Welcome Back....

I have gotten the best treatment since coming home on Friday, May 30th.

I have been on the go non-stop since I got into town and I am loving being home. Like Stephanie Mills sang so infamously, There's no place like HOME!!

I had a signing on Friday evening with R.E.C. Boyz and it was phenomenal! Can I just say they have some of the most intelligent and thought-provoking young men (18-25) who are part of the group. They showed a lot of love for the Meet & Greet.

Thank you to all of you who came out, especially Alfredo who introduced me, Allen, Nkosi, Chris, Lil Kevin and his boy, and Ken Jackson who did not hesitate to invite me when I asked if I could come through. Thanks for the love.

Big shout to all the young men who were in attendance. I appreciate your love and support. It means a lot. And, also to the young ladies who were there as well. Your presence and comments were very much appreciated.

Check out the organization. They are doing some powerful things in the community of Detroit. If you are a young man, or woman, and want to be part of a dynamic and powerful group of young people, hook up with R.E.C. Boyz: http://www.aidspartnership.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=52&Itemid=64

After that event, I hooked up with some high school friends (Detroit Central High School - stand up!). I have not seen them since we graduated in 1986. Yup, I'm old y'all. But, it was soooooo good seeing my best friends from high school. And, I'll be damned if they didn't still look the same. GOOD BLACK DON'T CRACK!!! LOL LOL

My girls, Tonya and Karen (the oh so beautiful Delta ladies), Mark (okay, he wasn't in my class, he was year behind us, but you wouldn't had known it. Hell, he remembered more people in my graduating class than I did). And, of course, by best friend, Ternell (we were voted Class Buddies).

It was so great hooking up with them and hanging out ALL NIGHT LONG!! They took me downtown Detroit (our old stomping grounds, which has since been upgraded) to the MGM Grand Casino. We drank, talked, danced and had a blast.

It's a beautiful thing when you can leave a place for as long as I did and come back and reconnect with people who KNOW me and LOVE me despite anything.

We are getting together again this weekend. This time we are not losing contact.

I am getting together with my family. I can't wait to see them.

My new good friend, Charles Pugh, local news anchor on Fox 2 in Detroit, and on-air radio personality is having a shing ding at his home for me today.

Don't forget folks, you can catch me on Charles Pugh's radio show on FM 98 WJLB, on Sunday, June 1st at 7pm. LISTEN IN!!

Gotta run, but I will keep you all updated.

At Home In Detroit (Friday - Monday)...

Hey my Detroit family, I will be in town Friday, May 30th - Monday, June 2nd.

I hope you can come out and catch me at some events.

Friday
May 30th
R.E.C. Boyz
1959 E. Jefferson, Suite 300
Detroit, MI
7 pm - 9 pm

This event is FREE!
Also, there is FREE parking across the street in Emanuel Stewards Place

Sunday
June 1st
MOTOWN PRIDE
Ferndale, MI
12 pm - 5 pm

FAN APPRECIATION...

All I have to say is that this is definitely LOVE and SUPPORT.

This young man is out of Florida and he sent this image to me. Much thanks to him.

This gives me an idea - "FAN APPRECIATION"

So, if you have your copy of the book, I would like to post your picture up on my blog as well.

If you, your book club, a group of friends, families, co-workers, or college campus is reading the book, please send me your picture and I will post it on my blog. Make sure the picture is clear and you are holding your copy of the book visibly. You can e-mail me your pictures, as jpeg attachments to: hidinginhiphop@aol.com

Make sure to include your name, organization, and city where you are from.

Thanks again to everyone and I appreciate the love and support.

Weekend in Cancun...

Man, I had the best time this weekend. I was invited to Cancun by San Juan Brothers for a reading and signing. Afterward, I got the opportunity to relax, have fun, and enjoy myself -a pool party, fashion show, the All-White Party, and a special appearance by Elisabeth Withers.

I had fun!!

But I must first say thank you to the promoters of the event for inviting me down. I had the most amazing time. Thank you to all the San Juan Brothers.

Secondly, I want to thank all the men who came out for the reading and signing. It was a pleasure meeting each of you.

Lastly, all the men who I met in passing who heard I was there and introduced themselves. It was great meeting all of you: Especially, "Philly" and his best friend. I didn't mind the inquisition throughout the night. I appreciate your support.

The suave and debonair entertainment executive who served as emcee for the white party.

DC in ATL - We will definitely link up soon.

My frat brothers from Detroit who showed a lot of love.

But, what was most surprising was running into three of the people I mention in my book. I was surprised to see two of them in Cancun - "Ennis" and "Brandon." Brandon had a huge smile plastered on his face as he reached out and gave me a big hug. I ran into Brandon on the beach. With his signature stylish fashions, he definitely had his A-game on.

We chatted for a long time. Then he said to me, "So my name is Brandon in the book?" I hesitated for a minute, smiled, then laughed, and finally answered, "Yeah." In the end it was all good.

It felt great running into Brandon and Ennis and their being cool with me and the book. Even though I have spoken with a lot of the people who are in the book since its release, I have not seen most of them. In their calls and e-mails they tell me how they support me and how proud of me they are. They let me know how it takes a lot of strength to put myself out there. Running into Brandon and Ennis confirmed that for me.

I am now looking forward to going home to Detroit this coming Friday, May 30th. I get to see my family, high school friends, college friends, and frat brothers - more people in my book. They are anxiously waiting on me to come home. They are planning a huge celebration and I am looking forward to receiving the LOVE of people who know me. But, also, my hometown of Detroit is excited for me to come home. The city has been talking about it for a while.

If you are in Detroit you can check out my schedule on the right of this blog. I would love to see you all at some of the events.

SEE YOU THIS WEEKEND DETROIT!!

Who Is The Gay Rapper?

Check out Blogger J Smooth's video commentary on The Gay Rapper In Hip Hop.

I thoroughly appreciate his view and commentary. It's poignant, witty, and intelligent.

Thanks J Smooth for your voice!

Scroll to the video date of May 19th - The Gay Rapper

http://www.illdoctrine.com/

Silence Is Sometimes Not Golden...

Silence is sometimes not golden

by Terrance Dean

For The Daily Voice

Shhhhh! The sound is undeniable. It's the earmark noise for silence. To be quiet. To not utter a word. I had been silent for more than twenty years. I was silent when my mother and two brothers died from the AIDS virus. I was silent after being molested by a male next door neighbor. Even though I told the adults what happened to me, and I never saw my molester again, no one said anything to me. It was as if it never happened.

When I began to question my sexuality, I did what I had been doing for so long, I became silent. I didn't dare utter the unmentionable words "gay," "fag," or "homosexual." Those words did not fit in my vocabulary. They are words rarely discussed openly in the black community. There is no dialogue or conversation around the power of those words, the power of what they do to a young person, and the blow they deliver. To be on the receiving end of that right jab to the gut, it knocks you out. One, two, three...and then the referee yells, "Ten! You're out."

Finish reading the rest of my Op Ed piece here: http://thedailyvoice.com/voice/2008/05/silence-is-sometimes-not-golde-000620.php

Join me for an exclusive radio interview Friday, May 23

Please join me for an exclusive hour-long interview with Conversations Book Club.

Friday, May 23rd - 8pm (EST) & 7pm (CST)

Moderated by Conversations President and host, Cyrus A. Webb.

This hour-long primetime interview will address everything about the book that has been written about in Newsweek, Time, Essence and on the internet worldwide.

Webb will also discuss Dean's visit to Mississippi in June 2008 as part of Conversations "Statewide Book Club Meet and Greet".

You have heard the rumors and the speculation. Now get the truth from the man himself. I will be taking your questions, so mark your calendar and set the reminder on your computers and cell phones!

To join the converation, simply call 712.432.3000 and use code 398736.

Webb can be reached at cawebb4@juno.com or http://www.thebestbookclub.info/

Official websites: http://www.authorsden.com/cawebb

Conversations Book Club website: http://conversationsbookclub.blogspot.com/

BET features new Black Gay Pride section...

BET features new Black Gay Pride section on its web site

The BET web site has launched a new feature section for the summer Black Gay Pride season.
The special feature section, promoted on the main page of the web site, includes a section on "who's who" in the Black LGBT community, a list of common myths and misconceptions, information on HIV, a history quiz, a list of black gay pride events, and information about a new book called Hiding In Hip Hop by Terrance Dean.
The feature also includes a section on "slanguage" and advice for straight women on how to tell if your man is gay.

Check it out: http://www.bet.com/News/Features/NewsPackageBlackProud.htm

Casting Call for Amiri Baraka's play...

CASTING CALL FOR AMIRI BARAKA'S
'THE TOILET'

CityParks Theater and Woodie King, Jr.'s New Federal Theatre are accepting submissions for a non-Equity production of Amiri Baraka's THE TOILET. Director: Rony Clanton.

Please send pictures and resumes to Lawrence Evans, 566 West 159th Street, #62, New York, NY 10032-6915.

Auditions will be held early July by appointment only. Rehearsal dates: TBA. Performs August 6-7, 2008 at the East River Amphitheater in lower Manhattan with one additional performance in the Bronx. Total of three performances. Some pay.

The Toilet was first presented at the St. Marks Playhouse in New York on December 16, 1964. It explores the emotional strife and volatile interactions of a gay youth and gang of teens. The Toilet, as Baraka has written, " is a play about love. It is a play about a love between a white boy and a black boy, a love which, because of the social order in which the black people live, cannot be expressed on any level."

NOTE: This play contains very strong language. ALL ACTORS MUST BE ABLE TO PORTRAY 16-20 YEARS OF AGE.

The following character descriptions were taken from the published script.

SEEKING THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERS:
ORA (Big Shot): Black male. Short in stature, crude, loud.

WILLIE LOVE: - Black male. Tall, thin, should have been sensitive.

HINES: Black male. Big, husky garrulous. He and LOVE are closest friends.

JOHNNY BOY HOLMES: Black male. Short, curly hair. Bright, fast, likable.

PERRY: Black male. Tall, dark, somber, cynical.

GEORGE DAVIS: Black male. Tall, thin, crudely elegant. Judicious.

SKIPPY: Black male. Quick, Rather stupid but interested. Someone to be trusted.

KNOWLES: Black male. Large and ridiculous.

DONALD FARRELL: White male. Tall, thin, blonde.

FOOTS (Ray): Black male. Short, intelligent, manic. Possessor of a threatened empire.

KAROLIS: White male. Medium height. Very skinny and not essentially attractive except when he speaks.

An Interview with Time Magazine On-Line...

Guess Who's Gay in Hip Hop
By FRANCES ROMERO

Terrance Dean, author of the new memoir Hiding in Hip Hop: On the Down Low in the Entertainment Industry — from Music to Hollywood has had celebrity blogs in a mini-frenzy since Simon and Schuster announced last year that he would release a book dishing about closeted gays in the entertainment industry. The catch? The 10-year industry vet doesn't actually reveal names; he instead uses a slew of blind items recounting his run-ins — often intimate — with famous gay men hiding out in the film, television and music worlds. In a time when authors are being unmasked as frauds, some may find Dean's reliance on blind items very convenient. But Dean says that his goal was not to out others, just himself. Blog commenters are far less diplomatic, though. They've been feeding heartily on guessing who his characters are. TIME chatted with Dean in New York City about candor, empowerment and what down-low really means.


Where do you keep your list of names and corresponding fake names?

[Laughs] Writing the book of course I had to keep my notes. I am a journalist, first and foremost. I used to write for the New York Sun and the Tennessean. I keep notes and I have those in a very safe place. [Laughs] To make sure I don't forget who's who because I knew I had to change everyone's name. Yes.

Finish reading the interview here: http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1807080,00.html

Producers Prefer Straight vs. Gay on Television for believability...

I just read an interesting 'brief' on TMZ.com. They are reporting that allegedly the producers with the hit show "Dancing With The Stars" prefer heterosexual dancers versus gay dancers because they will believe it creates the perfect illusion of a sexual tension between the dancers.

UHM, I don't get that. That's like saying I prefer a gay hairdresser and stylist because they have more of a flair than a straight person. It's obsurd and plays into the homophobia of America.

What do you think? Does it matter if the men on "Dancing With The Stars" are perceived straight vs. gay? Would you stop watching?

"Dancing With the Stars" off the Gaydar
Posted May 20th 2008 1:10PM by TMZ Staff

So what are the chances you can pull a bunch of professional dancers together and none of them are gay? We're thinkin' the odds are about the same as Britney getting mother of the year.But here's the deal ... The dudes on "Dancing with the Stars" are pretty much straighter than your average arrow. Tony is married with a kid and twins on the way. Derek is reportedly doing the dirty dip with Shannon Elizabeth. Mark was doing the horizontal tango with a Cheetah chick. Jonathan is married to a hottie. And there are two other guys. So here's what our "Dancing" spies tell us. Producers prefer straight, because it creates believable sexual tension on the dance floor and that's what the audience wants. Think of Kristi Yamaguchi doing a rumba with Tommy Tune. Pleeeeze.

http://www.tmz.com/2008/05/20/dancing-with-the-stars-off-the-gaydar/?icid=100214839x1202478781x1200090775

The Closet - An Insider Look at Down Low Life

Atlanta based, SENWOT NELLA PRODUCTIONS', The CLOSET, is an informative, hypnotic and compelling dramatic series which grows on a viewer in the most important way a good television drama series should: by encouraging curiosity about the growth and fate of key characters.

One might easily dismiss this self-funded independent original drama series as a mere catalog of the problems that dog some individuals struggling with their sexual identity, but patience rewards those who watch enough of The CLOSET's 10 episodes to care about the humanity of the show's troubled men and women.

Created by Maurice Townes & Kevin F. Allen, The CLOSET, offers informative, yet entertaining topics for its mature audience. It takes an indepth look at the lives of a multicultural array of characters -- Emory Lawson, Zachary Sledge, Isaiah Edwards, Nathaniel C. Bullock and his wife Sharon, Carol Henderson, Brice Hennedy, Jeanette Wellington and Ricardo Iglesias.

Serving a bold dose of human life which reflect real stories such as, STD awareness, forebidden love, manipulation, religion, AIDS and drug use, all instill thought provoking insight for viewers. Such questions cleverly create a strong bed of logic, woven into provocative storylines destined to interest adults within all demographics.

The educational content of the series leaves audiences with a strong taste for more. The CLOSET lifts the veil of controversy with its willingness to openly discuss the intimate and spiritual beliefs surrounding all lifestyles. The intrinsic web of love, mystery, lies, manipulation and deceit become quickly apparent, when viewers open the door to the first episode of The CLOSET.

Check out the trailer here:
http://thecloset.tv/thecloset_overview_platinum.html

Interview with Newsweek...

BOOKS
Outing Hip-Hop

In a new memoir, a former MTV staffer dishes on the rap industry's persistent "down-low" culture. He doesn't name names, but it's a fascinating peek inside hip-hop's last taboo.
By Jessica Bennett

Newsweek Web Exclusive

In a hooded sweatshirt and baggy jeans, Terrance Dean doesn't give off "gay" on first sight—and he has worked hard to present himself that way. In a downtown coffee shop in Manhattan, the former MTV staffer describes the lengths he's gone to over the years to achieve that body aesthetic: he strolls, never saunters. He dresses well, but not too well. He doesn't wear flashy jewelry and substitutes "she" for "he" when he tells colleagues about his weekend plans. Even now that he's out of the closet, he sometimes forgets. When somebody asked if he was gay recently, he blurted out "no" without even thinking.

But Dean is going to have a hard time fooling anyone much longer. His new book, "Hiding in Hip-Hop: On the Down Low in the Entertainment Industry," is a tale of life inside Hollywood's secret gay subculture, and hip-hop's place within that world. Though it doesn't name names, the memoir is a detailed (and graphic) account of down-low life, gay sex parties and secret societies, where some of hip-hop's major artists openly sleep with men, only to go home to their wives and girlfriends at night's end. (A person who is "down low" considers himself straight but regularly sleeps with members of the same sex; the term is frequently used when describing black men.) And though Dean's intention was never to out anybody, he provides just enough information for readers to go crazy searching Google. There's a New York R&B singer who often opened for Jay-Z, caught the ears of Death Row Records and has worked on Broadway. A member of a rap group that changed hip-hop with its "philosophical rhymes over hard-core beats" who then went solo to achieve chart-topping success, eventually landing the lead in a movie. (He's also married.) "Men who have secret love affairs have separate homes and apartments, and separate phones strictly for their romantic flings," writes Dean. "No one ever suspects a thing, and they go to great lengths to keep it that way."

Finish reading the rest of the story here: http://www.newsweek.com/id/137380

Coming Home To Detroit...

If you are in Detroit, come and check me out as I speak with the R.E.C. Boyz/AIDS Partnership of Michigan.

Friday, May 30th

7pm

At the Crown Room, Home of the R.E.C. Boyz

1959 E. Jefferson, Suite 300

Free parking across at Emanuel Stewards Place

Admission: Free

Books will be available for puchase.

COVER GIRLS or 'BEARDS' In Entertainment....

In my book, Hiding In Hip Hop, I talk about something that has been well-known in the industry, COVER GIRLS! You may refer to them as ‘beards,’ but I like to call them COVER GIRLS. Why? Because these women know the role they have to play in being with a down low celebrity in the entertainment business.

You’ve seen or heard of them. They are beautiful, curvaceous, and drop-dead gorgeous. They tend to be former models – print, runway, and lingerie. They can put any woman to shame. And they serve as the perfect cover for a man who is living a double life.

I know because when I worked at MTV in Production Events I often got e-mails and calls from publicists looking to set-up their female clients as dates and arm candy for a male celebrity attending many of our red carpet events. Or, I would get the lists and read the names of the women who were serving as dates for a male celebrity. When I saw the men they were to sashay down the red carpet with, I knew they were COVER GIRLS.

These women know their role. They are to be flirtatious, attentive, and caring to the man they are with. They are to pose seductively next to their down low man. All to give the illusion that the man is somehow a player, a ladies man. It’s to help dispel any rumors about his sexuality, or prevent any from starting.

When I used to live in LA I met many COVER GIRLS. Then I was introduced to many of them who served as girlfriends to rap’s elite. Some COVER GIRLS have been able to parlay their relationships with high profile celebrities into marriages.

I mention COVER GIRLS and the entertainment industry because so many women today are COVER GIRLS and do not even know it. They are in relationships with men who they think are committed to them. These men are deceivers and liars and many women fall for it. They are victims of men who will do anything to keep their cover.

As you are reading your favorite magazine, watching your favorite entertainment news program, or visiting blogs, keep in mind that ninety percent of what you read and see is false. Only ten percent has some truth. The entertainment machine is big, vast, and all about illusions. It’s all about making people believe something that isn’t true. That’s why in my book, Hiding In Hip Hop, I mention Hollywood is all about illusions. You can be anything or anybody you want. And it’s the job of the people who work in this business to make sure you believe that.

In the words of Public Enemy, Don’t Believe The Hype.

An Interview with Essence Magazine...

Terrance Dean: An Invisible Life
Author Terrance Dean opens up about his D.L. lifestyle and

why he's finally coming out to the world

By Margeaux Watson

Have you ever suspected that there's a little more to the story about your favorite actor or studio MC? Former entertainment executive and MTV big shot Terrance Dean might confirm your suspicions in his soon-to-be bestselling book, Hiding In Hip Hop: Confessions of A Down Low Brother in the Entertainment Industry (Atria, $23.00).

Though Dean, 39, doesn't name-drop in his juicy, autobiographical account, he promises his descriptive, page-turning exposé about his closeted same-sex romances with Hollywood and Hip-Hop's leading Black men will be a rude awakening for many and healing for others.

Essence.com spoke to Dean about living a lie, never knowing the beauty of a long-term relationship and whether ladies can learn how to spot a D.L. brother.

Essence.com: What caliber of men were you dating who were also on the down low?
Terrance Dean: Celebrities—actors, rappers, singers and executives in the entertainment industry.

Essence.com: How do you meet these men if you are all in the closet?
T.D.: I was on the set of Moesha and I ran into a friend of mine. He kept asking me all these personal questions about where I hang out and what I do. Then he invited men to a party that weekend. When I arrived, there were a bunch of celebrities and people who worked in the entertainment industry. The hostess was showing me around the house and her girlfriend came up and kissed her and that's when I realized, "Oh, these people are like me." Once I got introduced to that scene, I was invited everywhere. It was like a welcoming committee of down-low men saying, "Welcome to our side! We got your back!"

Essence.com: What are the tell-tale signs that men use to identify others on the down low?
T.D.: There's not a way of dressing. There's not a phrase that you say. When I meet a man on the down low, I just know that there's something different about him. Because of the ignorance that surrounds sexuality in the Black community, we think all gay men are going to be finger-snappin', switchin' men who wear lip gloss and want to be women—and that's just not the case. I like cars. I like sports. I just like sleeping with another man too. It blows my mind when women say that their thug, hard core man who's been locked up, in and out of jail, or whatever cannot possibly be gay. Actually, those are the type of men that I end up with.

Finish reading the rest of the interview here: http://www.essence.com/essence/bodyandsoul/relationships/0,16109,1739648,00.html

Book Clubs In Detroit and Atlanta...

Greetings everyone,

I wish to thank each and every one of you who have been supportive and bought copies of my book. I cannot thank you enough. Also, thank you for the e-mail messages and words of encouragement and love.

If you have been checking out my schedule, which is to the right on this blog, you will notice a section entitled, "Where I Will Be."

I will soon be visiting the Detroit area (my hometown), and Atlanta.

If you are a member, organization, or book club that is looking for a great book, might I recommend, Hiding In Hip Hop - On The Down Low in the Entertainment Industry from Music to Hollywood.

But, more importantly, if you are in the Detroit and Atlanta area, and have a book club, I would love to stop by, meet the members, do a meet and greet, sign some copies of the book, and have a discussion about the book. People who are in other cities don't worry I will be coming to a place near you and will be willing to do the same.

So, please feel free to shoot me an e-mail at: hidinginhiphop@aol.com.

I feel we can start and continue the important dialogue and conversation as it relates to we as people of color -

- Why are we afraid to talk about sex and sexuality in our community?

- How do we deal with a member of our family who is gay, bi-sexual, or on the down low?

- Why are white celebrities able to come out of the closet and blacks still feel the need to hide?

- The epidemic of HIV/AIDS amongst women, gay men, and young teens?

- How to deal with and help the healing of those who have been sexually assaulted as young people?

Let's get to talking. Let's get to reading, Hiding In Hip Hop - tell all your friends, family members, organizations, and co-workers to get their copies. Let's open up the dialogue. Let's create action and save ourselves.

In the tome of Bill Cosby - COME ON PEOPLE!

Peace and blessings!

Terrance Dean

I'm Stronger, I'm Wiser, I'm Better...

Today, it's official. My memoir, Hiding In Hip Hop, is in stores. I am very excited. It's been a long journey. A lot of obstacles, challenges, and setbacks, but it's here. I'm here. And, I hope you have gotten your copy, told your friends, and helped to spread the word.

I thank all of you who have visited my myspace page: myspace.com/hidinginhiphop. I thank all of you who have visited this blog. And, most importantly, I thank all of you who have e-mailed, left messages, and comments of encouragement, support, and love. THANK YOU!

But, I definitely could not have done this without my family, friends (in and out of the industry), and my community - black, Latino, LGBT, and everyone in-between.

I would like to share a song with everyone by gospel singer, Marvin Sapp, Never Would Have Made It. Once you have had a chance to read the book you will understand why this song means so much to me. For truly, had it not been for and by the grace of God, I would not have been able to tell my truth and write a powerful book that is going to change lives, and the world.

The lyrics are below, but the video (which I have linked to the live performance by Marvin Sapp) does it so much more justice.

Thank you everyone and thank you for being here with me.

Terrance Dean

NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT

by Marvin Sapp

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZTBz09o2Zg

Never would have made it, never could have made it, without you
I would have lost it all, but now I see how you were there for me

And I can say, Never would have made it, Never could have made it, Without you
I would have lost it all, but now I see how you were there for me,
and I can say I'm stronger, I'm wiser, I'm better, much better

When I look back over all you brought me thru I can see that you were the one that I held on to
And I never
Chorus: Never would have made it

Oh I never could have made it
Chorus: Never could have made it without you

Oh I would have lost it all, oh but now I see how you were there for me, I never
Chorus: Never would have made it

No, I never
Chorus: Never could have made it without you

I would have lost my mind a long time ago, if it had not been for you.
I am stronger
Chorus: I am stronger

I am wiser
Chorus: I am wiser Now

I am better
Chorus: I am better

So much better
Chorus: I am better

I made it thru my storm and my test because you were there to carry me thru my mess
I am stronger
Chorus: I am stronger

I am wiser
Chorus: I am wiser

I am better
Chorus: I am better

Anybody better
Chorus: I am better

I can stand here and tell you, I made it.
Anybody out there that you made it

I am stronger
Chorus: I am stronger

I am wiser
Chorus: I am wiser

I am better
Chorus: I am better

Much better

Chorus: I am better
I made it,

I made it,
I made it,
I made it,
I made it,
I made it,
I made it,
I made it

And I never would have made it
Chorus: Never would have made it

Never could have made it
Chorus: Never could have made it without you

I would have lost my mind, I would have gave up, but you were right there, you were right there I never
Chorus: Never would have made it

Oh I never
Chorus: I never could have made it without you.

Someone need to testify next to them and tell them I am stronger, I am wiser, I am better, much better. When I look back over what he brought me thru. I realize that I made it because I had you to hold on to, now I am stronger, now I am wiser, I am better, so much better. I made it. Is there anybody in this house other than me that can declare that you made it. Tell your neighbor, never would have made it. Never would have made it. Never could have made it. Never could have made it without you. Never would have made it. Never would have made it. Never could have made it. Never could have made it without you

An Interview with VIBE Magazine On-line...

May 12, 2008
Out of Hiding
by: Whitney Nicole Stevens

It’s no secret that hip hop and homosexuality don’t mix, but people like Terrance Dean are tired of whispering about the subject. Dean, a MTV executive, is set to release his memoir Hiding in Hip-Hop (Atria/Simon & Schuster), a tell-all about his own experiences living life on the down low and the entertainers who we might never suspect are doing the same.

Though Dean does not name names, he has found the strength to be his true self and reveal his own struggles as a down low man in the entertainment industry, Dean talks to VIBE.com about why he kept key people anonymous, his own struggle with the down low lifestyle, and how far the hip hop community is from acceptance.

VIBE.com: Can you describe what your book is about?
Terrance Dean: I felt as though it was time to talk about the men who are hiding in their sexually in hip hop. We’re just as much a part of it as so many other people who make up what hip hop is today.

Is everything in your book 100 percent true?
Yeah, everything is my book is 100 percent true. Nothing is fictionalized. Nothing is made up. But it’s also my accurate account from what I remember. I think people need to also remember that in memoirs, it’s an accurate account of what that author’s memory of what the situation was at that time.

So, why did you choose not to name names?
Well, that was not ever the intention of writing the book. When I first started writing the book, I said, “I’m not going to name names!” The book is my story. It’s my journey as a gay man. It’s not about them.

Do you think this book will encourage anyone who is on the down low in the industry to come out?
Yes, I really do. I do feel that the book is going to empower and inspire so many people who are struggling, who are in the industry, and who are on the down low - who are thinking about it, who may want to come out, but are afraid. Hopefully this will open up the door for dialogue, for conversation, and for other men and women to come out of the closet and not be afraid to live their life.

Did Karrine Steffan’s or Carmen Bryan’s books give you the courage to tell your story?
No. I actually wrote this book years ago. Even before Karrine wrote a book, I had already wrote this book. But, I wasn’t ready at that time. And then I heard Usher’s Confession album, and that’s when I was like, “You gotta tell truth.”

Over the years, Wendy Williams has discussed a host of people she considers to be gay. Based on your experiences, do you believe there is any truth to some of those people she has named?
Yes. There was some truth to a lot of the things that she was saying. And then there were some things that she was saying that was way off.

There is a rumor that there are down low clubs in the industry that serve as secret societies for the down low community. Can you shed any light on that?
There’s a down low community just for entertainers and celebrities. They don’t go to the club. It’s a whole other world. Those people will never be seen at a place where other down low men go, like a club because they know they have their own secret society within the secret society. There’s a down low world. Then there’s another world that’s strictly just for celebrities.

In your book, you raised the question, how can we support music that clearly verbally bashes everything gay or down low people about? Why do you think that is?
Well, it’s a defense mechanism. In order to keep their secret from getting out, the first thing they do is attack others. They call women hoes and bitches to show how macho they are and how much manhood they have.

Do you think there will be a successful gay rapper in hip hop or the entertainment industry that is “out”?
Yes and No. A rapper who is already gay and comes into the industry trying to sell records will be difficult. He has to build an audience, a fan base and it will be difficult to do that if people already know he is gay. If an already established successful rapper is already in this business and has a fan base and audience, those fans will be more inclined to continue to support him.

Hiding in Hip-Hop: On the Down Low in The Entertainment Industry - From Music To Hollywood hits stores May 13.

An Interview with New York Magazine...

The Love Below
A memoir gives the lowdown on the down low in the world of hip-hop.
By Esther Haynes
Published May 11, 2008

After all those shirtless rappers with their antigay lyrics, not to mention the ambiguous ones for R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet,” someone has written the inevitable gay-hip-hop exposé. Terrance Dean, a former MTV producer, unveils Hiding in Hip Hop: On the Down Low in the Entertainment Industry this week. He spoke with Esther Haynes.

How did you find other gay men in the industry?
I worked on Crooklyn with Spike Lee, and I went to a party where I met a producer who introduced me to this whole culture.

Do “down low” guys have extra sex appeal?
Yeah, to me it was very intriguing, like, “Oh my God, I’m getting away with something that no one else knows about.”

But they also dated women.
One guy had a fiancée. He was a singer, and I would watch women swoon, but he would always leave with me. I truly thought we were going to end up together. One day I asked him, “Are you still sleeping with women?” And he said, “Yeah, what makes you think I’m not?”

Why did you write this book?
My mother was a prostitute and a heroin addict. She died of aids after she gave birth to my baby brother—who also died of aids, at age 19. We are dealing with a time when HIV and aids are on the rise in black women, and we are trying to figure out if the down-low phenomenon has been a catalyst to that. Plus hip-hop is a very homophobic environment—a lot of rappers call us faggots, homos, punks—and it doesn’t leave those in the gay community with the ability to address these issues.

Are DL men writing homophobic lyrics?
Yeah, many of them are just trying to distract from the rumors about themselves.

Interview here: http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/46836/

An Interview with The Observer United Kingdom...

Hidden Gay Life of Macho Hip Hop Stars

A former MTV executive reveals a homosexual subculture in an aggressively male business

Paul Harris in New York
Sunday May 11, 2008
The Observer

American rap music is an industry ruled by machismo. It is a place where reputations are made by shady pasts, the aura of violence and ultra-masculinity. But now an explosive new book is lifting the lid on one of hip hop's most unexpected secrets: that many people in the business are gay.

Terrance Dean, a former executive at music channel MTV, has penned a memoir of his life and times in the hip hop industry as a gay man. It is an explosive exposé of a thriving gay subculture in an aggressively male business, where anti-gay lyrics and public homophobia are common.

Finish reading the rest of the story here:
http://music.guardian.co.uk/news/story/0,,2279339,00.html

Invictus

"Invictus"
by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond the place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishment the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

Listen to my interview on the Wendy Williams Experience...

Check out my interview on the Wendy Williams Radio Show from Thursday, May 8th.

Another one of my favorite journalist/bloggers, Clay Cane, captured the interview on his blog. There is a link on his site to listen to the interview:

http://claycane.blogspot.com/2008/05/terrance-dean-interview-on-wendy.html

My book, Hiding in Hip-Hop, is in stores Tuesday, May 13th.

Make sure to get your copy. You can order on amazon.com, or go to your local bookstore. Also, tell all your friends and make sure they get a copy!

Thanks everyone for your love and support.

Terrance Dean

A Return To Love...

Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson
A Return to Love

How To Break In, Pt. 2...

There are two types of people in the world. Those who sit on the sideline always ready to comment or give their opinion on how life should be, what others should be doing, and how they could be doing it better.

Then there are those who are actually in the game of life, playing full out, giving it their best, and as many times as they fall down they get right back up, brush themselves off, and get back in the game.

To get in the entertainment industry you must be like the second-type of person I described. You must be willing to do what is necessary to make it happen because no one is going to feel sorry for you or give you a hand-out in this business. Everyone and their mamma wants to break into the entertainment industry. I compare it to the sports industry - your chances are 1 in a million.

It's not impossible. I did it. I got off my ass, stopped listening to the haters, and moved to another city, Washington, DC, where I didn't know anyone, and began as a intern at CNN.

Just like a coach tells his players, "If you want the championship, you've got to be hungry. The other team doesn't care about you. They don't want you to win. They are trying to stop you from getting to the number one spot." This is the same mantra you have to take on in breaking into the entertainment industry. There are a million people who are just as smart, if not smarter, and are just as hungry.

What makes you stand out from the rest of the crowd? What makes you so different?

Don't be afraid to go against the grain. Don't be afraid to be different. Don't be afraid to stand out.
With that, it's summer for college students. Most internships have been filled at the entertainment companies, however, if you are diligent, eager, and ambitious, you can still get you a spot at one of the companies.

MTV, where I once worked, has a great internship program. You can call them (212) 846-8000, and ask for the Human Resources department. Introduce yourself and let them know who you are and that you are interested in the possibility of being an intern this summer. Speak professionally and intelligently.

One thing you should know, at MTV the most difficult departments to get internships in are: Production, Marketing, Special Events, Talent, and Publicity. They sound fun and enticing, and trust me they are fun departments.

But, you can also get internships in Accounting, Sales, On-line, Human Resources, and Tech Services.

This is just a way to get your foot in the door. Once you are in, then you can network and meet people. You can set up informational meetings with other department heads. Find out what they do, what their department does, and how they got started in the business.

YOU CAN DO IT! BELIVE IN YOURSELF and NEVER GIVE UP!!

Peace and blessings,

Terrance Dean

I was feeling a Jones for him...

Last year, in an undisclosed location, okay, it’s surrounded by water, and has the most beautiful men and women you have ever seen. Did I mention beautiful luscious men?

Well, me and a good friend, “Clever” – he represents many industry people, especially a talented lyrical rapper who is featured on damn near every record currently out, and a balladeer who is the king of songs – Clever and I were chilling up in one of the hottest clubs in this city on a Friday night. It was packed from wall-to-wall. Men and women were grooving and gyrating to the beats filtering through the air.

*Here is a sidebar note about my boy Clever. He is well-known in the industry. He is very friendly, outgoing, and has a warm personality. One thing though, he always seems to attract men – gay and straight. I mean, I attract some men, but he always seems to attract an abundance of men. They flaunt and throw themselves at him, and many of them are the most straight heterosexual men.

Anyway, that is my boy Clever. Now back to my confession. I was at the bar getting my soda drink on and that’s when I spot him. He was across the room standing against the wall with a drink in his hand. He was bobbing his head to the Hip-Hop beats and surrounded by slew of bodacious women and physically fit men.

I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was absolutely gorgeous - Tall, caramel, chinky eyes, and a body that wouldn’t stop. Damn, he was fine! I felt the temperature in my body rise. Lust was speaking and its low growl was whispering in my ears.

Then he looked over in my direction and smiled. OH SHIT!!! He caught me staring at him. I blushed and quickly turned away. My heart was racing. As I slowly turned back around to see if he was still in the same spot, he was making his way across the room in my direction. With that beautiful smile plastered across his face....

Finish reading the rest of the story here: http://blogs.sohh.com/confessions/2008/05/_ladies_and_gentleman_allow.html

SOHH.COM LAUNCHES NEW “CONFESSIONS OF DOWN LOW LIFE, LOVE AND SEX IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY” BLOG WITH AUTHOR TERRANCE DEAN

Dean, Author of the Explosive New Tell-All Memoir “Hiding in Hip-Hop: On the Down Low in the Entertainment Industry…”Confesses to SOHH.com about his experiences as a “down low” Gay Man operating in the music business

JERSEY CITY, NJ – May 6, 2008: SOHH.com, the internet’s longest and largest running hip-hop website with over 5.5 million visitors monthly, announced today their partnership with author and former entertainment executive Terrance Dean to launch a new blog titled “Confessions of a Down Low Brother.” Coinciding with the release of his new controversial book, “Hiding in Hip-Hop: On the Down Low in the Entertainment Industry – From Music to Hollywood (Atria/Simon & Schuster)” hitting stores on May 13, Dean will be updating the blog regularly for the next two weeks highlighting his own experiences and thoughts on a variety of debatable topics. The blog will be featured on SOHH.com (http://blogs.sohh.com/confessions/) as well as SOHH’s sister site, Twelve24Girl.com, a lifestyle and social networking website targeted towards females ages 12-24.

The “Confessions of…” blog is a regular series featured on Twelve24Girl.com providing people the opportunity to share their real-life stories. Dean will be elaborating on compelling stories and personal anecdotes that were not included within his upcoming book.

“We are thrilled to partner with Terrance with this initiative as it is a unique behind-scenes-look into the subculture of hip-hop and gives our audience a figure to relate to,” says CEO and co-founder of Twelve24Girl.com and SOHH.com, Felicia Palmer. “We’re excited Terrance is so open to giving the SOHH.com audience an insider’s look into the world of love, sex and sexuality within hip-hop.”

Dean’s latest project is an explosive and provocative memoir that will uncover the prominent gay sub-culture that hides behind the confines of hip-hop. The book highlights his own personal struggle with the issue and the emotional rollercoaster of becoming involved with some of Hollywood’s and hip-hop’s elite A-listers, and into an underground world of down low brothers, sex parties, and love starved celebrities.

http://blogs.sohh.com/confessions/2008/05/_ladies_and_gentleman_allow.html

What is done in the dark....

They say that what is done in the dark will soon come to the light...

I couldn't agree any further. It looks like my memoir, Hiding In Hip Hop, a book about my life as a down low/gay man in the entertainment industry, and the many down low celebrities who live double lives, is coming to the light.

I strongly believe that once the book hits the stores, we will hear many more stories of things I discuss in my book, such as celebrity men who have fetishes for transvestites.

A related story is below.

From AOL Sports:
Posted May 5th - Brazil striker Ronaldo says he's sorry, embarrassed and ashamed about his highly publicized encounter a week ago with three cross-dressing prostitutes, calling it the biggest mistake of his life.

In an interview on Brazil's Globo TV, the AC Milan striker on Sunday denied claims by one of the prostitutes that he had sex with them and used drugs, but admitted that the incident will haunt the rest of his career."It was an isolated and stupid act," the three-time FIFA player of the year said on Globo's hugely popular Fantastico program. "I'm sorry and ashamed."In a halting voice,

Ronaldo said he wasn't aware the prostitutes were cross-dressers until he got to a motel with them, discovered they were men and decided not to have sex with them because he is heterosexual.

You can read the full story by ALAN CLENDENNING here:

http://sports.aol.com/soccer/story/_a/im-sorry-and-ashamed/20080505103709990001

The Difference between Me and Barbara Walters...

vs.

Barbara Walters new tell-all memoir, Audition, reveals a sexy steamy-affair she had with a senator years ago.

The difference between Barbara's revelation in her memoir and the revelations in my new memoir, Hiding In Hip Hop, is that there is no difference.

She revealed that she had an affair with a black man. So, did I.

She revealed that he was married. So are many of the men I've been with.

She revealed he was a former U.S. Senator. I reveal the many celebrities in Hollywood and Hip Hop who are prominent figures and live a double-life.

When I heard about the affair Barbara disclosed I was not shocked as most of America. Nothing shocks me anymore. I have seen and done it all.

However, as I watch the media and the interviews with Barbara, everyone appears to be so supportive of her for revealing her truth. They are rallying behind her and telling her how brave she is for talking about her torrid love affair with a black married man who happened to be a former U.S. Senator. Barbara said that they ended their affair and did not go public because it would ruin both of their careers.

WOW! Talk about similarities we share.

But I wonder, will the jury of public opinion be as sympathetic to my memoir as they are toward Barbara?

Sure, my family, friends, in both Hollywood and Hip Hop, have shared their love and support of me, but what about those who are not in this industry?

Will people read my book and see the importance of why we need to have a serious dialogue in our community about sex and sexuality? Why we need to talk about the epidemic of HIV/AIDS among black women, gay black men, and black teens?

What about homophobia in the black family, community, church, and Hip Hop?

I wonder....

Terrance Dean

LL Cool J: Guys Are Uncomfortable Admitting They Like Me...

LL Cool J: "Guys Are Uncomfortable Admitting" They "Like" Me

One of my favorite bloggers, Rod 2.0, has reported on a story about LL Cool J in the latest issue of Sister2Sister Magazine.

In the magazine, LL says because of his "sexy" image, many men are embarrassed to admit they enjoy his music. The rapper-actor-designer also admits he is not "evolved" enough to say another man is "hot."

LL: You know, you have certain guys that are uncomfortable admitting they like LL 'cause they feel like it's some type of ego issue with LL. "I can't say that, you know? That's for you: I can't." You know, all that frontin' and all that.

S2S: Men can't say that another man looks good or something like that?

LL: Only the real playas.

S2S: Can you say another man looks good?

LL: No, I'm not going to do that much. No. (laughs) I'm not that evolved and enlightened yet. We're not going to be, "Oh yeah, he's pretty," (laughter) "Well, that's a hot one." I don't think so."

Now, me personally, this is one of the reasons I feel it's important to have a dialogue in our community about sex and sexuality. Just because a man acknowledges that another man is sexy or is good-looking does not make him gay, nor does it imply any type of sexual innuendo.

Can we move beyond the stereotypes of what defines masculinity and into a real conversation of how to embrace and love one another?

What do you think?

Satirical Film Address Homophobia In Hip Hop

CONTROVERSIAL FILM "OVER DA RAINBOW"
CHALLENGES HOMOPHOBIA IN HIP-HOP
Musical satire discusses sex, tolerance and the hip-hop paradigm

"OVER DA RAINBOW" is the hilarious tale of platinum-selling artist Terrier (pronounced teh-ree-AY), whose hit song "Kill Faggots" has provoked clashes between gay rights advocates and hate groups around the world. Now Terrier is producing a follow-up song, and he's determined to sample deceased rock star Max Lightning's 1980s rock ballad "Teri Why" for the hook. But the rights to "Teri Why" are owned by Max's eccentric widow, who will only sign with Terrier on one condition: if he reunites her with her son, a prominent gay rights activist – and Terrier's number one enemy.

Check out the website at www.overdarainbow.com

After you finish viewing the clip hit me back and let me know your comments.

Can a rapper come out of the closet?

I have been inundated with a lot of questions about rappers and celebrities and whether or not they could come out of the closet and still be supported by their fans? My stance on the topic has always been "Yes" and "No."

Yes, if an already established successful rapper or celebrity who has been in the game for a minute and has a core fan base.

No, if a man or woman is trying to break into the industry and they are already known to be gay. It's hard to win fans and build a career in the entertainment industry if you are already a gay person. It's a sad and unfortunate truth in this business.

Why? Because many people like the illusion Hollywood gives. They like the image/facade of what they think is unattainable, unreachable, and not human. If celebrities become too human, too much like us, then what's the point of idolizing them? What's the point of being a fan?

What do you think? Can a rapper/celebrity come out of the closet? Will you still support them?