an anonymous email of the instant messaging transcripts. Or, should I just let it go and hope she finds out and doesn’t get to hurt? – Dodging The Married Man
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/the-married-man-i-work-with-wants-to-hook-up-should-i-tell-his-wife/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been married to my husband for 9 years. When we met I was very impressed with how he interacted with my 2 children and they really liked him a lot. They were very excited for me to marry him. On my wedding day, as I was getting ready to leave for the church, I glanced at myself in the mirror with the, “What the hell am I doing?” look. And I knew then that I really didn’t love him, but I had to go through with the wedding because I didn’t want to waste everyone’s time.
Anyway, as time went on we had a child together, but my husband started changing. He was not hanging out with the kids. He wasn’t having much conversation with them. Over the past three years he has been withdrawn and very isolated. My 8-year old even asked him, “Daddy, do you have any friends?” And, he said no and she said, “Well, aren’t you lonely with no friends?” And, he goes on to say how he doesn’t need any friends and he doesn’t trust anyone, etc…
Now, also for the last 3 years, I have been losing interest in him. I’m no longer physically attracted to him and his, “I don’t want no friends” attitude makes me ill. I have not kissed him in years. He gets mad because I don’t cuddle and hug up with him, but I just can’t bring myself to do that. I have packed up on two different occasions and moved out with my three kids, leaving him with everything, but each time due to financial struggles I always have gone back. This man is clearly unhappy. I’m not having sex with him because he doesn’t turn me on. We don’t have conversations because when I try to hold a conversation he is so dry that I lose interest in talking to him. He has told me as recently as yesterday that he is not happy in this relationship, but he refuses to end it. And I’m at a point where I refuse to pack up the kids and uproot them anymore. So, if anyone is leaving it’s going to be him.
I never knew that ending a marriage would be so damn difficult. I feel like I am stuck. And, if I say, “I want to leave,” at first he’ll be mad, change the banking password, order checks without my name on them, etc…. Then, he’ll start begging, pleading, and crying. And that turns me off even more. I don’t understand him at all. Please shed some light. – Trapped In Matrimony
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-dont-love-or-like-him-yet-i-married-him-and-i-want-out/
I have been married to my husband for 9 years. When we met I was very impressed with how he interacted with my 2 children and they really liked him a lot. They were very excited for me to marry him. On my wedding day, as I was getting ready to leave for the church, I glanced at myself in the mirror with the, “What the hell am I doing?” look. And I knew then that I really didn’t love him, but I had to go through with the wedding because I didn’t want to waste everyone’s time.
Anyway, as time went on we had a child together, but my husband started changing. He was not hanging out with the kids. He wasn’t having much conversation with them. Over the past three years he has been withdrawn and very isolated. My 8-year old even asked him, “Daddy, do you have any friends?” And, he said no and she said, “Well, aren’t you lonely with no friends?” And, he goes on to say how he doesn’t need any friends and he doesn’t trust anyone, etc…
Now, also for the last 3 years, I have been losing interest in him. I’m no longer physically attracted to him and his, “I don’t want no friends” attitude makes me ill. I have not kissed him in years. He gets mad because I don’t cuddle and hug up with him, but I just can’t bring myself to do that. I have packed up on two different occasions and moved out with my three kids, leaving him with everything, but each time due to financial struggles I always have gone back. This man is clearly unhappy. I’m not having sex with him because he doesn’t turn me on. We don’t have conversations because when I try to hold a conversation he is so dry that I lose interest in talking to him. He has told me as recently as yesterday that he is not happy in this relationship, but he refuses to end it. And I’m at a point where I refuse to pack up the kids and uproot them anymore. So, if anyone is leaving it’s going to be him.
I never knew that ending a marriage would be so damn difficult. I feel like I am stuck. And, if I say, “I want to leave,” at first he’ll be mad, change the banking password, order checks without my name on them, etc…. Then, he’ll start begging, pleading, and crying. And that turns me off even more. I don’t understand him at all. Please shed some light. – Trapped In Matrimony
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-dont-love-or-like-him-yet-i-married-him-and-i-want-out/
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