I’ve always known I was “born this way (gay),” but as I get older my attraction to females has grown.
No sooner than I came out of the closet to my family and friends, now all of a sudden I feel straighter than ever. Why do I always contradict myself? The only reason I ever wanted to be straight was because it is easier to show love in public, it’s easier to be around family and friends, straight people just seem more happy. Now, since I am no longer a virgin with girls, I’m starting to feel very indecisive once again.
I’ve grown to resent my homosexual encounters because I still cannot find someone who I feel is “man enough for me,” yet I feel more than a man for everyone else. The same applies to females. I would love to just pick one thing and stick with it, but when I pick to be gay, then I am faced with “top” or “bottom” which to me is too similar to “male” or “female”…and that puts me right back where I started.
When I choose to be with a female I feel locked into “the man role.” Being versatile to me is another way of saying, “I’m a freak, I don’t care what we do, just do something to me.” Maybe I should change the way I think. Everything is getting “old” to me. I feel rushed to find a partner because I see everyone bunned up and I want to feel that experience. At the same, I enjoy being a “bottom” for guys, but when I’m with girls it’s almost as if I never had a homosexual thought or tendency ever.
I’m not DL. I’ve actually admitted my sexual experiments to females, some accept, most don’t. However, the curiosity surrounding homosexuality is so intriguing that most people intentionally say the opposite of what they mean. I am so tired of these reverse psychology games. Why can’t I find that one guy who will truly dominate me or one girl who will truly submit?
I use to be a firm believer in, “Being whatever you want.” In other words, you have to be a real “thug” if that is they type of guy you want. But, now nothing I think is making any sense. I am in my early 20’s, very successful career, very confident, very attractive, but I feel like I’m lacking something. Could it be love? I’m sensitive so don’t curry (come 4) me. LOL – Sexually Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/515177/dear-bossip-i-know-im-gay-i-like-women-but-i-dont-always-want-to-be-the-man-in-relationships/
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