Dear Gay Best Friend,
I meet this lady about a year ago. We hit it off right away. I was very attracted to her, as she was to me. She is a little older than me. I am 42-years old and she is 48-years old and has the body of a 30-year old. She is very well-educated, has a great job, owns a nice home, cooks like my mother and knows how to manage money. All what a man wants.
The problem I am having is my lady doesn’t like sex. She doesn’t like anything that’s wet or moist. When we kiss it’s like kissing my grandmother. She doesn’t like intercourse because it contains wetness. I have tried giving her oral sex, but she was so grossed out so I just stop trying. I have tried kissing the breasts, legs, back and stomach and she starts freaking out. I was like this can’t be real, but it’s for real. She wears a panty liner 7 days a week (24 hours a day) 365 days a year because she can’t handle the wetness down there. We have had sex about 5 times since we’ve been together and I had to beg for it then. I have talked to her about it and she says she is trying to change because she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I am getting frustrated.
After a year of dating, I don’t even know how the kitty looks like because it’s in the dark when do it. I did some investigating to see if she likes women, but that was not it. I have asked her girlfriends what’s up with this and they were very shocked. They stated that she’s been telling them that we are having great sex and I am the man she’s going to marry. One of her girlfriend’s did mention that she thought something was wrong because most of her relationships were cut short within 2 or 3 months. Finally, I came across one of her exes. I asked him why they broke up, and the only thing he said was, “Man if you like sex, run, man, run,” and smiled and walked away.
I am 42-years old and I like sex. I am not a cheater, but I am very horny. She has asked me why we don’t do vacations or getaways anymore, and I straight told her that I am tired of these so called romance vacations, and the only play I get is some cuddle time. An old flame called me up the other day and tried me, but I didn’t fall for it, but the temptation almost kicked in. Father Time is not too far away for our age. So, should I leave her and start life with someone compatible? Or, keep hanging in there to see if she will change. I was told by another female that if my lady has not changed in a year and she’s 48-years old, I might as well give it up because women at that age are set in their comfort zone and will not break. So, what should a Brother do? – Trying To Hang In There
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-girl-is-dry-literally-she-doesnt-like-anything-wet-or-moist/
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Almost three years ago I met and started dating the father of my child. At first everything went well so much to the point that we ended up living together for awhile. As time went on I started to notice his true colors: flirting with and talking to other females over the internet, and other things to the point that we fought all the time, and I put him out last year!
When he left he claimed he was going to stay with a relative, but ended up moving in with some female and her kids. Of course I was devastated when I found out because I still loved him and wanted him to be a family for our child. Flash forward a few months and it’s my due date and we end up arguing over money that he was supposed to give me for our child, but didn’t! Ultimately him being the child and not a grown adult he’s supposed to be, he left me by myself to go through almost 40 hours of labor while him, and the female and her kids, went out of state with the money I was supposed to have for my child!
Flash forward a couple more months and I learn my child has a younger sibling, who I’m still not sure I want my child to know. Granted it’s selfish, but I have to work that out with myself in due time! I was pissed, hurt, betrayed, heartbroken every emotion rolled into one so much that I let it eat at me for months and ended up getting depressed over the entire situation!
I no longer worry about the situation because he doesn’t help take care of my child or even bother to come visit my child! What I am worried about is why do I still have feelings toward an individual who obviously didn’t care enough about me or my child to do right by us? I’m currently in a relationship with a wonderful man who is understanding and respectful, and is giving me time to sort out my feelings, but I don’t want to have to sort out my feelings I just want to forget the father of my child even exist, let alone that I still have feelings, and move on! So please help me honey. I would really appreciate it! Sincerely- Dumbass Still In Love With Her Trifling Baby Daddy
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-left-me-for-another-woman-her-kids-but-i-cant-get-over-him/
Almost three years ago I met and started dating the father of my child. At first everything went well so much to the point that we ended up living together for awhile. As time went on I started to notice his true colors: flirting with and talking to other females over the internet, and other things to the point that we fought all the time, and I put him out last year!
When he left he claimed he was going to stay with a relative, but ended up moving in with some female and her kids. Of course I was devastated when I found out because I still loved him and wanted him to be a family for our child. Flash forward a few months and it’s my due date and we end up arguing over money that he was supposed to give me for our child, but didn’t! Ultimately him being the child and not a grown adult he’s supposed to be, he left me by myself to go through almost 40 hours of labor while him, and the female and her kids, went out of state with the money I was supposed to have for my child!
Flash forward a couple more months and I learn my child has a younger sibling, who I’m still not sure I want my child to know. Granted it’s selfish, but I have to work that out with myself in due time! I was pissed, hurt, betrayed, heartbroken every emotion rolled into one so much that I let it eat at me for months and ended up getting depressed over the entire situation!
I no longer worry about the situation because he doesn’t help take care of my child or even bother to come visit my child! What I am worried about is why do I still have feelings toward an individual who obviously didn’t care enough about me or my child to do right by us? I’m currently in a relationship with a wonderful man who is understanding and respectful, and is giving me time to sort out my feelings, but I don’t want to have to sort out my feelings I just want to forget the father of my child even exist, let alone that I still have feelings, and move on! So please help me honey. I would really appreciate it! Sincerely- Dumbass Still In Love With Her Trifling Baby Daddy
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-left-me-for-another-woman-her-kids-but-i-cant-get-over-him/
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Yesterday, my son, who is 14-years old and in the 9th grade, told me that he has a friend who hits his girlfriend from time to time. Just in the last week or two, he has witnessed his friend smack her, mush her to the ground, bust her lip and occasionally thump her. The other day the boy chased her down the hallway at school and when he came back, my son asked him what did he do to her and the friend replied that he smacked her. He tells her not to get up and threatens her if she does get up. Her friends try to comfort this girl when she cries, so it’s not like other kids in this high school don’t know about it.
I am Facebook friends with the “abusive kids” mother, but I don’t really know her well enough to tell her what I know. Who’s to say that she would believe me? I asked my son how he felt about what he has witnessed and his response was, “She must like it.” He also told me that it’s the “going thing” for the boys to be in control of their girlfriends. They curse at them, yell, embarrass them, grab them, and these girls are taking the abuse. The boys actually sit around, laugh and talk about who has more control over their girl. The sad thing is this friend isn’t the only one who is abusive. My son said some of them don’t hit their girlfriends, but they call the girls bitches, and threaten them on a regular basis. According to my son, the two have been an item since the 6th grade, and she probably would not leave him anyway.
As a 33-year old woman, who actually lived through a 10-year physically and verbally abusive relationship, I feel for these young girls. I know the emotional long term pain it causes. It bothers me to hear my son, as well as so many others, say, “She must like it.” Nobody likes getting punched, smacked or embarrassed. We stay out of fear. We stay because we feel we can’t do any better. We stay because our self-esteem has been so tarnished and broken that we fear that nobody else will want us. Thank God I was strong enough to finally leave his sorry ass.
My question to you is, “What do I do with this information?” Should I tell and risk exposing my son? Do I make an anonymous phone call to the school? Or, should I just leave it alone and just make sure my son knows better than to hit his woman. My fear is that this girl is going to eventually be seriously hurt by this kid. Please Help! – Concerned Parent From NC
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-sons-friend-is-abusive-to-his-girlfriend-do-i-say-something/
Yesterday, my son, who is 14-years old and in the 9th grade, told me that he has a friend who hits his girlfriend from time to time. Just in the last week or two, he has witnessed his friend smack her, mush her to the ground, bust her lip and occasionally thump her. The other day the boy chased her down the hallway at school and when he came back, my son asked him what did he do to her and the friend replied that he smacked her. He tells her not to get up and threatens her if she does get up. Her friends try to comfort this girl when she cries, so it’s not like other kids in this high school don’t know about it.
I am Facebook friends with the “abusive kids” mother, but I don’t really know her well enough to tell her what I know. Who’s to say that she would believe me? I asked my son how he felt about what he has witnessed and his response was, “She must like it.” He also told me that it’s the “going thing” for the boys to be in control of their girlfriends. They curse at them, yell, embarrass them, grab them, and these girls are taking the abuse. The boys actually sit around, laugh and talk about who has more control over their girl. The sad thing is this friend isn’t the only one who is abusive. My son said some of them don’t hit their girlfriends, but they call the girls bitches, and threaten them on a regular basis. According to my son, the two have been an item since the 6th grade, and she probably would not leave him anyway.
As a 33-year old woman, who actually lived through a 10-year physically and verbally abusive relationship, I feel for these young girls. I know the emotional long term pain it causes. It bothers me to hear my son, as well as so many others, say, “She must like it.” Nobody likes getting punched, smacked or embarrassed. We stay out of fear. We stay because we feel we can’t do any better. We stay because our self-esteem has been so tarnished and broken that we fear that nobody else will want us. Thank God I was strong enough to finally leave his sorry ass.
My question to you is, “What do I do with this information?” Should I tell and risk exposing my son? Do I make an anonymous phone call to the school? Or, should I just leave it alone and just make sure my son knows better than to hit his woman. My fear is that this girl is going to eventually be seriously hurt by this kid. Please Help! – Concerned Parent From NC
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-sons-friend-is-abusive-to-his-girlfriend-do-i-say-something/
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ve been knowing this guy I’m seeing for about ten years. We meet when we were in high school. We always liked each other and messed around while we were in school. So, after we graduated we both went to different colleges. So, as time goes by, we run into each other again. So we immediately hit it off. He was so sweet and interested in my life. We just started talking and catching, getting to know each all over again. Then he told me that he need some help moving and he was two hundred dollars short, so I helped him. So, after a while he began asking me for money and lots of it. He has a job, but always wants to spend my money.
Then I asked him since we’ve been talking for about a year why won’t he gal me, and he tells me that he’s not ready for a relationship. Then he tells me the only way he will gal me is if I give him a certain amount of money. He told me that if I gave him that then it proves that I really love him and is down for him. So, I gave it to him and then he started treating me worse than he already was. Then I told him that I couldn’t give any more money. Then threatened me by saying if I don’t give it to him then he won’t ever talk to me again. Then he tells me that he can find another girl who will do what I won’t. Then he only calls me if he wants money, but tells me that he loves me and wants to marry me. I don’t know what to do, but I love this dude. I want to know is he just using me or what? I really need some advice. – I’m So Lost I Need To Be Found
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-giving-him-money-but-he-wont-make-me-his-girlfriend/
I’ve been knowing this guy I’m seeing for about ten years. We meet when we were in high school. We always liked each other and messed around while we were in school. So, after we graduated we both went to different colleges. So, as time goes by, we run into each other again. So we immediately hit it off. He was so sweet and interested in my life. We just started talking and catching, getting to know each all over again. Then he told me that he need some help moving and he was two hundred dollars short, so I helped him. So, after a while he began asking me for money and lots of it. He has a job, but always wants to spend my money.
Then I asked him since we’ve been talking for about a year why won’t he gal me, and he tells me that he’s not ready for a relationship. Then he tells me the only way he will gal me is if I give him a certain amount of money. He told me that if I gave him that then it proves that I really love him and is down for him. So, I gave it to him and then he started treating me worse than he already was. Then I told him that I couldn’t give any more money. Then threatened me by saying if I don’t give it to him then he won’t ever talk to me again. Then he tells me that he can find another girl who will do what I won’t. Then he only calls me if he wants money, but tells me that he loves me and wants to marry me. I don’t know what to do, but I love this dude. I want to know is he just using me or what? I really need some advice. – I’m So Lost I Need To Be Found
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-giving-him-money-but-he-wont-make-me-his-girlfriend/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I met this guy online a few months ago. Initially we seemed to be really connected. Laughing and dancing and all. I was thinking that I lucked up. I messed up when I got intimate with him. Things were still good, but slowly we got disconnected.
At first I would be intimate and leave in the middle of the night. I just wasn’t comfortable staying the night. He would ask me often to stay and would get mad when I didn’t. Then one night I decided to stay. Things were good, I was able to sleep the entire night, however a few days later he sends me a text message telling me that his bracelet was missing. I didn’t know how to react to that. I would never steal and this was not the first time that I had been to his house so it hurt me that he would insinuate that I would steal. Downright hurtful. Now, he is no longer responding to my calls and or text message. He knows that I would never take from him. I feel that he just decided that he didn’t want to continue the relationship, and he conjured up some story about the bracelet so that he could end it. I want him to tell me why his feelings have changed, but I don’t want to appear as if I am a stalker. I was told that anything worth having is worth fighting for, but I don’t want to look like an idiot either. Should I stop calling and let sleeping dogs lie? I also left some clothes and toiletries at his house, but I don’t want to call and ask for them to look petty. What should I do? – Hurt And Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-accused-me-of-stealing-just-so-he-could-break-up-with-me/
I met this guy online a few months ago. Initially we seemed to be really connected. Laughing and dancing and all. I was thinking that I lucked up. I messed up when I got intimate with him. Things were still good, but slowly we got disconnected.
At first I would be intimate and leave in the middle of the night. I just wasn’t comfortable staying the night. He would ask me often to stay and would get mad when I didn’t. Then one night I decided to stay. Things were good, I was able to sleep the entire night, however a few days later he sends me a text message telling me that his bracelet was missing. I didn’t know how to react to that. I would never steal and this was not the first time that I had been to his house so it hurt me that he would insinuate that I would steal. Downright hurtful. Now, he is no longer responding to my calls and or text message. He knows that I would never take from him. I feel that he just decided that he didn’t want to continue the relationship, and he conjured up some story about the bracelet so that he could end it. I want him to tell me why his feelings have changed, but I don’t want to appear as if I am a stalker. I was told that anything worth having is worth fighting for, but I don’t want to look like an idiot either. Should I stop calling and let sleeping dogs lie? I also left some clothes and toiletries at his house, but I don’t want to call and ask for them to look petty. What should I do? – Hurt And Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-accused-me-of-stealing-just-so-he-could-break-up-with-me/
Monday, January 24, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have a 2 problem question. First, I been married for a year next month and I love my wife and I am willing to do anything that makes her happy, but she is asking for something that I feel is too much. I have been faithful since day one, and I am providing a life that she and I want, but I do not feel fulfilled in my marriage.
It’s not as much of what she is asking, but what she is not doing. She does not like to please me orally. I can count on both hands how many times I have gotten it, and neither was enjoyable. I please my wife orally every time we have had intercourse. I don’t try and force her and after a while I just gave up asking. But now I find myself wanting it, and I’m on the internet watching porn just desiring that feeling again. I don’t know what to do. At times I want to ask her why did she get married if she was not willing to please me sexually like I want. I don’t want to step out on her, but the thought has crossed my mind and I have found myself even looking trying to meet women online that can satisfy my desire.
I got into a conversation with a few of my friends and a uncle of mines last week. Without giving so much information about what it was that was going on in my marriage, we got on the subject of oral sex between a husband and wife. My friends said they will have a side piece and get it from there, my uncle said he’s never had that problem because his wife pleases him and never has he or she stepped out in their marriage. It got me thinking that I love being pleased as much as I love pleasing. I thought that once I got married she would of had a change of heart, but now it’s nothing. What do I do? I fear the thought of cheating and going out and getting it in the streets and bringing home a STD to my wife. But, I have to release some stress from my everyday life. I wonder if she has ever heard of the old saying, “What you won’t do for your man there is a woman willing to do it.” So, will I be wrong if I got what I desire? She gets what she wants sometimes without even asking for it.
I’ve been able to maintain over the years because of a habit I have that she wants me to give up, which is I love to smoke weed. I don’t do it around her, and for all I know she probably thinks I have stopped. But I haven’t. This is a weekly thing for me. It helps me to escape the problems of the day and deal with the fact my sex life is not all that pleasing to me. I can go weeks and months without sex, but I will die if I can’t roll up at least once or twice a week. Before we got married she wanted me to stop, but I couldn’t get oral sex, so a blunt is what I do to relieve the stress. That’s why I feel she is asking too much. I can give up one, preferably weed, but I gotta get oral weekly, and now that she is pregnant, our sex life has slowed down. Help a brother out before I do something I will regret and I do know how bad weed is and all that stuff being illegal, but I don’t want to be in a marriage and miserable. Please help. – Horny And High
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-love-my-wife-but-i-get-high-because-she-wont-fulfill-my-one-desire/
I have a 2 problem question. First, I been married for a year next month and I love my wife and I am willing to do anything that makes her happy, but she is asking for something that I feel is too much. I have been faithful since day one, and I am providing a life that she and I want, but I do not feel fulfilled in my marriage.
It’s not as much of what she is asking, but what she is not doing. She does not like to please me orally. I can count on both hands how many times I have gotten it, and neither was enjoyable. I please my wife orally every time we have had intercourse. I don’t try and force her and after a while I just gave up asking. But now I find myself wanting it, and I’m on the internet watching porn just desiring that feeling again. I don’t know what to do. At times I want to ask her why did she get married if she was not willing to please me sexually like I want. I don’t want to step out on her, but the thought has crossed my mind and I have found myself even looking trying to meet women online that can satisfy my desire.
I got into a conversation with a few of my friends and a uncle of mines last week. Without giving so much information about what it was that was going on in my marriage, we got on the subject of oral sex between a husband and wife. My friends said they will have a side piece and get it from there, my uncle said he’s never had that problem because his wife pleases him and never has he or she stepped out in their marriage. It got me thinking that I love being pleased as much as I love pleasing. I thought that once I got married she would of had a change of heart, but now it’s nothing. What do I do? I fear the thought of cheating and going out and getting it in the streets and bringing home a STD to my wife. But, I have to release some stress from my everyday life. I wonder if she has ever heard of the old saying, “What you won’t do for your man there is a woman willing to do it.” So, will I be wrong if I got what I desire? She gets what she wants sometimes without even asking for it.
I’ve been able to maintain over the years because of a habit I have that she wants me to give up, which is I love to smoke weed. I don’t do it around her, and for all I know she probably thinks I have stopped. But I haven’t. This is a weekly thing for me. It helps me to escape the problems of the day and deal with the fact my sex life is not all that pleasing to me. I can go weeks and months without sex, but I will die if I can’t roll up at least once or twice a week. Before we got married she wanted me to stop, but I couldn’t get oral sex, so a blunt is what I do to relieve the stress. That’s why I feel she is asking too much. I can give up one, preferably weed, but I gotta get oral weekly, and now that she is pregnant, our sex life has slowed down. Help a brother out before I do something I will regret and I do know how bad weed is and all that stuff being illegal, but I don’t want to be in a marriage and miserable. Please help. – Horny And High
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-love-my-wife-but-i-get-high-because-she-wont-fulfill-my-one-desire/
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I was married in June of this year after being with my fiancé for 5 years. I am bi-racial and he is Hispanic. Ok? The deal is his family doesn’t like me because I’m black. I speak my mind and I don’t take no shit. They go out there way to cause problems. We moved and they tell his baby mama where we are so she can ride by and be messy. Never does she stop and get out because she knows I’ll whoop her ass.
Well, our wedding was ruined. His sisters made a big scene in front of my guests. They said it was their day and not mines. They said he didn’t want to marry me. Well, my wedding wasn’t the princess wedding I wanted, it was a WWF match. I told my husband the preacher said you leave your family and cling to your wife. Am I wrong for telling him if he continues to talk to them I’m gone? – I Married Him And Not His Family
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-black-my-husband-is-hispanic-and-his-family-is-getting-on-my-nerves/
I was married in June of this year after being with my fiancé for 5 years. I am bi-racial and he is Hispanic. Ok? The deal is his family doesn’t like me because I’m black. I speak my mind and I don’t take no shit. They go out there way to cause problems. We moved and they tell his baby mama where we are so she can ride by and be messy. Never does she stop and get out because she knows I’ll whoop her ass.
Well, our wedding was ruined. His sisters made a big scene in front of my guests. They said it was their day and not mines. They said he didn’t want to marry me. Well, my wedding wasn’t the princess wedding I wanted, it was a WWF match. I told my husband the preacher said you leave your family and cling to your wife. Am I wrong for telling him if he continues to talk to them I’m gone? – I Married Him And Not His Family
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-black-my-husband-is-hispanic-and-his-family-is-getting-on-my-nerves/
Friday, January 21, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ve been dating this guy for three months and it’s my first long distance relationship. My ex that I haven’t seen nor spoken to for like five months saw that I was in a relationship and decided to randomly come to my house. We sat down and talked about why we never worked out and he apologized to me and gave me a hug. As he was hugging me, he bit my neck and I told him to stop. He kept biting and biting until I kissed him. The very second my lips left his, I ran out the room and immediately started to cry. I made him leave and called my boyfriend and told him right then and there what happened.
He’s infuriated with me and refuses to talk to me. He has not told me that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, but he also hasn’t told me that he forgives me. I’ve been crying for hours straight trying to figure out why I would do that as I’ve been cheated on before. I’m disgusted with myself and I can’t stop wondering if he’ll ever forgive me. My question to you is even if he does miraculously forgive me, would it honestly ever work out? He’s not answering any of my phone calls, texts, or messages. – Emotionally Numb & Completely Dumb
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-boyfriend-wont-speak-to-me-because-i-kissed-my-ex/
I’ve been dating this guy for three months and it’s my first long distance relationship. My ex that I haven’t seen nor spoken to for like five months saw that I was in a relationship and decided to randomly come to my house. We sat down and talked about why we never worked out and he apologized to me and gave me a hug. As he was hugging me, he bit my neck and I told him to stop. He kept biting and biting until I kissed him. The very second my lips left his, I ran out the room and immediately started to cry. I made him leave and called my boyfriend and told him right then and there what happened.
He’s infuriated with me and refuses to talk to me. He has not told me that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, but he also hasn’t told me that he forgives me. I’ve been crying for hours straight trying to figure out why I would do that as I’ve been cheated on before. I’m disgusted with myself and I can’t stop wondering if he’ll ever forgive me. My question to you is even if he does miraculously forgive me, would it honestly ever work out? He’s not answering any of my phone calls, texts, or messages. – Emotionally Numb & Completely Dumb
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-boyfriend-wont-speak-to-me-because-i-kissed-my-ex/
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m a college student who had an opportunity and lost it.
In my first year, I saw this beautiful girl whom I asked a question (just about the course). Well, later on, I saw her giving the green light; but, I didn’t come on because I was shy. Then, later, we met and she said, “I have cute eyes,” and commented that she likes them. So, I just gave her a five and thanked her.
Unfortunately, I met a friend that misled me, even telling not to talk with anybody from the opposite sex because the more you don’t talk then the more respect you get. So, the next day, I saw her coming to me, but I snubbed her. Sometimes I see her and it looks like she still has interest in me like the other time (my first year). One day I was sitting alone and she came beside me, expecting me to say something but, nothing came out. I realize that I am not good in talking to girls. Now, in my third year I don’t have a girlfriend and I think there is still hope to get her at hello but, I don’t have that confidence. I wanna ask is it still right for me to try or I should put that under my foot? And if yes, how? – Did I Miss My Opportunity
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-mistakenly-dissed-her-but-now-i-want-a-second-chance/
I’m a college student who had an opportunity and lost it.
In my first year, I saw this beautiful girl whom I asked a question (just about the course). Well, later on, I saw her giving the green light; but, I didn’t come on because I was shy. Then, later, we met and she said, “I have cute eyes,” and commented that she likes them. So, I just gave her a five and thanked her.
Unfortunately, I met a friend that misled me, even telling not to talk with anybody from the opposite sex because the more you don’t talk then the more respect you get. So, the next day, I saw her coming to me, but I snubbed her. Sometimes I see her and it looks like she still has interest in me like the other time (my first year). One day I was sitting alone and she came beside me, expecting me to say something but, nothing came out. I realize that I am not good in talking to girls. Now, in my third year I don’t have a girlfriend and I think there is still hope to get her at hello but, I don’t have that confidence. I wanna ask is it still right for me to try or I should put that under my foot? And if yes, how? – Did I Miss My Opportunity
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-mistakenly-dissed-her-but-now-i-want-a-second-chance/
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Okay, I have been seeing this guy off and on for about 5 years and I’m trying to break it off but it is hard. The thing is that I’m married and have been for over 10 years and the guy that I’m messing with is, or was, my husband’s best friend. I know what you are thinking, but it is not about the sex. Believe me it’s not. I have some type of emotional attachment that I just can’t break.
My husband knows because I couldn’t take the guilt and he believes that we are no longer having any contact with each other. I haven’t slept with him in almost a year, but we still send each other text messages and emails. And whenever I’m in the same room with the both of them I feel so guilty. My husband had cheated on me so it was my way of getting even, but it turned into something more. I’m happy with my husband now and things couldn’t be better. It is just that I often catch myself thinking about the other guy. How do I break it off for good and move on? What is this that I’m feeling? It can’t be love. – Confused And Trying To Move On
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-cheating-on-my-husband-with-his-best-friend/
Okay, I have been seeing this guy off and on for about 5 years and I’m trying to break it off but it is hard. The thing is that I’m married and have been for over 10 years and the guy that I’m messing with is, or was, my husband’s best friend. I know what you are thinking, but it is not about the sex. Believe me it’s not. I have some type of emotional attachment that I just can’t break.
My husband knows because I couldn’t take the guilt and he believes that we are no longer having any contact with each other. I haven’t slept with him in almost a year, but we still send each other text messages and emails. And whenever I’m in the same room with the both of them I feel so guilty. My husband had cheated on me so it was my way of getting even, but it turned into something more. I’m happy with my husband now and things couldn’t be better. It is just that I often catch myself thinking about the other guy. How do I break it off for good and move on? What is this that I’m feeling? It can’t be love. – Confused And Trying To Move On
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-cheating-on-my-husband-with-his-best-friend/
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am a 23-year-old college graduate with a 5-year-old daughter and I have been dating Mr. X for 4 years. After graduating college together, Mr. X and I decided to move to Dallas because it was something HE always wanted to do, and I agreed because there were more job opportunities there. Not long after moving to Dallas, things got really weird between us. Keep in mind, we lived together while we finished undergrad so living together was never an issue.
So, once things got weird, meaning he was acting indifferent towards me, I became a detective. I instantly suspected he was seeing someone else, but he whole-heartedly denied it and asked when he would have time because all he does is go to work and come home. I tried to let it go but couldn’t. One night he didn’t come home and this was very unsettling to me so I used Aprint family locator to find out where he was. Of course he lied, so again I tried to let it go. But one day, I decided to call his phone and check his voicemail. There was an unfamiliar number, so I decided to call it back. I called and asked this young lady if she knew Mr. X and she said, ‘Yes, that’s my boyfriend!’ My heart broke instantly.
Mr. X is 25 years old and the girl he was seeing is an 18-year old senior in high school (Oh, and she’s white!) After realizing that the night he didn’t come home, he was with her at a hotel room (nothing happened is what the girl told me), he apologized and apologized and even asked me to marry him (I declined!), but I did try to give him another chance.
I went to spend Christmas with my daughter and her grandparents in another city, but I came back to Dallas for New Year’s. While I was away, me and Mr. X talked every day and he assured me I was his focus and he was done with the little girl! On New Year’s Day, I had a feeling he wasn’t being quite honest so I called the young girl and asked her were they still involved. She said YES! And, beyond that, he had taken her to a hotel (I’m being nice by saying hotel, it was a motel) and they actually had sex this time (he confirmed, too!) I was livid, but for some odd reason I tried yet again to give him a chance. A few days later I contacted the girl again and she said they have still been communicating, so I changed my number and was done. Once he realized I was serious, he popped up at my apartment and called the young lady in front of me and ended things. So now we’re trying to work things out again, but he doesn’t want to move back in and he’s basically not trying to give me the relationship we had before he cheated! What do I do? I’ve moved to Dallas with my young daughter. I have NO family here so he is the ONLY person I know in the area! I really just feel abandoned. I need advice ASAP! – Trapped In Dallas
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-moved-to-dallas-for-him-but-hes-cheating-with-an-18-year-old/
I am a 23-year-old college graduate with a 5-year-old daughter and I have been dating Mr. X for 4 years. After graduating college together, Mr. X and I decided to move to Dallas because it was something HE always wanted to do, and I agreed because there were more job opportunities there. Not long after moving to Dallas, things got really weird between us. Keep in mind, we lived together while we finished undergrad so living together was never an issue.
So, once things got weird, meaning he was acting indifferent towards me, I became a detective. I instantly suspected he was seeing someone else, but he whole-heartedly denied it and asked when he would have time because all he does is go to work and come home. I tried to let it go but couldn’t. One night he didn’t come home and this was very unsettling to me so I used Aprint family locator to find out where he was. Of course he lied, so again I tried to let it go. But one day, I decided to call his phone and check his voicemail. There was an unfamiliar number, so I decided to call it back. I called and asked this young lady if she knew Mr. X and she said, ‘Yes, that’s my boyfriend!’ My heart broke instantly.
Mr. X is 25 years old and the girl he was seeing is an 18-year old senior in high school (Oh, and she’s white!) After realizing that the night he didn’t come home, he was with her at a hotel room (nothing happened is what the girl told me), he apologized and apologized and even asked me to marry him (I declined!), but I did try to give him another chance.
I went to spend Christmas with my daughter and her grandparents in another city, but I came back to Dallas for New Year’s. While I was away, me and Mr. X talked every day and he assured me I was his focus and he was done with the little girl! On New Year’s Day, I had a feeling he wasn’t being quite honest so I called the young girl and asked her were they still involved. She said YES! And, beyond that, he had taken her to a hotel (I’m being nice by saying hotel, it was a motel) and they actually had sex this time (he confirmed, too!) I was livid, but for some odd reason I tried yet again to give him a chance. A few days later I contacted the girl again and she said they have still been communicating, so I changed my number and was done. Once he realized I was serious, he popped up at my apartment and called the young lady in front of me and ended things. So now we’re trying to work things out again, but he doesn’t want to move back in and he’s basically not trying to give me the relationship we had before he cheated! What do I do? I’ve moved to Dallas with my young daughter. I have NO family here so he is the ONLY person I know in the area! I really just feel abandoned. I need advice ASAP! – Trapped In Dallas
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-moved-to-dallas-for-him-but-hes-cheating-with-an-18-year-old/
Friday, January 14, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
First and foremost I just want to say how refreshing it is to read how honest you are when you give your feedback to reader’s emails. I have ordered your book and I cannot wait until I get my hands on it! Now to my issue at hand.
I am 23-years old and a mother to a beautiful 2-year old son. He is my world and I would do anything for him to ensure his happiness and safety. His father is very much in the picture and involved in our son’s everyday life. His father and I are not together, but we have never clashed when it comes to decisions we must make in regards to our little one. We can always come together peacefully and discuss any problems that arise and come to an agreement in which we both are satisfied with the outcome. My side of the family has rarely had to coach me in the parenting department and they have never stepped on my toes when it comes to the decisions that I have made about my son. I wish I could say the same about my son’s father’s side of the family.
His mother and sister are a living nightmare! Nothing we do is ever good enough and his mother is always in my face about how I’m such a young mother and how I need guidance when it comes to my son and his well -being. She even went as far as to call child services and allege that my son was being abused while in my custody. This incident is the reason that her son and myself are no longer romantically involved. Child protective services came to my house and even spoke with the staff at his preschool and found no indications or physical signs of abuse. After this incident my son’s father tried to sit everyone down to put everyone’s frustrations on the table but to no avail. I could not get in a word in edgewise.
His sister is not as worse, but she still makes my life a living hell. Now his sister has no children but she works with them on a day-to-day basis. I have tried to tell her that working with children and being a parent are two totally different things, but she just doesn’t get it. She is constantly in my ear about what I should do and what I shouldn’t do and how studies show this and statistics show that…blah…blah…blah. I remember when my son was maybe 5 days old and everyone was visiting. I was doing laundry and my son was sleeping in his nursery. She walked up to me and demanded that I go in and check on him. I looked at her like she was crazy and she then told me that she wanted to make sure that I didn’t cause my son to die of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). No new mother with raging hormones wants to hear about harm coming to her new baby! When I tell you… I picked up her -ish and kicked her out of my home and told her a** she better not come back…It wasn’t pretty.
I could go on and on about the things that they have done to step on my toes but I don’t want the headache. Please give me some advice on what to do about putting these women in their places without coming outside of my character. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Before I catch a case…SMDH! – Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-ex-boyfriends-mother-and-sister-dont-like-how-im-raising-our-child/
First and foremost I just want to say how refreshing it is to read how honest you are when you give your feedback to reader’s emails. I have ordered your book and I cannot wait until I get my hands on it! Now to my issue at hand.
I am 23-years old and a mother to a beautiful 2-year old son. He is my world and I would do anything for him to ensure his happiness and safety. His father is very much in the picture and involved in our son’s everyday life. His father and I are not together, but we have never clashed when it comes to decisions we must make in regards to our little one. We can always come together peacefully and discuss any problems that arise and come to an agreement in which we both are satisfied with the outcome. My side of the family has rarely had to coach me in the parenting department and they have never stepped on my toes when it comes to the decisions that I have made about my son. I wish I could say the same about my son’s father’s side of the family.
His mother and sister are a living nightmare! Nothing we do is ever good enough and his mother is always in my face about how I’m such a young mother and how I need guidance when it comes to my son and his well -being. She even went as far as to call child services and allege that my son was being abused while in my custody. This incident is the reason that her son and myself are no longer romantically involved. Child protective services came to my house and even spoke with the staff at his preschool and found no indications or physical signs of abuse. After this incident my son’s father tried to sit everyone down to put everyone’s frustrations on the table but to no avail. I could not get in a word in edgewise.
His sister is not as worse, but she still makes my life a living hell. Now his sister has no children but she works with them on a day-to-day basis. I have tried to tell her that working with children and being a parent are two totally different things, but she just doesn’t get it. She is constantly in my ear about what I should do and what I shouldn’t do and how studies show this and statistics show that…blah…blah…blah. I remember when my son was maybe 5 days old and everyone was visiting. I was doing laundry and my son was sleeping in his nursery. She walked up to me and demanded that I go in and check on him. I looked at her like she was crazy and she then told me that she wanted to make sure that I didn’t cause my son to die of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). No new mother with raging hormones wants to hear about harm coming to her new baby! When I tell you… I picked up her -ish and kicked her out of my home and told her a** she better not come back…It wasn’t pretty.
I could go on and on about the things that they have done to step on my toes but I don’t want the headache. Please give me some advice on what to do about putting these women in their places without coming outside of my character. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Before I catch a case…SMDH! – Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-ex-boyfriends-mother-and-sister-dont-like-how-im-raising-our-child/
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I know that you hate long letters, so I will try and keep this two year saga short. I began a sexual relationship with my uncle two years ago. I was 26-years old and he was 45-years old. He was in prison for about 18 years. I visited him every weekend from age 11 until I was about 24-years old. I believe that for a while we were in love with each other (I’ve heard the saying that you can’t help who you love, but….).
He initiated the relationship and I, knowing that I would lose my uncle and cause some major drama if I told anyone what was going on, kept it quiet. About a year in, I couldn’t take him disrespecting and using me anymore, especially lying to me about loving me. He kept lying about his feelings for me even after times he told me he just wanted to have sex with me and that he didn’t want to mess around anymore. He would always come back and say he loved me and missed me. I knew it wasn’t true, but because I still loved him in a romantic way, I allowed it. Now that was my fault.
After a big family blow-up, in which he denied the affair even happened and called me a crazy lying bitch, (which I know now that he was trying to keep his girlfriend whom he was about to have a baby with), he finally came out and said the truth about us. He apologized to me. I was hurt and upset that my favorite uncle that watched me grow up could treat me in this way and that I allowed it. I was angry. Sorry doesn’t fix everything. My family stated that my uncle and I should try and repair our relationship. Honestly, I wasn’t ready for that, and as of yet it hasn’t happened. Mainly because after that family blow-up and a 4-month or so hiatus we began seeing each other, again. He went on lying to our family and his girlfriend and to me. Telling me that no matter what he would never stop seeing me, he misses me all the time, etc. I stopped the relationship after Christmas and told him to stop calling and texting me.
My issue is that my family doesn’t know that we began again and can’t understand why I don’t want to be around him or his girlfriend, her four other kids and their baby. I know this man doesn’t care about me and I don’t believe he ever did. He did more to suit himself than he ever did to be an uncle to me. Especially, after apologizing to me and then calling me only for sex. I feel he is not my uncle and I don’t know who he is. Am I wrong for not wanting to be involved with family functions in which he will be in attendance? Is this whole thing my fault? – Division In My Family
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-sleeping-with-my-uncle-who-was-in-prison-for-18-years/
I know that you hate long letters, so I will try and keep this two year saga short. I began a sexual relationship with my uncle two years ago. I was 26-years old and he was 45-years old. He was in prison for about 18 years. I visited him every weekend from age 11 until I was about 24-years old. I believe that for a while we were in love with each other (I’ve heard the saying that you can’t help who you love, but….).
He initiated the relationship and I, knowing that I would lose my uncle and cause some major drama if I told anyone what was going on, kept it quiet. About a year in, I couldn’t take him disrespecting and using me anymore, especially lying to me about loving me. He kept lying about his feelings for me even after times he told me he just wanted to have sex with me and that he didn’t want to mess around anymore. He would always come back and say he loved me and missed me. I knew it wasn’t true, but because I still loved him in a romantic way, I allowed it. Now that was my fault.
After a big family blow-up, in which he denied the affair even happened and called me a crazy lying bitch, (which I know now that he was trying to keep his girlfriend whom he was about to have a baby with), he finally came out and said the truth about us. He apologized to me. I was hurt and upset that my favorite uncle that watched me grow up could treat me in this way and that I allowed it. I was angry. Sorry doesn’t fix everything. My family stated that my uncle and I should try and repair our relationship. Honestly, I wasn’t ready for that, and as of yet it hasn’t happened. Mainly because after that family blow-up and a 4-month or so hiatus we began seeing each other, again. He went on lying to our family and his girlfriend and to me. Telling me that no matter what he would never stop seeing me, he misses me all the time, etc. I stopped the relationship after Christmas and told him to stop calling and texting me.
My issue is that my family doesn’t know that we began again and can’t understand why I don’t want to be around him or his girlfriend, her four other kids and their baby. I know this man doesn’t care about me and I don’t believe he ever did. He did more to suit himself than he ever did to be an uncle to me. Especially, after apologizing to me and then calling me only for sex. I feel he is not my uncle and I don’t know who he is. Am I wrong for not wanting to be involved with family functions in which he will be in attendance? Is this whole thing my fault? – Division In My Family
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-sleeping-with-my-uncle-who-was-in-prison-for-18-years/
Check Out My Advice Column With HUFFINGTON POST...
In 2011 You're Going Be Open To Love Again, Right?
by Terrance Dean
The divorce is over. The papers are signed. He's out of the house and you're sitting there, alone. This New Year you've promised yourself that you're going to put yourself out there. But, how do you know if the next guy will be the one? Will it take weeks, months, or years for him to show up?
Some divorcees want their prince charming, or knight in shining-armor. Some just want a simple man. A man who works, takes care of the home, loves his children, and is spiritually grounded. Whatever you need from a man, you have to be open to receiving love when it shows up.
You have to be prepared for when he shows up. There's no use in asking for him and you're not ready when he comes. You can't start running around trying to fix your hair, dress, make-up, and attitude after he arrives. Be prepared for your man. Especially with an open heart and willingness to accept him when he shows up.
I'm telling you, I've heard lots of divorcees complain about the good guy. You know the one. The man who is extremely nice, a gentleman, loves children, practices chivalry, and is spiritually grounded. He has a good head on his shoulders and will love you like no other. However, the catch is that he is not tall enough, or dark enough, or he may be a blue-collar worker. He may be a younger than you, maybe even older. You can't seem to let go of your ex-husband.
I swear sometimes I think women only want the bad boy who has a criminal record, bad credit, emotional issues, or unable to maintain a job. It's something about fixing a man up that intrigues them. Women want to feel like they were the ones responsible for helping him see the light, get back on his feet, and turn his life around. Despite the fact he got you into debt, ruined your credit, and he caused you to have several nervous breakdowns. Didn't you learn anything from your ex?
You can read the entire post, HERE:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terrance-dean/in-2011-youre-going-be-op_b_805550.html
by Terrance Dean
The divorce is over. The papers are signed. He's out of the house and you're sitting there, alone. This New Year you've promised yourself that you're going to put yourself out there. But, how do you know if the next guy will be the one? Will it take weeks, months, or years for him to show up?
Some divorcees want their prince charming, or knight in shining-armor. Some just want a simple man. A man who works, takes care of the home, loves his children, and is spiritually grounded. Whatever you need from a man, you have to be open to receiving love when it shows up.
You have to be prepared for when he shows up. There's no use in asking for him and you're not ready when he comes. You can't start running around trying to fix your hair, dress, make-up, and attitude after he arrives. Be prepared for your man. Especially with an open heart and willingness to accept him when he shows up.
I'm telling you, I've heard lots of divorcees complain about the good guy. You know the one. The man who is extremely nice, a gentleman, loves children, practices chivalry, and is spiritually grounded. He has a good head on his shoulders and will love you like no other. However, the catch is that he is not tall enough, or dark enough, or he may be a blue-collar worker. He may be a younger than you, maybe even older. You can't seem to let go of your ex-husband.
I swear sometimes I think women only want the bad boy who has a criminal record, bad credit, emotional issues, or unable to maintain a job. It's something about fixing a man up that intrigues them. Women want to feel like they were the ones responsible for helping him see the light, get back on his feet, and turn his life around. Despite the fact he got you into debt, ruined your credit, and he caused you to have several nervous breakdowns. Didn't you learn anything from your ex?
You can read the entire post, HERE:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terrance-dean/in-2011-youre-going-be-op_b_805550.html
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m writing to you this morning because I have a few things that is on my mind. First off, I am living with a man that I have known for about 20 years. He has eight kids, not all by the same woman. One of the baby mama’s is, or was, on drugs. They have three kids together, as far as we know they are his.
But, about my business, I love him. He is a good man, works every day, and he is a good friend. But, the last few weekends he has been leaving half a day and coming back the next. I say he is visiting his baby mama. I’m no fool. But to me, the good outweigh the bad. There are signs that let me know something is not right and please believe me it’s holy hell. I asked him to leave, but he won’t. He says he wants to be here. He says that he loves me and he is in love with me. I do believe that my love for him is stronger. I work, clean house, take care of the kids (his two and my two), and I really love my life. He told me to just be me and don’t be a super woman or the person that I think he wants, and to just be myself. I guess I’m writing you to get advice on what to do or how I should do it. Like R. Kelly said, “When a woman loves she loves for real.” – A Hard Loving Woman
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/weve-been-together-20-years-and-hes-acting-suspicious/
I’m writing to you this morning because I have a few things that is on my mind. First off, I am living with a man that I have known for about 20 years. He has eight kids, not all by the same woman. One of the baby mama’s is, or was, on drugs. They have three kids together, as far as we know they are his.
But, about my business, I love him. He is a good man, works every day, and he is a good friend. But, the last few weekends he has been leaving half a day and coming back the next. I say he is visiting his baby mama. I’m no fool. But to me, the good outweigh the bad. There are signs that let me know something is not right and please believe me it’s holy hell. I asked him to leave, but he won’t. He says he wants to be here. He says that he loves me and he is in love with me. I do believe that my love for him is stronger. I work, clean house, take care of the kids (his two and my two), and I really love my life. He told me to just be me and don’t be a super woman or the person that I think he wants, and to just be myself. I guess I’m writing you to get advice on what to do or how I should do it. Like R. Kelly said, “When a woman loves she loves for real.” – A Hard Loving Woman
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/weve-been-together-20-years-and-hes-acting-suspicious/
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
When I met my boo, he was not at all what I expected on the outside, but I (thankfully) was able to see through that and find the man inside that I loved. He had a blue-collar job, which I had never experienced, but I think because it was a pretty good paying blue-collar job, I stuck with it (wink).
Right now, the state we live in is one of the most economically depressed in the country, and the manufacturing jobs are drying up. Companies he’s worked for have been bought and downsized, or just had to cut corners. He’s had to leave the state twice to find employment in the past four years because he’s not the type to sit at home and do nothing. I have gone to visit him many times where he has gone, but I wasn’t ready to move at the time because my family’s 35-year old business is here. I’m an only child and my parents are getting older. He’s come back home to be with me, thinking he had a secure job, only to have it snatched from him.
But, since he left his last job in June (over some really SCANDALOUS stuff, you’d love it – his boss would love you – we’re thinking of suing), we have not been able to find him a new job. He’s been doing what he can around the house – he’s an excellent cook and really knows how to clean – but he feels like he’s not contributing like a man should and it’s starting to depress him. I feel him losing hope bit by bit every day as each rejection letter comes. We used to live large, but now, with only one income we’ve had to cut back, and that upsets him too. He has a baby mama that he pays child support to, and even though he’s unemployed, he still owes that child support (SMH – don’t get me started on that topic), and now that he’s six months behind (not his fault), there’s a warrant out for his arrest.
He feels like everything is conspiring against him, he’s slipping into a real depressed state, and it’s starting to be a drain on me. I love him to death, and I know it’s supposed to be through thick and thin, but what advice do you have to get through the thin times? He’s done a *lot* for me over the years – when I tried to say thank you, he insists it was his “job” to take care of me and that no thanks was necessary. But now he needs me – just the fact that *he*, the man, needs *me* upsets him too – but I don’t know how to make him feel better without taking his manhood away from him. I struggle to keep his spirits up. I do what I can for him, but it’s not enough. When I ask him what I can do, he just says “find me a job.” Obviously, I have no control over that. I send out his resume constantly, but with double digit unemployment here, everyone is looking for a job, and with his impressive looking resume, employers think it will cost a lot to hire and pay him. That’s the only reason I can think of that no one is responding to his resume – the whole “overqualified” thing.
Is my man’s ego worth leaving everything else I have in life to pick up and move to another state so he can find a job? I have no doubts about the strength of his love for me, and mine for him, but honestly, I’m scared to leave the security of what I’ve got here in my family business. My parents are in their 70s and his mother is sick, and where he wants to go is way across the country. I need some help deciding what to do. When things are good for us, they’re really, really good. I need to fight for him now that things are not so good, but how do I do that and not give up *me* in the process? Ms. In Love But Struggling
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-man-has-no-job-hes-depressed-and-i-cant-help/
When I met my boo, he was not at all what I expected on the outside, but I (thankfully) was able to see through that and find the man inside that I loved. He had a blue-collar job, which I had never experienced, but I think because it was a pretty good paying blue-collar job, I stuck with it (wink).
Right now, the state we live in is one of the most economically depressed in the country, and the manufacturing jobs are drying up. Companies he’s worked for have been bought and downsized, or just had to cut corners. He’s had to leave the state twice to find employment in the past four years because he’s not the type to sit at home and do nothing. I have gone to visit him many times where he has gone, but I wasn’t ready to move at the time because my family’s 35-year old business is here. I’m an only child and my parents are getting older. He’s come back home to be with me, thinking he had a secure job, only to have it snatched from him.
But, since he left his last job in June (over some really SCANDALOUS stuff, you’d love it – his boss would love you – we’re thinking of suing), we have not been able to find him a new job. He’s been doing what he can around the house – he’s an excellent cook and really knows how to clean – but he feels like he’s not contributing like a man should and it’s starting to depress him. I feel him losing hope bit by bit every day as each rejection letter comes. We used to live large, but now, with only one income we’ve had to cut back, and that upsets him too. He has a baby mama that he pays child support to, and even though he’s unemployed, he still owes that child support (SMH – don’t get me started on that topic), and now that he’s six months behind (not his fault), there’s a warrant out for his arrest.
He feels like everything is conspiring against him, he’s slipping into a real depressed state, and it’s starting to be a drain on me. I love him to death, and I know it’s supposed to be through thick and thin, but what advice do you have to get through the thin times? He’s done a *lot* for me over the years – when I tried to say thank you, he insists it was his “job” to take care of me and that no thanks was necessary. But now he needs me – just the fact that *he*, the man, needs *me* upsets him too – but I don’t know how to make him feel better without taking his manhood away from him. I struggle to keep his spirits up. I do what I can for him, but it’s not enough. When I ask him what I can do, he just says “find me a job.” Obviously, I have no control over that. I send out his resume constantly, but with double digit unemployment here, everyone is looking for a job, and with his impressive looking resume, employers think it will cost a lot to hire and pay him. That’s the only reason I can think of that no one is responding to his resume – the whole “overqualified” thing.
Is my man’s ego worth leaving everything else I have in life to pick up and move to another state so he can find a job? I have no doubts about the strength of his love for me, and mine for him, but honestly, I’m scared to leave the security of what I’ve got here in my family business. My parents are in their 70s and his mother is sick, and where he wants to go is way across the country. I need some help deciding what to do. When things are good for us, they’re really, really good. I need to fight for him now that things are not so good, but how do I do that and not give up *me* in the process? Ms. In Love But Struggling
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-man-has-no-job-hes-depressed-and-i-cant-help/
Monday, January 10, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
So here is my dilemma, though it may not be much of a dilemma to some. I think that I am afraid to live my life. Because of the area I grew up in, the high school I went to and friends and family that surrounded me, I think I was “scared straight.” I mean scared straight down the straight and narrow path of life without the fun. OK, it hasn’t been all boring, but I am constantly compared to an old lady by some friends and even family. I am continuously told that I need to learn to let go and just have fun and to stop thinking all the time.
I have always been the one female child to prove that I cannot do what others expected me to do which was usually the worst. I had family tell my mom that I am ‘too fast,’ and shouldn’t date at such a young age, i.e. I went on my first date at age 12. But, to my defense I was the overly responsible child. I never got into trouble. I brought home good grades, and my mother and I have a very close relationship. She talked to me about boys and sex and everything, and there was never a need for me to sneak around do things because of her openness. Now, don’t get me wrong, she let it be known that she was momma first, and friend second, a there were still rules to be followed.
Anyway, I said all of that to say when my cousins were hiding boys under the bed, in closets, sneaking out and having babies I was somewhere reading a book and preparing for college. I am a two time college grad, and I’m proud of that, but my social and personal life has suffered because of it. I am at a point in my life where I am wondering why I have I not found a good man, or why hasn’t he found me. I have tried to do everything right. I work. I pray. I’m 26 with no children, I’m educated, and if I do say so myself, I’m pretty darn attractive. I’m not one to throw my education in any ones face or try to make it seem as if I’m this super independent woman. I was raised old school and I know that everybody needs somebody sometimes and we are not meant to be alone. – Too Young To Be Too Old
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am a 22-year old senior at a well-know university. I have a good job, my own home, and I have supported myself alone for the past two years. I do not have any children, and don’t plan on having any until I am married. I am very respectful, respectable, caring, nice, and all that good stuff. I know I am attractive and know my self-worth. The problem is why have I been single for nearly two years? My friends and family tell me I should focus on school and there will be time for “courting.” I know this is true but I get so bored and lonely at home alone. At the end of the day when all my work is done. Some of the things I have heard from guys include “you will make a good wife”, “you deserve more than what I can give you”, “you know me too well” and blah blah blah.
So what is the problem? I am not the judge of anyone else, but I see guys hooking up with girls that do not have half of the qualities I have going for themselves. Some of these guys like to keep me around but not make it more serious. What is the problem? Young, Independent, And Lonely
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am a 23-year old woman who is single and cannot find a decent man to date. I don’t have any kids. I’m college-educated (I have a Bachelors degree and I am currently working on my Masters). I have no criminal past. I don’t do drugs nor do I smoke or drink, I work full-time, and I couldn’t be ugly because many people tell me I’m beautiful. I don’t have a problem finding a man. I have a problem with finding one that I really like. I’m not too picky. All I ask is that he is not a criminal, not a gang member, works a decent job, attractive, and treats me with the love and respect I deserve. But, for some reason, I seem to attract men with kids all over the U.S. Men with a criminal record the size of an encyclopedia. Men that just look plain sloppy, and men that are so old that they could be my grandfather.
I’ve even gotten to the point of trying dating sites and I have found that pictures lie. These guys put up pictures that look good, but in person they look a terrible mess. I am beginning to think that I should settle with being lonely and single since I can’t find a man that I would like to be with. Why am I having so much bad luck with dating? Am I un-dateable? What does it take for a woman like me to find man I can be happy with? – Where Is Mr. Right
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/were-young-fly-and-fancy-but-we-dont-have-a-man/
So here is my dilemma, though it may not be much of a dilemma to some. I think that I am afraid to live my life. Because of the area I grew up in, the high school I went to and friends and family that surrounded me, I think I was “scared straight.” I mean scared straight down the straight and narrow path of life without the fun. OK, it hasn’t been all boring, but I am constantly compared to an old lady by some friends and even family. I am continuously told that I need to learn to let go and just have fun and to stop thinking all the time.
I have always been the one female child to prove that I cannot do what others expected me to do which was usually the worst. I had family tell my mom that I am ‘too fast,’ and shouldn’t date at such a young age, i.e. I went on my first date at age 12. But, to my defense I was the overly responsible child. I never got into trouble. I brought home good grades, and my mother and I have a very close relationship. She talked to me about boys and sex and everything, and there was never a need for me to sneak around do things because of her openness. Now, don’t get me wrong, she let it be known that she was momma first, and friend second, a there were still rules to be followed.
Anyway, I said all of that to say when my cousins were hiding boys under the bed, in closets, sneaking out and having babies I was somewhere reading a book and preparing for college. I am a two time college grad, and I’m proud of that, but my social and personal life has suffered because of it. I am at a point in my life where I am wondering why I have I not found a good man, or why hasn’t he found me. I have tried to do everything right. I work. I pray. I’m 26 with no children, I’m educated, and if I do say so myself, I’m pretty darn attractive. I’m not one to throw my education in any ones face or try to make it seem as if I’m this super independent woman. I was raised old school and I know that everybody needs somebody sometimes and we are not meant to be alone. – Too Young To Be Too Old
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am a 22-year old senior at a well-know university. I have a good job, my own home, and I have supported myself alone for the past two years. I do not have any children, and don’t plan on having any until I am married. I am very respectful, respectable, caring, nice, and all that good stuff. I know I am attractive and know my self-worth. The problem is why have I been single for nearly two years? My friends and family tell me I should focus on school and there will be time for “courting.” I know this is true but I get so bored and lonely at home alone. At the end of the day when all my work is done. Some of the things I have heard from guys include “you will make a good wife”, “you deserve more than what I can give you”, “you know me too well” and blah blah blah.
So what is the problem? I am not the judge of anyone else, but I see guys hooking up with girls that do not have half of the qualities I have going for themselves. Some of these guys like to keep me around but not make it more serious. What is the problem? Young, Independent, And Lonely
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am a 23-year old woman who is single and cannot find a decent man to date. I don’t have any kids. I’m college-educated (I have a Bachelors degree and I am currently working on my Masters). I have no criminal past. I don’t do drugs nor do I smoke or drink, I work full-time, and I couldn’t be ugly because many people tell me I’m beautiful. I don’t have a problem finding a man. I have a problem with finding one that I really like. I’m not too picky. All I ask is that he is not a criminal, not a gang member, works a decent job, attractive, and treats me with the love and respect I deserve. But, for some reason, I seem to attract men with kids all over the U.S. Men with a criminal record the size of an encyclopedia. Men that just look plain sloppy, and men that are so old that they could be my grandfather.
I’ve even gotten to the point of trying dating sites and I have found that pictures lie. These guys put up pictures that look good, but in person they look a terrible mess. I am beginning to think that I should settle with being lonely and single since I can’t find a man that I would like to be with. Why am I having so much bad luck with dating? Am I un-dateable? What does it take for a woman like me to find man I can be happy with? – Where Is Mr. Right
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/were-young-fly-and-fancy-but-we-dont-have-a-man/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am a young mom of two children by two different guys. My daughter’s father is totally out of her life, but my son’s father is involved with him, but sometimes I wish he wasn’t.
On a recent doctor’s visit I was told I may have ovarian cancer. It doesn’t faze me or scare me, and if I do, I won’t seek medical treatment. I didn’t tell anyone and no one knows so far, but if I should have this cancer, I won’t tell anyone until the time is right. I have a custody agreement with my son’s father, but if I should die I will try to make it private and leave him with my parents. We have shared custody and nothing more.
When I was dating the father of my son, and when I got pregnant, I moved to Charlotte for a better job. Well, he did too, and soon after I found out he got married. It turns out that he was engaged to her while he was dating me, so now nothing he says really matters. What love I had for him is gone and he gets on my nerves. If I had to, and before I died, I’d give my son up for adoption and let him try to find him on his own. I wish I didn’t have his son, and despite the fact that I love my kids, I love my daughter more because I am still in love with her father. My son acts too much like his idiot dad and sometimes I find it hard to love him. If I could before I die tell him what a fat little faggot I think he really is, and such a joke. Sounds crazy, and I might, but I don’t care at this point. I welcome peace. And, no, I’m not depressed. I’d rather enjoy life.
Is there some way I can tell my ex what’s going on with me or do I have to? Can I just keep it to myself? What do you think? – Dying In North Carolina
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-may-be-dying-im-at-peace-but-not-with-my-childrens-fathers/
I am a young mom of two children by two different guys. My daughter’s father is totally out of her life, but my son’s father is involved with him, but sometimes I wish he wasn’t.
On a recent doctor’s visit I was told I may have ovarian cancer. It doesn’t faze me or scare me, and if I do, I won’t seek medical treatment. I didn’t tell anyone and no one knows so far, but if I should have this cancer, I won’t tell anyone until the time is right. I have a custody agreement with my son’s father, but if I should die I will try to make it private and leave him with my parents. We have shared custody and nothing more.
When I was dating the father of my son, and when I got pregnant, I moved to Charlotte for a better job. Well, he did too, and soon after I found out he got married. It turns out that he was engaged to her while he was dating me, so now nothing he says really matters. What love I had for him is gone and he gets on my nerves. If I had to, and before I died, I’d give my son up for adoption and let him try to find him on his own. I wish I didn’t have his son, and despite the fact that I love my kids, I love my daughter more because I am still in love with her father. My son acts too much like his idiot dad and sometimes I find it hard to love him. If I could before I die tell him what a fat little faggot I think he really is, and such a joke. Sounds crazy, and I might, but I don’t care at this point. I welcome peace. And, no, I’m not depressed. I’d rather enjoy life.
Is there some way I can tell my ex what’s going on with me or do I have to? Can I just keep it to myself? What do you think? – Dying In North Carolina
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-may-be-dying-im-at-peace-but-not-with-my-childrens-fathers/
Friday, January 7, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I was in a long distant relationship (same state, different cities) that lasted 9 months. The relationship ended suddenly just a week before I was leaving to go out of state for work; mind you that before I left we discussed everything and he reassured me that we would be fine.
While I was gone out of state and heartbroken, he texted me every week saying how he still loves me, misses me, and wants to get back together. When I returned, we eventually started talking and kicking it like old times, but this go round we had no titles. When I asked his reasoning for breaking up with me, he said he couldn’t handle me leaving and admitted he was insecure. Well, next thing I know he goes M.I.A. (Missing In Action), so I fall back and we don’t talk for a couple months. I texted him one day, (yes I did), and then we started talking and he informs me he has a BABY?!?! Of course he says it wasn’t during our relationship (It was while I was out of state. The months add up right), and he only had sex with the chick once, blah blah blah. I let it go like, ‘whatever, as long as it’s no baby momma drama.’
Now, we have been kicking it and doing things like we used to (spending time together, gifts, visits, etc) for about 7 months now. We both agreed that we don’t want to get in a relationship because of our distance, so now he has proposed for us to move-in and live together. I would get back in a relationship with him, but I don’t want anymore M.I.A.’s, or surprises and I’m a little scared.
This has been going on for two and half years now. Gay Best Friend should I continue Jones-ing or move on and let it go? – Distant Lover
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-man-got-a-woman-pregnant-while-i-was-out-of-town/
I was in a long distant relationship (same state, different cities) that lasted 9 months. The relationship ended suddenly just a week before I was leaving to go out of state for work; mind you that before I left we discussed everything and he reassured me that we would be fine.
While I was gone out of state and heartbroken, he texted me every week saying how he still loves me, misses me, and wants to get back together. When I returned, we eventually started talking and kicking it like old times, but this go round we had no titles. When I asked his reasoning for breaking up with me, he said he couldn’t handle me leaving and admitted he was insecure. Well, next thing I know he goes M.I.A. (Missing In Action), so I fall back and we don’t talk for a couple months. I texted him one day, (yes I did), and then we started talking and he informs me he has a BABY?!?! Of course he says it wasn’t during our relationship (It was while I was out of state. The months add up right), and he only had sex with the chick once, blah blah blah. I let it go like, ‘whatever, as long as it’s no baby momma drama.’
Now, we have been kicking it and doing things like we used to (spending time together, gifts, visits, etc) for about 7 months now. We both agreed that we don’t want to get in a relationship because of our distance, so now he has proposed for us to move-in and live together. I would get back in a relationship with him, but I don’t want anymore M.I.A.’s, or surprises and I’m a little scared.
This has been going on for two and half years now. Gay Best Friend should I continue Jones-ing or move on and let it go? – Distant Lover
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-man-got-a-woman-pregnant-while-i-was-out-of-town/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am 31-year old female and have been dating a guy who is the same age, for about two months. Although he isn’t my type he has grown on me. He has all of the check list things: a vehicle, own place, secure career in IT, no children and cool person. I am the same: independent, own place, I have a daughter that is 11-years old, and I have a secure career in the federal government.
We hang out a lot and have frequent sleep over’s at each other’s houses (But, we have not had intercourse). Here in lies the dilemma. He will be graduating undergrad in the Spring of 2011 and he has begun applying for graduate school. He has applied in various parts of the country Wisconsin, Chicago to name two. The problem is we live in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. the hub of the Federal Government, and I have 13 years of federal service. Other places in the country do not pay federal employees as well as D.C.
Do I continue to date him and just see what happens (and we’ll probably eventually do the do), or do I break it off now as to not get more attached? I mean, Spring 2011 is months away and at that point we will have been dating several months. Or am I over thinking the situation?
Please give me your straight talk no chaser advice. – Stay And Play Or Cut And Run
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/if-he-goes-to-grad-school-i-may-have-to-leave-my-job/
I am 31-year old female and have been dating a guy who is the same age, for about two months. Although he isn’t my type he has grown on me. He has all of the check list things: a vehicle, own place, secure career in IT, no children and cool person. I am the same: independent, own place, I have a daughter that is 11-years old, and I have a secure career in the federal government.
We hang out a lot and have frequent sleep over’s at each other’s houses (But, we have not had intercourse). Here in lies the dilemma. He will be graduating undergrad in the Spring of 2011 and he has begun applying for graduate school. He has applied in various parts of the country Wisconsin, Chicago to name two. The problem is we live in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. the hub of the Federal Government, and I have 13 years of federal service. Other places in the country do not pay federal employees as well as D.C.
Do I continue to date him and just see what happens (and we’ll probably eventually do the do), or do I break it off now as to not get more attached? I mean, Spring 2011 is months away and at that point we will have been dating several months. Or am I over thinking the situation?
Please give me your straight talk no chaser advice. – Stay And Play Or Cut And Run
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/if-he-goes-to-grad-school-i-may-have-to-leave-my-job/
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day....
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been in a relationship with this man for almost a year. Everything about the relationship is great except for the fact that he lives in another city that is forty-five minutes away, and it is hard for him to see me because he doesn’t have transportation. His father is the only person who has a car between him and his parents, so his father takes him to school every day.
In December, he graduated, and I’m waiting to see what he will do since he’s graduated. I have a car, but my parents do not want me traveling that far to go see him. My mother wants me to find someone else because she feels that I can do better than a guy who hasn’t got a job or a ride. I don’t know if I should break up with him because I feel like I might be making a mistake because he is a good guy, but the situation is complicated. – Is He Worth It
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/hes-a-good-guy-but-he-lives-in-another-city-and-has-no-job-or-car/
I have been in a relationship with this man for almost a year. Everything about the relationship is great except for the fact that he lives in another city that is forty-five minutes away, and it is hard for him to see me because he doesn’t have transportation. His father is the only person who has a car between him and his parents, so his father takes him to school every day.
In December, he graduated, and I’m waiting to see what he will do since he’s graduated. I have a car, but my parents do not want me traveling that far to go see him. My mother wants me to find someone else because she feels that I can do better than a guy who hasn’t got a job or a ride. I don’t know if I should break up with him because I feel like I might be making a mistake because he is a good guy, but the situation is complicated. – Is He Worth It
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/hes-a-good-guy-but-he-lives-in-another-city-and-has-no-job-or-car/
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been seeing a man from Nigeria off and on for about 15 months. I am seven months pregnant by him. I have been pregnant once before by him, but I had a miscarriage early on. He was mad the first time I had gotten pregnant and told me all kinds of horrible things on the phone. Then when I miscarried he was back up in it two weeks later, raw. He told me that he had a vasectomy after the first time I got pregnant and I believed him because he has six kids from six different women and always talks about how he’s always broke because of them.
When I got pregnant again four months later he said, “I don’t want you to mother my child because you don’t have a driver’s license, high school diploma, or any of your other kids, what’s going to happen to mines?” Then why would he get me pregnant or not use protection? I always have condoms. He never wants to use them and even takes them off when we’re having sex.
I think he got me pregnant on purpose. Why would he do this to me, lie about having a vasectomy and get me pregnant on purpose? Since I’ve been pregnant he doesn’t try, and barely at all, comes to see me or anything. I recently moved to Baltimore and he lives in another part of Maryland. Ever since I’ve been pregnant he has had a million excuses about why he can’t come see me and he even asks me for money for gas, or he says he’s coming and doesn’t come at all.
I am a very pretty woman and I get a lot of attention. I feel like he tried to trap me so I would be pressed to be with him forever. Can a man love you that told you this big of lie about having a vasectomy? – Pregnant With No Support
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-has-six-kids-with-six-different-women-and-now-im-pregnant-with-his-seventh/
I have been seeing a man from Nigeria off and on for about 15 months. I am seven months pregnant by him. I have been pregnant once before by him, but I had a miscarriage early on. He was mad the first time I had gotten pregnant and told me all kinds of horrible things on the phone. Then when I miscarried he was back up in it two weeks later, raw. He told me that he had a vasectomy after the first time I got pregnant and I believed him because he has six kids from six different women and always talks about how he’s always broke because of them.
When I got pregnant again four months later he said, “I don’t want you to mother my child because you don’t have a driver’s license, high school diploma, or any of your other kids, what’s going to happen to mines?” Then why would he get me pregnant or not use protection? I always have condoms. He never wants to use them and even takes them off when we’re having sex.
I think he got me pregnant on purpose. Why would he do this to me, lie about having a vasectomy and get me pregnant on purpose? Since I’ve been pregnant he doesn’t try, and barely at all, comes to see me or anything. I recently moved to Baltimore and he lives in another part of Maryland. Ever since I’ve been pregnant he has had a million excuses about why he can’t come see me and he even asks me for money for gas, or he says he’s coming and doesn’t come at all.
I am a very pretty woman and I get a lot of attention. I feel like he tried to trap me so I would be pressed to be with him forever. Can a man love you that told you this big of lie about having a vasectomy? – Pregnant With No Support
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-has-six-kids-with-six-different-women-and-now-im-pregnant-with-his-seventh/
An Amazing Song and Video by Marsha Ambrosius
I am so proud and happy that Marsha Ambrosius has recorded this song and video.
This video is an important step toward inclusion, equality, and tolerance.
Love is always the answer, and we must learn to love one another despite our differences,
lifestyles, experiences, and backgrounds.
Let's move forward and share this video with all your friends:
This video is an important step toward inclusion, equality, and tolerance.
Love is always the answer, and we must learn to love one another despite our differences,
lifestyles, experiences, and backgrounds.
Let's move forward and share this video with all your friends:
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been in a relationship for about four years, well sort of. My ex was very abusive mentally and physically. We have a daughter together and he has been like a father to my son ever since he was a baby. We met in the Fall when I was fresh out of high school. It was supposed to be a onetime thing, but I ended up staying the whole weekend. He was in the military then, so I was thinking of an easy life. I’m a military brat myself so I knew the lifestyle.
We moved in together after six months and everything was fine. Then I realize that he would throw me money before he would dip out all day, or let me have a friend over and he would buy drinks and wait until I was about drunk to ask if he could go out and be out all night. I was about 18-years old, so I couldn’t go to any clubs. I would be home alone all night. Then it got to the point that whatever he did was fine, but let me come close to doing it, then it’s a problem. The relationship started going downhill. I was going to school full-time, so he had to pay the rent while I paid the other little bills. One day I came home to an eviction notice saying the rent hadn’t been paid in almost four months! He acted like he didn’t know what they were talking about and said he would talk to them. Guess what, he never did. He got in trouble with work and had to stay on base for 30 days. I had to drop out of school to work and try to pay the rent. But it was too late. I had to move back in with my mom.
Then the following spring his dad died. He asked me to go to the funeral, but my granddad had passed the month before, and plus, I had just started working. So, he went back home to Alabama for the funeral. He gets back, and not even a week later his mom passes. I still wasn’t able to go. So, he went back home for her funeral. When he came back, he was a changed person. I later found out that he took another chick, who is older, to both funerals. She was giving him money, and when he was supposed to be staying on base he was sneaking to stay with her. Then he was picking me up in her car, in which he was telling me it was his homeboy’s.
He had MY son around her and going to her house. He would go to BBQ’s and not invite me, only later to find out she was there. Then I found out she was pregnant because I found a death certificate and an ultrasound picture in his wallet. Then he was wearing a necklace with a baby footprint, and he told me that his niece had a baby. But, yet, I kept messing with him because I felt I needed him. He made me feel that I needed him. He always told me, “What man you know is going to give you whatever you want?” Or, “Who else is going to love you like I do?” And I believed only he would.
Later that summer I found out I was pregnant. He was happy, but never around. He was always going out. He wasn’t in the military because he got kicked out. He would be gone weeks at a time with no phone call. But, yet, I still catered to him. He was still able to get some whenever he wanted. The other chick was still in the picture. She was giving him money, helping him find a job, buying him expensive clothes, shoes, and got him on her cell phone plan. Even until this day he’s on a plan with her. Whatever he want he runs to her.
Now, with two kids, and I’m three years wiser and tired of being choked out, spitted on, told I wasn’t going anywhere, embarrassed in front of his friends, bruised up, told that he would kill me if I leave, and smothered in front of crying kids. I simply can’t do it no more. He had to flee the state because we fought and he busted my eye because I didn’t show him any attention. He’s been gone for three and a half months. He swears he’s changed, and wants a 100th chance again. But, the love isn’t there anymore. The sex is good, but I’m not in love anymore. I took care of him for two years because he hasn’t been working. I was learning to live without him and living a life of being free. I was finally able to step out if I wanted. Now, that he’s back he wants to forget all that ever happened. But, the other girl is still in love with him and he can’t let her go. I don’t want to be with him anymore, but he won’t leave or go stay with her because he says he don’t love her and that he loves me and wants to b a family. He messed me up emotionally and crumbled my self-esteem to where I went from 160 pounds to 230 pounds. I really need help! – How To Move On
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-beat-me-threatened-me-got-another-woman-pregnant-and-im-fed-up/
I have been in a relationship for about four years, well sort of. My ex was very abusive mentally and physically. We have a daughter together and he has been like a father to my son ever since he was a baby. We met in the Fall when I was fresh out of high school. It was supposed to be a onetime thing, but I ended up staying the whole weekend. He was in the military then, so I was thinking of an easy life. I’m a military brat myself so I knew the lifestyle.
We moved in together after six months and everything was fine. Then I realize that he would throw me money before he would dip out all day, or let me have a friend over and he would buy drinks and wait until I was about drunk to ask if he could go out and be out all night. I was about 18-years old, so I couldn’t go to any clubs. I would be home alone all night. Then it got to the point that whatever he did was fine, but let me come close to doing it, then it’s a problem. The relationship started going downhill. I was going to school full-time, so he had to pay the rent while I paid the other little bills. One day I came home to an eviction notice saying the rent hadn’t been paid in almost four months! He acted like he didn’t know what they were talking about and said he would talk to them. Guess what, he never did. He got in trouble with work and had to stay on base for 30 days. I had to drop out of school to work and try to pay the rent. But it was too late. I had to move back in with my mom.
Then the following spring his dad died. He asked me to go to the funeral, but my granddad had passed the month before, and plus, I had just started working. So, he went back home to Alabama for the funeral. He gets back, and not even a week later his mom passes. I still wasn’t able to go. So, he went back home for her funeral. When he came back, he was a changed person. I later found out that he took another chick, who is older, to both funerals. She was giving him money, and when he was supposed to be staying on base he was sneaking to stay with her. Then he was picking me up in her car, in which he was telling me it was his homeboy’s.
He had MY son around her and going to her house. He would go to BBQ’s and not invite me, only later to find out she was there. Then I found out she was pregnant because I found a death certificate and an ultrasound picture in his wallet. Then he was wearing a necklace with a baby footprint, and he told me that his niece had a baby. But, yet, I kept messing with him because I felt I needed him. He made me feel that I needed him. He always told me, “What man you know is going to give you whatever you want?” Or, “Who else is going to love you like I do?” And I believed only he would.
Later that summer I found out I was pregnant. He was happy, but never around. He was always going out. He wasn’t in the military because he got kicked out. He would be gone weeks at a time with no phone call. But, yet, I still catered to him. He was still able to get some whenever he wanted. The other chick was still in the picture. She was giving him money, helping him find a job, buying him expensive clothes, shoes, and got him on her cell phone plan. Even until this day he’s on a plan with her. Whatever he want he runs to her.
Now, with two kids, and I’m three years wiser and tired of being choked out, spitted on, told I wasn’t going anywhere, embarrassed in front of his friends, bruised up, told that he would kill me if I leave, and smothered in front of crying kids. I simply can’t do it no more. He had to flee the state because we fought and he busted my eye because I didn’t show him any attention. He’s been gone for three and a half months. He swears he’s changed, and wants a 100th chance again. But, the love isn’t there anymore. The sex is good, but I’m not in love anymore. I took care of him for two years because he hasn’t been working. I was learning to live without him and living a life of being free. I was finally able to step out if I wanted. Now, that he’s back he wants to forget all that ever happened. But, the other girl is still in love with him and he can’t let her go. I don’t want to be with him anymore, but he won’t leave or go stay with her because he says he don’t love her and that he loves me and wants to b a family. He messed me up emotionally and crumbled my self-esteem to where I went from 160 pounds to 230 pounds. I really need help! – How To Move On
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-beat-me-threatened-me-got-another-woman-pregnant-and-im-fed-up/
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been seeing this man. I’ll call him “D.” We started dating in October 2008, stopped dating in January 2009, started dating again in May 2009, and in October we decided that we’d be monogamous with one another. We do not live together, but he does all the right things from giving me flowers to opening the door.
In the beginning, he made his way over to me 3 or 4 days a week and would spend the night. Lately, we have seen each other only on Saturdays. He is almost 3 years younger than me. He has his own business, a nice car, is well educated and makes me laugh until my face hurts. I introduced him to my son, my family, everything is going great, but, he has yet to introduce me to his family or any of his friends. I feel as if he is my man, but I am not his lady.
He has exes calling him checking on him every now and then. This makes me uncomfortable so I asked him to change his number and he told me could not. I’m not even going to BEGIN with the many things he is uncomfortable with and I have given up. He said his clients have that number and yada yada, so the number stays. His cell is NEVER on or even with him when he comes to see me.
Recently, we haven’t had sex in about 6 weeks because he “was going through some things.” These “things” were family issues. He has since asked for sex and I have said no based on the fact that I think he’s cheating. Hell, I even told him that “he doesn’t need me for that” and to “continue doing whatever you been doing.” I figured if he didn’t ask for it in that length of time, there is a problem. Hell, we initially started dating on those pretenses alone.
It’s almost like I don’t exist to people that know and love him. He goes to family parties and doesn’t invite me. Meanwhile, he has been to all of my family gatherings. He tells me that he never brings any women home to his family. I am family-oriented. I’m really thinking about hitting the high road but, I love this man. He doesn’t love me back. He “cares” for me. He has little disappearing acts, but always has a great excuse. I just think he’s a good liar. Am I bugging out here or are these not the classic signs of a cheating man? – Do I Stay or Leave?
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-may-be-in-a-monogamous-relationship-but-i-dont-feel-like-his-woman/
I have been seeing this man. I’ll call him “D.” We started dating in October 2008, stopped dating in January 2009, started dating again in May 2009, and in October we decided that we’d be monogamous with one another. We do not live together, but he does all the right things from giving me flowers to opening the door.
In the beginning, he made his way over to me 3 or 4 days a week and would spend the night. Lately, we have seen each other only on Saturdays. He is almost 3 years younger than me. He has his own business, a nice car, is well educated and makes me laugh until my face hurts. I introduced him to my son, my family, everything is going great, but, he has yet to introduce me to his family or any of his friends. I feel as if he is my man, but I am not his lady.
He has exes calling him checking on him every now and then. This makes me uncomfortable so I asked him to change his number and he told me could not. I’m not even going to BEGIN with the many things he is uncomfortable with and I have given up. He said his clients have that number and yada yada, so the number stays. His cell is NEVER on or even with him when he comes to see me.
Recently, we haven’t had sex in about 6 weeks because he “was going through some things.” These “things” were family issues. He has since asked for sex and I have said no based on the fact that I think he’s cheating. Hell, I even told him that “he doesn’t need me for that” and to “continue doing whatever you been doing.” I figured if he didn’t ask for it in that length of time, there is a problem. Hell, we initially started dating on those pretenses alone.
It’s almost like I don’t exist to people that know and love him. He goes to family parties and doesn’t invite me. Meanwhile, he has been to all of my family gatherings. He tells me that he never brings any women home to his family. I am family-oriented. I’m really thinking about hitting the high road but, I love this man. He doesn’t love me back. He “cares” for me. He has little disappearing acts, but always has a great excuse. I just think he’s a good liar. Am I bugging out here or are these not the classic signs of a cheating man? – Do I Stay or Leave?
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-may-be-in-a-monogamous-relationship-but-i-dont-feel-like-his-woman/
Monday, January 3, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m a 34-year old woman who has been married for three and a half years. My husband avoided sex in every possible way since day one. A couple of times we did manage to have sex, but it was not a happy situation because, now in hindsight, I can see that he just didn’t insert it right. For the first few months he said it was my virgin pain that he couldn’t handle. Then, he said it was the stress at work, hence he was low on libido. Later, he developed a foreskin problem and had to go through a circumcision, hence he said we would have to wait a while as he was having some sensation issue. Almost three years of marriage passed like that.
However, through this period he told people behind my back that ours was a sexless marriage because I was frigid. Even though I knew he’d spoken about me I stayed on in the marriage because, apart from the sex problem, we were really close as friends. So, when he apologized and broke down for speaking lies about me, I preferred to forget it.
Career-wise, he has always been unsteady. He attempted to start a new venture two years ago which crashed totally eight months back. Since that time he has been quite depressed and distant from me. He’s constantly on the computer gaming, or on the phone. Suddenly, in the past three months he’s made it clear that he wants to end the marriage. He gives all kinds of reasons from the two of us having no understanding to me being unsupportive. All of which none is true. Sexually, he says he’s now fine, but he is not attracted to me anymore for us to even initiate sex. He says in the initial years of our marriage we couldn’t have sex due to various circumstances, but now it’s too late to rekindle passion and interest.
He will never be honest with me how much I try asking. Many of his actions point out to him being gay. Before marriage we were together for two years, but never had intercourse (we only helped each other masturbate). So, I couldn’t tell. He could hardly kiss well, even though he would try. But, my only reasoning was that his sexual interest was less than mine, or probably I was very high on sex. And, the homophobia thing also applies to him.
Anyway, over the past three months he is insisting on a divorce even though it doesn’t seem the most practical thing for him to do at this juncture. One more thing is that he has been very close to a new male friend, a professor, who is three years older than him, and he is unmarried. They’ve become unusually close over the past months and I’ve met the guy just once. When my husband speaks to me on the phone in front of him, he sounds very to the point and even abrupt.
While I have almost been certain that my husband is gay, (I believe he abstained from it, but succumbed finally after meeting this professor), I suddenly get stumped a month ago when I find out that my husband has also been speaking to a woman in another state every day for five to six hours for the past few months. He has given her hopes of a future. I managed to get someone to call her up and got all the details. She said my husband and her met on Facebook, and they speak every day. They’ve met twice when he went to her city. Both times were for a few days. However, they’ve not had sex because, “he was not comfortable with the idea since he was still married,” she said.
Now I have a few questions:
1.) If he is gay (because he’s not interested in sex with women clearly), then what’s the role of this woman in his life? Is she just a cover?
2.) Does he feel for me at all? Did he ever feel for me?
3.) Wouldn’t it have suited him to keep this marriage going?
4.) I believe he wants to separate because he’s guilty. Or, probably because he wants the world to know that he ended the marriage so it doesn’t cast any aspersions on him?
What do you think? Please let me know. – Sexless In Marriage
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-in-a-sexless-marriage-for-three-and-a-half-years/
I’m a 34-year old woman who has been married for three and a half years. My husband avoided sex in every possible way since day one. A couple of times we did manage to have sex, but it was not a happy situation because, now in hindsight, I can see that he just didn’t insert it right. For the first few months he said it was my virgin pain that he couldn’t handle. Then, he said it was the stress at work, hence he was low on libido. Later, he developed a foreskin problem and had to go through a circumcision, hence he said we would have to wait a while as he was having some sensation issue. Almost three years of marriage passed like that.
However, through this period he told people behind my back that ours was a sexless marriage because I was frigid. Even though I knew he’d spoken about me I stayed on in the marriage because, apart from the sex problem, we were really close as friends. So, when he apologized and broke down for speaking lies about me, I preferred to forget it.
Career-wise, he has always been unsteady. He attempted to start a new venture two years ago which crashed totally eight months back. Since that time he has been quite depressed and distant from me. He’s constantly on the computer gaming, or on the phone. Suddenly, in the past three months he’s made it clear that he wants to end the marriage. He gives all kinds of reasons from the two of us having no understanding to me being unsupportive. All of which none is true. Sexually, he says he’s now fine, but he is not attracted to me anymore for us to even initiate sex. He says in the initial years of our marriage we couldn’t have sex due to various circumstances, but now it’s too late to rekindle passion and interest.
He will never be honest with me how much I try asking. Many of his actions point out to him being gay. Before marriage we were together for two years, but never had intercourse (we only helped each other masturbate). So, I couldn’t tell. He could hardly kiss well, even though he would try. But, my only reasoning was that his sexual interest was less than mine, or probably I was very high on sex. And, the homophobia thing also applies to him.
Anyway, over the past three months he is insisting on a divorce even though it doesn’t seem the most practical thing for him to do at this juncture. One more thing is that he has been very close to a new male friend, a professor, who is three years older than him, and he is unmarried. They’ve become unusually close over the past months and I’ve met the guy just once. When my husband speaks to me on the phone in front of him, he sounds very to the point and even abrupt.
While I have almost been certain that my husband is gay, (I believe he abstained from it, but succumbed finally after meeting this professor), I suddenly get stumped a month ago when I find out that my husband has also been speaking to a woman in another state every day for five to six hours for the past few months. He has given her hopes of a future. I managed to get someone to call her up and got all the details. She said my husband and her met on Facebook, and they speak every day. They’ve met twice when he went to her city. Both times were for a few days. However, they’ve not had sex because, “he was not comfortable with the idea since he was still married,” she said.
Now I have a few questions:
1.) If he is gay (because he’s not interested in sex with women clearly), then what’s the role of this woman in his life? Is she just a cover?
2.) Does he feel for me at all? Did he ever feel for me?
3.) Wouldn’t it have suited him to keep this marriage going?
4.) I believe he wants to separate because he’s guilty. Or, probably because he wants the world to know that he ended the marriage so it doesn’t cast any aspersions on him?
What do you think? Please let me know. – Sexless In Marriage
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-been-in-a-sexless-marriage-for-three-and-a-half-years/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I was involved with a guy earlier on this year. Later after I broke it off with him I found out I had herpes 2. I was so disgusted and hurt. We used a condom, but it came off. I still find it hard to believe I have this disease because I’ve always been careful with who I’m with. We only talked like four months. Since then I have decided to be and stay single because I don’t want to pass it to no one whatsoever. So, I stay to myself dealing with this by myself and knowing that I may be myself. I don’t know if I will ever find someone that will accept me with this.
Recently I’ve taken interest in this guy from my job. We just went on a dinner last weekend. Afterwards, I let him know that I was interested in him. I want to go out again with him, but I just can’t imagine how he will react when I tell him my situation, especially if anything sexual is to come into play. But, I will tell him most definitely. I just don’t know if he will be interested in the two of us continuing to talk. So far we’ve only kissed. But, we talk all the time and I like his personality. We just click.
So please tell me what should I do about him? I’m ready to be with someone, but scared at the same time. Reading your articles put me at ease and then some articles I feel like just be celibate and masturbate. LOL. Well, what should I do? Please help! – Ready To Date With A Disease
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-have-a-disease-and-i-want-to-date-in-2011/
I was involved with a guy earlier on this year. Later after I broke it off with him I found out I had herpes 2. I was so disgusted and hurt. We used a condom, but it came off. I still find it hard to believe I have this disease because I’ve always been careful with who I’m with. We only talked like four months. Since then I have decided to be and stay single because I don’t want to pass it to no one whatsoever. So, I stay to myself dealing with this by myself and knowing that I may be myself. I don’t know if I will ever find someone that will accept me with this.
Recently I’ve taken interest in this guy from my job. We just went on a dinner last weekend. Afterwards, I let him know that I was interested in him. I want to go out again with him, but I just can’t imagine how he will react when I tell him my situation, especially if anything sexual is to come into play. But, I will tell him most definitely. I just don’t know if he will be interested in the two of us continuing to talk. So far we’ve only kissed. But, we talk all the time and I like his personality. We just click.
So please tell me what should I do about him? I’m ready to be with someone, but scared at the same time. Reading your articles put me at ease and then some articles I feel like just be celibate and masturbate. LOL. Well, what should I do? Please help! – Ready To Date With A Disease
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-have-a-disease-and-i-want-to-date-in-2011/
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