Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...
Early this year I met a nice young man at a college party. We were introduced by mutual friends who thought we would be perfect together because we both share a love for business.
He’s a 22-year old Arab who owns his own restaurant, while I’m a 21-year old business student that has a small clothing store online. We hit it off well. I used to come to his restaurant all the time and we would sit and talk. We both admired each other’s tenacity and after about 3 months of getting to know one another we decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend. Here’s where the problems started. He has never fully introduced me to his parents. I see them all the time when I’m in the restaurant and they definitely know my face, but he has never said, “Mom, Dad this is my girlfriend.” In fact he never introduces me to anyone as his girlfriend unless they give me a compliment or ask him. First side eye. He claims his parents are just super old school and protective and don’t want to know about his relationships until they’re serious to the point of marriage. I guess. Then it became a problem of his friends hitting on me. I hang with them occasionally with him and we have mutual friends, but they are always giving me inappropriate comments like, “damn you look sexy today,” or hitting me up on Facebook to see when I wanna hang out. I brought this up to my boyfriend and he got angry at the fact I don’t respond and said its “rude.” Hmmm.
But, he does take me out and we spend a hell of a lot of time together which makes me doubt my suspicions. He takes me on the most wonderful dinners, takes me shopping, buys me diamonds on occasion and we just sit and talk for hours at times. I can truly say he’s one of my best friends and we mesh well, beyond color lines. When I brought up the issue of does he have a problem with me being black, he said it’s more of an issue of me not being Muslim, which confuses me.
I can’t help it if I was born Christian and he knew that from the time we met, so how is it a problem now? I feel if it were really an issue he should have never pursued me seriously. It upsets me when I feel like I’m not good enough to get to know his parents even though his brothers call me sis because I’m an educated, nice black woman, there’s nothing stereotypical about me and I’ve worked hard to get to that point. And I’ve told him I’m willing to convert if we get married in the future but not for a relationship. We talk about marriage and kids all the time, but in the context of aligning our similar values for how we want our family to look like and be raised.
I really like him and I can see a future but I don’t want to waste my time if he’ll never take me seriously because of my race or religion. I should also bring up the fact that he is super jealous of me going to college because he’s insecure about the fact he never went and is always making comments about it despite being at a place in business where most college grads dream to be. Go figure. Should I let it go, or hold out and try and work through this because I really do like him.
- Confused Chick
You can read my response, HERE: